So this wave of resistance seems to have passed, that's something that's very different with this version. I used to hit resistance, then think about stopping, then just not be able to break through and end up stopping. This time it's been I would hit resistance, be in it for a few days, think about stopping, then it would break through the resistance.
Today has been quite different, guys being a lot more chummy and apologetic. I even had a great conversation with one of the board of directors today (I work for a company with 20,000 people in it so having a conversation with one of the board of directors is unusual) we had said hi in the past but never had a longer conversation. The external results are still a bit off and on although one with the bar tender from the other week where we usually just say "Hi" (she's a solid 7) we ended up having quite a good conversation with her giggling away most of the time and every time I went to leave to find my friend she kept trying to keep the conversation going. I've noticed I'm a lot more edgy in what I say as well, it just get's blurted out before I've thought to much about it and I've definitely noticed a lot more sexual conversation around me as well, in fact the majority of the casual conversations I was in today turned sexual in one way or another (even if just some innuendos being thrown around).
Desire to watch porn is dying down as is desire to masturbate but they both picked up a lot when I first started 3.2 I'm hoping this lack of desire continues to decrease and within the next week or so just loose interest. It's already starting to happen with the porn, the loss of interest.
There are a few other smaller things that I've noticed as well that I was to wrapped up in my own self wallowing to recognize before. I've made my bed, cleaned my room and aired out my room every day for the past week without even consciously thinking about it. I've also been sticking to my gym schedule for the first time in ages and again no conscious push to either. My standards felt very high today, I wasn't going to settle for any girl that I didn't find very attractive because I deserve it. So while still not getting major external results and results are inconsistent it seems like steps in the right direction.
The last few days have been feeling a bit down but today back on form.
Went out on Saturday and guys were being a bit friendlier. Also bumped into a girl I used to live with. The last time we saw each other we didn't even say a word this time she seemed happy to See Me and we ended up having a good conversation. No other external results as of yet.
Did have a very interesting dream the other night though, it was almost like inception. I kept going down layer after layer falling asleep each time. I eventually came upon this scary looking door that had a sign "fear" above it the whole area was dark apart from this door and sign. That was as far as I can remember though. Fear does play a massive part in what is holding me back so I do wonder whether this sub is starting to dive deep on that
Tonight is going to be my first night of doing 3.2a decided to make the move for a few reasons was becoming quite cold on B which doesn't help friendships and also my personality type hates being told what to do so hoping A will be a bit gentler in that regard.
Have been having a lot of dreams the last week and also been eating really badly and flapping quite a lot but also been getting more looks from girls. I usually get a lot of smiles but more in a friendly manor these have been more staring in a seductive manor. Had a girl last night continually slapping my ass and grabbing my crotch but she has done that before this time I didn't respond at all even after a few drinks. Have also had a guy at work telling me I'm getting quite cheeky but also treating me with much more respect than usual. Have had a couple of other instances of guys being very surprised when they found out I didn't have a girlfriend just saying things like "I can't believe a guy like you doesn't have a girlfriend". I've also been getting a lot of matches on Tinder lately as well.
While I haven't faced the usual resistance of depression and anxiety (which is great) I'm pretty sure I'm stonewalling a bit with the eating and fapping so hopefully A's approach will help sort that as well as the coldness.
Day 3 DMSI A. Yesterday was not the best day, was feeling really out of sorts and a bit depressed. Feeling better today though. Woke up this morning with an urge to clean and get a few things sorted as well as get my eating back on track (unfortunately everything was closed being easter Sunday here). So I went about and cleaned my place up and got a few things sorted. There is also a bit less of an urge to fap today which is great because that was getting pretty bad over the last few weeks.
I've been having some really vivid dreams the last two nights. Have also got this urge to sort out other areas of my life before even worrying about women, I've got a good job earning a good salary and am currently trying to buy a house (anyone who lives in my city will know how hard that is with the current market), have also got in much better shape than I used to be years back and have started doing a few things I really love. The thing I feel I'm really missing is a good group of friends, when I was younger I used to have a great group of friends that I would catch up with a few times a week they were all pretty ambitious and were going places in life. As the years have drifted by they have all moved overseas and I'm the only one out of that group that is left in my country, now the only real friend I see on a regular basis is an alcoholic. This is one of my primary goals from DMSI, I feel I have most other areas going ok (apart from women) but the good group of friends is the area that's missing. I'm hoping one day in the not to distant future socializing is a fun game will come out with the latest tech that can get past my resistance.
