Day 35 OFF - Tue 22 June - OFF#2 - part 2
1) Been chilling and being lazy and just sat on youtube.
2) Now feel bored. I cant decided on a tv show or movie to watch I just feel very very odd and bored. Kinda dejected
Day 36 ON - Wed 23 June - ON #1
1) I avoided going to bed. I was tired but as you read in previous post super bored and felt fed up and just blah!! why no idea at all. I tried watching a tv show I watch and didnt want to i stopped it some mins into it. I couldnt decide on another show to watch nor on a movie to watch. What is wrong with me lmao.....
2) ....I then went to bed and slept around 3am after hitting play on the sub. Yes having a cooling fan blow on me helped me to sleep so I think this may have been the cause of my inability to sleep rather than the sub. Ofcourse could be the sub and the heat too so both.
3) I woke naturally without any alarm around 11am. I was feeling ok. I remembed I had 2 dreams and I woke with 101 thoughts and songs buzzing in my head. I made a point of going over the 2 dreams so I could remember them for this journal and alas I have forgotten them both. FML!
4) I as I said woke feeling good and had normal energy levels but wasted 1 or 2hours in bed on youtube and then felt demotivated and tired...ie lazy.
5) I have been feeling LAZY ever since then. Time is now 3.05pm here and even though ive eaten and stuff I wasnt motivated and felt lazy to even brush my teeth. I felt I would rather live like a hobbo or tramp today. (whats the term or word for someone who is like this i cant seem to recall it).
6) Anyway ive eaten and have had a wash and now after posting this need to get going with my goal for yesterday which im transferring to today or ill be behind with all my health and study goals all summer.
7) No urge to increase the loops though I have a fleeting thought as mentioned previously and for now i want to give 2 loops a few more times before moving up to make sure enough of a difference is noticeable and/or visible.
Day 36 ON - Wed 23 June - ON #1 - part 2
1) Managed to lose the laziness and get productive and on with the tasks at hand so that was good.
2) had a zoom call scheduled with a company that helps with online learning for university students in my field so that was helpful.
3) 7.38pm now, and still feel alive and motivated rather than the terrible funk I was in last night and earlier today. Time to reward myself with food/dinner and then ill see what I want to do lol
Day 36 ON - Wed 23 June - ON #1 - part 3
1) After eating felt lazy and drank tea and ate chocolate and watched a tv show.
2) went to bed not sure but think i slept around 2.30am
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Day 37 ON - Thurs 24 June - ON #2 - part 1
1) woke naturally at 10.14am and was very happy with this!!
2) Felt awake, didnt feel lazy or tired or anything. But spent 2hours sat in bed on youtube and messages etc
3) When I got up I had my wash, made breakfast ate and then back to feeling lazy again and undirected.
4) Finally felt motivated after eating and past 30mins have been a little productive. Time now 2.21pm
5) Saw that the student loans have taken money out of my account this week (monday) but only saw it now and wasnt happy as they shouldnt have. I however didnt feel more than 5 or 10% fear in terms of anxiety etc. I think normally I would have had a sudden panic perhaps.
6) When I think about going out to walk for when I start my daily walking goal eventually there is some hesitation that creeps in the form of fear so that is there however small too.
7) Time to put music on and get on with whatever I had on my todo list for today...bbl
and thoughts of moving to 3 loops a day are fleeting however I know I dont and wont do this until atleast the weekend to give my sleep a good chance to get better as that is the primary goal though ive negated this since my exam on tuesday.
I think when I do something stressful or taxing I feel I need atleast 1 maybe 2 days to recover. Its odd but even doing 1 task in the day seems to be all I can sometimes manage and feel its time to reward myself.
I think also stress and hard work causing that stress is a major fear I have since childhood that has been there at the root so lets see how that goes.
Day 37 ON - Thurs 24 June - ON #2 - part 2
1) I've been productive since my last update of 2hrs ago doing things pretty much nonstop and not feeling lazy even though my pace is relaxed and not quick or stressful.
