Day 43 - Mon 5 Nov - (Day 7 of 7).
Cycle 5 - (3rd out of 5 cycles with me using 5 loops).
Masked Trickling Stream
Tomorrow my 2 day break starts, after which my 6th cycle will begin.
I am almost at the half way mark (90days /2 = 45th day) and so far nothing.
I was hoping that by now there would be some progress but nothing that I can put my finger too.
If anyone asked me what is the progress that I need to see as evidence, then to me it would be daily consistent motivation and action. Even if only a little action and a little motivation at first, its still enough to make me realise its working.
The no fapping on DMSI 3.2 1 loop was surprising since to me fapping or not isnt a big deal, even though I would prefer to give myself some rest from it and regain any energy and nutrients lost. So to not fap for a short period of time was enough of an evidence that something was being executed by my subconscious.
I guess I will never know why or how this occurred.
I had the choice of listening to 11 loops or 5 loops. For me the 5 loops was the sensible option since the 11 wouldnt have been maintained. That would be for many many reasons from life itself to unforseen daily obstacles getting in the way. Listening to 11 and failing to listen to 11 would have both nulled the money back guarantee as well as made me feel even more despondent.
I feel however that with 5 loops I should have felt something, however small, atleast a little sign that I can and will execute but so far nothing. I know in the past shannon has said something about my subconscious working against the modelling he performed to help me know what number of loops to do but either way I am not executing again.
I have all these desires, these visions and imaginings of me a go-getter, a goal setter, a goal achiever. Someone such as a city trader in the big apple, someone such as Charlie Sheens character in the first wall street movie, someone that gets up, exercises, eats, gets the work done, fucks, plays, has a social group and all this while maintaining his composure and not getting easily stressed or side tracked from his mission and objectives.
That is just SO NOT ME! and it hurts to realise that im so far away from this image of what I can or want to be.
Its also scary. I will admit this realisation, that doing or behaving this way brings the fears of being over worked, not having fun, being boring, being monotonous, not having a social life, or a life of much, not being able to live life, or simply just becoming a mean guy which is usually how these traders are shown to be.
I just want to be able to execute these subs because I do see the potential in them.
I dont know how many here execute or how many fail to. It sometimes seems as if the vat majority fail to execute whereas the minority execute only a little.
Now we are at a stage where H&C didnt quite do the job intended which also explains to me how the previous subs didnt work on me in an obvious way perhaps.
All I can now say is that we are entering a new phase, the FRM phase.
I dont know how many got great results from FRM v2. I feel its the same few that got it from H&C. Therefore can FRMv3 really do what we all hope it will..i dont know.
Im just rambling and should stop for now.
so back to my update... woke up with a headache, taken a pain killer. Have a test tomorrow and dont feel like studying for it.
Thats what I seem to feel, there are days of motivation, days of when I want to do things and then there are those days when I dont want to do anything, im bored, im just staying in, watching movies, eating and being bored with life.
