Day 15 on A [prev: 32A + 14B]
Two months of listening to v3.1 today. Today has been a bit of a weird day. I decided not to listen to my loops while sleeping because my sleep has been affected and some people at work had been asking me why I looked depressed. When I told them I wasn't, they told me my eyes look depressed. The truth is I have been very sad on the inside since the weekend. Have been feeling sad and lonely and have not been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It was the first day in a long time when I didn't go out. Just came home and wasted time on the Internet. Ate junk (biscuits and yoghurt... WTF!) And am generally lacking any enthusiasm. Don't feel like doing anything at all. I feel like I'm getting fat - of course, eating junk like that - and am generally feeling low.
Not sure if it's resistance or if it's some sort of break through. One thing I have to say, while listening to the subs today I felt a bit of heat emanating from the palms and slight sensation in the groin area after a long time. In last couple of weeks I'd stopped feeling any sort of physical sensations on the sub.
I have again started to notice forgetfulness and absentmindedness in my behaviour. I have been forgetting to do things and have been forgetting to provide things to people at work after promising them. I think it's a severe lack of motivation to do anything. It could be partly because of the tiredness I'm experiencing and partly it could be something to do with the sub. (I've experienced this before on dmsi)
Also, I had been thinking of stopping listening to subs and thought I'd wait for the bloom. The warm sensations I experienced while listening today have changed my opinion and I may continue with A for another week or so.
Hopefully the weekend will help reset this state.
Day 16 on A [prev: 32A + 14B]
Yet another sad and low day. The whole day I was angry, grumpy etc. However, during the phase of being sad/low/grumpy I made a few decisions and it makes me feel like the sub was trying to get me to do something while my subconscious or conscious mind was/were resisting it.
Towards the end of the day I was feeling very restless; and when a guy was trying to act smart with me, I gave it to him and it did make me feel a lot better.
Ended the day feeling extremely lonely in this world. Very weird feeling. I hope this feeling propels me to change things around in life.
Other than that, I was in what I call "bitch" mode all day. Whinging/whining/complaining all day. This is quite unlike me, but there have been a few days on DMSI when I have been like that. I'm hoping it's all in the name of clearing.
Tomorrow is a new day! Rest and reset day!! Have a good weekend everyone.
Day 17 on A [prev: 32A + 14B]
I reached a new low in sadness and closeness. I didn't want to do anything today, didn't want to speak to anyone (did end up speaking to a friend over the phone) and I just wanted to eat and not do anything.
I'm also being very sensitive today. I came across someone who I met last week and she asked me the same questions and it just annoyed me so much I don't even want to speak to her any more. (She's an older woman with an even older partner)
At the same time, something appears to be shifting in the background. Something is telling me to move and do something about work, about girls, about life. Hopefully, this sadness/hitting-bottom will make me bounce back.
Day 20 on A [prev: 32A + 14B]
The sadness and frustration continues. I feel constricted... and feel the need to break free.
One of the things I realised is that I need to move on at my work place. It's become too much of a chore for me. It pays the bills, but I don't think I'm being appropriately compensated here... I don't see any growth potential here. This could just be a nice statement to use in the interview, but the truth is I'm not happy here and feel like I've not been treated fairly.
I'm currently in my comfort zone and I think moving jobs will be a pain in the ***. My main motivation would be more $$$, but for some reason I seem to have lost confidence in myself just in last few weeks - hopefully temporarily. (Because of some things that took place at work)
Not sure if should run B for this or should continue on A or maybe move to E2.
Day 24 on A [prev: 32A + 14B]
Have been feeling very sad and low since Wednesday night. I have no idea why. Nothing has really happened recently to make me feel this way. I'm wondering if it's something I'm resisting or something is clearing.
I had a Tinder date on Friday night. The date went largely ok; she was a bit uncomfortable towards the end and I think I stayed there for a little too long. Should have got the hell out of there sooner. Today I messaged her and she hasn't responded her at all. Guess, no second date.
I am having thoughts of taking the easy way out on work front. So, it'll take some work on my part to look for a new job. My mind is somehow telling me that my current job is comfy, convenient and moving jobs will be hard. I'm not sure what's going on there.
