(03-24-2017, 03:36 AM)hunk Wrote: [ -> ]Day 21 (contd.)
Sadness all the way today. No euphoria, no happiness. Deep sadness. Had a feeling that my heart was pierced. I hope it's some sort of healing and I'll come out better on the flip side.
Have been eating emotionally and have been tired/exhausted. Stuffing myself with food even though I'm not hungry. Not sure if it's resistance or reality bending like 'eternity' mentioned in his thread.
[If it is reality bending, could someone please explain to me what it means for the user?]
Going to catch up on my sleep and I think I'm going to change my listening times over the weekend as well to see if that helps with exhaustion and tiredness.
Have a good weekend everyone.
It's not resistance or reality bending, it's dealing with the impact of the healing. You're processing some stuff that makes you feel uncomfortable and is taking a lot of energy. It is also possible that the exhaustion is a sign of resistance, but the emotional eating is seeking comfort while processing the healing and clearing.
(03-24-2017, 01:14 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]It's not resistance or reality bending, it's dealing with the impact of the healing. You're processing some stuff that makes you feel uncomfortable and is taking a lot of energy. It is also possible that the exhaustion is a sign of resistance, but the emotional eating is seeking comfort while processing the healing and clearing.
Thanks, Shannon. Appreciate you chiming in to provide your perspective and insights.
Day 22
Didn't listen to the loops last night because I wanted to change my listening schedule. The sleep pattern was however eerily similar to last couple of nights where I was in deep sleep for about 3 hours or so and after that a very light sleep where I was conscious of my dreams as well as physical body lying on the bed - at the same time.
Overall a better sleep compared to last few days. Was still feeling sad and low on energy when I woke up... decided to push myself out and go for a walk in the sun. After about an hour or so in the sun, my mood got a bit better. My foot has been hurting for some reason so didn't jog/run. Surprisingly I wasn't hungry even after 2 hours after waking up. Usually I have breakfast very early in the morning.
Oh! An old man tried to have a conversation with me while crossing the road on my way home even thought I had earphones plugged in.
Will listen to my two loops during the day today and see how I go.
Day 22 (contd.)
Listened to the two loops in the afternoon. Used hybrid instead of masked that I had switched to for night time listening.
Feelings of loneliness and longing for the Tinder girl - which intensified after listening to the sub. WTF! I'm just biding time so that this feeling passes by. Motivation is at an all time low. Just wanted to lay in bed all day and do nothing. Is this what oneitis feels like or is it depression? Or is this what healing looks and feels like? Pretty blue!
Forced myself to go out in the morning, then went out for groceries after listening to my loops and also forced myself to cook dinner instead of eating some junk. Want to go to gym tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to push myself out of the house in the morning to be able to do that.
Day 23
Woke up with pain in right shoulder and neck. I think I turned to a side in my sleep and kept sleeping despite it not being a comfortable position to sleep in.
Anyway, had a decent sleep. Lacked motivation and was still feeling sad. The sun was out so I told myself to push my sorry ass to go out. Hadn't been to the gym in a couple of weeks so I thought I'll force myself to do that today.
Half heartedly walked to the gym, did some cardio... I wasn't really into it, but still forced myself to keep moving.
Spent some time in the sun on my way back. Surprisingly my hunger has subsided quite a bit in last two days. Wonder why! Does spending 10-15 minutes in the sun help? Or is the clearing/healing means not much energy is being used for snipers etc.?
Today also I didn't feel like eating anything even after 3 hours of waking up.
Came home had shower and have been pushing myself to do chores. I'm very sleepy and all I want to do right now is just lay in bed. Listening to my loops now on speaker.
Edit: Just wanted to add that not listening to dmsi during sleep has improved the sleep quality a bit. It's only been two days, though. Listening to dmsi for 2 hours straight without interruptions during the week days (morning/afternoon so as not to disturb the sleep much) may prove to be a challenge.
Day 23 (contd.)
So, I didn't update my journal with the fate of the Tinder girl who cancelled. She eventually told me she didn't want to see me and that she had found someone else.
Today, a different girl cancelled.
Is it possible that others are getting the benefit of halo effect of DMSI? Other men I mean.
Someone mentioned on the forum that effect of DMSI aura last for a very short period of time on women. Do we need to increase that?
In other news...
Have this hollow, empty feeling. Got a feeling that I'm wasting my time with women and these apps. Been feeling lonely since the sun set.
I was thinking about what I was looking for in women and I thought of "connection". I was looking for a connection.
Then I thought a bit more about what connection meant for me and I came to this realisation that I was looking for interest from women who I was interested in. Is that what really connection is? Or does it seem like connection when both the parties are interested in each other?
Interest from women I'm not interested in = annoyance
No interest from women I'm not interested in = all good
No interest from women I'm interested in = sadness
Interest from women I'm interested in = connection
Now if I thought about it a bit more... what gets a woman (that I'm interested in me) interested in me? It begs a question, what sort of woman I am interested in the first place and then what would she look for in a man - to be interested in me.
What will DMSI do to achieve that state of connection?
It's entire goal is that state of connection. That's how you get to sex. What will it do to achieve that? Whatever you execute. Which is pretty much, "Whatever it takes".
(03-26-2017, 06:19 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]It's entire goal is that state of connection. That's how you get to sex. What will it do to achieve that? Whatever you execute. Which is pretty much, "Whatever it takes".
Nice! Sounds promising. Thanks again for chiming in with your input, appreciate it.
Day 24
Listening to my loops during the day now. While listening to my second loop the volume accidentally got reduced to zero and I missed about a minute (or possibly more) of the second loop. I listened to a third loop in succession to make up for it - not sure if I should have done it. I'd much appreciate if someone reading this post could advise what one should do if a part of the loops is missed.
