"I'm a peacock, you gotta let me fly" - Maverick Journal 2023

[Ampersnd]

Did OFv4 chill you out? OGSF does the same thing but it's more manageable. When I go to the gym, I don't feel like lifting weight at all. I do the bare minimum and go home, but the tranquility I feel from OGSF is well worth the price.

Interestingly, the monthly 10-minute rowing time trials used to feel like huge events, where I'd feel anxious throughout the day in anticipation of it. Yesterday, I messed around with those weights for a squat PR, then plopped over to the rowing machine, warmed up, set the timer and music, and just went.

It still sucked in the moment, but I pulled through. That said, the anxiety typically associated with this trial isn't really there. In part, I would reward myself for beating my all-time best, but now the pressure is gone because I'm 100 meters shy, so there's realistically no risk of what-if.

Do you have a weightlifting goal? I'm going for 2x bodyweight, so I'm being pulled towards that.

[Ampersnd]

Day 66, part 2,

In a flash, I came up with a conversational framework for flirting that far outpaces what I've been relying on before with some success.
This happened earlier this afternoon, and I spent about two hours thinking and writing it down.
Part of it is inspired by YouTube creator TyKwonDoe, who is good at flirting.

If there is interest, I could lay it all out here, or make some document and link to it.

I put it to the test with a couple of women at the gym. In the first case, I spoke with a woman I interact with fairly regularly, who I would describe as cheery and positive. She responded well to it. I also attempted to chat up a new woman, but as I was coming off a lot of rowing and sets of exercise, I was short on breath and wound up fumbling on my words and couldn't set up the frames I wanted. She noted that I chatted her up about a year ago (which I did not remember), and gave me an emphatic "well, have a good workout" to close it out. I didn't push from there. I need to practice this skill to make sure that this framework is valid.

[Ampersnd]

Day 67,

When choosing your next sexual or romantic partner, consider the head-to-headache ratio.

[Superman]

I like tykwondoes videos, I’d be interested in the framework 

Day 66, part 2,

In a flash, I came up with a conversational framework for flirting that far outpaces what I've been relying on before with some success.
This happened earlier this afternoon, and I spent about two hours thinking and writing it down.
Part of it is inspired by YouTube creator TyKwonDoe, who is good at flirting.

If there is interest, I could lay it all out here, or make some document and link to it.

I put it to the test with a couple of women at the gym. In the first case, I spoke with a woman I interact with fairly regularly, who I would describe as cheery and positive. She responded well to it. I also attempted to chat up a new woman, but as I was coming off a lot of rowing and sets of exercise, I was short on breath and wound up fumbling on my words and couldn't set up the frames I wanted. She noted that I chatted her up about a year ago (which I did not remember), and gave me an emphatic "well, have a good workout" to close it out. I didn't push from there. I need to practice this skill to make sure that this framework is valid.

[Ampersnd]

I like tykwondoes videos, I’d be interested in the framework 

Day 66, part 2,

In a flash, I came up with a conversational framework for flirting that far outpaces what I've been relying on before with some success.
This happened earlier this afternoon, and I spent about two hours thinking and writing it down.
Part of it is inspired by YouTube creator TyKwonDoe, who is good at flirting.

If there is interest, I could lay it all out here, or make some document and link to it.

I put it to the test with a couple of women at the gym. In the first case, I spoke with a woman I interact with fairly regularly, who I would describe as cheery and positive. She responded well to it. I also attempted to chat up a new woman, but as I was coming off a lot of rowing and sets of exercise, I was short on breath and wound up fumbling on my words and couldn't set up the frames I wanted. She noted that I chatted her up about a year ago (which I did not remember), and gave me an emphatic "well, have a good workout" to close it out. I didn't push from there. I need to practice this skill to make sure that this framework is valid.

Hope you enjoy. There's about 2500 words in here.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MqoW...sp=sharing

[Superman]

I like tykwondoes videos, I’d be interested in the framework 

Hope you enjoy. There's about 2500 words in here.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MqoW...sp=sharing

Very much appreciated

[Ampersnd]

Day 69 (right on...),

The prevailing though of the day (and yesterday), true or not, is this: every boundary is negotiable.
This isn't to say that you push against established boundaries, or become a pest to get what you want.

• A woman has a boyfriend, but that could go away tomorrow, and she could be yours in a one week, without having to compromise on your ethics
  
• You get offered a terrible starting wage, but they probably have more in the budget, or a different company could offer double.
  
• Someone can offer a rule that disqualifies you, but will ultimately choose you above the others
  
• You might debate someone with a tough front, but your frame and approach to the conversation has them on their heels
  
• There's a scary looking guy trying to fight you, but you can knock him out in a single punch with a bit of timing, skill, and lots of practice.
  

