So with external results ended up having sex with an ex last night.
I noticed I'm also starting to see sex as a fluid concept and not black and white. Sex can be separate from a relationship when a great connection is shared.
So decided to experiment with 3.1B for a week and reassess from there.
Have been off A now for two weeks and have noticed a few off the effects dying a bit. Have had sex with the ex multiple times but that has died off now due to logistics, nothing else on the external results apart from girls initiating conversations.
Let's see where 3.1B takes me over the next week
So have switched over to universal detox after having a 30 day break from DMSI.
I mainly bought this one to clear out all the toxic emotions and beliefs. I know I've got a large number that have accumulated over the years, the latest strong one and motivator being loneliness.
Currently on day 2 and will try to post as often as possible but may only be once per week. Physically I have noticed my urine is a really thick yellow color it also smells a lot stronger than usual, I've noticed I am defecating more often than usual (was constipated leading up to starting).
From a mental/emotional standpoint had one of the most intense dreams I've had since AM many years ago. Dreamed about me and my ex going out to dinner, sitting down at a table and then my whole family walking in and us trying to hide under the table. Just to give you an idea of how much my family hate her and how much it scares me them finding out, I joked about hooking up with her a few years back to my brother and he hit me as hard as he could had bruises for a week or so and was pretty heavily winded. The dream felt the most lifelike that I have had in years.
Definitely don't notice the same anxiety at the volume level I'm playing at that I did with DMSI but it's still early days so will see how that goes, did wake up on the other side of the bed to where it was playing though so was most likely trying to escape it.
Being someone who has heavy resistance due to fear and not wanting to lose control I can feel these subs are getting closer and closer to breaking through that for me and I'm hoping by the time 6G comes around it will break through it completely.
EDIT: have had a lot of shit go down in my life lately, one of the girls I slept with during DMSI was at work (bad idea I know) but turned a few people against me at work and have lost a lot of friends during the last while due to moving away, alcoholism, sickness etc so have been very isolated lately, this bought up a lot of emotions that didn't serve me and have shown me that I'm unable to really just be happy on my own and rely a lot on other people for how happy I am in life. These are the beliefs and emotions that I'm hoping to deal with here.
Well that was the most positive and productive day I've had in months. I know it's to early to really tell what results will come about from UD but I'll take today. There were things that I had been putting off for months that I managed to get done today purely because of the fact I wasn't consumed by negative thoughts and emotions, made me realize just how much of a rut I had been in.
I noticed that old thoughts would come in at times but get pushed out. I know there is an internal battle going on at the moment between old beliefs and new ones but it feels like at the moment the new ones are winning. May just be a one off occurrence for a day but it's the first time I've felt like this in a while and nothing out of the ordinary has happened today. Will see how it develops over the next week or so
More intense dreams on UD the last couple of nights, definitely some stuff being worked on. Feel very tired upon waking in the day but generally am more positive and productive during the day. It seems some of those bad habits that have been toxic to me emotionally are starting to change, still a long way to go but it's early days.
I've also had this strong urge the last two days to change my diet up again.
I'm loving what Shannon was saying about finding himself and focusing on what he is here for. For me I've never found my purpose so I am hoping over time and removal of rubbish that may show itself
This sub is becoming much more attractive to me.
Been off subs for a while now in anticipation of the new version of DMSI.
It's been an interesting ride and I can tell TID is starting to kick in and as soon as it did I knew I was destined to run the next version of DMSI.
Every time before I run DMSI my ex tries to make contact again and the responses from women have definitely increased (smiles etc). Had an interesting experience with a girl I met the other night. We were chatting away and she went rather quiet looked down and just said "you are making me blush, no one ever makes me blush" so I said in a cheeky manor "sorry" and she said "don't be sorry I enjoy it". This girl was very sexually open and expressive and rather confident. Can't remember ever having a reaction quite that strong from a girl her face was quite literally bright red. We had a very strong connection and I could tell there was a very natural polarity there.
