Subliminal Talk

It's times like this that I wonder just how much help E2 is in the long run after I finish it

I didn't talk to one girl that I have a class with when I wanted to since it'd be awhile before the class gathered again. Well, I didn't. Then I got pissed off at myself, at her, and at everybody in fuckin sight.

I'm so SICK and TIRED of being who I'm being! I'm sick of feeling weak! And I feel weak whenever things don't go my way! I'm just sick of it! I ended up having to come back to my room because not talking to that girl triggered me. I came up with all kinds of creative ways to just kill the people in sight. I'm SICK OF BEING THIS WAY! I don't even have time to calm fucking down because my ass of a teacher gave us work that's due tomorrow. HE'S A FUCKING ASS! He didn't even listen to me when I told him I had the first assignment due for the class the day it was due, problem was HE NEVER FUCKING ASKED TO TURN IT IN! I didn't even know it was graded or anything. HE'S A FUCK! AND I WANT TO WATCH HIM BURN!

I don't even have anyway to deal with this much anger now. It seems like E2's in the moment stuff isn't helping right now either! I can't punch my bed because my parents got me the one I picked out and if I fuck it up then I can't fucking sleep!

So this little thread of mine is all I have
FUCK EVERYTHING

Have you ever used AM? Do you plan to?

I haven't. I'll use it when AM7 comes out. I'm not using anything below 5.5G

(08-31-2016, 03:34 PM)maxx55 Wrote: [ -> ]I haven't. I'll use it when AM7 comes out. I'm not using anything below 5.5G

I vibe you on that. I'm also of the opinion of it being best to use the most advanced tech possible at any time to deal with things. I find it's the most efficient use of time to maximise development. Only two subs in 5.5G at present, but both are gems.

I thought so too, but then I went to AM6 because there was no 5.5g sub for my problem. Now after only 1 stage I feel a lot better .

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. Shannon was the one that suggested I run E2 back when I gave him a detailed explanation of my situation so that's why I'm on it.

It's not that I don't have days where I think "oh yeah, I'm really improving", it's just that sometimes like today I'm triggered and EVERYTHING goes off the rails. I was just hoping that after 6 months, it wouldn't be possible for me to off the rails anymore. That's not the case yet.

And then I wonder to myself if it's REALLY possible to get rid of ALL the emotional traumas? And on top of that it's not like I'm sitting at home just listening to the sub, keeping myself stress-free. I have a life and I have to go to classes and I can't make the girls disappear, I still see them. I can't set my teacher on fire, I'll get in trouble. And I can't kill the people that piss me off or else I'm a criminal. The only actual thing I can do without any trouble is change who I'm being, that's it. It's that or start acting on my extreme impulses. I just wonder if E2 takes all of this into consideration.

Self-Reflection

I thought about it and pretty much all of my current anger is related to not having what I believe I should right now. Of course I get angry and don't tolerate someone mistreating me but that very rarely happens now (excluding girls not having sex with me).

What I believe I should have that I don't currently:
-Girl problems solved 100%. Having multiple LTRs with the hottest girls, free to meet anyone whenever I please (big one)
-Passive income of $200-$300 a month that I'm free to use however I please (not so big)

That's pretty much it. From here, it's just a matter of achieving those things with minimal effort now. I say minimal effort because I've already invested A LOT into accomplishing these things. I've paid the price.

I have expectations for myself. That's how I have done as much as I have. Right now, I just want all guilt, shame, and fear to be gone. I want it to be impossible for me to experience those emotions. Then I'll be a free, uninhibited version of myself. I think I'd be way more badass, productive, and happy than I am now.

That's pretty much it.

Watched a Teal Swan video.

Here are what I believe are negative core beliefs relating to women that I believe I have and intend to let go:
I hate women because they threaten my happiness
I hate women because they threaten my self-esteem/ego
I hate women because they threaten my plans of success (of having sex)

Aim:
Release ego
Focus on the things that prove that my happiness, success, and self-esteem and safe and secure

I just reminded myself that I need to have a good relationship with myself before I can expect to create lasting relationships with others. I need to focus on me

Head is hurting pretty fierce. Did some research today to see what I'm feeling. Seems like I have symptoms of depression at the moment. I want to sleep and it's ridiculously difficult to focus and do homework.

I thought about stopping E2 for this reason, but yeah I know, it's "resistance". I'm definitely reducing my hours, maybe just 6 a day, no more than 8. I can't get anything done feeling like this. I really wonder if it's even worth it. I feel like I should be doing something exciting on a daily basis, but I don't have the time to right now.

