(11-01-2019, 07:42 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ] (11-01-2019, 07:29 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Gentlemen... you are sitting here discussing how discussing karma is a violation of Rule 4, and then hoping we won't get upset.
Keep it up and I will give you both some time off personally.
Whoah! Sorry Shannon! I didn't know that warning people ABOUT violation of rule 4 WAS a violation of rule 4! I just intended to warn him because I mafe the mistake of talking about karma once and that was met with a warning. I just wanted to warn him not to get himself in trouble accidentally. That's all I was trying to do, because I realized I myself had made you guys rather angry and syarted taking it more seriously. I wasn't trying to start a discussion on it. And I didn't think warning someone ABOUT rule 4 would be in violation OF rule 4. My apologies.
If talking about "karma" is a Rule 4 violation, and you're sitting here talking about how "talking about karma is a rule 4 violation", then YOU ARE BREAKING RULE 4.
"Warning people ABOUT violation of rule 4" isn't a violation of rule 4 unless you're breaking the rule while you do it.
Stop. I'm getting tired of the "dancing around rule 4" bullshit some of you are pulling trying to get around it.
(11-01-2019, 09:02 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (11-01-2019, 07:42 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ] (11-01-2019, 07:29 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Gentlemen... you are sitting here discussing how discussing karma is a violation of Rule 4, and then hoping we won't get upset.
Keep it up and I will give you both some time off personally.
Whoah! Sorry Shannon! I didn't know that warning people ABOUT violation of rule 4 WAS a violation of rule 4! I just intended to warn him because I mafe the mistake of talking about karma once and that was met with a warning. I just wanted to warn him not to get himself in trouble accidentally. That's all I was trying to do, because I realized I myself had made you guys rather angry and syarted taking it more seriously. I wasn't trying to start a discussion on it. And I didn't think warning someone ABOUT rule 4 would be in violation OF rule 4. My apologies.
If talking about "karma" is a Rule 4 violation, and you're sitting here talking about how "talking about karma is a rule 4 violation", then YOU ARE BREAKING RULE 4.
"Warning people ABOUT violation of rule 4" isn't a violation of rule 4 unless you're breaking the rule while you do it.
Stop. I'm getting tired of the "dancing around rule 4" ***** some of you are pulling trying to get around it.
My bad Shannon. It was NOT my intention do "dance around" the rule, just to warn the guy. I won't make the same mistake again. My apologies.
Sorry. I'll try to restrain myself. There's some phrases I'm used to using in everyday speech, you kinda forget they have religious connotation.
You guys are welcome to discuss that stuff in the off topic area. Just not on the main forum.
Wonkiness, wonkiness to the nth degree!
So, first today I realized something that made me go all "oh, heck yeah, we've got this" (I'll write something more elaborate on this topic at a later date); then I instantly started feeling like total shyte, then I got into an argument with myself, then I started feeling better and better, and then it struck me what *exact* little Oedipal drama designee "foxy psychotherapist" was trying to play out with me back then and it's absolutely terrifying. There's a very good reason the self-persevering part of me decided to cut off the emotional side of me from acting - to keep me from doing something very, very stupid.
No wonder I'd get, like, PTSD symptoms when faced with a similar situation, whoo boy.
THAT WAS CLOSE.
I'm getting pretty huge mood swings. From ecstatic sensations and feelings, through rage-y anger, to feelings and thoughts of hopelessness and defeat. I'm also getting the occasional influx of insight which usually follows one of these "shifts", so to speak.
They're not strong enough to keep me from remaining active, though (for the most part). I can't wait to put on my loops tonight, though, to maybe get it a little bit more under control, "stabilize" so to speak.
BTW., now that the right foot - heart debacle appears to have gotten sorted out (hopefully for good, and definitely feels waaay better), now I'm getting wonkiness on the, erm, right side of the perineum - liver line. It is definitely a fear of some sort, I can tell because I actually feel slightly fearful/anxious and don't really know what about and it's a bit of a dark puffy cloud. I don't know what it is exactly, probably something directly related to sexuality/sensuality, and there's a chance it's related to something on the "deep unconscious" level, seeing as it appears to be a root thing an' all.
I remember the right side of the perineum being wonky back on UMS as well.
Let's keep crackin'.
I have decided to follow my gut in this and am now doing 6 loops.
Just finished them for the day, slept through most of it. Feels good. Really good.
Now it's time for some more bardic practice! Met with another pianist (a different one than my vocal coach) to start going on a part I've been postponing for waaaay too long due to dumbidity of mine and others (or, rather, my dumbidity on being overly reliant on the "highly professional and definitely most sound" advice of others). Just gotta remember to be careful when being given technical advice - always filter it through what I know is right (i. e. is physiologically healthy, lol); don't accept at face value. My was is THE way, lol.
