Subliminal Talk

I'm now dealing with feelings of loneliness. I really want the all the stuff relating to girls dealt with first but now loneliness.

I just don't remember really what exactly to do to invite a girl out. This is so stupid when I think about it, and obviously I know hot to do it. But I remember before E2, it was MUCH smoother than now. Now, I just really don't "the right feel". I don't know how to put it in words, but back then I was able to do this much easier with less effort. And now, at least at the moment, I don't remember what that felt like. This bothers me.

If Shannon let E2 users test an E2.5, I'd totally jump on that. It seems like there's so many new tech modules in DMSI for overcoming resistance. I know I'd benefit from that. It's awesome that it's all going in DMSI since I plan on running it next, but it'd be great if it was easier to overcome resistance on E2 (or at least if there was a euphoria module...)

I almost feel like Shannon should have directions with each sub that explain how to get past resistance for the sub or achieve the goal of the sub quicker. Yeah, we have listening instructions. But if we had instructions like to do certain mental exercises or focus on specific things, that'd be awesome.

Edit
I'm looking into epigenetics. I already knew our perception was our reality. And I knew that we do things to ourselves internally to feel emotions. I didn't know that these things played a part in how genes are expressed and that there was a science dedicated to it. I'm going to look into it. Of course, I'd ideally control my brain to release chemicals associated with eurphoria and joy 24/7. Believe it or not, I use to feel close this before subs. It'd only be when a girl didn't meet with me or I didn't have sex that that state would be completely destroyed.

(09-08-2016, 03:41 PM)maxx55 Wrote: [ -> ]If Shannon let E2 users test an E2.5, I'd totally jump on that. It seems like there's so many new tech modules in DMSI for overcoming resistance. I know I'd benefit from that. It's awesome that it's all going in DMSI since I plan on running it next, but it'd be great if it was easier to overcome resistance on E2 (or at least if there was a euphoria module...)

Why not try DMSI for a couple of weeks, just for the new technology and the healing modules? E2 is single stage, you can switch away from it for a while.

(09-08-2016, 03:41 PM)maxx55 Wrote: [ -> ]Edit
I'm looking into epigenetics. I already knew our perception was our reality. And I knew that we do things to ourselves internally to feel emotions. I didn't know that these things played a part in how genes are expressed and that there was a science dedicated to it. I'm going to look into it. Of course, I'd ideally control my brain to release chemicals associated with eurphoria and joy 24/7. Believe it or not, I use to feel close this before subs. It'd only be when a girl didn't meet with me or I didn't have sex that that state would be completely destroyed.

Not to get too philosophical here, but you'd only be aware of euphoria and joy if you feel sadness and sorrow no? I might be wrong here, but it makes sense to me. Life is all about rhythm!

Reading other E2 journals, it seems like unhappiness only happens in short bouts for most. I can say on my end I'm either experiencing unhappiness, bouts of extreme boredom, or feeling numb (from high hours). Out of those 3 I prefer feeling numb.

But I really need to get back to my happy state. I'm so use to my creativity coming from that happy, euphoric place. It comes from there or from the dark place of anger and hate. I'm working on some projects for class that I started in my usual happy state a while back, but am having problems working on them in my current state of boredom and feeling stuck.

I'm really considering going to DMSI sooner than planned. Mainly because it has the newest tech and healing in it. I feel like I'm making the decision from a logical standpoint instead of trying to just get off E2. Yes, E2 is boring as hell and DMSI sounds exciting as ever, but it's getting more difficult to function as a result of E2. It's not going fast enough/at a rate or rhythm appropriate for my life. I need my creativity on a daily basis pretty much. It's essential to my major and more importantly my enjoyment of life. At first it seemed E2 was helping me express more creativity, but since I've been back on campus and being "triggered", it seems to elude me more often now.

I'll give E2 some more time. I really want to make this decision from a place of feeling good instead of how I do now, but since being on campus I have a hard time being "happy" for even a day. Something seems to trigger me as soon as I'm starting to feel better (teachers pissing me off, not getting attention from girls, too much homework, not able to hang out with people, no time to just lay down when I'm tired).

