"I'm a peacock, you gotta let me fly" - Maverick Journal 2023

[Ampersnd]

Day 90,

Just bought a Jiu Jitsu gi (my second; bought my first one in 2016). I'm feeling guided back to my old Jiu Jitsu club.
Haven't done kickboxing at my previous club in about 6 weeks.

[Ampersnd]

Day 91,

Something has shifted, starting with that purchase yesterday.
Our workplace has a feedback mechanism, where you can give kudos to other people. I've received it before, but never submitted it to another. I decided to give positive feedback for the first time, yesterday at work, after catching myself stating aloud that doing so would embarrass me. Embarrass me?! Who the fuck cares?

On this forum, I'm noticing that I'm posting more on others threads, despite typical self-centeredness; I often post on my threads only. Of course, then I would wonder why no one would post on my thread (double standard).

[Ampersnd]

Day 95,

Signed back up to Jiu Jitsu today after three years away. Did BJJ for 4 years. Jumped straight into open mat. I'm a blue belt, and was insecure that I would a) have eager whitebelts trying to kill me and b) have lost the skill. It's a lot like riding a bicycle; I kept my balance, but can't do the trick moves. Held my own, but don't have a good offense, and I ultimately lose ground to their offense.

Was at the beach yesterday with a Mexican friend; saw a bunch of decent looking young women there, but it was very iffy. I literally can't tell how old any young person is anymore. Will not take that chance in a public venue.

I met a de facto Maverick; my Mexican friend met him the other day and invited him to the beach. The guy is late-30s, looks late-20s, army guy from the Caribbean, a pro MMA fighter who has a bit of a gut, and is now into real estate and runs a construction business, and made himself into a multi-millionaire over the last few years. He is what Kevin Samuels refers to as a Tiger, so he knows that he will never settle down, and likes to date women who have trauma, OnlyFans, escorts, etc.. Says that he likes to hear their stories. Very easy going. We talked a bit about fighting tactics for our body size (we have similar height, dimensions)

Funniest thing, he lives about 1/8th of a mile away from me. This is a contact that I want to nurture and learn from.

[Ampersnd]

Day 96,

Couple of days ago, broke my noFap streak, and will have less of an absolutist attitude towards it. I'll avoid porn indefinitely. Will also try to break my noPussy streak within reason.

Since then, my sexuality has been raging, much like it has in month 2. However, in month 2, I had my two regulars to keep the fires cooled.

[Ampersnd]

Day 97,

Sexual desire is raging. Was on the rowing machine, and two of my gym crushes get on the treadmills 15-20 feet directly ahead of me. One has this awesome thickness, and has this fat ass and smaller waist, and her ass would jiggle a lot while running. Literally half-chubbing while rowing, which never happens. Haha was awesome.

[AbundanceCH]

You mentioned Kevin Samuels earlier videos..everyone knows his last stuff but his older videos have so much gold in them. So sad to see this larger than life legend pass away. His earlier videos showed him on his way to legendary status which he achieved so quickly because he was just that good. He was one of a kind.

Viewing Kevin Samuel videos should be mandatory for all men. If you are reading this and you haven’t you should watch his stuff.

[Ampersnd]

@AbundanceCH

I agree with the fact that his older videos were gold.
From what I've seen, the best content is in the 12-18 months before he ascended, and during his ascension. He sharpened his brand and his message, and a ton of content and dialog was about encouraging men to shape up.
After that - and you can look at his YouTube channel for evidence (his videos' titles) - the vast majority of his content was about bickering with women about how much they deserve.
In fairness, he did preface it by saying that you'll only be evaluated by 1%er criteria if you state that you want the 1%er lifestyle. Man or woman.

I judge a content creator by the takeaways of their listeners; and the idea of the 'high-value male' exploded and became a bastardized version of itself (not a fault of his), and guys started calling themselves HVMs and considered themselves deserving of the spoils with side chicks, all while working a basic 9 to 5.
The audience were hungry to hear the message that "women ain't shit" and that "women don't deserve shit", which his verbal smackdowns of 36-year-old overweight single moms with three kids seemed to reinforce that message.

He also had a way of forcing his frame and making his conclusions the instant he a got a portion of the response he wanted. HVMs did no wrong in his view. It became rude. There was more mockery by the end. Perhaps the top manosphere voice, but his late work is unpalatable to me.

