Subliminal Talk

(05-22-2021, 07:51 PM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]4/180
Day 4 off - Sat 22 May - OFF #2

So 2nd day off today.

I woke up tired and all day ive been tired. I have been getting on with anything I need to but its clear im tired and more tired than usual.

I think today I also had some light headache or maybe it was yesterday lol I cant recall but today yeah its been a tiring day. As if im not sleeping enough (story of my life) but its been noticable past few days so ive thought today that this could very well be the sub.

Anything else to share not really no fearful thoughts except that I watched the last episode today of a show ive followed for 7years.  It came to an end. I just felt remorse and perhaps upset that my adult life has been wasted and dead. Inactivity due to fear and anxiety of my weight and not living to my potential.

Other than this I felt perhaps a little more free and calm. I had a little argument at my bro but less anxiety than usual and less feelings of stress perhaps. I think thats something to note that I dont feel as fearful perhaps or stressed out or maybe I dont sense as much anxiety when I could be triggered to usually feel them but so far unsure if its the sub or perhaps just the situation and how it played out today.

The biggest take away for me is the tiredness and feeling that I really need to sleep well and 2nd take away from today for me is perhaps a calmer more resolute composure but the jury is out at the moment on this one.

Im hopeful that in a weeks worth of playing this sub and perhaps in 2 weeks and then a month that it will become clearer what is happening but im definitely optimistic....lets see what happens

Unlike some of you that are playing this sub, which are playing whilst awake im hitting play and sleeping so my data is based on when I wake and what I feel in the day. Due to this and not knowing exactly what is in this sub im trying to share anything and everything I can so that a pattern can emerge for me to realise I am executing and for shannon data to know what is going on.

My reason to play subs while awake is to distract the conscious awareness so the subs could penetrate the subconscious gate without any unimportant though that possibly hinder the progress. 

Quote: It came to an end. I just felt remorse and perhaps upset that my adult life has been wasted and dead. Inactivity due to fear and anxiety of my weight and not living to my potential.

Why don't start going to the gym, or little workout there and there?

(05-22-2021, 07:59 PM)Qiel Wrote: [ -> ]

(05-22-2021, 07:51 PM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]4/180
Day 4 off - Sat 22 May - OFF #2

So 2nd day off today.

I woke up tired and all day ive been tired. I have been getting on with anything I need to but its clear im tired and more tired than usual.

I think today I also had some light headache or maybe it was yesterday lol I cant recall but today yeah its been a tiring day. As if im not sleeping enough (story of my life) but its been noticable past few days so ive thought today that this could very well be the sub.

Anything else to share not really no fearful thoughts except that I watched the last episode today of a show ive followed for 7years.  It came to an end. I just felt remorse and perhaps upset that my adult life has been wasted and dead. Inactivity due to fear and anxiety of my weight and not living to my potential.

Other than this I felt perhaps a little more free and calm. I had a little argument at my bro but less anxiety than usual and less feelings of stress perhaps. I think thats something to note that I dont feel as fearful perhaps or stressed out or maybe I dont sense as much anxiety when I could be triggered to usually feel them but so far unsure if its the sub or perhaps just the situation and how it played out today.

The biggest take away for me is the tiredness and feeling that I really need to sleep well and 2nd take away from today for me is perhaps a calmer more resolute composure but the jury is out at the moment on this one.

Im hopeful that in a weeks worth of playing this sub and perhaps in 2 weeks and then a month that it will become clearer what is happening but im definitely optimistic....lets see what happens

Unlike some of you that are playing this sub, which are playing whilst awake im hitting play and sleeping so my data is based on when I wake and what I feel in the day. Due to this and not knowing exactly what is in this sub im trying to share anything and everything I can so that a pattern can emerge for me to realise I am executing and for shannon data to know what is going on.

My reason to play subs while awake is to distract the conscious awareness so the subs could penetrate the subconscious gate without any unimportant though that possibly hinder the progress. 

Quote: It came to an end. I just felt remorse and perhaps upset that my adult life has been wasted and dead. Inactivity due to fear and anxiety of my weight and not living to my potential.

