Day 11 on B
OK... so I haven't updated my journal in a while and I blame it on the B side
Long story short, ever since I started listening to B, it has filled me up with extra energy. Now it was upto me what I wanted to do with this
energy, but B has been directing me in using this energy for improving myself or
socialising and hence increasing the possibility of letting others be aware of my increased sexuality
(I just made it up, but yes I've had more energy to stay out longer even after a long day of work)
So, how does B work? In my case every time I have felt a sudden burst of energy, it has meant that B was working for me. For example, last Friday I came home from work... tired and everything.
All of a sudden I feel a surge of energy and I decide to go to gym. While I'm on the treadmill I get a message from one of the girls on Tinder... she wanted to meet... that night. WTF! I tell her where I was and that I'd be able to see her in about and hour or so. I get there are 90 minutes and we spent a few hours together. Well, at the end of the night she wanted to go back to her place, but that's a different story altogether. TLDR version: we kissed in the bar, but she wouldn't go further than that and wanted to go back to her home.
In yet another instance I was supposed to meet a girl at 3pm. I felt the energy again and I was at the gym sweating it out. Must have been around 11am. This another girl messages me saying her plans changed and she was happy to meet sooner. TLDR version: when I felt the energy to kiss her while we were out, she chickened out and said she was shy and then when we were saying goodbye and I tried to kiss her, she goes: I like it only if it happens naturally. Anyway, she's issues she needs to deal with (not the kissing issues) and I don't think I'll see her again.
Ever since I started B, I have been going out doing something every single night of the week and every weekend. (Except for one night when I was feeling too exhausted after having listened to 3 loops for 3 days. Now I'm back to 2 loops) Be it going to the gym, catching up with friends, socialising, going somewhere where everyone's a stranger, going on Tinder first dates (3 of them) etc.
The point being
"B" side gives you the energy and it's upto us to decide what to do with that energy.
It also directs our mind in some ways. In my case it has made it harder for me to focus on work... LOL. However, focus on socialising and going to gym whenever I can has increased.
Yesterday, I was at an event and I met a girl whose vibe and energy was very pleasing, very gentle and very feminine. Sad thing was it didn't occur to me that I should try to ask her out or something. This realisation just hit me as soon as we said goodbye. I missed a chance there.
I was trying to analyse the situation with a friend later yesterday and it looks like the presence of one of my teachers there (who I have deep respect for and I think is a living saint) made me feel too conscious about picking up that girl in front of him.
Sad! But oh well, lesson learnt. Next time, move faster and think rationally
(Unless of course it was the anti-sniper or maybe there was something else that my subconscious picked on which prevented me from even thinking about the possibility of her asking her out for the few hours we spent together)
The
downside however, of running B, has been that when I'm by myself I have at times felt a sense of
loneliness and
sadness.