Going to be interesting with all the anti resistance tech coming in to see what happens
So been catching up with the girl from last week a few times and the sexual chemistry is intense and very natural. The interesting thing is I'm moving things forward rather than the other way round which is something I've never done in the past she's definitely very interested and in the past I would have let these opportunities pass me by rather than following up on them. If this is TID it's going to be interesting once I actually start on it. It also seems my penis may have gotten slightly larger not sure why but no matter what I did it wouldn't fit into a normal size condom last night.
It's not just in that area I'm facing situations I find uncomfortable it's happening at work as well. Last week I found myself pushing myself into situations that make me uncomfortable and confronting situations that previously I had steered clear of.
All of this has been happening while feeling very centered within myself.
Unsure if it's related to TID but have noticed very similar signs to that of what usually happens with resistance. it all starts with some neediness kicking in (started late last week) followed by feelings of fear, rejection etc followed by depression. This all followed a pretty solid two weeks with getting opened by a few good looking girls and really excelling at work.
It's interesting as this is usually the exact same cycle I go through with a sub start getting some results then resistance kicks in after a couple of weeks. If this is TID then will be very interesting when I start running DMSI to see if things like the wall can break through the fear and depression
So have been noticing a few things the last few days. Have had a sudden desire to clean and get everything in order throughout my life, sign of cleaning shop maybe. Have also noticed I'm focusing on quality more both within my work and with my personal things. I've always been one to buy more lower quality items than less higher quality items this is starting to shift and I'm noticing that I'm focusing on quality over quantity.
Still dating the girl from the other week which is going to be interesting when DMSI kicks into high gear. There is a lot less contact there but the contact that is happening seems more suggestive i.e. "Well I'm working most nights but maybe you could come check out my new place after I finish work"
Cleaning is the logistics handling module kicking in. Quality over quantity speaks to a higher value, higher quality man, who would be more attractive to women.
Thanks Shannon, makes a lot of sense.
A few more interesting things going in related to higher quality. Had this one girl I've slept with a few times try everything in her power to get me to go home with her last night. As I had had a few drinks I would always say yes and regret it, in this instance I stuck to my guns and kept saying no and didn't cave in. Immediately after it felt a real sense of inner power and calm.
Something is definitely changing in the neediness side. Usual increase of smiles and girls opening me more as well
So on day 3 of DMSI nothing quite as crazy as some other people but have definitely noticed more respect from people today and a lot more smiles from girls and guys being a lot more chummy. The best thing is literally zero resistance so far. Had a good conversation with one of my servers at a bar today which never usually happens.
Spent the night with the girl from the other week after day 1 of DMSI and the sex was definitely more intense than before.
Will wait and see what happens over the next week might switch to using the hybrid track with headphones
So the last few days, the tiredness wow! Switched over to the hybrid track last night and got about 9 hours sleep and was still tired today. The dreams last night were intense, I can't remember them but I do remember waking up this morning going that was a very intense night.
The previous night and yesterday saw some insecurity and neediness popping up. Had a girl approach me online (she's not what I find attractive) and within about 30 minutes we were talking sex and she was sending nudes, about an hour later she kept pushing to meet up and have sex (she was willing to drive 1.5 hours to meetup). I was seriously considering it the night before out of neediness but then by the next night had reminded myself why I'm doing this for "quality over quantity" of course both would be best
The girl from the other week has been a bit less cherry towards me (could well be because she's started back at uni and is working nights as well). Initially yesterday this was really bothering me but after my loop I've been able to let this go to a large degree and just roll with what will be is what will be.
The porn and masturbation side as I have been talking about it is strange. It feels like i'm in this in-between place I can feel a need or desire for it but when I look at porn it doesn't have the same affect (doesn't turn me on) and masturbation is definitely not as enjoyable.
I'm pretty sure at this point in time I'm working through some heavy shit so will be interesting to see if the wall can break through it. It's all coming up a lot quicker than previously with subs where it may have taken 2 weeks and it's definitely not as intense as with other subs.
Edit: one other thing I've noticed is a bit more muscle definition starting to come up over the last few days. Just got to clean up my eating after the last few weeks and should have a six pack in a month or so for the first time in 17 years