Why don't start going to the gym, or little workout there and there?

I forgot how to do those quotes again within quotes so ill reply to your 2 points here...

1) Yeh the subs should work in the day or at night when asleep. Only difference I think is that when awake you can share what you felt during the loop and also how perhaps you felt after etc wheras for me its based purely on how i felt upon waking. 


2) Many reasons and issues however my biggest goal when I get back to uni for the next 6months until december is to fix my diet, get walking and also do some bodyweight HITT program at home, perhaps focused in that order. I will start slow and build it all up week by week month by month trying to focus on making a lifestyle change and habit within the 6months rather than aiming for quick results or quick changes.

5/180
Day 5 off - Sun 23 May - OFF #3

3rd day off.

Today no tiredness or grogginess. Woke up feeling fine.

Nothing to report all day that was of any significance.

Felt normal which is calm and relaxed for me.

I did have some negative thoughts such as am I even someone who can be responsible? Do I have the ability to become an independent man. I know the answer to these and others like these are a resounding yes but for some reason im thinking these negative thoughts. Is it the sub or simply the time in my life as my degrees end draws near....I dont know but there is alot more focus for me on what I will do once the degree finishes.

I also felt yesterday having come across someones tiktok on multiple streams of income that im so closed to finding means to make money. I mean there are people that are making money from so many means and im just dead. Is this fear or is there a lock on my creative money earning thinking? I dont know but yeah this came to mind too.

I also saw another tiktok video that made me realise that I may be suffering from fear of failure and that this is what perhaps has caused my apethetic approach to life, responsibility but more to the procrastination to studying and academic excellence. The video explained that if you praise a childs marks they associate the marks with self value and thus when things get tough and fail rather than work hard they procrastinate or something like this whereas if you praise a childs efforts they will work harder and harder and harder.

Funny thing is I was always praised for my marks and for my efforts. When my marks fell my effort hadnt. So actually scrap this cos I dunno what I suffer from fuck it OF just do your thing!

I do however feel optimistic about listening to the sub once again after these 3 days off because the tiredness wasnt there today when I woke as you read when it had been there in my past reports to this journal thread, so hopefully ill get to see if I wake refreshed or not. Only problem is that its now 5.43am and I havent slept on purpose as I may have a university webinar to attend at 6.30am

if I dont then ill finally get to sleep, will this result in me waking tired perhaps so can I attribute it to poor sleep cycle (which I always have) or to the sub - ive no idea.

For now all I can say is lets wait and see lol

(05-23-2021, 08:44 PM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]5/180
Day 5 off - Sun 23 May - OFF #3

3rd day off.

Today no tiredness or grogginess. Woke up feeling fine.

Nothing to report all day that was of any significance.

Felt normal which is calm and relaxed for me.

I feel optimistic about listening to the sub because the tiredness wasnt there today so hopefully ill get to see if I wake refreshed or not. Only problem is that its now 5.43am and I havent slept on purpose as I may have a university webinar to attend at 6.30am

if I dont then ill finally get to sleep, will this result in me waking tired perhaps so can I attribute it to poor sleep cycle (which I always have) or to the sub - ive no idea.

For now all I can say is lets wait and see lol

Sounds like typical self-sabotage. You've definitely had fear around school, and fear about leaving school for "adulthood", and what that entails beyond that abyss. Trying to prolong that "student/mini-adult" stage of life in the end, obviously. Shannon has written about this before for you too, I remember his post.

Overall, it's clear the sub is working for you. Just relax, don't freak out over minutiae anymore. Don't ever let excuses or "reasons" get in the way of not listening, or changing ANY directions or volume anymore. Recognise that behaviour for what it is: resistance. Just let the sub work and give it time to do it's job at last.

We've said variations of that for a long time now. I really hope it sinks in. Think back to when you "had a flood in the basement, so I can't listen to the sub for several months". Or how you "am talking to a girl on the phone all the time now, so I can't listen to the sub". Or how whenever you traveled home from school, or at school I don't remember, how you could never listen or it was always super awkwardly complicated to listen so you tended to just not it seemed. The whole big controversy about the phones and the volume and which phone can work, if the phone worked with the sub, on and on and on, even though many of us, including Shannon, assured you it was fine to use and very capable. Shannon himself uses a phone to listen. I remember posting about apps to measure volume to try to have you relax and reassured. And then THAT opened up another massive rabbit hole of overanalyzing minutiae and what not. What do you think those behaviours were a sign of from you?

