Subliminal Talk

Urge to quit DMSI is strong. Very strong. I almost fired up the AM6 refresher. Like Wolverine, the urge to look at porn is incredible -- and that's something I very RARELY do, haven't done in over a year. Real wtf moment. I don't like porn. Can't stand it. I really hate the professional stuff, and the homemade amateur stuff is really stupid too. Like, guys looking into the camera, moaning louder than the women, idiots blasting shitty music over the sounds. Fuckers think they're the next Tarantino.

So yeah.

About to head to bed even though I'm full of energy. The crazy business motivation is dropping. I feel like my dopamine levels are plummeting. Having to rely on Molecule F (a pheromone) to be super productive.

I'm hoping these are side effects of the healing modules hitting at some really deep fears. I was feeling amazing a few days ago. Then today... just sorta start heading south again. Logic dictates that this is resistance, considering this is what ALWAYS happens. But... the sneaky subconscious is trying to convince me that I should quit or switch to another sub.

On the flipside, I feel like I'm getting my edge back. Yes, I know -- weird, right? Feeling down and unmotivated, yet at the same time, feeling the restoration of my edge? It's a crazy feeling. One that can only be caused by the shifting of views.

I do miss that sense of incredible power and groundedness that I had after finishing AM6.

Rescheduled my date with "P," really pretty black woman with an amazing body for Wednesday. She has that submissive look, plus she's really eager to meet me. On another note, I flaked on this chick last week because she was being weird on text. Like, texting me incessantly. Saying "poopy" and other childish things. Then... I stumbled across her Instagram. Wow. Chick was crazy fucking hot. Wonder why she didn't put those pics on her profile. Here's the thing: I wonder if it was OE or autopilot that convinced me to flake. I did it so naturally that it was insane. Wasn't like I sat down and debated whether or not to flake. When it was time to get ready, I grabbed my boxing gear and ran out the door instead. Wasn't until later that I was like... oh shit, I flaked on that chick.

But man, that ass. That fucking ass. Was tempted to text her today, but changed my mind. Also have some really cute girls that I matched with on Tinder... but I feel afraid to connect with them. C'mon v2.4. Bring back that power I had in the beginning.

It can't be a coincidence we all want to run AM6 again, the healing must be dealing with really deep sh1t. Unlike you guys i have zero desire to watch porn though.

My main issue could be hesitation to pull the trigger, like all those rejections and failures with women convinced me that it's impossible. Even thou im as ready as i've ever been.

I fiqured out my weak point thou. Thats a start

I think I'm the only one who doesn't have the urge to do AM6. I'm more keen on attraction subs. I even considered NSFM, but no point as it is going into 3.0.x anyway. The healing in 2.4 is doing a great job. But I wonder, how much longer of healing do we need?

Not that much urge for porn here, but for masturbating.

(10-02-2016, 06:51 AM)wolverine_i_am Wrote: [ -> ]But I wonder, how much longer of healing do we need?

That's the million dollar question

I've been hitting some fierce resistance around the one-month listening mark, too. Stuff's getting fixed that's very deep inside, I guess. Feeling much better now, though. I probably would have been tempted to switch subs, too, but there aren't any that would match any of my current goals as well as DMSI does, so I'm sticking to it (maybe US/LM combo, but really, I've been so spoiled by the new technologies I'd rather stick with them). I don't really mind healing for extended periods of time - as long as it takes. Spannugsbogen, my Internet friends!

(10-02-2016, 06:51 AM)wolverine_i_am Wrote: [ -> ]But I wonder, how much longer of healing do we need?

There is part of you that remembers every single thing that has happened in your life. It is possible that DMSI will clear out ALL of the issues that prevent you from achieving the goals of DMSI.

How many and how arduous they are, only your subconscious will know that. The goal is consistent execution of the autopilot to achieve the goals of DMSI most likely. Anything that gets in the way is mercilessly removed given the proper time.

You didn't get to where you are currently based on a few experiences, there are piles and piles of baggage that "justify" your current situation, which is most likely, created by you in one form or another.

The subconscious has this nasty way of creating negative self filling prophecies if you let it.

If your goal is to get laid, DMSI will get you there, but probably on the road you wouldn't have taken if you had known what you'd be walking through.

Anyways, that's my opinion on the matter.

Day 29.

Interesting day today. Had some violent dreams last night that I don't remember. Woke up this morning feeling tired and irritated. Only had about 4 hours of sleep before I had to head off to a family outing that I couldn't get out of. I've felt this underlying sense of fear for awhile now. Felt like I've lost my edge, like AM6 is fading. The more I monitored my behavior and thought patterns, though, the more I realized that it's not "fading," it's settling in and becoming reality. It's not "foreign programming" on top of old faulty programming. It's "REAL," if that makes any sense.

The family outing was a lot bigger than I anticipated. A lot of "friends of friends" showed up -- many of them beautiful women that were unrelated to me. I took that opportunity to see how DMSI fared. Now, keep in mind that this isn't really a place that I could really approach and do any kind of game. It'd be quite uncouth. However... that didn't stop DMSI from affecting / sniping the hell out of a ton of the women there. I mean, it was kind of ridiculous. Every woman that walked by kept shooting me these bewildered glances, like, "wtf IS this person?" Guys kept doing it too. Clearly had a celebrity vibe.

Not gonna lie, my ego swelled to insane heights. I had women finding reasons to sit beside me, rub their legs against me, particularly this one beautiful, submissive woman -- who I found out was married and her husband was there. We kept eye-fucking each other the entire time.

