Regardless of what anyone says... I will use (or at least try) good suggestions, and otherwise do what I conclude is the best way forward. But ultimately, the goal cannot be forgotten in the chatter.
Day... 20 or something.
The main resistance has passed. I still feel crazy tired and a little down, so it looks like the healing modules aren't done with me yet. It's definitely clearing something deep. I'm reverting to OLD, OLD habits, like wanting to fap to porn. Binge eating unhealthy foods. Lots of anger toward women, wanting nothing to do with them. Lack of motivation. A large contrast to my earlier v2.4 experiences.
I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever reach a point where the healing modules "short circuit." So many bad experiences and terrible choices. Came from such a low place. Seems pointless.
Seems pointless right now, but we both know it's not. That's the part of you who doesn't want to deal with this and move on. You'll probably find that as the healing continues, the stuff being healed is from further and further back. Soon you'll be railing against 3 year old girls for stealing your sandwich.
(09-25-2016, 06:03 PM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]L-Glutamine
ALCAR
Uridine
Fish Oil
B-Vitamin Complex
Don't know what ALCAR and Uridine is, but how much do you take of the others?
10g of L-Glutamine.
Fish Oil... like 1200mg
B-Vitamin Complex, not sure. Two pills.
ALCAR and Uridine are nootropics. When combined, they create an amazing synergistic effect.
Tonight, was so frustrated with my performance at boxing. At first. We sparred FOR REAL for the first time. The first fight, I got overwhelmed with the person I fought (who has been boxing for years) and ended up throwing in the towel. The coach even made a crack at me, said that the fire in my eyes was gone and I should go home.
Something in me snapped. I ended up staying. Said I wanted to fight again. The second fight, I did much better. Landed some really strong jabs and a left hook that almost took my opponent out. Third fight, even better. The fourth and final fight, I ended up sparring against the dude that took me out the first time. He landed some nice body shots, but this time, I worked the hell out of the ring and landed some super solid combos.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say the autopilot kicked in, as there were some attractive women watching us spar. The next time we spar, I'm going to do A LOT better. Gonna be ready. Thanks to DMSI, I didn't give up tonight.
This also gave me an idea that Shannon could possibly use to make his millions. Autopilot for professional fighters and athletes. Train their subconscious and intuition to take over in a fight and use its foresight to win fights and other matches.
Also, got two dates this week -- one Thursday with a 6.5/10 skinny blonde... although she has a kid, so that drops her down to a 4.5 (I normally don't date single moms, but this girl is sooooo sweet and submissive). Saturday, going out with a 7.5 black chick. She reminds me of #3 since they're both African. But... I gotta forget about that chick. I kinda miss her, but whatever.
Strong urges to run AM6 today, especially after throwing in the towel on that first fight. I'm so pissed off about that. But, that's the difference between a man and a boy. I'm going to pick myself back up, fight again and make sure that never fucking happens again.
ACSMA (which is responsible for Autopilot) will be in almost everything from here on out - at least, everything it is appropriate for.
(09-26-2016, 06:26 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]ACSMA (which is responsible for Autopilot) will be in almost everything from here on out - at least, everything it is appropriate for.
It's getting to the point now that I'm not feeling the autopilot "kick in." At first, I'd feel a distinct shift in my personality. Now, I'm just doing and saying things that are a bit out of character.
For example, my Saturday night date lives in a city about 45 minutes from me. I'm not familiar with the area at all. In the past, I would've spent forever on Yelp looking for a place because RAWR I'M THE MAN. This time, I told her to choose, then I gave her exact specifications on what I'm looking for... and then I told her what to wear, rofl.
Straight up said I want a lounge, somewhere with a nice, romantic ambiance where we can talk and get a specialty cocktail (that's my thing right now). Said I wanted her in a tight little black dress (those things really do me in). She replies, "Okay
And I know of a few places." It wasn't until after I sent it that I was like, lol. Autopilot.
Really hate to triple post, but I had the oddest thing just happen. Has to be the sub. So -- when I'm working on a big project, I have this weird ritual. I don't shave or cut my hair (I cut my own hair) until I'm finished. It's like I'm starting anew. Since I'm working on a number of projects, I was letting it grow out. Was gonna shave it on Thursday, day of my first date for this week.
About 45 minutes ago, my hair and face started itching unbearably. I mean, it was absolutely crazy. Never happened before. Got so bad that I decided to cut my hair and shave tonight. When I did, I realized that around my mustache, I have this... dry, weird flaky skin thing? Like psoriasis, but not. I was like, wtf is this, then I remember that I had this once as a child. It's some kind of hereditary thing. Takes a day or two to clear up if you use Alpha Hydroxy face cream, which I keep on hand.
So, I cleaned my face and applied the alpha hydroxy. Feels better already. Thing is, if I didn't shave today, I would've had to cancel my date, because there's no way was going out with my skin flaking like that. Autopilot / sub, causing the itching so I'd shave today (thus giving me time to fix this) or coincidence?
Day 4 of this depressive resistance. That "what's this all for" feeling. Feeling weak. "Beta." Like everyone's out to get me, like everyone's disrespecting me. Very, very low self-esteem. I think that's what the healing modules are working on. Self-esteem issues. Feeling like I should quit boxing because I'll never hang with the younger, testosterone filled guys. Like they're going to use me for target practice, joke and laugh at me after class. Just wanna get in bed, hide under the covers and sleep forever.
Really stupid shit, because I'm an excellent fighter once I learn the nuances. Since I'm not a "natural," it takes a bit for me to grasp the principles, then it's on.
Usually, I get the urge to switch to another sub, like AM6. This time, I'm getting the urge to quit subs all together.
But... I'm going to keep pushing on. I want all of this weakness gone.
watch out for the sneaky "maybe ill get better results with x if I run y first and then come back to this sub"
I think Chaos is far more aware than to fall for that.
(09-26-2016, 06:24 PM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]10g of L-Glutamine.
No wonder I didn't notice anything. I have 1,5g capsules.
Going through some serious emotional pain. I just want to sleep. Not do anything. Headache setting in. It's taking every bit of willpower I have to continue working today.
I can feel the aura projecting, though. Seems like the sexual programming and the clearing modules are starting to run in parallel. Getting closer to being completely free?
Seems like it's working on some body issues too. I keep wanting to hit the gym, but resist it by eating sugary foods. There's also a feeling of fear cycling beneath everything else.
It's weird, it's like I can FEEL the clearing modules digging away. Literally, digging. Feels like there's something digging away in my mind. Can't explain it. Odd sensation.
Glutamine works. A good post workout mix is glutamine, bcaa, daa and cla.