You're getting good results from the sub, Jake. Let's keep the ball rolling, don't psych yourself out anymore, that's resistance doing that to you to keep you stuck where you've been. Don't let anything stop you getting your loops in and following the directions to the letter now.

We want what's best for you. You're on the right path now! Trust in the sub...and trust in yourself.

(05-23-2021, 09:10 PM)CatMan Wrote: [ -> ]

(05-23-2021, 08:44 PM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]5/180
Day 5 off - Sun 23 May - OFF #3

3rd day off.

Today no tiredness or grogginess. Woke up feeling fine.

Nothing to report all day that was of any significance.

Felt normal which is calm and relaxed for me.

I feel optimistic about listening to the sub because the tiredness wasnt there today so hopefully ill get to see if I wake refreshed or not. Only problem is that its now 5.43am and I havent slept on purpose as I may have a university webinar to attend at 6.30am

if I dont then ill finally get to sleep, will this result in me waking tired perhaps so can I attribute it to poor sleep cycle (which I always have) or to the sub - ive no idea.

For now all I can say is lets wait and see lol

Sounds like typical self-sabotage. You've definitely had fear around school, and fear about leaving school for "adulthood", and what that entails beyond that abyss. Trying to prolong that "student/mini-adult" stage of life in the end, obviously. Shannon has written about this before for you too, I remember his post.

Overall, it's clear the sub is working for you. Just relax, don't freak out over minutiae anymore. Don't ever let excuses or "reasons" get in the way of not listening, or changing ANY directions or volume anymore. Recognise that behaviour for what it is: resistance. Just let the sub work and give it time to do it's job at last.

We've said variations of that for a long time now. I really hope it sinks in. Think back to when you "had a flood in the basement, so I can't listen to the sub for several months". Or how you "am talking to a girl on the phone all the time now, so I can't listen to the sub". Or how whenever you traveled home from school, or at school I don't remember, how you could never listen or it was always super awkwardly complicated to listen so you tended to just not it seemed. The whole big controversy about the phones and the volume and which phone can work, if the phone worked with the sub, on and on and on, even though many of us, including Shannon, assured you it was fine to use and very capable. Shannon himself uses a phone to listen. I remember posting about apps to measure volume to try to have you relax and reassured. And then THAT opened up another massive rabbit hole of overanalyzing  minutiae and what not. What do you think those behaviours were a sign of from you?

You're getting good results from the sub, Jake. Let's keep the ball rolling, don't psych yourself out anymore, that's resistance doing that to you to keep you stuck where you've been. Don't let anything stop you getting your loops in and following the directions to the letter now.

We want what's best for you. You're on the right path now! Trust in the sub...and trust in yourself.

CatMan, what I like about you (no homo), is you have value/weight on your post. It's supportive and constructive. Please create OF v3 journal. Gonna looka forward on that. Thanks. 

Jake, from my perspective, OF v3 is progressing on you. Late bloomer is still better than doesn't bloom. Slowly but surely.

(05-23-2021, 09:10 PM)CatMan Wrote: [ -> ]

(05-23-2021, 08:44 PM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]5/180
Day 5 off - Sun 23 May - OFF #3

3rd day off.

Today no tiredness or grogginess. Woke up feeling fine.

Nothing to report all day that was of any significance.

Felt normal which is calm and relaxed for me.

I feel optimistic about listening to the sub because the tiredness wasnt there today so hopefully ill get to see if I wake refreshed or not. Only problem is that its now 5.43am and I havent slept on purpose as I may have a university webinar to attend at 6.30am

if I dont then ill finally get to sleep, will this result in me waking tired perhaps so can I attribute it to poor sleep cycle (which I always have) or to the sub - ive no idea.