Also, I found out that neurogenesis fights depression. And that things like stress can slow down or stop neurogensis, which would lead to symptoms of depression. I've definitely been stressed recently. But it's things I can't avoid. So I'm going to back to exercising and start learning something new, both of which should encourage neurogenesis.

I know a while back I said I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Right now, I don't see it. I just want to feel better, have more time to have fun, and really know that E2 is a turning point in my life.

Here's a list of the benefits I have from E2 so far:
-Guilt, shame, and fear responses have weakened a bit
-I'm visible to people more often
-Guys start convos with me every so often (randoms)
-Guys hold doors open occasionally (randoms)
-I'm landing more roles for my career
-Occasionally, I get free food or food discounts (sometimes my first time I get something there)
-Money seems to come to me a bit more often in various forms

(09-06-2016, 04:55 PM)maxx55 Wrote: [ -> ]Head is hurting pretty fierce. Did some research today to see what I'm feeling. Seems like I have symptoms of depression at the moment. I want to sleep and it's ridiculously difficult to focus and do homework.

I thought about stopping E2 for this reason, but yeah I know, it's "resistance". I'm definitely reducing my hours, maybe just 6 a day, no more than 8. I can't get anything done feeling like this. I really wonder if it's even worth it. I feel like I should be doing something exciting on a daily basis, but I don't have the time to right now.

Also, I found out that neurogenesis fights depression. And that things like stress can slow down or stop neurogensis, which would lead to symptoms of depression. I've definitely been stressed recently. But it's things I can't avoid. So I'm going to back to exercising and start learning something new, both of which should encourage neurogenesis.

I know a while back I said I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Right now, I don't see it. I just want to feel better, have more time to have fun, and really know that E2 is a turning point in my life.

Here's a list of the benefits I have from E2 so far:
-Guilt, shame, and fear responses have weakened a bit
-I'm visible to people more often
-Guys start convos with me every so often (randoms)
-Guys hold doors open occasionally (randoms)
-I'm landing more roles for my career
-Occasionally, I get free food or food discounts (sometimes my first time I get something there)
-Money seems to come to me a bit more often in various forms

Interesting about, 'Neurogenesis.' Sounds fascinating about the 'birth of Neurons.' Sounds like you are growing with E2

(09-06-2016, 05:05 PM)DisneylandUSA Wrote: [ -> ]

(09-06-2016, 04:55 PM)maxx55 Wrote: [ -> ]Head is hurting pretty fierce. Did some research today to see what I'm feeling. Seems like I have symptoms of depression at the moment. I want to sleep and it's ridiculously difficult to focus and do homework.

I thought about stopping E2 for this reason, but yeah I know, it's "resistance". I'm definitely reducing my hours, maybe just 6 a day, no more than 8. I can't get anything done feeling like this. I really wonder if it's even worth it. I feel like I should be doing something exciting on a daily basis, but I don't have the time to right now.

Also, I found out that neurogenesis fights depression. And that things like stress can slow down or stop neurogensis, which would lead to symptoms of depression. I've definitely been stressed recently. But it's things I can't avoid. So I'm going to back to exercising and start learning something new, both of which should encourage neurogenesis.

I know a while back I said I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Right now, I don't see it. I just want to feel better, have more time to have fun, and really know that E2 is a turning point in my life.

Here's a list of the benefits I have from E2 so far:
-Guilt, shame, and fear responses have weakened a bit
-I'm visible to people more often
-Guys start convos with me every so often (randoms)
-Guys hold doors open occasionally (randoms)
-I'm landing more roles for my career
-Occasionally, I get free food or food discounts (sometimes my first time I get something there)
-Money seems to come to me a bit more often in various forms

Interesting about, 'Neurogenesis.' Sounds fascinating about the 'birth of Neurons.' Sounds like you are growing with E2

I'd like to think so man, but I'm just trying to find ways to feel better

I checked some older threads. It seems like headaches can be a specific kind of resistance to subs. I'm pretty sure that's what this one is. It's been going on the past few hours. I only listened for 1 hour today and like 10 hours yesterday. Shannon said that the headache means the sub is working though, the subconscious is just trying to resist.

(09-06-2016, 04:55 PM)maxx55 Wrote: [ -> ]Head is hurting pretty fierce. Did some research today to see what I'm feeling. Seems like I have symptoms of depression at the moment. I want to sleep and it's ridiculously difficult to focus and do homework.