Because I'm a golden god of sex and song
Bardic practice went extremely well today, I do indeed must be careful about all sorts of "advice" (I mean, the pianist guy from yesterday had the right idea, but the advice he gave me was physiologically incorrect for my voice type. Well-intentioned, but misguided. Then again, nobody knows this stuff around here, really).
Trouble is, I still feel like punching my vocal coach, grrr.
But, that may well be related to something that DMSI's working on. I kinda feel, urm, let's say - frangry - at the same time angry/irritable, but I know it's a response to some sort of fear; it's like at the same time I'm being angry because I'm frustrated that the fear is there at all, and at the same time I'm anxious because it's getting triggered in response to DMSI, I think!
[EDIT: I actually checked whether this isn't negative outside influence. It isn't. I'm still doing my regular clearings though. Thanks to the effectiveness of the new shields in these subs, it's going very, very well. I mean, I feel like, 10 kg lighter, lol, especially ever since I got that crap out of my heart]
It's slightly annoying, but nothing I can't handle (and pretty smooth and pleasant compared to how I'd sometimes react to the earlier versions of DMSI and such). I guess I'm simply going to have to ride it out.
Kinda just threw a bottle in angry rage at the floor, lol. Fortunately, it was plastic.
HULK SMASH
I'm gonna calm down a bit and go for some hot Lacanian action.
(11-04-2019, 07:43 AM)Have at ye Wrote: [ -> ]Trouble is, I still feel like punching my vocal coach, grrr.
I know the feeling
Singing lessons are tough for me, and they always have been. You’re making subtle changes to your physiology, trying to get a specific sound that it’s difficult to hear on your own, and you’re getting feedback and failing to do it. It’s surprisingly physical and when I fail at finding what my singing teacher is trying to get me to do, it hits the self-hatred button in me and I want to die.
I have no advice, just wanted to share that vocal training is known for being very emotionally triggering. It’s not just you.
Hang in there and keep at it.
(11-04-2019, 09:31 AM)whome Wrote: [ -> ] (11-04-2019, 07:43 AM)Have at ye Wrote: [ -> ]Trouble is, I still feel like punching my vocal coach, grrr.
I know the feeling
Singing lessons are tough for me, and they always have been. You’re making subtle changes to your physiology, trying to get a specific sound that it’s difficult to hear on your own, and you’re getting feedback and failing to do it. It’s surprisingly physical and when I fail at finding what my singing teacher is trying to get me to do, it hits the self-hatred button in me and I want to die.
I have no advice, just wanted to share that vocal training is known for being very emotionally triggering. It’s not just you.
Hang in there and keep at it.
Thanks, appreciate it.
But that's not quite exactly the reason I want to punch her.
It's actually because I was dumb enough to allow my trust in her skills and intentions to let me get caught sideways when she suddenly decided I'm a different voice-type than I am (based on phrenology, i. e. I supposedly kinda look like this tenor who died in 60s...). At first, she informed of her idea - I decided: well, let's see, who knows, she rarely was wrong before. Turned out it was bunk. But - instead of, like, admitting to herself she may have made an error in judgement, she proceeded to sabotage my progress by continuing to lead me into becoming a baritone *without informing me of this fact*. This was extremely unhealthy physically for me and damaging to my progress, and now I'm in the process of reversing most of the damage and misinformation (which is going pretty well actually). I think I described the situation in more detail in my UMS journal.
She also involved herself in my private affairs which I find abhorrent.
EDIT: Actually, as far as singing instructors go, she was probably the only one I ever worked with who actually knew how to prevent her singers from experiencing the frustration and self-hatred you've mentioned. That's one hell of a skill in itself.
In other news, hot Lacanian action was very hot tonight! Good stuff as usual, and my "foxy psychoanalytic guru" was in attendance - we actually both arrived early and had a little time to chat about stuff; she asked me some questions about myself and such. I felt the sniper fire. We'll see.
I'm kinda tempted to sign up for some more Lacanian action, regarding a different work of his, "Kant - Sade", lol (yeah, it's Immanuel Kant and Marquis de Sade. Could be... kinky and creepy at the same time
). I think I'll do it, may be fun.
(11-04-2019, 02:57 PM)Have at ye Wrote: [ -> ]It's actually because I was dumb enough to allow my trust in her skills and intentions to let me get caught sideways when she suddenly decided I'm a different voice-type than I am (based on phrenology, i. e. I supposedly kinda look like this tenor who died in 60s...). At first, she informed of her idea - I decided: well, let's see, who knows, she rarely was wrong before. Turned out it was bunk. But - instead of, like, admitting to herself she may have made an error in judgement, she proceeded to sabotage my progress by continuing to lead me into becoming a baritone *without informing me of this fact*.
Ooooh. Wow. Yikes.
Sorry to misunderstand. Good to hear you're on top of this now.