The program is designed to snipe by feature attractiveness. If you don't have the energy to snipe all targets, it will prioritize the highest value targets and then give whatever is left over to the rest.
Day 31.
Woke up with intense tension headache. We know what that means. RESISTANCE. The depression and irritation will soon follow. This is getting crazy. I've been in a state of semi-resistance for about three weeks now. Probably more -- the first week, I was hit with constant euphoria and the DMSI morphine drip, which sadly, has now passed. I'm wondering if that was the interaction between v2.3 and v2.4. On the flipside, I feel hyper-sexual today. Got the urge to message dirty things to chicks on Tinder. Feels like the autopilot is guiding me to do such things.
Also, manifestations are high. Getting a lot of "wild child" women hitting me up on OkCupid. I've come to the conclusion that I may be resisting DMSI because I'm not really that interested in just sex right now... feels like I want a relationship. However, that may be neediness being ripped out of my psyche, because at the same time, I value my freedom so much that I can't fathom being in a relationship.
So for now, gonna keep running v2.4 and see what happens. Date tomorrow with "P." Very beautiful, sexy woman from The Gambia.
Update: Something is passing. It's days like this that I absolutely love DMSI. I feel amazing. Powerful. My drive and thirst for power (as defined by Sickologist as the ability to make things happen) is skyrocketing. It feels like years and years of terrible programming that was holding me back has been stripped away for $114.95 and 31 days. Can't wait for v3. The Overcoming Approach Anxiety is going to rock. Honestly, that's probably my biggest holdup to achieving MSI at the moment. I get tons of IOIs, but unless the atmosphere is just right, I won't approach. I know it's some kind of manifestation of fear. If I could suggest two features to add to v3 -- remove all fear of rejection and/or failure and somehow eliminate the negative feelings associated with it. And somehow, add ultra motivation and tailor it toward motivate us into taking action as soon as we notice the opportunity. Ultra sex motivation.
For example, I went to Office Max to grab some supplies. Ran into Monica again. I've mentioned her in earlier journals. She's this young, lithe, very pretty Mexican / Indian mix. We've flirted before... but she's 16. Well, when I went today, the moment I walked in, she smiled and waved from across the entire store. At the register, we were chatting and she made sure to tell me that she's just been accepted into the local university and that she just had her birthday. I asked how old she was (even though I knew) and she said 17. Then she chuckled, quietly said "almost legal."
That was clearly my time to strike. But, still not used to being hit on so much, mixed with that weird approach anxiety (in my head, I'm in a "work" mode, not a "seduction" mode, so the time isn't "right"), I just laughed and said...
...
...
...
"... yeah."
Like, seriously. The lamest fucking line ever. And it soooooooo killed the sexual tension. She just kept kinda looking at me like, "are you fucking serious, bro? What do I have to say to make you pound my lil' pussy into hamburger meat?"
I've gotta get out of my head. I think it's killing the autopilot. These "modes" are ridiculous. For me to get on Tinder / OkCupid and start hitting women up, I usually have to "prep" for it. Like, grab some food. Turn on a tv show that'll play in the background. Kick back in my recliner. THEN, when I'm relaxed, I can "shift into seduction mode." When my mind is on work, it's just on work. And I'm missing out on opportunities. Gotta fix this. If she wants me to bang her 'til her fucking urethra explodes, I'll do it.
... if I can ever get the fuck out of my head. When I was younger, I didn't have that problem. My favorite thing was fucking a chick so hard that she'd comment how she felt it in her stomach. Or, banging her until she was only capable of babbling and giggling for minutes, only to blissfully fall asleep in a swamp of jizz, sweat and p-juice.
Wtf happened? How did I lose that edge?
I was close to switching back to v2.3 because I really wanted those internal effects, but logic is telling me that it's just resistance. Clever, the subconscious is.
Marching on.
I know what you mean about the "modes". I've lost more than a few girls that were almost begging for my dick back in my pick up days because, at the time of them responding, I was in "approach girls mode". I think we need to develop what GLL calls "killer instinct". As in, when a girl is giving signals, we immediately respond to the fact that "shit just got real" lol.
And yeah, thinking kills things too. Gotta flow.
Yeah, I'm sure I will once this healing thing is over. Just had a wave of resistance hit. I put my fist through the wall and cursed out a friend (the same one known for throwing verbal pot shots) over something stupid he said last night. I ignored it then, but it definitely came out now.
A few years ago, he spent an entire year weaponizing our friendship. If I didn't act the way he wanted me to act, he would withdraw and try to cut me out of his social circle. He would also constantly try to AMOG me. AM6 fixed that. Whenever he tried, I metaphorically bitch slapped him.
Well, after he came to visit a few weeks ago, he started acting different. It was our first time interacting in person. Something shifted now that he's left. He's testing me. So, I bitch slapped him.
No time for games.
Doesn't sound like much of a friend.
Yeah, why even bother with someone like that? Waste of time and energy.
Ditto. I decided today to remember Mark Manson's (Models) advice and follow a FUCK YEAH! rule. If a person isn't like FUCK YEAH because you're in their life, tell 'em to fuck off.
I just had to lay the law down on a female "friend" that tried to beta shame me over text for a joke. I told her: "Get that PC shit out of here, chick. Change my name to TRIGGER WARNING in your phone if words hurt you that much."
