Thanks Shannon. Right on. Now I'm dealing with the E3 aspect of UMS, thinking about you know what and you know who. Lots of painful memories. Lots of regrets. My online mentor says most if not all of the emotions I feel about it are really OLD emotions being attributed to a more recent occurrence. Catalyst forcing me to face locked up OLD emotions by invoking them again thrlugh the catalyst experienced. One of these emotions being the emotional feeling that this cannot be solved, which is unresolvable, because the emotion itself is this cannot be resolved. He says the best thing to do is just feel that emotion so my infant self isn't feeling it alone and not to identify with it. Easier said than done. Also, despite the energy work done on my sacral chakra, I still deal with feelings of unworthiness, backed by painful past experience, and probably rooted in VERY early trauma. It was foolish to think the energy work and the inner work already done would be enough. I'm thinking of that song "God is Gangsta" by Kendrick Lamar. "Lovin you is complicated" said to the mirror. I am trying to resolve an issue that only exists because I try to solve it, beleiving there is a problem in the first place. I suppose the real problem is what feelings exist internally and I don't know how to change them. And then the feeling I can't repair the damage done to the friendship or her image of me, can't change the way I'm perceived... It bothers me, but I think maybe it's rooted in an unconscious belief that I've permanently damaged myself image and relationship with myself. Hmm... Thinking about it and trying to deal with the issue using my mind shall resolve nothing. Just be present with these emotions and feel them fully... Until they run out of energy and fade away.
I don't necessarily agree that "you create the issue by trying to resolve it". I think that there is some truth to the concept behind it, but that the way you are expressing it, either you don't understand it, or neither you nor your mentor do.
The concept is that what you focus on, you give energy, to, which makes it grow. To correct this issue, you need to generate the emotional and mental state of being where and what you want to become, and that will result in it becoming, just as focusing on things that upsets you makes you more upset. Unfortunately, it is easier to focus on negatives than positives because we train ourselves to do that from an early age.
Most likely the former, not the latter. Give my mentor some credit. I'm the one who's got WAYY more to learn. Would you mind going into further detail to help clarify for me?
EDIT: Never mind. You already clarified and I missed it cause I've been drinking. My bad. Still, if there's any more clarification ypu may think is helpful to add, feel free
And THANK YOU Shannon. For everything you've done and are doing.
I'll endeavor to change my outlook.
Day 7 of bloom. Just woke up. We'll see how things go.
Good point. It looks like the program is already doing stuff. So that's a good sign.
So I talked to my therapist today, and he said something interesting: "You're lowest lows at this point in your life are higher than the highest highs were when you first came to me" That was a good point.
(10-09-2019, 11:21 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]So I talked to my therapist today, and he said something interesting: "You're lowest lows at this point in your life are higher than the highest highs were when you first came to me" That was a good point.
This exactly describes my experience with LTU.
Day 8 of bloom. Didn't take sleeping pills last night, so I woke up a little early. Still feel pretty well rested though. At least right now I do... Shouldn't affect my mind's ability to process the bloom today.
(10-10-2019, 04:28 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Day 8 of bloom. Didn't take sleeping pills last night, so I woke up a little early. Still feel pretty well rested though. At least right now I do... Shouldn't affect my mind's ability to process the bloom today.
Whoa, 8 days of bloom?...what spurred you to make that decision, and how long are you blooming for?
(10-10-2019, 05:00 AM)DavisMind91 Wrote: [ -> ] (10-10-2019, 04:28 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Day 8 of bloom. Didn't take sleeping pills last night, so I woke up a little early. Still feel pretty well rested though. At least right now I do... Shouldn't affect my mind's ability to process the bloom today.
Whoa, 8 days of bloom?...what spurred you to make that decision, and how long are you blooming for?
Well, tbh, I thought I remembered some time into my bloom, Shannon saying to give it another 7 days. But now that I look for it, I can't find it. Now, I think it may be a mistaken memory. But I could SWEAR I remember that happening at some point! I'll keep looking, but if I don't find it, I'll assume it was a false memory.
Maybe I should go back to carpetbombing tonight?
Just sent out 2 applications: one to Wholefoods and one to Florida Medical (as an imaging assistant)
These deep seated issues I have... They've been bothering me all day, but only just underneath the surface. No matter what I do to try and fix these issues I have, they remain. I wonder, even if I accomplish every goal in my head and become the person I want to become, will I still see myself this way? Hopefully E3 will help me to change my self perception over time. I am TRYING to love myself. Not succeeding. But I still have hope that will change soon. Until then, it's like low key suffering mixed with intermittent intense suffering.
Day 9 of bloom. Shit! I forgot to carpetbomb last night!