Subliminal Talk

Volatile anger, mental fatigue, and hot flashes.

Regarding the anger, I'd be fine, something would trigger me, and I'd blow my stack. A few instances of yelling, and let my son get the best of me at one point today.

Went to the gym to do a bit of cardio. Finished up with the stair mill - which sucks, 'cuz it's hard. There are only two of them (right next to each other). I noticed the other one wasn't working. While I was using the working step/stair mill, a girl tried to use the other one next to me. When she got down, I saw that she was a young, pretty blonde with a great ass. Just my type. Damn.

Went to lunch with wife/son and then to the Children's Museum. Glad I got a year pass to that place, holy crap there were a ton of women - good looking women - with their kids. That's when the hot flashes started. I'd be walking around, and then feel like I needed to take my shirt off. Sure, I caught some women looking my way, but I positively felt like I'd catch one of 'em in that dumb-struck stare-down with drool hanging off their lip.

After being there for 90 minutes, I looked at my wife and said, "Wow, I'm exhausted. We all need naps!"

Came home, napped for a few hours, woke up once covered in sweat, went back to sleep and...still tired, now with a headache. Bit of a sour stomach, too. As I write this, waves of heat are starting up again.

Probably going to be an early night.

(.....)

(01-05-2017, 04:21 PM)Travis Wrote: [ -> ]Anger seems to be the most common initial response to version B. I would consider it a good sign!

Tell that to my wife!

Yeah, I've seen where quite a few people have been rage-y on Version B. I'm more encouraged by the waves of heat, but the upcoming days are certain to tell me more.

I have been off DMSI for a week now. The last version I used, for 2 days, was B.

All week, I have been raging internally. Pushed my girlfriend away, no communication... when she tried to force communication, basically yelled at her over text message. I pushed her away so that would not happen.

Through all this, the consistent theme that's come up is that some part of me is extremely upset to be limited in the ways that it is limited. It's trying to grow and break free of those limits. I think that's what the rage is. Trying to execute the code and finding oneself tied down by all sorts of societal and other restrictions, and responding with frustration that grows into anger and rage.

(01-05-2017, 05:10 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I have been off DMSI for a week now. The last version I used, for 2 days, was B.

All week, I have been raging internally. Pushed my girlfriend away, no communication... when she tried to force communication, basically yelled at her over text message. I pushed her away so that would not happen.

Through all this, the consistent theme that's come up is that some part of me is extremely upset to be limited in the ways that it is limited. It's trying to grow and break free of those limits. I think that's what the rage is. Trying to execute the code and finding oneself tied down by all sorts of societal and other restrictions, and responding with frustration that grows into anger and rage.

And here i was like thinking that since you are " probably " the most cleared/healed DMSI user not to mention all the sexual experiances you have had.
I thought you were getting 100% of V3.0.1 had to offer but that seems not to be the case since even advanced users need thier own type of clearing on top of the regular one.

(01-05-2017, 06:25 PM)Illumi Wrote: [ -> ]

(01-05-2017, 05:10 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I have been off DMSI for a week now. The last version I used, for 2 days, was B.

All week, I have been raging internally. Pushed my girlfriend away, no communication... when she tried to force communication, basically yelled at her over text message. I pushed her away so that would not happen.

Through all this, the consistent theme that's come up is that some part of me is extremely upset to be limited in the ways that it is limited. It's trying to grow and break free of those limits. I think that's what the rage is. Trying to execute the code and finding oneself tied down by all sorts of societal and other restrictions, and responding with frustration that grows into anger and rage.

And here i was like thinking that since you are " probably " the most cleared/healed DMSI user not to mention all the sexual experiances you have had.
I thought you were getting 100% of V3.0.1 had to offer but that seems not to be the case since even advanced users need thier own type of clearing on top of the regular one.

Maybe I am the most cleared, maybe I'm not. But none of us has nothing left to achieve for growth. Remember that you are free to use DMSI a lot more than I am, since I have to focus on BAMM.

None of us is getting 100% of what DMSI 3.0.1 has to offer. We are still working through and breaking free of the restrictions we have, internally and externally. One thing that I feel big time is...

I am outgrowing this cage. I think a lot of us are currently outgrowing cages we didn't know we were in.

I'm going to try to increase the speed of healing and clearing while preventing the negative side effects, but there will always be a limit to how fast a person can safely heal, clear and grow.

I actually had a similar reaction where I had an anger boiling under the surface as I used B. It was for that reason that I switched out to A. I was thinking about what a good balance for me between the two versions would be, if there were any at all, and I realized that I couldn't know that.

So I switched on A and have stayed on it. Maybe at some point I'll play B for a week, but as of right now, I don't think I can stay on B for long. I would have to quickly go back to A to clear what B would inevitably bring up.

Had lots of that feeling like I'm in a cage and getting frustrated and angry at everything and everyone while on ASC. Idk if it can be done, but maybe that anger and emotional charge could be directed more precisely towards the internal limitations that actually hold us back (in a later version)?