I can't tell if this is resistance, or if AM6 code is being unlocked, or if DMSI is doing something to my personality.
I kinda fucking like it, though.
Set Tolerance_For_Bullshit.Value = 0:
If [BullshitMeter.Value > 0] then EJECT
(10-04-2016, 08:41 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]Wtf happened? How did I lose that edge?
I think it only appears you lost your edge. I think what happened is you lost the reason for having that edge. I'm guessing you were angry at women and that's how it was presenting. The reason I'm guessing that is because there have been a number of healing modules that would probably address anger.
Now can you still have the edge after you are healed? Why not? Same behavior (same edge) but with a different motivation or intention.
Resistance today. Extremely, EXTREMELY fatigued. And this has been happening a lot lately. The other day, I slept for 11 hours. I know the insane conditioning I've been doing for boxing (I'm thinking of having a few amateur fights in mid 2017) is contributing, but man. This is crazy. Speaking of conditioning, I wonder if MHS would help with recovery... so I could train more. Sorta like a virtual steroid. Should possibly consider making MHS 5.5g and marketing it to athletes in that manner.
YOU'RE WELCOME, SHANNON
Anyway, the fatigue hasn't been this bad since AM6. Good news is, the DMSI morphine drip returned. I can feel the "headache" in the background -- best way I can explain it -- while the euphoria covers it up. I still just wanna sleep. As a result, I've gotten minimal work done today, and it's kind of a crunch time. Got a few products that need to come out soon that I'm probably going to have to push back. Puts finances in a bind, but I'll survive.
Going out with "P" tonight. Beautiful black woman from The Gambia. Amazing smile, awesome curves. Has that "submissive" look. You ever seen those women that you KNOW has that good pussy? Yeah, she's one of them. If I can push through this resistance, I'm definitely going for the lay. Problem is, I'm so exhausted that I almost considered flaking. Then I realized that this flaking habit is probably a fear and that I need to push through.
My personality is evolving. I realize that the edge is still there, it's just sharp as a blade, cut like a diamond. Before, it was like a blunt instrument, just bashing away at anything that pissed me off. Now, it's only unsheathed when it needs to be, to let people know that I'm not to be fucked with.
Female "friend" from before is still trying to shame me for something I said. Got angry when I told her to change my name in her phone to "Trigger Warning" if it bothers her so bad.
Her response: "IDK to whom you're speaking with this shit." (Trying to exalt herself above me with the "who do you think you're talking to" crap.)
My response: "#DidILieTho" (Subtext: Fuck your feelings. Realz over feelz.)
Euphoria is a side effect of overcoming resistance with DMSI and headache is a side effect of resistance. Very interesting that you felt them both at once. That's telling, and that may be the cause of your exhaustion: You have a beastly engine under the hood, and it's got the brakes on full at the same time the throttle is wide open... you're fighting yourself on something. Hardcore.
If I had to guess, the clearing modules are attempting to heal my extreme distrust and disdain for women. This morning, I caught my mind dwelling on the 9-month dead bedroom relationship I engaged in (for way too long) back in like... 2008. I became really angry, not just at her, but at myself. Like, wtf was I doing. There was even a time when I coerced sex out of her by overplaying my reaction to a family tragedy. I had a cousin die horribly. But, I'm a cold mofo and didn't really know him -- he was my older siblings' generation. And I moped around the apartment until she decided to sleep with me. And she totally patted herself on the back for it, like she had done something.
This is why I get so annoyed at CatMan for his, "zomg, you're successful with wimmenz" mess. I allowed myself to take a lot of shit from them, to the point that I developed an alter ego that could easily get laid, but only through emotional abuse of myself and my target. It wasn't healthy at all. My favorite kinds of relationships -- whether it ends up as purely sexual or something more -- are the ones that are FUN. Flirting is supposed to be fun and laid back. Where the woman gives just enough push back to make the chase exciting, but never enough to be aggravating or obnoxious. I LOVE those experiences. But I was on a level that only a few people will understand. I was (metaphorically) stalking women like prey, manipulating the shit out of them, banging them and then doing shit like telling their boyfriends, or letting everyone know how much a :ho" they are.
AKA -- A waste of fucking energy.
Right now, I'm in another one of those, "I don't want anything to do with women" attitudes. I keep oscillating between that and going all in, making shit happen with them. So, the clearing modules are cutting deep right now, clearly. Hitting those really personal things, the things that I've allowed define me for far too long.
I hope the estimate that the clearing takes six weeks is true. I'm ready for all this to be come and for reality to bend and conform to a better, brighter paradigm.
(10-05-2016, 12:31 PM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]I hope the estimate that the clearing takes six weeks is true. I'm ready for all this to be come and for reality to bend and conform to a better, brighter paradigm.
You and me both on those above points! Some days I wake up and think "When is this ^&*$% healing going to end?! When will it be over and done with?! I'm tired of healing I want those sexy results!"
I, too, have had distrust of women. "How can I trust what they say when often they just say whatever they do in the moment based on keeping rapport or saying what they think people want to hear? How can I trust they will follow through with what they say, like showing up? How can I trust they will consider me and my preferences if I get involved with them? etc."
These and more are all things I've tried to push out of my mind and they keep coming back again and again and again with this program. I've got no words of wisdom and no answers. Just more humility and more questions.