09-11-2016, 10:16 AM
09-11-2016, 11:29 AM
It's resistance. And it's getting worse today. I have a raging headache. There's so much "pressure" in my head -- I'm guessing from being so tense. AM6 induced some soul sucking resistance, but nothing like DMSI. I don't even think it's the sub itself -- it's loaded with anti-resistance technologies. It's the subject matter. I feel like I'm coming down with the flu. I'm getting to the point where I'm wondering why I'm even bothering to endure so much pain over women. Looking at the DMSI sales page, wondering how the hell I let the world mess with my head so much that I would resist a subliminal that encourages you to love and value yourself.
Enraged that we should even have to deal with this. All most men want is to contribute to society, have a good job, a nice wife, some kids and a home, but the cost to do so is your self-respect, your dignity and your identity.
I keep telling myself that this will pass and I'll be in full control of my life. But man, this f*cking hurts in the process. And at the end of the day, you feel like you have no one. If you go to a woman to talk about such things, she'll only look down on you with pity, treat you like you're a lesser lifeform.
"L" asked why I act the way I act sometimes. I told her that "risk" defines my life. Everything I do revolves around risk. Risk of a failing business. She came from a super rich family. When she lost her job, her rich ass family just took care of her for a year. I'm having to hustle everyday to make money -- and I mean hard. Risk of rejection. I told her that if women had to endure rejection on the level men did, they'd lose their damn minds. As men, we're forged in the flames of rejection, but when you're in the fire ALL the time, you just wanna be able to step out and cool yourself off -- just for a minute -- before someone calls you weak and worthless and thinks they're superior by virtue of vagina.
But... I'm going to march on. Keep running DMSI until I'm healed to the point that I can function without hate. I noticed that the first week of v2.4 was filled with abundance and prosperity. Lots of motivation. Whether I want to admit it or not, holding all this disdain and hate in my heart will only hold me back. So, for now, I'll suffer and keep fighting on.
Enraged that we should even have to deal with this. All most men want is to contribute to society, have a good job, a nice wife, some kids and a home, but the cost to do so is your self-respect, your dignity and your identity.
I keep telling myself that this will pass and I'll be in full control of my life. But man, this f*cking hurts in the process. And at the end of the day, you feel like you have no one. If you go to a woman to talk about such things, she'll only look down on you with pity, treat you like you're a lesser lifeform.
"L" asked why I act the way I act sometimes. I told her that "risk" defines my life. Everything I do revolves around risk. Risk of a failing business. She came from a super rich family. When she lost her job, her rich ass family just took care of her for a year. I'm having to hustle everyday to make money -- and I mean hard. Risk of rejection. I told her that if women had to endure rejection on the level men did, they'd lose their damn minds. As men, we're forged in the flames of rejection, but when you're in the fire ALL the time, you just wanna be able to step out and cool yourself off -- just for a minute -- before someone calls you weak and worthless and thinks they're superior by virtue of vagina.
But... I'm going to march on. Keep running DMSI until I'm healed to the point that I can function without hate. I noticed that the first week of v2.4 was filled with abundance and prosperity. Lots of motivation. Whether I want to admit it or not, holding all this disdain and hate in my heart will only hold me back. So, for now, I'll suffer and keep fighting on.
09-11-2016, 11:49 AM
(09-11-2016, 11:29 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]It's resistance. And it's getting worse today. I have a raging headache. There's so much "pressure" in my head -- I'm guessing from being so tense. AM6 induced some soul sucking resistance, but nothing like DMSI. I don't even think it's the sub itself -- it's loaded with anti-resistance technologies. It's the subject matter. I feel like I'm coming down with the flu. I'm getting to the point where I'm wondering why I'm even bothering to endure so much pain over women. Looking at the DMSI sales page, wondering how the hell I let the world mess with my head so much that I would resist a subliminal that encourages you to love and value yourself.
Enraged that we should even have to deal with this. All most men want is to contribute to society, have a good job, a nice wife, some kids and a home, but the cost to do so is your self-respect, your dignity and your identity.
I keep telling myself that this will pass and I'll be in full control of my life. But man, this f*cking hurts in the process. And at the end of the day, you feel like you have no one. If you go to a woman to talk about such things, she'll only look down on you with pity, treat you like you're a lesser lifeform.
