"I'm a peacock, you gotta let me fly" - Maverick Journal 2023

[Ampersnd]

Day 46,

Just had two pairs of stretchy dress pants come in via order. I'm thrilled with the fit and look of one of them; the other looks great but fits poorly.
Strange, cause they're both the same measurements.

Will keep buying pants from this company, in spite of the price tag. They cater to the small waist, big thigh/glute folks like hockey players. This wardrobe upgrade bumps up my style considerably from the existing dress/chino stretch pants I have, which have served their purpose as a 2-year trial upgrade from jeans or stiff dress pants.

[Ampersnd]

Feeling the inner will bubbling for the specific things that will fast-track me towards my goals.

[Ampersnd]

Day 48,

I'm following the inner voice telling me to do things.

At the gym.. Chatted with a cute blonde on a whim; I had seen her before and figured I'd break the ice. Complemented her tattoos (I thought they were nice, and I've gotten my first, and want more), then traded names and talked about work.
I also decided to not ask for social media because the conversation didn't really merit exchanging information. It was kind of logical and not very juicy. No sparks flying. Maybe next time if I see her, I'll push the limits a bit. This is a gym after all.

I also chatted with a regular (guy) who I had seen for years; he was getting his shoes on right next to me for many seconds, so I figured that I would say what's up.
Funny enough, he was raging about someone spraying excessive cologne in the change rooms, to which he has allergic reactions, so he was a bit pissed off in general, but still shook my hand and said that he'd catch me later.

I'm also on a two week hiatus from my kickboxing gym. Membership ran out and I figured that I would boot it back up on the first of May, giving me time to study my machine learning.

[Ampersnd]

Day 52,

Ended it with Brazil girl (see above for the lengthy story about that); I had basically gone silent and gave brief responses to her messages since then. She got back at it with the very lengthy paragraphs (which is not "open communication"; it's a monologue), and I politely pointed it out, and added that I lost the desire to continue the effort required to see her and to make things work, so we should call it quits. She sent a few month lengthy paragraphs, but that was about it after another brief response from me.

I'm down to seeing the one woman, whom I'm quite interested in. Right now, we see each other about once per week. We're entering month #2, and there's been no relationship talk. I honestly don't mind being in a low key relationship with her as I focus on my goals.

Speaking of which, I've dropped kickboxing for a while, as I keep working on my machine learning/AI courses. Have spent several hours per day on it, for the most part.

Did @Duke.Togo say that it's during months 3-4 (so, days 60-120?) where he got a ton of romantic offers? I am half-excited about that, but at the same time I have to be protective of my time.

[Ampersnd]

Day 53,

I took out a 500 page book about Leonardo Da Vinci from the library and made it in about 40 pages; will I practically have time to read it all? Not unless I drop other things which are important to me.
What tangible benefit will I gain by setting aside time to read it, contrasted with the losses I have to take to achieve it? A couple of years ago, I would have made that time trade off.

On the other hand, I've got my eye on Warren Buffett's book about reading Financial Statements; the time invested will be worth it, as it will supplement my upcoming goals and weave into my purpose. Sure, learning about Da Vinci's work ethic might be nice, but I've already listened to a few hours about his life. Only so much you can hear about someone working hard at different areas in life before it steals time away from your doing the same.

I think I'm starting to "get it".

[Ampersnd]

Day 54,

DR girl has called it quits, not giving a solid reason. This is after I've gone over to her place, had Chinese food, and had some good sex.
She stopped partway when she said that I wasn't being 100% present, but I didn't agree with that.

Anyways, no more romantic attachments. Full speed ahead.

[Ampersnd]

Day 55,

Had the sudden urge to move all of the things from my office (largest bedroom, probably 12x12 feet) into my living room area (which I'm estimating is equal in area, though it's open concept next to my kitchen, which is itself another 12 or so feet deep.
Though the real goal is to move myself into a bigger place that's set up for my lifestyle.

Feeling the inner wolf energy increasing by another step. An inner instinct that I'm trusting as it's growing. LET'S GO!