2) I came across a profile on my tinder of a beautiful girl I saw at uni only 2 days ago. I have ran out of likes to be able to swipe on her not that it matters as I failed to make an impression 2 days ago when i tried to talk to her outside the uni office and on tinder I dont have my face on my profile as I prefer my privacy lol Point of this data entry is that I showed my friend via whatsapp her profile and that I actually came across her at uni, which is rare as most on tinder are strangers in real life. He was amazed at her beauty and said he would see if he can find her on instagram and try his luck. I felt jealousy. I dont know if jealousy is based on fear in anyway but I wanted to offer context here too to help for hindsight.
3) The student loans (refer to point 5 from previous post) issue. They had emailed my family who deal on my behave as im usually abroad so could miss letters sent by them, and family spoke to me and showed me the email they sent. Normally dealing with them or anything similar may create fear inside me but this time instead of fear I was angry and confident and happy to deal with them though the lazy side of me was happy to delegate it to family but alas I spoke to the student loans organisation without anger I should add but with zero fear and dealt with the issue.
Day 38 OFF - Fri 25 June - OFF #1
1) Slept dunno some point between 1-2.30am. As always not in the mood to sleep so go to bed and on my phone as not tired but drifted to sleep.
2) Woke around 6am, was pleased it wasnt late so went back to sleep and think I woke again at 9am and again pleased and went to the bathroom and back to sleep again. Woke at 11am and felt ok this is a good time to get out of bed.
3) Felt not too tired and this time didnt want to waste time on my phone so luckily got moving with my morning ablution and then sat to eat upon with point I watched the trailer for a movie that dropped in the night.
4) As seems to be my trend at the moment 2.5hrs later breakfast is over, youtube and tv show watched and now came on here to share my datas. Feeling tired and lazy. Laziness seems to be the trend I think for the last few posts.
5) Will after typing this try and get moving and productive for today and get on with things. So the feeling to be productive and take action are there within or the thought that I know I should now get off my ass and move it.
6) Was in PM with a member here and he is seeing terrific results from OF3 and very pleased. That made me feel like im still not there with OF3 as im not seeing anything concrete at all as yet even though shannon and others are saying I have or am executing. Its as if the changes are so so subtle and minuscule for me that I just cant notice them.
For someone like me, seeing a change will allow me to be happier and more in belief that i can change with these subs.
What I am noticing is tiredness, laziness etc and these could be argued are my usual MO anyway.
So based on this im feeling its better I bring forward my next step and rather than wait any longer i increase my Loops from 2 to now 3 on my next ON day.
Hey Jake2015, some other users report progress with Hybrid Format for OFv3. So maybe that would also be an option for you. Shannon responded to this in Kol's journal "OFv3 being fearless".
Hope this helps
MM
(06-25-2021, 04:52 AM)MegaMan Wrote: [ -> ]Hey Jake2015, some other users report progress with Hybrid Format for OFv3. So maybe that would also be an option for you. Shannon responded to this in Kol's journal "OFv3 being fearless".
Hope this helps
MM
Hey MegaMan, Love the name lol thanks for the suggestion bro!
I hear you but masked sometimes messes with my sleep so hybrid may do the same. I wanna give US all that I can before deciding on another format and ill put it past shannon to see what he thinks when that time comes but thanks for the heads up as I didnt realise hybrid was working well for some.
Day 38/180 OFF #1- Fri 25 June - (part 2)
1) Ive changed the title structure to make it easier to follow etc
2) Ive spent the last 1 hour reading through my journal from start to now to see where the numbering went wrong and how ive been and if there has been any chance since starting the sub. I rather than saying day 33 on Sunday 20th June, I mistakingly wrong 31 and yet managed to realise the numbering was wrong the very next day lol so all dates have been fixed since then (ie last 6days).
There have been times where in my journal things could be seen as the sub working and at other times unsure if it was the usual me or a placebo however as I was reading the journal 1 thing became clear to me, its time I increased the intensity again, which I planned to this anyway this weekend as previously stated.
3) So now on my next ON day (Sunday 27th June - Day 40, I will listen to 3 loops a day, still at 2 days ON and 2 days OFF). I went to 2 loops on 19th June, so this means I would have done 8 days of this including all on and off days.
I even have the feeling to increase the sub further than this but ill be doing things slowly to enable me and you all to gauge how I am progressing.