I just want things to get better, stay that way, and continue to progress. I don't want to regress.

Just the other day I wrote down what my ideal life would be like (had the urge). And it's exactly the same as what I wrote down a year ago. Awesome acting career, freedom to travel the world, money's never a concern, plenty of girls wherever I go, awesome group of friends that I can hang and grow with.

Anyway, I'm going to continue with E2 for the time being. Right now I'm doing 6 hours during the week and as many hours as possible on the weekend.

Off Topic:
Did a personality test online. Last time I did it, I was ENTP. I didn't really know the answers to some questions did it again and I'm a mix of the following three
ENFP- The Champion
ENTJ - The Commander
ENTP - The Visonary

Mainly I'm a mix of ENTP and ENFP.

Just a theory

It seems like the best thing for me may be to do as many hours as possible on the weekend and just 6 hours during the week. I say that because today I didn't feel "oversensitive" like this program has led to me feel during most of my use. I'll test my theory for the next week or two and see.

Today, after my dance class, I kinda just felt stuck. I'm not good at ballet right now (honestly I suck). It's my first time ever doing any kind of ballet and even after a few weeks I'm not good at all. I feel like I suck when I'm in the class. Most of the others get it pretty quick, some I know have had previous experience though. The main issue is that I don't even have time when I get back to my room to practice any of it. I have way too much work in other classes. So it's like a cycle of go to class, suck, go home, don't practice, go back to class, suck some more, etc. If I actually had time to practice it, it wouldn't worry me at all. I'd make sure I know what I'm doing.

Unrelated
I really don't know how the guys who are claiming to have gone crazy and indulged in their own emotional abuse could have success with women. I know I went after girls while I was in my own emotional turmoil. Never actually resulted in sex except once, so that perplexes me

It seems now that I'm getting past hating women as a whole, which is awesome. But I still hate the individuals that have messed with me. I saw one today and thought "get the hell out my sight. begone". It's really small things like a random girl simply smiling at me or a random girl saying hey to me that lead me to believe that most of my girl trauma has been healed.

If E2 totally instills self-validation within me and removes the feelings of loneliness, I should be solid to handle myself in MLTRs. From that point, it'll definitely be time to run DMSI since it can heal anything else related to sex.

Edit:
In general, my thought process, learning speed and creativity is slowed (especially my creativity atm) just from using E2. When hours go insanely high, my thought process speed is DRAMATICALLY slower. Do not drive within 12 hours of high hours of exposure.

Same with creativity here. At first I felt more able to express myself, but lately it's been tough. My latest project I worked on I went through about 4 or 5 different revisions, each one the ideas vastly different than others. And the whole time the ideas just felt like they weren't right and they didn't accurately express me. I don't know if maybe it relates to you but I have certain artists I admire and look up to as inspiration and subconsciously I had a habit of making music like them. I'm starting to think maybe the reason creativity isn't being expressed as easily is because I'm pulling from my own ideas now and I'm working through some insecurity based around that. I guess when I hear what I made and how different it is from the artists I like I tend to see it as wrong. A lot of doubt, a lot of second guessing, pretty much kills my creative flow. I've probably scrapped perfectly good ideas that should have been built into full songs, but my obsession with getting it perfect screwed me over.

And typing out forum post replies, holy crap it takes me forever. I'll write down all these thoughts then delete it, then rewrite something, delete that, read it over and over, it's madness. My only guess is when you hit a raw nerve with E2 the worst in you comes out and damn am I mess these past few weeks.

Yeah self-doubt and striving for perfection can be a pain. Seems like I'm working on that now.

I'm not having issues with creativity per se. It's just that I'm now mainly continuing projects that were created and worked on when I was in a state of happiness/positivity. It's kinda hard to pick up where I left without being in the same state. Ideas for it don't flow, I gotta think hard about it.

I'm still coming up with ideas for new projects but they are much darker and reflect the current state I've been in lately. All my stuff is pretty original though. Sometimes I even check online to see if the idea is already out there before I start working on it.

I just need to get in a stable positive state. It sounds like DMSI has that, but I'm wondering why doesn't E2.