[Ampersnd]

Day 59,

I can say for certain that I'm now executing more than not.
There has often been an internal conflict between a) learning/practicing the things I should and b) little dopamine hits; watching some political drama, or small scale YouTube edutainment that, granted, I'll 3x speed through, but still costs a couple of minutes.

Up until a couple of weeks ago, I would catch myself in that dilemma - choice A or B - and 75+% of the time, choose the little dopamine hit, and eventually move towards my learning tasks.
This past week, it has inverted, and I can say that 75%+ of the time, I make the better choice.

This will help me make massive leaps towards my goals, as I've already been making good progress towards learning AI.

After finishing up my courses, I'll be paying to be tutored by a Senior Machine Learning Engineer and using his guidance to build projects.

[Sky]

this is awesome!

[Ampersnd]

Day 62,

The term "rage to mastery" has come to mind a bit the previous few days. As much as I've had enormous amounts of urgency about success, I've never had a more focused intensity about my desire for success.

Before, it was about the motions, and getting distracted. I'd get more done than 90% of people. Now, I feel a bubbling anger.
Some tasks that I've done before were out of intellectual masturbation.
I've written books on political argument to get all of the confused junk out of my mind, and I've had plans on getting deep into AI, but only after writing a book about how AI could improve political consumption. Now, I realize that dedicating 3-4 months to that would be foolish, and that I should spend one week (tops) outlining the tools I want to make, and then working in the trenches to make that a reality.

I've agreed to undergo the AI tutoring. It's a tad pricey, but if that's they rate they charge, that will be the rate that I'd be able to charge.

I've been seeing pretty women at the gym; normally, I would approach, but I don't really want to. Maybe I'm assuming that I have to inject some extra energy into my conversation for it to be appropriate, but that feels "fake". Perhaps I should simply bring her down to my chill levels. Though it was discouraged in the sales page - for what I assume to be the dogma of the NoFap movement - I haven't done any self-pleasuring since I was with my last partner. This is coming up to one week tonight. I'm not opposed to getting with a hottie and ending that streak, but for now I'm focused on my task.

[Ampersnd]

Day 64,

Have been feeling energetically sensitive.
For example, I had the desire to go up to and talk with a couple of women at the gym, but I actually (for once in a very long time) worried about how I would feel if she rejected me.
I'll keep chugging along and see how things develop; surely it will fix itself.

Edit: Also, made a breakthrough with my squat form that saves energy on a rep-to-rep basis, and maintains structural integrity. I think I might try to PR on a lighter day, as I feel like I could pull it off

[Ampersnd]

Day 65,

I added 15 pounds to my 1-rep squat maximum; from 325 to 340 lbs. In the video I recorded, I lean forward too much, which means I'm afraid of being upright and putting too much load on my quads; fearful they will be too weak and collapse. Good thing I have a strong back, as it was technically low-bar squat form while having the bar positioned as thought it were high bar.

I also rowed 2850 meters in a ten minute time trial. This is my all-time best after my bulk, where I put on 15-20 pounds (mostly muscle ).
Last month, it was 2806 meters.
Back when I was 195 or so pounds, I got to 2961. Now I hover around 210-215 pounds in body weight.

[Ampersnd]

Day 66,

If Maverick doesn't address the issues, OSGF will be my next subliminal. I noticed that attacking fear knocked out a ton of strings holding me back, but I've nudged against an inner box (which might dissolve during my use of Maverick)

I notice that I'm not necessarily scared of, for example, approaching a woman at the gym, but I don't like that lingering feeling in the air afterwards if I were to be rejected. I worry about reputational damage. So these are emotions such as embarrassment, which might relate to guilt and shame.
The gym isn't the ideal place to meet women, by the way.

[Sky]

Did OFv4 chill you out? OGSF does the same thing but it's more manageable. When I go to the gym, I don't feel like lifting weight at all. I do the bare minimum and go home, but the tranquility I feel from OGSF is well worth the price.