Nice. Congrats, man.
(11-08-2012, 03:34 PM)jimbobday Wrote: [ -> ]So I got my payrise in the end and they are even sending me on a training course for scrum based project management which is exciting as its an extra certification.
Also another direct result of AM which shone through in feedback from my manager 'You provide valuable insight whilst being calm and collected at all times.' goes to show the power of AM to allow a man to deal with issues in a rational manner without getting to emotional and childlike or allowing fear to take over.
Scrum based project managemtn is pretty cool! :-)
Congratulations!
Thanks guys i'm very happy with the result and the progress that has been made in my working life.
So i'm not to sure how overcome fear is weaved into WM but boy did it hit last night. Drifted in and out of sleep last night with nightmare after nightmare. Most I couldn't remember but the one I did I was with two hookers and they kept telling me to my face how ugly I was and how they would never sleep with me even though they were getting paid for it. This is touching on a big fear around women I've always had this fear that i'm not good looking enough. I feel very off today and very tired.
Its good to see this one coming up and being dealt with
Overcome Fear is definitely on my list to run solo and will most likely be my next choice after WM and before my next run of AM
Hopefully that won't be necessary.
I hope so to but the more I delve into fear the more I realise its grip on my life and the grip its had on me my whole life. Most decisions, most actions are based on fear. It's funny I used to think of myself as fearless because I could go bunny jumping or sky diving or participate in other adrenaline sports but I realize this as just an illusion and there is so much more fear inside me.
This fear has been coming up a lot in the last 2 days. I could feel it building but its at a bit of a logger head at the moment. I've also realised I get quite heavily into porn, eating and dating sites when this fear comes up as a way to escape but there's only so long I can escape for. So hasn't been the most pleasant couple of days.
On the other side of things have been bumping into a lot of people from my past. Quite literally at a rate of about 3 or 4 a week which is how many I would usually bump into in a year. While this could be coincidence I highly doubt it.
(11-12-2012, 07:16 PM)jimbobday Wrote: [ -> ]I hope so to but the more I delve into fear the more I realise its grip on my life and the grip its had on me my whole life. Most decisions, most actions are based on fear. It's funny I used to think of myself as fearless because I could go bunny jumping or sky diving or participate in other adrenaline sports but I realize this as just an illusion and there is so much more fear inside me.
I can relate. I always want to experience all that adrenaline sports like sky diving. Though if someone invited me I might think twice about doing it.
I think the best way to deal with this is to just go for it and let's face our fears. Easier said than done though.
Dealing with some fears was easy i.e. fear of heights I want sky diving and bunny jumping. Others weren't so easy. I used to approach a lot of girls as a way to overcome that fear but what I found when doing that was that I was approaching girls but putting on an act, I wasn't being real. This was because of my shame and my fear that if they found out the real me it wouldn't be ok. Sure it got me some girls but never any that were healthy
So the last couple of nights have been insane. Some good things some bad things. Tonight I was out at a party of someone I met last night. I had the hostess who was trying to hook me up with all her friends. Then on the car ride home my friends girlfriend was feeling me up while my friend was in the car. I didn't really know what to do. I knew she wanted me but this was my friend and I didn't want any of this to happen so quietly said to her you have to stop and at the same time didn't escalate in any shape or form.
Today I was out at a cafe with friends and ended up making the waitress giggle without having said anything funny at all.
This seems to be happening more and more lets see where this gets to in the next few months.
You know what's coming in the next few months you dirty dog, haha.
haha well if last weekend was anything to go by then yes, yes I do.
So its been very off and on lately. Some days super social can talk to anyone and just have an awesome time, laughing and flirting with girls and just being in the moment. Other days hide away like a hermit and just do my own thing which isn't a bad thing as long as i'm doing stuff that's constructive instead of watching movies etc.
Shannon I do have a question around the new weight loss sub. I was wondering if it concentrates solely on fat lose and takes into account not losing muscle or water weight? The sub sounds perfect for the amount of fat loss I need (20 pounds) so its one of the possibilities after WM.
Also would it change long term eating habits for good if used for long enough?
The weight loss sub is designed around the Optimus Engine only, but it focuses on weight loss, fear destruction and one other point that escapes my exhausted brain at the moment. I can't reveal how it works or what it does beyond that... being based on OE, it is polymorphic, and may find a much different solution for your weight loss needs than it might find for someone else's.
Thanks Shannon. Makes sense so it will basically do whatever is needed to lose weight.
So have had some more stuff popping up during stage 2. More stuff around my ex girlfriend and stronger than I have had in quite a while. Must be working through some fears and the feelings around those fears.
On the flip side of things had my brothers 21st in the weekend. I found I was quite easily able to talk to all the girls there and they were all extremely good looking. This is something I wouldn't have been able to do in the past even when completely drunk. I was also amazed to see just how much everyone follows him. It was very interesting how open girls were about saying they had slept with him as well. He is most likely one of the best guys I've ever met when it comes to girls he quite literally can have his choice of any girl. It's quite surprising how we turned out so differently.
All up though found myself able to socialize a lot easier with both guys and girls I wouldn't have in the past.
So last night I got hit with a massive bout of insecurity, the most intense I've felt since AM. I'm not to sure what it was about but I felt completely worthless for a few hours which is quite a change from what I have been feeling the previous few months. It almost bought me to a state of anxiety. This was followed by an intense nightmare where I woke up just before I died hyperventilating and sweating. The insecurity is still there this morning but not quite to the same extent that it was last night.
Must be something pretty deep that this is hitting on. Needless to say stage 2 has been a bit rougher than stage 1. Only a few days left before heading into stage 3 though
The insecurity is still sitting around although not quite as intense as it was a few days ago. Its almost like I've taken a u-turn from how I have been but if there's one thing I've learnt from Shannons subs its never judge the end result by what i'm feeling at the present moment.
I've been very withdrawn the last little while even though I feel no more insecure in a new social situation as I do when i'm by myself. I just don't feel like talking or have anything to say to most people and I feel ok with that, even though I keep telling myself I have to be social.
So i'm two days of the end of stage 2 so I thought I would sum things up
* A lot of insecurity coming up - Feels very similar to how I felt in high school
* Flirting defiantly improved at the start of the stage but its a little hard to tell where it's at now
* Increase in girls attention and looks even when I feel insecure
* Some isolation or feelings of wanting to isolate and be alone kicking in
That's about all I can think of right now kind of reminded me of AM stage 2 and AM stage 5 combined.
So today I was looking back through some of my old records in search of a document. I happened to stumble upon alot of old review from teachers, friends and employers. I started to notice a common theme all along the lines of james is self assured, confident, direct and assertive while still valuing others input, creative and innovative, independent and a natural born leader. He will become extremely successful in anything he chooses to do. This left me wondering how on earth my perceptions of myself became so skewed from the reality. Ive put alot of this down to fear and the emotional damage that has been done over the last 7 ot 8 years.