For now all I can say is lets wait and see lol

Sounds like typical self-sabotage. You've definitely had fear around school, and fear about leaving school for "adulthood", and what that entails beyond that abyss. Trying to prolong that "student/mini-adult" stage of life in the end, obviously. Shannon has written about this before for you too, I remember his post.

Overall, it's clear the sub is working for you. Just relax, don't freak out over minutiae anymore. Don't ever let excuses or "reasons" get in the way of not listening, or changing ANY directions or volume anymore. Recognise that behaviour for what it is: resistance. Just let the sub work and give it time to do it's job at last.

We've said variations of that for a long time now. I really hope it sinks in. Think back to when you "had a flood in the basement, so I can't listen to the sub for several months". Or how you "am talking to a girl on the phone all the time now, so I can't listen to the sub". Or how whenever you traveled home from school, or at school I don't remember, how you could never listen or it was always super awkwardly complicated to listen so you tended to just not it seemed. The whole big controversy about the phones and the volume and which phone can work, if the phone worked with the sub, on and on and on, even though many of us, including Shannon, assured you it was fine to use and very capable. Shannon himself uses a phone to listen. I remember posting about apps to measure volume to try to have you relax and reassured. And then THAT opened up another massive rabbit hole of overanalyzing  minutiae and what not. What do you think those behaviours were a sign of from you?

You're getting good results from the sub, Jake. Let's keep the ball rolling, don't psych yourself out anymore, that's resistance doing that to you to keep you stuck where you've been. Don't let anything stop you getting your loops in and following the directions to the letter now.

We want what's best for you. You're on the right path now! Trust in the sub...and trust in yourself.

Thanks alot @CatMan I appreciate the time, response, concern and support greatly! Means alot.

I cant wait to see the changes within me one I get soaring with this

(05-24-2021, 01:47 AM)Qiel Wrote: [ -> ]

(05-23-2021, 09:10 PM)CatMan Wrote: [ -> ]

(05-23-2021, 08:44 PM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]5/180
Day 5 off - Sun 23 May - OFF #3

3rd day off.

Today no tiredness or grogginess. Woke up feeling fine.

Nothing to report all day that was of any significance.

Felt normal which is calm and relaxed for me.

I feel optimistic about listening to the sub because the tiredness wasnt there today so hopefully ill get to see if I wake refreshed or not. Only problem is that its now 5.43am and I havent slept on purpose as I may have a university webinar to attend at 6.30am

if I dont then ill finally get to sleep, will this result in me waking tired perhaps so can I attribute it to poor sleep cycle (which I always have) or to the sub - ive no idea.

For now all I can say is lets wait and see lol

Sounds like typical self-sabotage. You've definitely had fear around school, and fear about leaving school for "adulthood", and what that entails beyond that abyss. Trying to prolong that "student/mini-adult" stage of life in the end, obviously. Shannon has written about this before for you too, I remember his post.

Overall, it's clear the sub is working for you. Just relax, don't freak out over minutiae anymore. Don't ever let excuses or "reasons" get in the way of not listening, or changing ANY directions or volume anymore. Recognise that behaviour for what it is: resistance. Just let the sub work and give it time to do it's job at last.

We've said variations of that for a long time now. I really hope it sinks in. Think back to when you "had a flood in the basement, so I can't listen to the sub for several months". Or how you "am talking to a girl on the phone all the time now, so I can't listen to the sub". Or how whenever you traveled home from school, or at school I don't remember, how you could never listen or it was always super awkwardly complicated to listen so you tended to just not it seemed. The whole big controversy about the phones and the volume and which phone can work, if the phone worked with the sub, on and on and on, even though many of us, including Shannon, assured you it was fine to use and very capable. Shannon himself uses a phone to listen. I remember posting about apps to measure volume to try to have you relax and reassured. And then THAT opened up another massive rabbit hole of overanalyzing  minutiae and what not. What do you think those behaviours were a sign of from you?

You're getting good results from the sub, Jake. Let's keep the ball rolling, don't psych yourself out anymore, that's resistance doing that to you to keep you stuck where you've been. Don't let anything stop you getting your loops in and following the directions to the letter now.