Confidence in myself is very low at the moment. Looks like I'm going through some dark moments in life. Nothing seems to be working at the moment.
Have been having feelings of anxiety while listening to my loops for last few days. Also, for some reason every time I have listened to my loops in last 4-5 days my armpits start sweating and also my palms sitting in the air conditioned office (plus it's not even hot). It's a bit bizarre and I don't quite understand what this means.
Are you going back to Version B after you hit your second 32 of Version A?
I've found that whatever plagued me on Version A the first time around cleared relatively quickly after my Version B run. This time around on A has been pretty smooth for me. I wonder if that might happen for you after another B run and then back to A after that.
Hang in there. You'll make it through and come out the other side sittin' pretty.
(05-13-2017, 03:16 PM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]Are you going back to Version B after you hit your second 32 of Version A?
I've found that whatever plagued me on Version A the first time around cleared relatively quickly after my Version B run. This time around on A has been pretty smooth for me. I wonder if that might happen for you after another B run and then back to A after that.
Hang in there. You'll make it through and come out the other side sittin' pretty.
Thanks, mate. Appreciate the kind words.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do. The low I've been feeling is unusual as I can't see any logical reason for this, so I can only assume that something's clearing/settling inside of me.
In fact, I'm not even sure I'm going to complete 32 days in the second run of "A" side. Being at work has been a bit of a torture this week, so my thoughts are also around getting a new job. I'm thinking maybe MLS... It may help with brushing up on some skills for job interviews etc. And the DMSI bloom may help clear a few things at the same time.
Also, for last couple of days, I've been sleeping terribly. Waking up exhausted etc. So maybe I'll take a break from subs for a bit to get my sleep cycles in order and then decide what I'd like to do.
Day 30 on A [prev: 32A + 14B]
In last few days I seem to have entered a state where I don't care much about the outcome of certain things. I think it's a good thing wherein in I don't make a big deal out of things. It's one thing to consciously having to do it and it's another when it happens automatically.
That appears to have been the most significant event in last week or so.
Other than that, a lady (I don't know how old but my guess would be 55+ or even 60+) told me I looked handsome this afternoon. She's not a stranger, she's an acquaintance rather than a friend; so the compliment wasn't completely out of the blue. Either she was in a good mood today (which she was) or it's DMSI. I'll give the credit to DMSI... I don't think I looked my best, but maybe this part-scruffy, part-groomed look is what girls dig.
The only problem: my target audience is almost half her age. *sigh* I'm just hoping that with time the younger affected population will start responding positively as well.
32A + 14B + 34A = 70 days in total
Since my last post I noticed that if I increased the time between two runs of DMSI it helped me with feelings of anxiety/fear when it came to girls. It all started when I had a date last Saturday and instead of listening to loops just before the date (which I would normally do) I didn't listen to the loops the whole day. Result was I felt very much at ease during the date - which was great because about a month ago when I met the girl I described as my oneitis, I started getting feelings of anxiety and uncertainty when thinking about girls or meeting girls.
Since then I have been increasing the time between the loops to more than 24 hours. Currently, I haven't listened to my loops for 2 days. And I'm contemplating taking a break from subs altogether.
Also, for last few days I haven't been feeling well. One night I decided to listen to the loops while sleeping (I was trying to keep the time between the loops to about 30 hours) and I woke up with a strong headache next morning. I don't think the loops had anything to do with it.
I still feel like I have a head cold or a blocked sinus or just the start of flu. I feel like I'm not sick enough to take time off work and I'm not well enough to perform at my best. Kind of stuck in the middle.
I hope this passes soon and I'm able to think clearly again.
So... I had a date on Saturday afternoon. We met for a coffee and had a very pleasant 1.5 hour conversation. Cordially kissed each other good bye and later that evening I sent her a message indicating my desire to see her again.
She never responded. Another ghosting! *sigh*
By the way... I've been off subs/DMSI for 6 days now. I'm contemplating not getting back to v3.1 at all. So it's bloom time. Feeling a bit sick too - stuck mid-way between a full fledged flu and a mild flu (whatever that means).