"L" asked why I act the way I act sometimes. I told her that "risk" defines my life. Everything I do revolves around risk. Risk of a failing business. She came from a super rich family. When she lost her job, her rich ass family just took care of her for a year. I'm having to hustle everyday to make money -- and I mean hard. Risk of rejection. I told her that if women had to endure rejection on the level men did, they'd lose their damn minds. As men, we're forged in the flames of rejection, but when you're in the fire ALL the time, you just wanna be able to step out and cool yourself off -- just for a minute -- before someone calls you weak and worthless and thinks they're superior by virtue of vagina.
But... I'm going to march on. Keep running DMSI until I'm healed to the point that I can function without hate. I noticed that the first week of v2.4 was filled with abundance and prosperity. Lots of motivation. Whether I want to admit it or not, holding all this disdain and hate in my heart will only hold me back. So, for now, I'll suffer and keep fighting on.
Feeling similar thoughts as well, there is some sort of anger i have against my self like why do i have to go through all this? I thought this would be all over once i do my first AM6 run. I guess even you who did it twice feel the same way.
Even more women are still ghosting me to a lesser degree than v2.3 i mean even before subs there were mad signs of attraction with women now i have to litteraly do every goddamn thing to make it happen. One little mistake and its all over. Then you have to go back convincing your self of abundance when you have nothing to work with. The more work and subs i do, the more progress i make the more i realise how damn long this road is.
Edit: also i realise the more days go by, the weaker the aura gets.
09-11-2016, 01:35 PM
(09-11-2016, 11:29 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]But... I'm going to march on. Keep running DMSI until I'm healed to the point that I can function without hate. I noticed that the first week of v2.4 was filled with abundance and prosperity. Lots of motivation. Whether I want to admit it or not, holding all this disdain and hate in my heart will only hold me back. So, for now, I'll suffer and keep fighting on.
The thing that some guys haven't internalized is that you don't need to suffer. You probably already do this, but what I've chosen to do is if it's within my power to remove the source of an antagonism in my life I will do so since in my mind by that time I've rationalized that it's too detrimental to keep that source in my life and outweighs the supposed benefits. I hardly speak to my mother anymore, I don't actively seek out my brother, I've long since ended my "friendship" with that one blonde Russian one-itis, etc.
Self-sabotage notwithstanding, if you value continuing your relationship with #3, especially if you value it more than your relationship (fling?) with "L", the rational thing to do is break it off with "L".
09-12-2016, 06:52 AM
Another "weepy" day. Feeling a little down about the whole #3 situation. Not to mention that I'm coming down with a bit of a cold. My mind is cloudy, I feel confused. I've got a headache, but every now and again, I feel a "pulse" of euphoria shoot through me -- the DMSI morphine drip that I've talked about in earlier posts. Like, I can literally feel a "pulse," just before the hit.
Very introverted, don't want to leave the house. Crazy, insane dreams that I can't remember, just how terrifying they were. One had a horror movie feel to it. Something out of "American Horror Story." Don't exactly remember what happened, only that they were extremely vivid and very much violent. Needless to say, the healing modules are really working a number on me. This resistance feels so different than anything I experienced in two rounds of AM6. I don't know if it's the nature of 5.5G, or if the healing modules are really working on something deep. I suspect that it's a mixture of both. I'm so torn -- I want to connect with women, but I'm very much aware of the damage that the modern woman can inflict on the psyche. They seem to be a ball of lies, deceit and manipulation, blissfully aware of it while thinking it's normal.
Was talking to my baby mama yesterday. She was telling me about how she and her new husband -- a really stand up, "pinnacle of the community" type guy -- have no secrets. I chuckled, asked her if she told him about a number of sordid events that occurred in her past. Of course, she hasn't. And what's worse, she still hangs out with the men that were involved in said sordid events. So, her husband doesn't know that she still hangs out with a group of men that did every nasty thing you can think of to her. And the mental gymnastics she took to justify why it's okay was absolutely hilarious. And all I could think is -- I'm running this subliminal that's dragging me through hell and for what? To re-enter another relationship like this? If I were going to walk along a path of hot coals, it should be because I'm running BASE 5G or something.
But this has always been a recurring issue with me. When the going gets tough, I run away, or indulge in a bunch of hedonism to cope. So... I gotta see this through.
Anyway...
Sent the hail mary, "so what's your schedule looking like" text to #3. No response. Guess that's done. Consulted my close friends about the whole ordeal. They took a look at the texts that L sent and they said the texts weren't bad at all. It's much more likely that #3 went out Saturday night, met someone new and just decided to fade away.