Since most individual people aren't actually doing much to actively limit us, that makes me think me being angry at them would be me projecting onto them my internal limitations or limitations I imagine some group is putting on me. Because I have to be angry at *something*. So maybe the sub could instruct us to be better able to... objectify, or isolate those perceived limitations into some mental constructs, so that we could then direct the anger towards those instead of the people closest to us? Which would of course be pointless because those entities would just be smoke upon closer examination. Like the original limitations. Well, maybe there's a seed of a better thought in that for someone.

(01-05-2017, 09:44 PM)Duke.Togo Wrote: [ -> ]I actually had a similar reaction where I had an anger boiling under the surface as I used B. It was for that reason that I switched out to A. I was thinking about what a good balance for me between the two versions would be, if there were any at all, and I realized that I couldn't know that.

So I switched on A and have stayed on it. Maybe at some point I'll play B for a week, but as of right now, I don't think I can stay on B for long. I would have to quickly go back to A to clear what B would inevitably bring up.

As Shannon originally recommended, I'll be switching back to Version A after seven 2-loop runs of Version B.

Today's update (2 loops, masked track, 14/15 clicks):

Definitely back to getting looks from myriad women. More bro-dreams. My wife insisted on coming to the gym with me today - first time since she's been pregnant. She made sure to come near me and talk whenever possible to show everyone we are together, lol. It did nothing but increase my social proof. Yes, she's beautiful, yes she's in good shape, yes, I'm fertile. Haha.

Went to lunch after. Every woman in the joint, whether or not I found them attractive, stared at me and held eye contact with me at some point.

I feel trapped. Like Shannon & Chaos alluded to, I just feel...completely limited.

I have this searing, intense feeling of boredom that has nowhere to go. I don't want to go anywhere, or do anything, but the endless syndicated episodes of Modern Family my wife is watching is making me want to scratch my eyes out and stick a pencil through my eardrums.

I'm not hungry. I want to eat out of boredom, but there's nothing that sounds good to eat. Now my mind is turning to the bottle of vodka I have in the fridge.

Mrs. Preggers had a taste-bud lusting for a root beer float and cheeseburger, so off I went into the 1 degree weather to grab it for her. I didn't get anything for myself.

Man, I just feel...weird. I have caged energy with nowhere for it be channeled. Hopefully going to bed and starting a new day tomorrow will clear things up for me.

(01-06-2017, 06:22 PM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]I feel trapped.
Man, I just feel...weird. I have caged energy with nowhere for it be channeled.

Feeling the same. Just watched interstellar because I dreamed a little bit about it during a nap I took today. Now I feel oddly nostalgic feel like gazing at a future that has no apparent existence, unless I give it existence. It's at times like this that I know that humans have more in us than we are currently manifesting.

(01-06-2017, 06:22 PM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]I feel trapped. Like Shannon & Chaos alluded to, I just feel...completely limited.

I have this searing, intense feeling of boredom that has nowhere to go. I don't want to go anywhere, or do anything, but the endless syndicated episodes of Modern Family my wife is watching is making me want to scratch my eyes out and stick a pencil through my eardrums.

I'm not hungry. I want to eat out of boredom, but there's nothing that sounds good to eat. Now my mind is turning to the bottle of vodka I have in the fridge.

Mrs. Preggers had a taste-bud lusting for a root beer float and cheeseburger, so off I went into the 1 degree weather to grab it for her. I didn't get anything for myself.

Man, I just feel...weird. I have caged energy with nowhere for it be channeled. Hopefully going to bed and starting a new day tomorrow will clear things up for me.

This is EXACTLY what's happening to me this very moment. So much caged energy. I've just been watching back-to-back SVU and Star Trek episodes. I feel like I want -- no, NEED to be out in the world on some great adventure and being stuck here at home (especially with this damn Winter Storm Helena locking me in) is just killing me. Also feeling slightly overwhelmed, like I'm expecting too much of myself. A goal that I'll never achieve.

Managed to stay away from the vodka, but eventually air-fried a Walmart-exclusive deep-fried Twinkie, then ate two pop tarts, and some oyster crackers seasoned with ranch-flavoring. Oh, and two scoops of protein in milk. Slight binge. Oops.

Intense feelings passed while eating and watching the final two episodes of The Crown on Netflix. Very well done show.

Dreams overnight were all status-related, nothing sexual that I remember. One dream I was the husband of The Queen. No surprise there, since I had just watched the damn show. That's 3/4 nights on Version B with no sexual, purely status-related dreams.

My dreams just keep getting more fucked.

Last night I dreamed I was with 80's Version Arnold Schwarzenegger and the world was infiltrated with aliens, appearing human. Very much like John Carpenter's "They Live".

Arnold grabbed one by the throat, and started squeezing. Then he told me to take over, that I must become willing to kill them. He put my hands around the man's throat. It was my brother. He begged and pleaded with me not to kill him, that he was my brother, while Arnold told me how he only appeared to be my brother - that I had to be strong and choke the life out of him. The craziest thing was I could feel the blood flowing through his arteries and as the life left him, the pulse slowed and stopped. I could feel every bit of it.

I had to take a few deep breaths when I woke up this morning.