I'm posting a lot, but that's because I want to keep an accurate record, both online and offline (for various purposes) of what's happening.
This resistance is weird. I've never felt anything like it before. And my internal sensations are also weird. Usually, when I have resistance like this, the aura vanishes. It's just gone until the resistance is over. This time, it feels like the resistance and aura are fighting for domination. I'll feel the aura project, get super motivated and kill it for about 20 minutes, then the resistance comes back and I'm down again. This has been going on all day. I'm also REALLY hungry and I'm craving sugary foods, as if the sub is demanding the energy. I've been spamming the hell out of L-Glutamine as a response (the body processes it like glucose, except it provides better, cleaner energy).
I'm not sure if the clearing modules are tearing through multiple issues or if this is just one stubborn ass issue that won't go away. Whatever's happening, I get the sense that it's doing something major. There is a breakthrough coming. I'm excited. Hopefully, it's cleared by Thursday's date, although I'm more excited about Saturday. Beautiful, clear chocolate skin. Amazing smile. Beautiful lips. Will have fun with that one. Unless she flakes. Gotta be careful setting a date 5 days out like that. If someone "better" comes along, she'll bail.
Resistance became so overwhelming that I had to run another loop of DMSI just to get some relief. Although, I have a theory that I'm just REALLY REALLY REALLY hungry and it's being masked from me, so I'm gonna eat some food and see if that helps.
Sub might be causing some crazy inner changes and I'm just not giving my body enough fuel to support what's going on.
EDIT: BTW, I bought a new set of headphones, a $300 pair with included microphone (for when I record eCourses) and it seems like DMSI kicked in quicker and smoother. Perhaps sound quality DOES matter.
Aaaaaannnd all that pent up rage and anger just came out at my mother. Total explosion. Shit was ridiculous. I had absolutely no control of myself and I was just going off about shit. Stuff from childhood that I'm really not going to get into.
Oddly enough... I feel so much better, even though she's threatening to never speak to me again, a threat I ignored. I do kinda need my parents to watch my kid while I work, but I've survived worse. I'll survive this.
Lancing the boil hurts, but it's what works.
Hey Chaos how does the sniping effect work for you, and how do we utilize it? Do you have to something or is is 100% automatic?
(09-28-2016, 02:22 AM)Kurohawk Wrote: [ -> ]Hey Chaos how does the sniping effect work for you, and how do we utilize it? Do you have to something or is is 100% automatic?
Kurohawk: As of right now, yes. It's completely automatic. I do feel a powerful, undeniable intuitive pull toward a woman that's been sniped, though. It's like I just know she's super attracted to me and I'm really attracted to her. I haven't tried "willing" attraction into existence yet. Too much resistance the past few days.
Day 6 or so of the depressive resistance. It's significantly lessened, but still there. I have no desire to go out and be social. Just wanna sit at home and sleep. I feel weak and "beta," like I have no will of my own and everyone else is impressing their will upon me. Went out last night, couldn't even hold eye contact, although I did end partially hooking up (got head, went down on her) with an old jump off that I ran into. I'm sure DMSI helped, but to be honest, I was so detached that I didn't even try to monitor the situation for field reporting purposes.
I have a strong urge to run the AM6 refresher. Like Kurohawk said, it feels like I'm not grounded, that my frame is weak. Sometimes, it takes a few hours after waking up and eating for my mood to improve, but I can still feel it -- the resistance, the emotional pain, lingering.
Interesting that everyone wants to run AM6 in response to this. But now is not the time.
I'm not stopping any time soon. I feel that v2.4 is making identity level changes and that's where the loss of being "grounded" is coming from. Our core identities are changing so quickly that we're having to consciously play catch up. From my standpoint, at this moment, I literally don't know who I am or what I stand for.
I found myself having some odd thoughts in regards to politics last night. Not gonna discuss this and I'm only bringing it up because it's useful data -- now that much of my disdain for women has been cleared, I find myself looking at Hillary as an actual viable candidate. When before, I immediately and completely dismissed her. I'm not saying I'm voting for her, but I'm actually paying attention to her platform. Find ACTUAL reasons to dislike her other than the fact that she's a woman.
Again, no arguments over that statement and don't look too much into it. I'm actually rather uninterested in politics. Just noting that my immediate hate and disdain for her has began to subside and if I end up really disliking it, it'll be because I feel she's truly unfit to be a leader, not on virtue of -- "ew, woman."
(09-28-2016, 06:49 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]I'm not stopping any time soon. I feel that v2.4 is making identity level changes and that's where the loss of being "grounded" is coming from. Our core identities are changing so quickly that we're having to consciously play catch up. From my standpoint, at this moment, I literally don't know who I am or what I stand for.
Shit, that's how I feel most of the time. :/
At least with hate I had something to ground me.
(09-28-2016, 06:53 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ] (09-28-2016, 06:49 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]I'm not stopping any time soon. I feel that v2.4 is making identity level changes and that's where the loss of being "grounded" is coming from. Our core identities are changing so quickly that we're having to consciously play catch up. From my standpoint, at this moment, I literally don't know who I am or what I stand for.
Shit, that's how I feel most of the time. :/
At least with hate I had something to ground me.
I know what you mean. In my Pre-AM6 days, I was a fearsome fighter at the dojo. That's because I'd deliberately let all the anger and rage from the past week build up and then I'd unleash it while sparring. AM6 got rid of so much anger that I started getting my ass handed to me while fighting because I no longer had that anger to fuel me. Took a while to shift over to wanting to win out of a quest for excellence.
(09-28-2016, 07:11 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ] (09-28-2016, 06:53 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ] (09-28-2016, 06:49 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]I'm not stopping any time soon. I feel that v2.4 is making identity level changes and that's where the loss of being "grounded" is coming from. Our core identities are changing so quickly that we're having to consciously play catch up. From my standpoint, at this moment, I literally don't know who I am or what I stand for.
Shit, that's how I feel most of the time. :/
At least with hate I had something to ground me.
I know what you mean. In my Pre-AM6 days, I was a fearsome fighter at the dojo. That's because I'd deliberately let all the anger and rage from the past week build up and then I'd unleash it while sparring. AM6 got rid of so much anger that I started getting my ass handed to me while fighting because I no longer had that anger to fuel me. Took a while to shift over to wanting to win out of a quest for excellence.
Well at least you made the switch.
I wonder what my switch with women will be.
Feeling a lack of grounding and loss of identity makes a lot of sense. The upheaval is more massive than people are truly prepared for. I think that's why there's a lot of comments from people wanting to quit, run a healing-free version (for some that's the case, not saying all), or having a desire to run AM6.
Seriously, people should be aware of what they're getting themselves into. These new generation programs are like subconscious-quakes - 8.0 on the Richter scale!
Just because it's mostly hidden by the subconscious, doesn't mean it's not incredibly powerful. It's about like halving or quartering the minimum turning radius of the Titanic.