I also had this older, but very attractive woman come up behind me and literally place both her hands on my waist to "guide me" out of way. I laughed, because that's usually what men do to women in the club. Very blatant IOI.

THE BIGGEST HIT, though...

There was this one tall, younger black woman, very beautiful smile. Like seriously, that shit reminded me of how Nick Carroway described his first encounter with Jay Gatsby:

Quote:He smiled understandingly–much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced–or seemed to face–the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistable prejudice in your favor. It understood you just so far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey.

She was wearing this super tight blue dress, amazing body. I walked over to grab Sunkist and I literally feel someone staring at me. I turn around, we meet eyes. And she just bursts into laughter. At first, I was like, wtf. Then I realized that she wasn't laughing at me, she was laughing at whatever she was feeling. Then she goes, "I think you might be the most handsome man I've ever met."

So, I laugh and honestly, I don't remember what I said back. Between my exhaustion (look at my last posting, 3am and I was back up at 7am) and the autopilot, I was just chatting. I ended up getting her number. Didn't care what anyone thought. Shit, she might be a distant cousin, IDGAF. That fucking ass was to die for and I have every intention of depositing some lifejuice in her.

She also insisted on taking a selfie with me and posting it to Facebook. Was really weird. I remember looking at the picture and thinking, DAMN I LOOK GOOD. Like, my skin looked amazing. Like I was glowing. I know part of it is my facial mix (before bed: alpha hydroxy, fade cream, followed by a healthy slathering of cocoa butter), but it's also a perceptive thing. I'm holding myself in a much higher regard.

Also, I thought my business motivation was gone, but I came home, sprayed a shot of Molecule F and did the damn thing today. Gotta keep telling myself that it's a slow and steady process. Doesn't mean it'll take 50 years, but I gotta enjoy the journey. I'm trying to move too fast and because of that, I'm not making smart business decisions.

All in all, pretty good day. I am curious as to how I'd respond to v2.3 -- REALLY miss the internal feeling. However, I'm going to push on with v2.4 until Shannon says he has enough data (or, unless the clearing gets to the short circuit point). Then, I might try v2.3 again... just curious.

Day 30.

5 loops. Masked. We're coming up on the 32 day mark. Many changes have occurred, so many that I can't even begin to count. I'm exhausted today. Having a hard time constructing sentences. We know what that means. There's some deep changes stirring within me.

Today, I realized that I have such a deeply ingrained fear of failure that I have all kinds of avoidance behaviors that manifests whenever I'm subconsciously afraid of something.

I have to write a short bio to send to the radio station, and as I sat down to write it, I was gripped by this feeling of terror -- as if there's something wrong about acknowledging and writing down my accomplishments. I realize that I have a tendency to downplay my talents. People tend to get jealous of me when they see what I'm capable of. They'll attempt to control me somehow. By placing bullshit restrictions on me, or threatening to withdraw their friendship / support / whatever. In the past, I've just given in and let them have it their way, since I never really cared that much. Now I realize how many prime opportunities I've missed out on by being so passive.

So, on this day, I acknowledge this fear of success, of having self-confidence, of holding myself in high regard. I acknowledge these fears and I vow to surpass them. To push on. To become something great.

EDIT: Ironically, writing this was one of those avoidance behaviors. Gonna write that bio now.

(10-03-2016, 08:13 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]I realize that I have a tendency to downplay my talents. People tend to get jealous of me when they see what I'm capable of. They'll attempt to control me somehow. By placing ***** restrictions on me, or threatening to withdraw their friendship / support / whatever. In the past, I've just given in and let them have it their way, since I never really cared that much. Now I realize how many prime opportunities I've missed out on by being so passive.

Shit man, I have the same thing. ESPECIALLY with my family. :/

Keeping myself hidden away hasn't really done anything positive for me tho.

(10-03-2016, 08:20 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]

(10-03-2016, 08:13 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]I realize that I have a tendency to downplay my talents. People tend to get jealous of me when they see what I'm capable of. They'll attempt to control me somehow. By placing ***** restrictions on me, or threatening to withdraw their friendship / support / whatever. In the past, I've just given in and let them have it their way, since I never really cared that much. Now I realize how many prime opportunities I've missed out on by being so passive.

Shit man, I have the same thing. ESPECIALLY with my family. :/

Keeping myself hidden away hasn't really done anything positive for me tho.

Damn that's me to a T. Crazy to have your own beliefs staring back at you, coming from another person. Thats really why I continue writing, just so others can know they're not alone with this kind of stuff.

That ***** ass was to die for and I have every intention of depositing some lifejuice in her.

Chaos. Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy reading your posts. Not only for the information within, but also for their entertainment value. I don't know if it's because I read them from the perspective of not being an Anglophone. But to be frank, you crack me up man. Keep going.

Chaos how do you see the sniping effect targeting multiple women at the same time? Does it snipe 1 at a time or does it snipe all at once? Any issues with hunger/tiredness from doing so?

(10-03-2016, 05:29 PM)bits Wrote: [ -> ]Chaos how do you see the sniping effect targeting multiple women at the same time? Does it snipe 1 at a time or does it snipe all at once? Any issues with hunger/tiredness from doing so?

I'm not sure if it was really sniping multiple women. I think they were getting hit with the baseline, mixed with the fact that I was fueling the aura with lots of soft drinks and alcohol, lol. The only one that was sniped (in my opinion) was the gorgeous black chick.

I've been struggling lately with hunger and tiredness. Sleeping ten - twelve hours a day. Eating an insane amount of food. On the the flipside, I've been boxing my ass off too. Lots and lots of conditioning. That's probably contributing to the hunger and tiredness.