Onto the women side, not a lot happening here at the moment. Have noticed more looks in general from women again no smiles more just long glares from them, it's happened a number of times over the last couple of days. I've got a few other stresses in my life at the moment though including trying to find a place to live until I buy a place, I've got to be out of my place in the next two weeks and finding a place to rent in my city is mighty challenging you will quite often find 30-40 people going to view a room to rent and you really have to sell yourself to get the room or the house, it's gotten to the point where it's easier for me to find a new job than to find a house to live in. I'm hoping once all of that has been sorted I will be able to focus back again on a few other areas.
Day 7 already so day off tomorrow. Have been pretty busy trying to buy a house along with possible new job opportunities along with trying to find a place to rent in the meantime along with everything else going on so haven't had a lot of time to even think about the program goals. Have had a couple of kind of cute girls strike up random conversations over the last few days but apart from that nothing on the external results front.
One thing that is interesting and an unexpected side note is had a few people comment that I have been smoking less, didn't even noticed but checked my pack and there was definitely more than there usually would be at this point in the week. So that is positive side note.
Been feeling quite tired lately so may still be some resistance going on, then again it could just be everything that's on my plate at the moment.
Accidentally listened last night which would be night 8 so I'm guessing I take tonight off then start the 7 day cycle again (got to setup a reminder in my calendar).
Resistance may be passing now as I haven't looked at porn or fapped for 2 days and this coming from having done pretty much every day since I was 14 (I'm 32 now).
Have also noticed I've been pushing things forward a lot more at work a lot of my role involves change and highlighting things that make people uncomfortable so it's a good thing. I'm also noticing I'm becoming a lot more honest both in and out of work starting to say what I want more. People are becoming nicer towards me as well.
Haven't been paying any attention to external results at all so there may have been some without me realizing. Also still rather tired but that could be because of everything I've got going on at the moment.
Looking back over the last few days I've made a few observations that I seemed to have missed in the moment. I appear to be much more grounded in reality over the last four days, haven't been watching any porn or fapping, haven't watched any TV, getting things sorted out (there's a few big things on the go at the moment that are starting to make some real head way that could mean some massive positive changes in my life), not fantasizing much at all in general just more in the moment, feel my life is starting to get on track. All off this has just formed the new reality that I live in at the moment and it's been without any willpower on my side and natural enough that I didn't realize it was all happening.
I'm feeling a lot stronger in myself and a lot more grounded, I'm not sure if it's the no fapping or 3.2A (most likely a combination of both). Either way I'm pushing my comfort zone to all new levels. I'm valuing my time a whole lot more as well, my mind is thinking of things that will add more value to my life and I'm not putting up with things that don't.
Have noticed people being a lot friendlier lately, was at my brothers place last night and the people that were there were much friendlier than usual. Girls giving hugs (they were all taken unfortunately), guys chatting away and making plans with me etc. Have also had a lot of people apologizing to me lately and generally just making sure they aren't wasting my time or getting in my way. Haven't noticed many external results with girls but I feel like this will only be a matter of time as I'm starting to get a real sense of how a man who's got his shit together is super attractive to women and I can feel myself heading that way. It's almost as though I need to do an overhaul of my life and my attitude before these results can come but that overhaul is happening and it's like I've always been this way.
I initially had some reservations around 3.2A and was seriously considering going back to 3.2B but now I know that not only is 3.2A going to help me with women but what's even better is it's going to give a complete life overhaul.
DMSI is changing my focus I barely ever think about women and sex at the moment and am more concentrated about creating a future.
I'm working on trying to settle a big property deal at the moment that could lead to 500k to $1m in profit in 4 years still alot of work to go in over the next 4 years if the purchase goes through but will pay off in the end. Also looking at new job which would lead to an 80% payrise. Speaking of my job noticed I'm building much more confidence and fear is lessening. I deal with executives and board members within a large company and have always found myself slightly intimidated that has now disappeared and I'm starting to get a lot more respect from them and getting them come to me for advice. All this change has been kicking up some fear though and definitely increasing my stress levels.
As for results with women I'd say I'm on my way there but this is all part Of The process to get there. Haven't noticed any external results in that area but again have been way to busy with my own life to notice