(09-12-2016, 05:36 PM)maxx55 Wrote: [ -> ]Unrelated
I really don't know how the guys who are claiming to have gone crazy and indulged in their own emotional abuse could have success with women. I know I went after girls while I was in my own emotional turmoil. Never actually resulted in sex except once, so that perplexes me

Don't be perplexed. It depends on your definition of "success." Women who just want a fling go for guys they don't value in any way save for a sexual experience (meaning the guy is low value). These same guys who tout their issues and say it helps them with women, it's like Shannon said - low value women that don't have anything going for them. So low value women and/or low value men. Furthermore, we don't really know what these women look like. They could be one-legged trolls.

Anyway, don't let it bother you (if it does). To me, success with women is totally different than those guys' definition. Having a healthy LTR with a high-value woman, that's the way to go. But if you bang a few others while you're waiting for that high-value relationship to come along, go for it . I'd rather be happy and healthy, and get sane/intelligent/beautiful women. The other scenario (coming to the conclusion that poor mental health = success with women) is riddled with logical fallacy.

(09-13-2016, 11:38 AM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]

(09-12-2016, 05:36 PM)maxx55 Wrote: [ -> ]Unrelated
I really don't know how the guys who are claiming to have gone crazy and indulged in their own emotional abuse could have success with women. I know I went after girls while I was in my own emotional turmoil. Never actually resulted in sex except once, so that perplexes me

Don't be perplexed. It depends on your definition of "success." Women who just want a fling go for guys they don't value in any way save for a sexual experience (meaning the guy is low value). These same guys who tout their issues and say it helps them with women, it's like Shannon said - low value women that don't have anything going for them. So low value women and/or low value men. Furthermore, we don't really know what these women look like. They could be one-legged trolls.

Anyway, don't let it bother you (if it does). To me, success with women is totally different than those guys' definition. Having a healthy LTR with a high-value woman, that's the way to go. But if you bang a few others while you're waiting for that high-value relationship to come along, go for it . I'd rather be happy and healthy, and get sane/intelligent/beautiful women. The other scenario (coming to the conclusion that poor mental health = success with women) is riddled with logical fallacy.

There would've been a time where I disagreed with you. Now, there's a profound shift in the way that I'm thinking. As I strive for emotional stability, I find that I'm only interested in emotionally stable women. I've had my life destroyed by these low value women, as I used to indulge myself in them whenever I was f*cked up myself.

Never again.

That's interesting to hear from you, Chaos. At this point for me, I'm not considering a girl's emotional health. But I know I wouldn't be in a serious relationship with her.

Thoughts
I really thought about it, but running E2 for a full year is pretty much out the window for me. Right now, I'm planning on going until December. That would be a full 9 months. And unless I'm convinced another 3 would be worth it, then I'm gonna take a 2 week break and start 2017 off right with DMSI.

At this point, I don't see another 6 months being worth it and it just seems like my goals of getting leaner, feeling sexy, and continuing to land more roles just makes more sense with DMSI, not to mention the sex.

Just realized I had the "Dance" EQ on the whole time I ran E2 on my phone. Is this why my results are so terribly slow?

I mean I've been experiencing some of the same things as other E2 users, but I really wonder if the equalizer fucked up my 6 months of listening.

Since I've turned off the EQ and and have had a chance to run E2 for a little while, I definitely feel different. This is almost like when I felt emotionally numb, however it's not necessarily numbness. It's like all emotions towards BS in my life have shut off. No, I don't feel happy or good, but I don't feel bad, stressed out, or anything like that either. I kind of feel neutral right now. I feel like an emotionally neutral version of myself. This is new.

If I felt like this the whole time E2 fixed traumas etc. in the background, I'd be much better off than I have been recently.

One thing that bothered me earlier is this: Since returning to campus, I felt like whatever skills I do have with girls have been turned off or at least severely stunted. It's like in my classes for example, I see attractive girls, we interact sometimes, but I don't know how to get 1 on 1. This was nothing in the past. Now, it's like I mentally know what I intend, but just don't know how to make it happen. I thought for a while that maybe I'll just chill in Yin energy and the girls will just come to me. That didn't work. The attractive girls aren't just waiting outside of class for me or trying to come to me (however, a less attractive one does). So since I know I have to do something, it's frustrating not being able to just do it at will after so many times. Maybe this newfound state will correct that.