Anyway, after listening to three loops one after the other I was feeling really pumped up. I think I did experience a bit of euphoria after that when I went for lunch. Was literally surrounded by dudes in the food court - so can't say what effect three loops had on women. (Did they all just run away? :p )
Rest of the day was good and even when I left work I was not feeling tired or anything. Hung out with friends after work, but didn't feel anything out of the ordinary from the girls, but one of the guys gave me bit of a salute while saying hello.
Later during the night I watched someone's video of looking for crystals in rocks. There were a few kids in the video and all of a sudden something moved in me after watching the video. Last night I was thinking about connection with women and tonight a different thought crossed my mind - is wife, kids etc. is what I'm missing?
Possibly yes, I've never thought of getting married in a long time now. I'm still not thinking about it, but I feel like I'm looking for someone who'll not be judgemental, won't make me feel guilty all the time and won't keep testing me after we're in a relationship.
Anyway, will reflect on that and will be back to 2 loops tomorrow.
Day 25
So today I had been feeling empathic. I saw a beggar on my way to lunch and I felt that a little nudge and push and I would have had tears in my eyes.
Also, I was joking with a female colleague and she took it seriously and I felt really bad for causing her distress.
In other news... looks like the spare tyre across my tummy is growing
Day 26
Exhaustion was the order of the day. Slept for 6 hours and even though quality of sleep seemed good, it wasn't enough.
After recently changing my listening time from night (while asleep) to day, I have noticed that I have gained a bit of mass around my tummy. I wonder if this is because the change in listening pattern has kind of put my body out of whack.
Off late, I've also noticed that if I don't eat enough I feel hungry and my stomach rumbles (I love that feeling, makes me feel my metabolism is working). However, if I eat, I end up putting it on. I think this is what Shannon meant in one of the posts where he mentioned that there is a problem with converting food into energy fast enough.
For last 6-7 days I have noticed that I find my attitude towards people to be polarising these days and I have been less polite in this regard. For example, if there's someone I interacted with one day and I feel that I don't like their vibe/energy, I tend to avoid those people and it shows on my face. I tend to lose enthusiasm and become serious and quiet around these people. While if there are people whose vibe/energy I like, I am more cheerful and happier when they are around.
Surprisingly, this isn't something that I am consciously doing. Could it be the sub modifying my behaviour or making me more sensitive to vibe/energy or it's just the subconscious' way of telling me where to best spend my efforts - for best returns?
I also have a feeling I may outgrow or may already have outgrown a few people in my social circle. It's a bit of a scary thought. The implications are either I may end up feeling lonely or I may meet new people and grow.
Here's hoping for interesting times ahead.
Day 27
I have noticed something subtle. I may have mentioned this before...
I have been feeling lack of motivation around work. At times I don't get enough sleep and going to work seems like a chore. However, today I noticed something a couple of time - which was whenever I was in a group of people I seemed to have gained energy.
I was present in the room and was mentally awake.
Day 28
Haven't listened to the subs yet, but I woke up this morning from a scary dream. Don't remember the dream and the last thing I remember was a tap next to me in bed. That woke me up and I'd been wide awake since.
For some reason, I'm in a good mood today. Maybe because it's close to the weekend or maybe it's got something to do with the sub.
Day 29
So, looks like I may have made some progress on the healing front. I feel like my attitude and mindset are changing. Now when someone says they're not interested in me or anything like that - I'm okay with this.
At the risk of invoking the anti-zen brigade, I'd also like to add that it feels a bit zen like - on the lines of me being at ease and being comfortable respecting someone else's choices without taking it personally and getting offended. Whatever their decision is based on is their concern, not mine. I don't have the energy to try to convert them. It just means this person and I are just not ready for each other.
I'm not sure if I'm explaining it correctly, but compared to what I went through in my head when one of the Tinder girls cancelled our date and told me she's decided to enter a relationship with someone else - that did hurt and I felt sad for a few days after that. Mainly because she and I seemed extremely compatible. I don't think I've come across anyone this compatible in more than a decade or more.
Compared to that, this new feeling feels awesome. I like at peace and more relaxed.
Well, three more days to go before I decide whether to switch to side B or continue with side A or switch to another sub like BASE or MHS.
Enjoy your weekend everyone.
Day 30
The day has just begun and I haven't listened to my loops yet. One thing that has happened between my previous post and this is that two more girls have backed out on meeting me.
I'm thinking of changing the title of my journal to "G.h.o.s.t. P.r.o.t.o.c.o.l."... LOL
Not sure if it's something that needs more healing or if it's something to do with energy sourcing. Looks like others are affected by v3.1a, but then the effect doesn't last long. After a few hours of absence the affected population changes their mind. Wonder what happens on the affected side.
I also wonder what's required to make that effect last longer - i.e. something Shannon needs to do with the sub or something we need to do as users?
Edit: In other news, I slept for a little over 8 hours last night. Looks like something was happening as I felt tired last night even without any exertion. This morning I woke up calm and relaxed.
(04-01-2017, 02:44 PM)hunk Wrote: [ -> ]The day has just begun and I haven't listened to my loops yet. One thing that has happened between my previous post and this is that two more girls have backed out on meeting me.
I'm thinking of changing the title of my journal to "G.h.o.s.t. P.r.o.t.o.c.o.l."... LOL
Not sure if it's something that needs more healing or if it's something to do with energy sourcing. Looks like others are affected by v3.1a, but then the effect doesn't last long. After a few hours of absence the affected population changes their mind.
I've had this too. A lot. Mostly from online but also with my hairdresser who was nuts for me for a while then 180.