I'm a pretty stoic, mentally and physically resilient person, but I will say that this shit kinda hurts. In the past, I've always just internalized that pain, wrapped it up in all that hatred I had for women and just it tossed away. But now, it's starting to dawn on me that no matter how far I run, sooner or later, that pain catches up you, and you'll have to face it one way or another.
So for now, I'll stick with healing and see where it takes me.
EDIT: Went to Cracker Barrel alone for breakfast this morning (that's something I NEVER do -- eat at a restaurant alone). All the women there are generally old white women (as Cracker Barrel is a southern-styled, "mama's cooking" restaurant). Usually, being a minority, I get treated a bit out of place. Today... was crazy. Was treated as if I were a celebrity. The hostess beaming, rushing to make sure I had the perfect seat. Being served almost immediately. Constant refills. Free upgrade on the fruit. Was nuts. When I left, the woman wasn't at the register. She yells across the restaurant -- I'm coming sir, so sorry -- and dashes across to serve me.
Very introverted, don't want to leave the house. Crazy, insane dreams that I can't remember, just how terrifying they were. One had a horror movie feel to it. Something out of "American Horror Story." Don't exactly remember what happened, only that they were extremely vivid and very much violent. Needless to say, the healing modules are really working a number on me. This resistance feels so different than anything I experienced in two rounds of AM6. I don't know if it's the nature of 5.5G, or if the healing modules are really working on something deep. I suspect that it's a mixture of both. I'm so torn -- I want to connect with women, but I'm very much aware of the damage that the modern woman can inflict on the psyche. They seem to be a ball of lies, deceit and manipulation, blissfully aware of it while thinking it's normal.
Was talking to my baby mama yesterday. She was telling me about how she and her new husband -- a really stand up, "pinnacle of the community" type guy -- have no secrets. I chuckled, asked her if she told him about a number of sordid events that occurred in her past. Of course, she hasn't. And what's worse, she still hangs out with the men that were involved in said sordid events. So, her husband doesn't know that she still hangs out with a group of men that did every nasty thing you can think of to her. And the mental gymnastics she took to justify why it's okay was absolutely hilarious. And all I could think is -- I'm running this subliminal that's dragging me through hell and for what? To re-enter another relationship like this? If I were going to walk along a path of hot coals, it should be because I'm running BASE 5G or something.
But this has always been a recurring issue with me. When the going gets tough, I run away, or indulge in a bunch of hedonism to cope. So... I gotta see this through.
Anyway...
Sent the hail mary, "so what's your schedule looking like" text to #3. No response. Guess that's done. Consulted my close friends about the whole ordeal. They took a look at the texts that L sent and they said the texts weren't bad at all. It's much more likely that #3 went out Saturday night, met someone new and just decided to fade away.
I'm a pretty stoic, mentally and physically resilient person, but I will say that this shit kinda hurts. In the past, I've always just internalized that pain, wrapped it up in all that hatred I had for women and just it tossed away. But now, it's starting to dawn on me that no matter how far I run, sooner or later, that pain catches up you, and you'll have to face it one way or another.
So for now, I'll stick with healing and see where it takes me.
EDIT: Went to Cracker Barrel alone for breakfast this morning (that's something I NEVER do -- eat at a restaurant alone). All the women there are generally old white women (as Cracker Barrel is a southern-styled, "mama's cooking" restaurant). Usually, being a minority, I get treated a bit out of place. Today... was crazy. Was treated as if I were a celebrity. The hostess beaming, rushing to make sure I had the perfect seat. Being served almost immediately. Constant refills. Free upgrade on the fruit. Was nuts. When I left, the woman wasn't at the register. She yells across the restaurant -- I'm coming sir, so sorry -- and dashes across to serve me.
09-12-2016, 07:12 AM
There is no delicate way to ask this.
Are you carpet bombing 2.4??
Are you carpet bombing 2.4??
09-12-2016, 07:17 AM
(09-12-2016, 07:12 AM)4Kingdoms Wrote: [ -> ]There is no delicate way to ask this.
Are you carpet bombing 2.4??
Not really. I do three to five loops -- back to back with an unbroken ASRB -- at night, depending on how I feel. This sub hits me HARD. Like, it wakes me up and I can't fall back asleep. Also, I've had this constant headache feeling in my head since I've started running it. The euphoria and the DMSI morphine drip, however, has keep the headache to a barely noticeable level. Like, the pain is gone but I can still feel the tension. So, sometimes, I'll only run three loops.
Every now again, I'll run a sixth loop. But, 95% of the time, I run DMSI according to the instructions. Five loops, no more, no less.
What made you ask?