Internet will always tell you that you're depressed, if you are looking for a proof that you are. Please do not diagnose yourself and go see a doctor if you think that that's the case.

Can you concentrate? Can you sleep okay? Do you have the appetite to eat? Can you get out of bed in the morning? Can you control anger?

If you answered "no" to all of the questions, chances are that you are depressed. But please go see a doctor to be sure!

(09-06-2016, 04:55 PM)maxx55 Wrote: [ -> ]I thought about stopping E2 for this reason, but yeah I know, it's "resistance". I'm definitely reducing my hours, maybe just 6 a day, no more than 8. I can't get anything done feeling like this. I really wonder if it's even worth it. I feel like I should be doing something exciting on a daily basis, but I don't have the time to right now.

Also, I found out that neurogenesis fights depression. And that things like stress can slow down or stop neurogensis, which would lead to symptoms of depression. I've definitely been stressed recently. But it's things I can't avoid. So I'm going to back to exercising and start learning something new, both of which should encourage neurogenesis.

These things tell me that it's simply resistance that you're feeling. Not necessarily to the sub, but maybe the circumstances in your life that you're not willing to accept and give in to.

I will say that I am feeling better today than I did yesterday.

The dream last night was just crazy

In the dream, I was in a class, I think the professor was showing a movie. A girl in front of me turns around and starts talking to me. Then I remember she asked some bs question. It was like "How old are you/how tall are you" don't remember exactly. I tell her, she looks at a couple of other guys in the room and then says "That's okay. I'll just stick with my boyfriend". At that moment I thought of all the times I approached and made plans with girls who have a bf and how I got nowhere. I get up to leave but then everyone in the room starts turning into vampires. And I don't mean like pretty Vampire Diaries vamps, I mean like old school, ugly monster vamps. It was like I was prepared. I just run out into the hall where there's some sunlight and they just light fire and disintegrate as they chase me. I somehow end up in my grandma's old house and I'm just letting the sun take them out. Other stuff happened but I don't remember anything else.

Unrelated
I'm excited to see how DMSI 3.0 turns out. Shannon seems super determined to further it until it crushes the resistance of ALL people testing it on the forum. This is very promising. It already seems like some people are getting results with 2.4 that I'd like to get from E2 (ex. euphoria, enjoying life, less anxiety). The best way I can describe what I'm guessing is happening is that my joy in life wasn't based internally. E2 is trying to fix that, but it feels like I'm breaking down to my core. That's the best way to describe it. I'm just hoping that once it's done breaking me down, it builds me back up at least to where I was with my enjoyment of life and joy but with it being based internally.

(09-07-2016, 07:06 PM)maxx55 Wrote: [ -> ]I will say that I am feeling better today than I did yesterday.

The dream last night was just crazy

In the dream, I was in a class, I think the professor was showing a movie. A girl in front of me turns around and starts talking to me. Then I remember she asked some bs question. It was like "How old are you/how tall are you" don't remember exactly. I tell her, she looks at a couple of other guys in the room and then says "That's okay. I'll just stick with my boyfriend". At that moment I thought of all the times I approached and made plans with girls who have a bf and how I got nowhere. I get up to leave but then everyone in the room starts turning into vampires. And I don't mean like pretty Vampire Diaries vamps, I mean like old school, ugly monster vamps. It was like I was prepared. I just run out into the hall where there's some sunlight and they just light fire and disintegrate as they chase me. I somehow end up in my grandma's old house and I'm just letting the sun take them out. Other stuff happened but I don't remember anything else.

Unrelated
I'm excited to see how DMSI 3.0 turns out. Shannon seems super determined to further it until it crushes the resistance of ALL people testing it on the forum. This is very promising. It already seems like some people are getting results with 2.4 that I'd like to get from E2 (ex. euphoria, enjoying life, less anxiety). The best way I can describe what I'm guessing is happening is that my joy in life wasn't based internally. E2 is trying to fix that, but it feels like I'm breaking down to my core. That's the best way to describe it. I'm just hoping that once it's done breaking me down, it builds me back up at least to where I was with my enjoyment of life and joy but with it being based internally.

Glad you are feeling better. Please, monitor your depression when it hits you... Thoughts/Sleeping/eating/daily hygiene. And, seek professional help if it worsens :angel:. EPRHA 2.0 can only do so much... it is a tool to help us unravel deep rooted issues and areas of our life. Writing this Journal is a Great way of releasing stress