[Ampersnd]

Day 100,

I'm at day 11-12 of not having listened to Maverick. Will be starting it back up on day 13-14.

[Ampersnd]

Day 100,

I'm questioning some of the deeper concepts and sweeping narratives about success and dating that I've assumed to be true:

• Success being an equalizer in dating: That if I get adequately wealthy, that the world is in the palm of my hand
  
• The male advantage: That the male 'peak' is at 35-38 years old. For looks, earning potential, and physical vitality. What is there for you in your 40s? Your 50s? And beyond.
  
• Age gap relationships: Will I realistically be able to date 25-29 year olds as I get older? Will I even want that?
  
• Avoiding disastrous relationship fallouts: If I settle down and have kids, how do I not get royally fucked out of my money if it goes sour?
  
• The outlier male: Will I be able to stand out for my age, and against my other male competitors, for the hottest/most desirable women, of any age?
  
• Body game: Even Rom Wills' philosophy on getting your body right seems to be falling me short. I'm lean at 205-210 pounds and 6'1". I don't get clear/obvious signs of interest. I do catch women making glances in certain venues and situations.
  
• Tech/Coding as the path to 6-figures: I'm almost one year into my career and learning a ton, even out-thinking certain contractors at times who have done it for years. I want to make a career move and to bump up my salary, but I don't know what the right move is. I'm consulting with an AI tutor who can later coach me on interviews, but I'm in a work-mode treadmill, building a project with this person.
  

I keep mentioning this growing pressure to succeed, but I also have a growing malaise. Like it's all going to amount to shit.
It feels like I'm scaling the sinking Titanic. I'm making upwards progress, and I'm not in icy cold water, but it feels like there will be a top, and it will not matter.

Whether AI will make the IT work difficult is irrelevant; AI doesn't undo the laws of economics, so I have enough skills, and I'm versatile enough to make it work.

Memento Mori.

[Duke.Togo]

I'll post something in my journal soon enough, but I wanted to respond to your post here as it's an interesting set of ideas that you posted here, and it's somewhat indicative of what happens in your fourth month of Maverick.

There's a saying, when you stop chasing things, they chase you. Those things are essentially everything that drives you and most men out there - money, status, power, women, etc. A key aspect of your fourth month is that you stop chasing.

I'll finish the rest of this post in my journal, but, you're tracking the path of a Maverick as I expected you would.

Keep on it.

[Ampersnd]

Day 102,

Met another Maverick in my town; I followed my hunch to attend a fight night in my town. Many fighters from my previous gym and my new one.
I showed up last minute with a few new seats opening up; was saving one for a friend who was running late.
Guy and a gal show up. Two spare seats next to me. I un-save my seat to let them set.

This guy and I vibe like crazy.
He's like this bald Jack Black-looking and sounding libertarian dude with a rough past. Super charismatic. Super uninhibited. Opinionated. Will use his voice and physicality in a gregarious sense but it's not intimidating. I won't comment on his lifestyle.
I drive him back to his place, and we have a couple of drinks on his porch, then we check out this dive bar.
We have some unique quirks in common, which I can't mention.

Anyways, he's not somebody that I would expect to vibe with, on paper.

[Ampersnd]

Day 103,

Loss of motivation. Am simply not doing the maintenance self-improvement tasks. I should not have run Maverick for the full hour yesterday when rebooting after 2 weeks off.
The "what's the point?" argument is very compelling right now.

Edit: Now fear and anxiety are bubbling up. WTF? Thought that this was old news; haven't really felt this since wrapping up Overcoming Fear.

[Duke.Togo]

Happens when you over expose to Maverick. You need to stick to 20 minute loops. For now, I would suggest grabbing something dessert like or anything that acts as a pleasure dome. I’ve found when I did over expose on Maverick, I would go eat an ice cream bar and that some how reset me in a way. Also drink lots of water or some sort of drink with electrolytes. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I’ve found that those two things worked like a charm for me.

[Ampersnd]

Day 105,

Don't OD on Maverick, folks. Doesn't take all that much. Still experiencing the side effects from the full hour on Sunday.
Extra tired and a bit run down. Had the ice cream on Monday/Tuesday. Took a nap after work today, got some sun, and I'm feeling better.