4) So back to today, I had managed to get off my ass eventually to deal with ordering and delivery of groceries and ordering online a food processer and a fast charger plug. BOTH websites didnt accept my card so spent most of the day dealing with the bank and them and back and forth. I didnt feel anxious etc however I wouldnt in this situation anyway as its happened before and I know I can always resort to another means of payment should all else fail.
5) After this ordeal I rewarded myself with a meal and then the grocery was delivered so spent next hour cleaning/disinfecting that as has become the norm due to this pandemic. That took me an hour.
6) After that I came to this site and became reading my journal and making notes of the days and numbers of days etc and finally here I am. Time to take a break again and eat and chill now.
Addendum
7) been reading journals and recall how today I was thinking about going out to walk (goal is to do daily walking soon) and the idea of walking when its quiet (looked quiet with less people around) somehow caused fear inside me as if I wouldnt be safe. I recall now whilst typing this of a tv program for kids I once saw as a kid about a small british town that was at the brink of a nuclear disaster or something and so the town was evacuated and it looked empty thus scary.
8) I also recall how I saw people walking when I did see people and felt insecure of how I will look walking outside with all my weight etc. Fleeting thoughts but shit thoughts nevertheless and worth adding as data.
Day 39/180 OFF #2- Sat 26 June
1) Forgot to mention lastnight about my good friend the spider. For those of you following me may recall the fable of the spider of microwave. The foe that walked across the top of my microwave striking fear and terror into my hearts and the hearts of my fellow village folks. The village elders had a meeting but they couldnt come to a consensus but rest assured I took it upon myself to battle thy fiend of hell. Ok ill stop the drama but anyway if you dont know of this saga then scroll back and have a read as its better than anything George Lucas could come up with lol
So I forgot to mention that yesterday as I was washing my fruits that same small spider came into my vision in front of me as he was on the tiled wall opposite my eyes. At first I was startled but then composed myself by saying "you're on OF buddy calm yourself down you muppet" lmao
Anyway i continued to wash then got a paper towel and killed the fucker!! (18+ journal here kids you have been warned and im in an angry mood as will be revealed below).
Yes I felt some minor anxiety but nothing as before.
2) I fell asleep but didnt want to sleep. I just felt bored and fed up again but didnt want to sleep. I eventually slept and woke around noon/12 today and just been lazy again.
3) After waking was on a call for what felt like hours then got up ate etc and being and feeling lazy.
4) Whilst chopping the fruit I found a maggot in 1 of them. I was upset and angry!! hence why im still angry!! there is always some issue with fruits and veg from this online store but its convenient having shopping delivered than going out to the supermarket and wasting time inside one. I feel sometimes as if a whole day can be wasted but anyway thats besides the point. The point is I was irritated and I still am.
5) I definately want to move to 3 loops as i want bigger changes and bigger effects from this sub. Sleeping so well and waking up so well made me feel like I always have in the past, that the subs doing nothing so I need to change that feeling and mood.
6) Ive read the hybrid posts and feel I should move to 3 loops and more and stay on US. I think masked and hybrid may give me an excuse to not listen due to hearing noise when trying to sleep will annoy the hell outta me.
however im happy to listen to US to the level that it equals Hybrid if I need to. I may ask shannon about that.
Day 40/180 ON #1- SUN 27 June - (1st day of 3 loops - before was 2 loops 2 days on and 2 days off)
1) I again didnt feel the desire to sleep so in bed watching tv shows on my phone and youtube etc until I fell asleep.
2) Slept around 3-3.30am woke around 11am.
3) Had a dream I think it was 2 dreams actually. 1 was about me in a car with I think my sister driving around some old english style home, the kind of home Ron Weasley and his family live in from the Harry Potter movies, kind of an old lady that lives in the shoe kids nursery rhyme style building. The rest of the dream I dont recall.
The second dream had the girl who I had oneitis for in it, in bed next to me. I again cant recall the dream. I know that I had thought about her in the evening as he has a snapchat story posted that I ignored so maybe this dream wasnt OFs doing.
4) Regarding oneitis girl, I am realising she doesnt obviously care and give a shit and so this rejection is what bothers me. The fact that its her isnt the issue its the fact that im rejected by a girl I think. I dont know how else to explain it.
