A couple days ago I was sitting with two guys I worked with and one of them literally called the other out for being a beta male. I was objective to the situation but just another interesting thing to see.
In my new living area I find myself being out later than everyone else. Conciously I also don't have to tactically plan things to be in mentioned positions.
I fucked this Caucasian woman today and let me tell you there's nothing like being your healthiest mentally and physically to get a woman off multiple times, hard without even intending to. Next thing you know your hand is clasping the back of her neck while you're both in a delirium of pleasure
Less and less, more and more I don't want to "crack" to people. I go around town displaying body language and emotion like its my last day on earth. In reality it's not. Yea I'm a walking stock with shares soaring high but I want people to work even harder to get my gems. I don't always like being perceived as the center of attention so I'll take what the world gives me
In the past two days I've had two different women ask me out. One that was more dominant. Always in high fashion and took care of herself. I know she's been looking at me and after one conversation we usually have just said hi when crossing paths. Her interest has probably been peaking because I spoke to her while she was leaving and she talked about a deadline and how we should go out for drinks after. The other was a big breasted blonde probably just horny and conceded back to her highschool was saying "I like you". D/s best of both worlds for my pleasure
How does it feel to be first at everything in a new environment? Ask me
Feeling a bit sad I don't know why I was thinking about how so many of us don't lead the best lives possible because there is healing that has to be done within.
Sadness is still looming a bit. Today I got up infront of 60 people and did a presentation. Even though the people around me weren't validating they weren't really giving me attention either I can tell by this I did well. I want life to go well but it seems I have to get used to this pain. I must be dredging up a lot of shit because even though I get what I want, I'm perceived how I want, I do what I want "I" doesn't always seem to be right. I'm left here sad and somewhat alone with a room full of people. It's getting better. This will get me to where I'm going. There are some women who I have a good relationship with, considered hooking up with (red head ) then I reconsider remembering that "am I settling?" Or should I hook up with her because I deserve the pleasure then people in a third party see the two of us and reccomend it. Saying she's cute and the wife type I shoot a message out only to rmbr I'm not genuinely attracted. I'm all fucked up lol while other women that are a bit more attractive try to manipulate me, use me for social value, are negative while I womanize them and see through the bullshit.
I also have a decent circle of friends now that made me a bit happy now
I was thinking today if my whole life is gonna be like this... would love to just say fuck it, but i got concrete plans. theyre the only thing sacred to me bow. I would HATE dying before theyre done. My soul needs to make its mark
Haha I hear you hope your plans are as great as you think be careful alpha is a tough road to take
Interesting you brought that up because more than ever AM has me feeling like flying under the radar. It's not a constant reason to prove my soul. It's just there
I try to let go of wanting perfection but it gives a satisfactory feeling
I wonder how AM6 would work if someone were to absolutely give in and just say fuck it.