We want what's best for you. You're on the right path now! Trust in the sub...and trust in yourself.

CatMan, what I like about you (no homo), is you have value/weight on your post. It's supportive and constructive. Please create OF v3 journal. Gonna looka forward on that. Thanks. 

Jake, from my perspective, OF v3 is progressing on you. Late bloomer is still better than doesn't bloom. Slowly but surely.

haha your first sentence had me laugh lol
Yes I agree catmans post has value/weight and sincerity! 

Yeah catman do OF 3 too lets see that if you havent started already.

6/180
Day 6 ON - Mon 24 May - On #1

So didnt sleep all night due to the webinar at 6.30 that NEVER bloody happened lol so got to bed and watched youtube etc Wasnt tired until around 10am then fell asleep and listened to the loop. Only thing I changed a little was before the phone (my s10) was on a chair on my left side of the bed pointed towards my shoulder , neck and head but, this time it was top of my head where I could fit it before my pillow. So to explain the way my bed is, there is space for the phone then a gap then my mattress starts upon which next is my pillow on which is my head. So the phone was to the right projecting from the top right of my head this time. Just changed it as its a little closer and wondered if it would benefit me or not (tbh doubt it made much difference anyway) so ill stick to the chair format going forward.

I only got 5hours sleep but I woke without the same heavy tiredness or fatigue. However yes rest of the day was tiring and I knew this was the lack of sleep not the sub.

Nothing really else to report however I did read shannon's journal and he mentioned a backache which he attributed i think to the sub. Well ive had a sore hip for 2 weeks so this wasnt the sub however yesterday I noticed a little soreness in the left side of my middle back. Odd however not today. It was a little soreness not badly painful but it came from nowhere as far as I can tell.

Ive had a decent day no issues and felt calm and nothing really to report.

its clear with this sub, time will tell how it does so ill keep the journal updated but it will not become clear to me if im executing until cycles or weeks have passed i think.

Oh I did have a dream. It was weird and I tried to remember it but its hard to remember except that it involved my university apartments landlord and held absolutely no significance to me at all. I as usual only remember dreams when my sleep cycle is screwed or I wake up during sleep as is common in sleep research anyway. So is the dream relevant probably not but im including it.

Addendum:

lol I remembered something. So today I was talking to my older bro and sis and I told them off for something. I did it where I didnt stop for breath but was assertive. Im usually assertive I believe in my head anyway whether thats how I come across is a different thing. Point is when i did this I didnt think of it as a big deal nor anything different than the norm but as I stepped away I could hear my sister joking to my bro about how I was telling them off but she was saying it in a fun jovial way to suggest that the youngest is telling them both off. I remembered this because this isnt usual so mentioning it here.

7/180
Day 7 ON - Tues 25 May - On #2

Nothing to report. played and all day was no different.

Addendum:
I was speaking to my sis on the phone and it was about bullying from 1 of my siblings and how I had been bullied at school and hated my high school and how I would come home and face bullying and distractions and issues at home. Im adding it not sure if this is relevant or if OF would eventually affect this.
----

8/180
Day 8 OFF - Wed 26 May - OFF #1

Today is my day off but I played the sub by mistake. I played it different whereas I normally play and sleep today whilst not sleeping and doing some work and emails I decided to play on my phone whilst awake. The time is now 6.13am.

Since ive played today instead of having a break theres nothing I can do, but have the remaining 2 days off and then get back to 2 days on again.

My uni classes online start in 15mins mins. Once they finish ill go have sleep and when I wake during remainder of wed if theres anything to report ill then jump back into this post and update it.

Only thing to report is whilst the sub was playing and I was on my laptop I felt remorse about my age and the way ive not achieved my potential. That was all so it wasnt fear but more remorse and it wasnt due to the sub but due to the work I was doing that made me reminisce but I dont want to go into that detail.

Since starting this sub I cannot say I have executed as yet. I am optimistic but so far of course too early to say in my case.

8/180
Day 8 OFF - Wed 26 May - OFF #1 - part 2...

So this is a conclusion to the post that I created early today in the hours of the morning when I listened to the sub by mistake.

