Well, guys, the party last night was a lot of fun. Nothing extraordinary happened. There were four women there, all affected to some degree. I had a lot of junk, internally, come up - healing/clearing was clearly doing its thing. I hadn't had some of these thoughts or feelings for years, and there was no reason for them to come up other than past situations that reminded me of what we were doing at this party. It was like though I was in my in-law's house having a good time, my mind was transported back to parties in the past where I felt insecure, out-of-place, unwanted. Totally wasn't the case last night, but I felt that way anyway. So strange to experience.
I mentioned in Chaos's journal under-the-hood stuff going on emotionally - it's now ramping up.
I'm alternating between anger/irritability, sadness/feeling emotional, and waves of heat. Since there's a mask for negative side-effects and I'm experiencing this, I wonder how hardcore my subconscious is rewiring things right now.
To be completely transparent, my thoughts have been lingering on my wife's sister. I think about her - and it can be anything, like how we're both into Westworld, or that she's coming over tomorrow to help paint my son's room...and the feelings I just mentioned intensify.
Wondering where this is headed...A path where I get cleared of thinking about her at all, or one that may pose a DMSI-run-ending issue. Perhaps both.
(12-04-2016, 06:39 PM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]I mentioned in Chaos's journal under-the-hood stuff going on emotionally - it's now ramping up.
I'm alternating between anger/irritability, sadness/feeling emotional, and waves of heat. Since there's a mask for negative side-effects and I'm experiencing this, I wonder how hardcore my subconscious is rewiring things right now.
To be completely transparent, my thoughts have been lingering on my wife's sister. I think about her - and it can be anything, like how we're both into Westworld, or that she's coming over tomorrow to help paint my son's room...and the feelings I just mentioned intensify.
Wondering where this is headed...A path where I get cleared of thinking about her at all, or one that may pose a DMSI-run-ending issue. Perhaps both.
If it's a DMSI-run-ending issue then you need to ensure for another 2 weeks after because of P5
3 weeks.
(12-04-2016, 06:39 PM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]I mentioned in Chaos's journal under-the-hood stuff going on emotionally - it's now ramping up.
I'm alternating between anger/irritability, sadness/feeling emotional, and waves of heat. Since there's a mask for negative side-effects and I'm experiencing this, I wonder how hardcore my subconscious is rewiring things right now.
To be completely transparent, my thoughts have been lingering on my wife's sister. I think about her - and it can be anything, like how we're both into Westworld, or that she's coming over tomorrow to help paint my son's room...and the feelings I just mentioned intensify.
Wondering where this is headed...A path where I get cleared of thinking about her at all, or one that may pose a DMSI-run-ending issue. Perhaps both.
:: Prepares badge ::
(12-05-2016, 12:55 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ] (12-04-2016, 06:39 PM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]I mentioned in Chaos's journal under-the-hood stuff going on emotionally - it's now ramping up.
I'm alternating between anger/irritability, sadness/feeling emotional, and waves of heat. Since there's a mask for negative side-effects and I'm experiencing this, I wonder how hardcore my subconscious is rewiring things right now.
To be completely transparent, my thoughts have been lingering on my wife's sister. I think about her - and it can be anything, like how we're both into Westworld, or that she's coming over tomorrow to help paint my son's room...and the feelings I just mentioned intensify.
Wondering where this is headed...A path where I get cleared of thinking about her at all, or one that may pose a DMSI-run-ending issue. Perhaps both.
:: Prepares badge ::
Lol, "DMSI DROPOUT - - LOSER!!!"
Loser? You're a married man who values his marriage. There's nothing "loser" about doing what preserves that.
3 loops, TS/US hybrid .FLAC, sleep phones, 9/15 volume.
Had weird dreams, none sexual. One had something to do with a haircut, in another I was with my brother, hid from authority figures (cops), and then this weird "zoo" where I pointed out a large caterpillar that was shedding its skin like a snake. My brother wanted to take it home (he likes snakes and bugs).
Wanted to note that I seem to be the only person running this sub that has not had an increase in appetite, nor has it decreased.
Found myself to be extremely bored training older clients today. The time couldn't pass fast enough. Hate. It. SO EFFIN' BORING.
Sister-in-law's on her way over right now, we'll be eating lunch together first before we paint my son's new room. As I eat, my aura will probably go into overdrive and she'll wonder how her Triple Delight became Quadruple Delight.
(12-05-2016, 09:38 AM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]Wanted to note that I seem to be the only person running this sub that has not had an increase in appetite, nor has it decreased.
My appetite has been about the same as well, though I have been craving (but not eating) junk food more.
(12-05-2016, 09:38 AM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]Found myself to be extremely bored training older clients today. The time couldn't pass fast enough. Hate. It. SO EFFIN' BORING.
Sister-in-law's on her way over right now, we'll be eating lunch together first before we paint my son's new room. As I eat, my aura will probably go into overdrive and she'll wonder how her Triple Delight became Quadruple Delight.
Careful with that "Hate Energy" RT, your SIL will jump your bones.
(12-05-2016, 09:38 AM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]3 loops, TS/US hybrid .FLAC, sleep phones, 9/15 volume.
Had weird dreams, none sexual. One had something to do with a haircut, in another I was with my brother, hid from authority figures (cops), and then this weird "zoo" where I pointed out a large caterpillar that was shedding its skin like a snake. My brother wanted to take it home (he likes snakes and bugs).
Wanted to note that I seem to be the only person running this sub that has not had an increase in appetite, nor has it decreased.
Found myself to be extremely bored training older clients today. The time couldn't pass fast enough. Hate. It. SO EFFIN' BORING.
Sister-in-law's on her way over right now, we'll be eating lunch together first before we paint my son's new room. As I eat, my aura will probably go into overdrive and she'll wonder how her Triple Delight became Quadruple Delight.
The symbolism of the caterpillar is very interesting.
(12-05-2016, 10:02 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]The symbolism of the caterpillar is very interesting.
I thought so too, especially as we know caterpillars transform within a cocoon and a snake sheds it's skin - perhaps this one does both. Symbolism of a multi-faceted transformation, perhaps. I think it's positive it wasn't actually a snake.
Ate lunch, negative body language from SIL. Leaned away from me, put up her fist against her cheek while eating - wrist turned in and away from me. Not very talkative. I also feel oddly...blocked. I just don't feel anything at all, though I felt waves of heat emanating off my skin as I ate.
Before my son's nap, the ladies came out to see him and talk to me. They were at the top of our stairs, me at the bottom.
Body language got better.
[REMOVED]
Took a nap after the girls left to go shopping. I woke up covered in sweat, even soaked the pillow.
Experiencing waves of heat, can't seem to lockdown a pattern to it. I also noticed my heart rate is high, like I'm doing cardio. Hmm.
Experiencing full-on anxiety now - like a stone is sitting on my solar plexus. This feeling drives me mad. Literally. I'm super-stressed now, and just snapped at my wife. She asks me, "What's wrong?" I don't have an answer, and it just stresses me out more, so I told her to " just stop talking to me!" I want to leave the house and go to a dark movie theater. She's asking me to finish getting my son's room ready - things she can't do, and I'd rather stare at a wall. To top it off, my dad's coming by tonight for a rescheduled session (on my night off), and the closer it gets to his session time, the more I want nothing to do with it.