I think that the secret is to not enter 'debate-mode' about these things (for conversations), but rather to deepen your relationship with yourself; hone your self-confidence in reshaping the Universe around you. That you can bend time and space and become a serious force of nature.

[Ampersnd]

(cont),

I'm experiencing a pretty profound paradigm shift. I'm realizing that I've interacted with other people in a certain way to avoid actually interacting with people.
There's surface-level discussion, and then there's deeper-level discussion.
I've avoided the latter, probably out of shame and fear. I've largely addressed the inner fears and have shame left to attack.

Can only talk for myself, but when I recall the talking point: "Men stick to logic, details, plans, while women share their feelings, etc. etc." I think to how much heat I would get growing up for erring outside of "the facts".

I'm not able to fully formulate it right now, but I think of it like this: when I was in high school, I'd hear gossip in locker rooms about some guy doing XYZ, and having it seen negatively. I would learn from osmosis that you just don't do that, unless you get clowned on. Rinse and repeat enough times, then you're stuck in a box.

Or, my own parents just didn't talk deeply about topics, philosophy, ethics, religion; it was literally all business details about my school, my future, or criticism for where I was lacking. I would retreat to video games or my computer. Any expressions of what I wanted to do or achieve was talked away and turned into a monologue about how it couldn't be done. If I was social, I'd be told that I was out "all the time". I'd have that "I'm in trouble" feeling very often; it was an inner prison.

If I called out a dynamic, it would get denied. Especially my mother. To be clear, they've calmed down a lot in their later years; it's now this unspoken thing from my side. It's almost useless to bring it up since they don't do it anymore or harbor any bad feeling about it.

[Ampersnd]

Day 70,

Growth. A lot of growth, in the past 24 hours.
I'm not 100% where I want to be, but it's a huge improvement.
Since yesterday, once I accepted that I've been conditioned with shame, and that shame permeated my willingness to go deep with people, I've been making a genuine effort.

Got a very beautiful woman's number at the gym; a total sweetheart and she's preparing herself for Miss Universe Canada this year. It was incredibly smooth, and I got to use some of the framing devices I wrote about in my document (about 3500 words now), where I could get a couple of layers deeper than the superficial levels that I've done previously.

I opted out of an approach; it was with a woman which I was 50-50 about (awkwardly short, and not really my physical type), and she was with someone else that I'm interested in but haven't spoken with. Debating about whether this is strategic.

I made myself a written pledge that I'm reading aloud; that I will be a force of nature, unrelenting, unyielding, unwavering. It's powerful, and I'm really feeling my own body, and make the conscious decision to do not back down.
A retreat might be strategic, but I want to really discern if I'm making excuses.

I've reactivated the Unhook Chrome extension to block YouTube comments at first, then the recommended videos, then the main page videos. I noticed that compulsion to check for a hit of dopamine, but then I go back to my work.

[KingDavid93]

Hi,

Does it work out to 8 days on or 9 days on for you per month on Maverick?

[Ampersnd]

Hi,

Does it work out to 8 days on or 9 days on for you per month on Maverick?

I have to count it out.

Day 1 - Playthrough 1
Day 5 - #2
Day 9 - #3
Day 13 - #4 
Day 17 - #5
Day 21 - #6
Day 25 - #7
Day 29 - #8
Day 33 - #9

So roughly yes. Ultimately, I don't think that the exact number matters, as long as it does its job.

[Ampersnd]

Day 71,

Lois Lane overlooked Clark Kent because Clark did not behave like the Superman he really was.

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Day 73,

Interest in music is rocketing, even obscuring my interest in coding, which has been my main thing.
Becoming more creative in guitar composition, which is not something I'm used to doing, which might be a sign that I'm advanced enough in guitar technique.
Posted something that transforms an existing song; can share link via DM if someone's interested.

[Ampersnd]

Day 77,

Feeling discouraged.
It sucks that I'm grinding to "level up" and the actual levelling up is not perceivable.
Even though there are people that I see regularly, I'm not really spending time with them outside of my.

In part, I've avoided meaningful connections with other people because there are parts of myself that I've been afraid of integrating.
On the other hand, other people have their own hang-ups.

This is a strange feeling to have because I had a good high about 10 hours ago when I led a group of 40 people through a team activity, and did it with no hiccups.

There are levels to the amount of "bossing up" one can do.
Had almost no desire to do my chores; actually sat and scrolled on Youtube Shorts (very similar to Tiktok in that respect) for 15-30 minutes, which is the RAREST of rareties.