It's such a stretch to make it to December...but I'll see. Ultimately, if I run DMSI after and get the results I expect, I'll say that my E2 run was a success as I originally intended to clear away whatever prevented me from having sex with hot girls regardless how close I got.

P.S. Also, I've been getting little "mini headaches" the past few days. Like I'll feel the sensation like my head will start hurting but it only lasts a couple seconds, maybe 2-3 times max a day.

Edit: So far yeah, it seems like I'm a slightly modified version of myself, but I'm now actually starting to feel like myself again. If this state stays the same or improves over the next, that'd be AWESOME!

24 hours and I'm feeling better than I have in a VERY LONG time on E2!

If this keeps up, I won't have an issue staying on E2 til December.

Things have been SO much better in the past 24 hours. Really. I don't know if it's because I turned off EQ or what, but YES, E2 is actually helping me. We're in a decent relationship now

I had the thought earlier today that by the end of E2, I'll be on fire and then when I start DMSI, I'll adding mass amounts of gasoline to my awesomeness.

The overall better mood is still present, however I'm going through some resistance.

My heart feels like it's about to jump out of my chest at random times. But I don't necessarily feel nervous or that anxious.

I have been getting random semi-hard ons frequently. Like even the thought of having a hot friend w/ benefits gives me a semi. I feel like I can't hold it in much longer, probably gonna fap to porn since I don't have an attractive girl to fuck yet. But the time is approaching. I feel like part of my subconscious knows this now.

So when I got back to my place, one of my suitemates female friends starts a convo with me while I'm setting something up in the kitchen. I smelled weed and knew my suitemate had been smoking and assumed she probably had been too. She asked about my major, what I'm planning on doing, shows I've seen and told me similar things about herself. I was having trouble getting the extension cord of my new cooker out. That thing was stuck for me! And I didn't wanna rip it. She offered to help and then just walked on over and got it out. She casually touched me a few times. A light tap on my upper thigh with the back of her hand (she's a little taller than me), and hi 5s. She even took a picture of my cooker (it's an air fryer) since she liked it. Whenever drugs or alcohol are involved, I kinda "don't count" the interaction. I just mentioned this because it stuck out to me and it just happened. If I had found her attractive, I would have lead things forward regardless.

Unrelated Story- "iPhone Wake Up Call"

I woke up in the early ass morning to get the iPhone 7. I really wanted a Jet Black. I went to an ATT store, but I got a bit lost on the way, had to wait to defrost my windows, and by the time I got there, I arrived 15 minutes after the store opened instead of arriving right as the store opened or a bit earlier. The line was maybe like 20 people, not bad honestly. A rep came out to ask which one I wanted. I told her the Jet Black. And she was like "Well we have Matte Black available. We only had 1 Jet Black earlier". I stood there a moment, dumbfounded, and a bit upset that I got there later than planned, thanked her, and left.

I head to Best Buy, they're not open yet. I planned on waiting outside a couple hours for them to open and hopefully get a jet black. A rep actually comes out and asks if I'm there for an iPhone 7. He told me they only had Matte Black and Rose Gold in the storage size I wanted. I came in to take an in person look at black. It looks good, so I ended up getting that one.

I later see a CNET review online comparing Jet Black to Matte Black. With 1 week of careful use, Jet Black had scratches and scuffs already, not the matte black.

I'm seriously thinking E2's OE led me to getting the Matte Black. Up until today, I was 100% set on Jet Black, even if I had to wait a month for it lol. But then I remembered what happened last time I did what I wanted 100% even though it was like everything was trying to stop me. And I'm kinda living with the consequences now (my suitemates aren't the best, but I wanted to live in this complex SO bad).

Sidenote
If DMSI is still in testing at the start of 2017, that'll be interesting for me. I know by then it'd be even way more effective than it is now. And I'd like to be a part of testing. I'm in a perfect environment to do so and see a decent amount of attractive girls on pretty much a daily basis.

Do you like your air fryer? I was thinking of getting one. Fried food without all the oil!? Win!!