09-12-2016, 07:21 AM
(09-12-2016, 07:17 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ](09-12-2016, 07:12 AM)4Kingdoms Wrote: [ -> ]There is no delicate way to ask this.
Are you carpet bombing 2.4??
Not really. I do three to five loops -- back to back with an unbroken ASRB -- at night, depending on how I feel. This sub hits me HARD. Like, it wakes me up and I can't fall back asleep. Also, I've had this constant headache feeling in my head since I've started running it. The euphoria and the DMSI morphine drip, however, has keep the headache to a barely noticeable level. Like, the pain is gone but I can still feel the tension. So, sometimes, I'll only run three loops.
Every now again, I'll run a sixth loop. But, 95% of the time, I run DMSI according to the instructions. Five loops, no more, no less.
What made you ask?
You have highs and lows. One extreme to the other. So I was wondering if you increased the loops to get past the resistance.
By the way... your friends that told you #3 moved on, great friends - they could have made it sound worse than it really is. I think she needs time to process what is going on with her life, namely you. Me thinks she will be back!!
09-12-2016, 07:25 AM
(09-12-2016, 07:21 AM)4Kingdoms Wrote: [ -> ](09-12-2016, 07:17 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ](09-12-2016, 07:12 AM)4Kingdoms Wrote: [ -> ]There is no delicate way to ask this.
Are you carpet bombing 2.4??
Not really. I do three to five loops -- back to back with an unbroken ASRB -- at night, depending on how I feel. This sub hits me HARD. Like, it wakes me up and I can't fall back asleep. Also, I've had this constant headache feeling in my head since I've started running it. The euphoria and the DMSI morphine drip, however, has keep the headache to a barely noticeable level. Like, the pain is gone but I can still feel the tension. So, sometimes, I'll only run three loops.
Every now again, I'll run a sixth loop. But, 95% of the time, I run DMSI according to the instructions. Five loops, no more, no less.
What made you ask?
You have highs and lows. One extreme to the other. So I was wondering if you increased the loops to get past the resistance.
By the way... your friends that told you #3 moved on, great friends - they could have made it sound worse than it really is. I think she needs time to process what is going on with her life, namely you. Me thinks she will be back!!
lol, brother -- just noticed that you're a fellow INTP. You know how we can be. Tend to be at z...e r...o... or MANIC!!!!
09-12-2016, 08:29 AM
(09-10-2016, 01:04 PM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]PS -- it should be law that every man read Sick's post on being a man. Good work on that, one of the best posts I've read in awhile.
Dont see it, mind linking to it ?
09-12-2016, 08:53 AM
(09-12-2016, 08:29 AM)RubbeR Wrote: [ -> ](09-10-2016, 01:04 PM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]PS -- it should be law that every man read Sick's post on being a man. Good work on that, one of the best posts I've read in awhile.
Dont see it, mind linking to it ?
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-7549-p...#pid130970
09-12-2016, 09:20 AM
SUPER, SUPER hungry today. Absolutely ravenous. I haven't stopped eating since I got up. The more I eat, the better I begin to feel. I think it's more than just the aura generation that's causing the hunger. It's helping with the resistance, so maybe 5.5g is placing more demands on my body.
09-12-2016, 09:53 AM
Anyone else getting random, but crazy rock hard erections?
Is this the surprise? Again, I suspect it's some kind of bed mastery. I did notice some... "sexual theatrics" I engaged in with "L," but I assumed it was just me being in the moment.
Is this the surprise? Again, I suspect it's some kind of bed mastery. I did notice some... "sexual theatrics" I engaged in with "L," but I assumed it was just me being in the moment.
09-12-2016, 10:48 AM
v2.4 is DEFINITELY doing something under the hood. The resistance / sadness over #3 is fading really fast.
Was at the store buying some food. Got to the register, didn't even realize that I was singing and dancing to the song playing until the clerk (brunette, 6.5/10) look at me with this really dreamy look and smile.
Stopped when I realized she was looking at me. She began to blush and stammer, saying: "No, no -- don't stop, you've got an amazing singing voice." She then proceeded to start rambling on about a bunch of crap while staring into my eyes and smiling.
Solid hit.
Was at the store buying some food. Got to the register, didn't even realize that I was singing and dancing to the song playing until the clerk (brunette, 6.5/10) look at me with this really dreamy look and smile.
Stopped when I realized she was looking at me. She began to blush and stammer, saying: "No, no -- don't stop, you've got an amazing singing voice." She then proceeded to start rambling on about a bunch of crap while staring into my eyes and smiling.
Solid hit.