5) So I woke feeling fine, not tired, not stressed, nothing at all. I felt normal, fully refreshed and blissful to be honest and obviously wondered why when I had increased from 2 loops to 3 loops. I due to this line of thought then surmised I should increase the intensity further then. So i have asked shannon on his discussion journal regarding the best way to do this.
6) I feel less lazy today. I made a big breakfast when I had no plan to and didnt really know what to have for breakfast and then after eating didnt feel so lazy so decided ok I will do some tasks, first of which was this journal update before I forgot anything.
7) I did forget something lol between waking up and having a wash, I watched youtube and chilled out on my bed for maybe an hour. I call this laziness and I dunno. Im not depressed yet cant be bothered to get up sometimes and i call that laziness.
8) Out of all songs and musics that get me juiced up to get active, there seems to be only 1 or 2 tracks from a movie soundtrack. I have that playing now and yes im ready to get things done! This is the effect im hoping the subs will eventually have on me 1 day.
Day 40/180 ON #1- SUN 27 June - (1st day of 3 loops - before was 2 loops 2 days on and 2 days off) - part 2
1) so since point #8 in previous post yes ive been more active than I have been the last few days. As per my posts ive been somewhat lazy and lazier than normal but today ive been more pro-active and getting on with things and tasks.
I havent been as productive as I want to be that is the ultimate goal but ive been a LOT more active in doing my chores etc and its been nice
2) So this is a weird one but let me explain. I take a while to have a shower. I had the intention of having a shave first which takes me a while too as I like to do it properly and then ill jump into the shower. I started with brushing my teeth and as I was doing that I was looking at the time, it was 6pm here and I was getting that feeling and urge to leave the shave and just jump into the shower. I wasnt sure but at the time I felt and thought this was me procrastinating on shaving if that even makes sense. I mean there was no reason why I couldnt have a simple facial shave but the thought that it was going to be time consuming and such made me want to not do it.
HOWEVER somehow I started washing my face and applying the shaving gel. I overcome that thought of procrastinating to just get it done.
Is this even what happened, is this possible i dont know but its what im sharing lol
3) So I mentioned feeling of bliss and today ive felt good. Let me put this into context. I havent been feeling absolutely fucking amazing but the last few days or week atleast were full of laziness and boredom. Today im back to the normal person and perhaps more chilled and ofcourse today ive been proactive. After 3 loops and feeling this I thought that the sub hadnt worked since I was expecting hopefully to feel shit lol but ive read shannon say its a sign its working so wow!!!
4) So as well as ticking tasks off my to do list today i had to wash dishes, boring but extra boring at 10pm (now is 10.41pm) and well without any real issues I just went and did it.
5) I then came back and thought id see if Shannon had replied to my question about how to increase from 3 to 4 loops and when I read that he said this 'bliss' indicates the subs working all of today made more sense (
https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Shann...#pid246608) and thats when I thought ok then maybe my proactiveness, however small today is good data to share.
I mean I did alot, im speaking of tasks that I avoid cos they are tiring like stripping the sheets off the bed and duvet and pillows and then putting fresh sheets and covers on to them all and then loading the washing machine and then taking the laundry out and getting the trash all together etc its just been effortless today
anyway as shannon said ill stick to 3 loops and see how it goes.
Day 41/180 ON #2- MON 28 June
1) I fell asleep with youtube on and forgot to play the sub. So I of course knew I had to play as soon as I could during the day. So as soon as I felt I could sit at my desk undisturbed for 3hours I hit play and im currently nearing the end of the 2nd loop. (time is now 6.28pm)
2) Whilst it has been playing its been very difficult to concentrate or feel relaxed. I wanted to read some articles and make notes but I cannot concentrate for longer than a few minutes maybe 10. Anything that seems complex to comprehend in the articles is causing me frustration and then I give up and put a youtube video on. I cant seem to feel relaxed at all. Im pushing through with many breaks between making notes and reading and watching youtube. I had played my music (from previous posts) that I can concentrate and work to and it instead disturbed me.
Day 41/180 ON #2- MON 28 June - part2
1) Once the sub finished I managed to find some momentum and finished the article I was reading and making notes on but im feeling restless and unsettled. I dont feel relaxed at all.