So today not felt or noticed anything that I could say i need to add as data sadly.

I did get a thought about how I am a perfectionist and want everything set up properly before starting to study or do such academic things. Everything else I can do on a whim but its as if I lack confidence in myself perhaps and feel for studying I must be in the right place, in the right time with the right set-up and also spent the right amount of stuctured time. I think this is it that I feel I must be very structured when it comes to studying rather than relaxed and chilled. perhaps this is due to studying always being seen as that task that demands mental effort and cannot be done in a relaxed way I dont know but either way this was a fleeting thought that i had that ive no elaborated on with some hindsight and whilst typing.

Other than this nothing else to report and so I cannot say if I am executing or not. I respect how others have thought I am but I have remained diplomatic and patient. For now I dont seem to be executing sadly

I also saw due to a reply from shannon on another thread that popped up on top of the thread lists that there is a new MLS released and it has procrastination as 1 of its sub goals. That sub alas would have perhaps been perfect for me as it deals with why I came to this place to begin with, that to deal with studying and procrastination lol However I know i know since OF 3 is FRM 5.0 now then this is far better for me and hopefully will deal with all my studying fears and woes!

I just cant wait for this thing to work lol even with an extra day of listening today which was by mistake i havent noticed anything. To be honest as my pervious post should have said if it didnt, that whilst doing my work and listening to US through my phone I felt nothing and wondered is it even doing anything haha

Fingers crossed I am executing this! - I am tempted to play this sub daily for 1 loop with NO days off until I get somewhere.... wonder what @Shannon may make of this after my 14th day is done.

im going to list my dates for my own self so I can keep a note of days...

Day 1 On - Wednesday 19 May
Day 2 On - Thursday 20 May

Day 3 off - Fri 21 May
Day 4 off - Sat 22 May
Day 5 off - Sun 23 May

Day 6 ON - Mon 24 May
Day 7 ON - Tues 25 May

Day 8 OFF - Wed 26 May
- done so far -

Day 9 OFF - Thurs 27 May - today
Day 10 OFF - Fri 28 May

Day 11 ON - Sat 29 May
Day 12 ON - Sun 30 May

Day 13 Off - Monday 31 May
Day 14 Off - Tuesday 1 June

*(possible time to change things - ask Shannon if should then how)* - current thought is to remain at 1 loop as I like this but to do daily with no days off.

Day 15 Off - Wednesday 2 June

Day 16 On - Thursday 3 June
Day 17 On - Friday 4 June

Day 18 Off - Sat 5 June
Day 19 Off - Sun 6 June
Day 20 Off - Mon 8 June

Day 21 On - Tues 9 June
Day 22 On - Wed 10 June

Day 23 Off - Thurs 11 June
Day 24 Off - Fri 12 June
Day 26 Off - Sat 13 June

Jake...

There's multiple examples early on of the sub working on you, hence our earlier comments.

In the last two posts from you...I see direct evidence of the sub working more so...coupled with your ironic continued assertion it isn't working. It is. End of.

As has been previously stated often, I wish you'd chill out, give yourself a break, get out of your own way. The sub is working. Clearly. One hundred percent.

By the way, getting the sudden desire to switch to another program, regardless of reason, is a clear attempt to resist and avoid the instructions in the script.

Here's some "homework" since you're in uni, lol: https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Types...#pid212355

See in particular, sections Type 2, Type 4, Type 5, Type 6, Type 9, Type 13, and based off Shannon's previous words to you, I suspect Type 21 and Type 22 were invented for you specifically.

I'm trying my best here to help you. I wish things would sink in. Stop cutting yourself down the moment anything good appears to happen, or else nothing good will happen.

(05-26-2021, 08:32 PM)CatMan Wrote: [ -> ]Jake...

There's multiple examples early on of the sub working on you, hence our earlier comments.

In the last two posts from you...I see direct evidence of the sub working more so...coupled with your ironic continued assertion it isn't working. It is. End of.

As has been previously stated often, I wish you'd chill out, give yourself a break, get out of your own way. The sub is working. Clearly. One hundred percent.

By the way, getting the sudden desire to switch to another program, regardless of reason, is a clear attempt to resist and avoid the instructions in the script.

Here's some "homework" since you're in uni, lol: https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Types...#pid212355

See in particular, sections Type 2, Type 4, Type 5, Type 6, Type 9, Type 13, and based off Shannon's previous words to you, I suspect Type 21 and Type 22 were invented for you specifically.

I'm trying my best here to help you. I wish things would sink in. Stop cutting yourself down the moment anything good appears to happen, or else nothing good will happen.

Catman Thank you for helping me like this bro. I really appreciate it.

I read all those types you mentioned and wow I was thinking shit is this really me or not. Thanks for the homework.

I hear you then clearly if the sub is working and you and others can see it then somehow my subconscious is preventing me from seeing it and if thats the case then my mind if blown!!! 

I have every intention of playing this sub for the 180 days and I felt the urge as I was typing the last post of wanting to play it daily even just to convince myself I guess. The MLS was simply a momentary desire since I didnt know it existed but then as I was typing I knew the answer was to stick with OF. 

Quote:I'm trying my best here to help you. I wish things would sink in. Stop cutting yourself down the moment anything good appears to happen, or else nothing good will happen.

thank you so much Catman! I hear you I didnt realise I was doing this if I am indeed doing this. I sometimes just dont know what to include in the journal and so left lost as I was tonight but yeah ill keep going! 

hope anything im sharing is helping Shannon with FRM man really do.

9/180
Day 9 OFF - Thurs 27 May - OFF #2

Day 2 off and nothing really to report. Sleep yes same but thats due to my erratic crazy cycle due to university webinars.

Today dad lost his temper somewhat and I remained cool around 90% rather than losing it but this is normal for me to the point that my mum and sis complimented how mature and calm I always am. This I cannot thus attribute to the sub as yet either.

So the day otherwise as been normal and fine. Another day of no listening and then let the ON days roll forth.

I am currently chatting to 2 women. 1 I have been chatting to by phone for around a month and shes pretty much in the bag. The other is fairly new and really into me cos we have long deep back and forth texting. Its getting tiring but its fine. A 3rd female is a lesbian lol shes ok. A female from the past, has come back into contact. She lost touch with me due to her bisexuality causing her to find another girl and we lost touch in August of last year. Shes back.

The thing all of these females have in common are they are not the kind I would date and I know it or atleast not have a long term meaningful relationship with as they all lack the certain quality I seek.

The 2 females however that I am into and can see more than average are lost to me and a 3rd that I matched with on tinder a while ago is more a mate than anything as shes gone quiet too.

Is all of this relevant I dont know or as I was about to type "fuck if i know" hahaha but anyway im stating it here since its all data i hope.

my life has been this way, the girls I like dont like me the ones that seem to like me are never enough for me.

For me my fears and feelings are hard to guage which is probably why its hard for me to see if OF is working even though some of you are saying that it is. However the fears I can see such as of spiders, bees, wasps (in certain contexts and conditions such as in an enclosed room) or the fear of heights (when im not too far away from the ground perhaps) or other fears I have are really the only way I can know the sub is working and that may take all the way to day 180.

Yesterday i was eager to get the sub playing on a daily basis without any day offs however today I had the thought of not doing that but keeping to the current regime since days off makes sense or may be prudent for me.

however it would be awesome to see eventually whether Shannon has an theory how I should listen to this sub once he has enough data points from us all....im going to give it 30days probably before I even consider another way. For now the 1 loop at 2 on 3 off is nice and convenient.

addendum:

I think I was stressed or agitated towards my bro today. Sadly I really cant remember. Im only mentioning this as someone mentioned anger in a journal and Shannon said give the sub time and be patient with yourself. Catman yesterday also said something similar to me in just letting the sub do its thing. So whilst I try to provide data and info im doing just that, going with the flow and letting the sub do its thing. Lets see where I am in 30days time. I think monthly reviews are probably a good idea for me.

@Jake2015
I honestly believe one day you will talk to someone you haven't seen in a very long time and then and only then when they tell you how much you have changed since the last time they last saw you is when you will finally believe the subliminal worked!!