Subliminal Talk

Day 46/180 OFF #1- Sat 3 July

1) Felt a little tickle in my throat last night and by the time I got to bed I wondered what it could be as it was still there.

2) Woke not with a full sore throat but feeling off and under the weather as we say in England.

3) Slept late, so didnt get enough sleep cant recall the time and struggled to wake to deal with a delivery guy.

4) Since then its been as if im not well so gargled with a medicated mouth rinse to combat throat germs and think thats helped.

5) Was tired all day and unable to focus. Sleep definately affects will power and procrastination for sure. The less of sleep the less of will power and the more of procrastination.

6) By evening felt more alive as usual and now more focused to get on with things.

nothing else to note of significance. I did wonder could this feeling unwell be sub related perhaps....hmmm.

Day 46/180 OFF #1- Sat 3 July

1) Felt a little tickle in my throat last night and by the time I got to bed I wondered what it could be as it was still there.

2) Woke not with a full sore throat but feeling off and under the weather as we say in England.

3) Slept late, so didnt get enough sleep cant recall the time and struggled to wake to deal with a delivery guy.

4) Since then its been as if im not well so gargled with a medicated mouth rinse to combat throat germs and think thats helped.

5) Was tired all day and unable to focus. Sleep definately affects will power and procrastination for sure. The less of sleep the less of will power and the more of procrastination.

6) By evening felt more alive as usual and now more focused to get on with things.

7) Definately happy that tomorrow is also an off day. I could do with another after that is how im feeling right now.

nothing else to note of significance. I did wonder could this feeling unwell be sub related perhaps....hmmm.

Day 47/180 OFF #2- Sun 4 July

1) Set myself up to sleep early and get as much sleep as I possibly could. Slept around 12-1am and woke at 6am then slept then woke around 10am and finally around 11am sat up as couldnt sleep any more.

2) Felt lazy for 1 hour sat in bed playing on my phone etc.

3) No dreams or anything abnormal remembered

4) Got up around 12, had wash and now at 3.20pm feel like ive finally finished breakfast. Is this procrastination no idea but I have things set up to do today.

5) I feel lazy today though aware I should get something done however little. I feel I need more sleep and more rest to really give my body the energy its lost from poor sleep.

6) Ive always had a 'fear' of lack of time. As if I have so much to do and never enough time. I have had similar thoughts as I come to the realisation that im close to the end of my course and yet have so much more to learn and understand.

7) Also have enjoyed not listening to the sub. Its not as if listening to the sub is even an issue yet I feel less stressed when I have my off days as today i feel a relief ive not had to play the sub. This is very very odd considering ive no logical reason to even feel this way :/ So yes the temptation to have 3 off days came into my mind but I of course wont be going backwards.

Day 47/180 OFF #2- Sun 4 July - part 2

1) Lazy day : no idea where the hours have gone and escaped to. I feel its just gone too quickly and ive done nothing.

2) Fear of time again

(07-04-2021, 06:40 AM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 47/180 OFF #2- Sat 4 July - part 2

1) Lazy day : no idea where the hours have gone and escaped to. I feel its just gone too quickly and ive done nothing.

2) Fear of time again

Sounds like you have too much time on your hands.  When I have too much time, I get "lazy," too.  I wonder if getting a part-time job may help?

(07-04-2021, 07:16 AM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-04-2021, 06:40 AM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]Day 47/180 OFF #2- Sat 4 July - part 2

1) Lazy day : no idea where the hours have gone and escaped to. I feel its just gone too quickly and ive done nothing.

2) Fear of time again

Sounds like you have too much time on your hands.  When I have too much time, I get "lazy," too.  I wonder if getting a part-time job may help?

You're right I think I do but im trying to get alot done in the remaining time I have left before the course ends. 

I now managed to get productive though and got to the end of some tasks ive had been doing daily for over a week or 2 so im relieved.

I think the productivity kicks in in the evening time rather than day time and this is what shannon has correctly noted as the fear leading to procrastination and last minute action kicking in.

ill add all this to my next update later. 

Thanks @RTBoss hope you're feeling better too from your hair raising escape!

(07-03-2021, 09:38 AM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-02-2021, 07:02 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]You're making progress. It's evident in the tone of your posts. They're less frantic than I recall them being in the past.

Don't drive yourself crazy overthinking everything. There will be peaks and valleys along the way. That's part of the journey. 

You're doing a good job with execution. Keep going.

...appreciate it Cap!!

I see that you understand my avatar.

(07-04-2021, 01:22 PM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-03-2021, 09:38 AM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-02-2021, 07:02 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]You're making progress. It's evident in the tone of your posts. They're less frantic than I recall them being in the past.

Don't drive yourself crazy overthinking everything. There will be peaks and valleys along the way. That's part of the journey. 

You're doing a good job with execution. Keep going.

...appreciate it Cap!!

I see that you understand my avatar.

I do indeed how's Peggy these days since you gave the shield to Sam?

Day 48/180 ON #1- Mon 5 July

1) As mentioned in my reply to @RTBoss above, I got more productive in the evening and this is my usual habit and style. Shannon as said that is fear thus the early in the day procrastination that then leads to action (when I have no choice left) in the evening. So this is 1 area of Fear im still struggling with. Ofcourse were only at day 48 and not even at the half way mark as yet but approx a quarter is done and im eager very eager to get these bigger fears dealt with....the ones where I will see a change in my natural behaviour.

2) Sleep was awful and a struggle and this was before I even got round to playing the sub. So I planned to go to bed 1 hour earlier than normal and had it all planned out but by the time I got to bed I was still awake and couldnt switch off even though I had taken some natural sleep aids and drank a bedtime tea.

I was also hungry so I then just gave up and went to eat and watch youtube and got into a food binge for the next 3hours. It wasnt great at all. I was slightly drowsy when I got up from the bed but not enough to push me to sleep.

After the food binge I then went to sleep and hit play on the sub. No idea what time that was but probably 3.30am.

3) Alarm started at 10.30am and for the next 1 hour alarms get ringing and getting snoozed and it was an a real struggle to get wake up. Real struggle!

4) I finally woke and as usual for the next 2-3hours was a combo of wash and eat.

5) I had made plans before my failure to sleep early for todays tasks. I havent started those however I have already done the easier more enjoyable ones such as check bank account or come on here and update my journal as im doing so procrastination and the act of doing what is important hasnt changed.

6) I did dream, I had 2 dreams. When I woke I did remember them and replayed them in my head to remember them. But now I have forgotten them all over again. Whatever those dreams were I just hope they are all helping OF do the job.

Ill bbl

(07-05-2021, 04:21 AM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-04-2021, 01:22 PM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-03-2021, 09:38 AM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-02-2021, 07:02 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]You're making progress. It's evident in the tone of your posts. They're less frantic than I recall them being in the past.

Don't drive yourself crazy overthinking everything. There will be peaks and valleys along the way. That's part of the journey. 

You're doing a good job with execution. Keep going.

...appreciate it Cap!!

I see that you understand my avatar.

I do indeed how's Peggy these days since you gave the shield to Sam?

Better question - did you stop Bucky from killing Tony's parents!

(07-05-2021, 05:51 AM)Mystic Pymp Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-05-2021, 04:21 AM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-04-2021, 01:22 PM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-03-2021, 09:38 AM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-02-2021, 07:02 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]You're making progress. It's evident in the tone of your posts. They're less frantic than I recall them being in the past.

Don't drive yourself crazy overthinking everything. There will be peaks and valleys along the way. That's part of the journey. 

You're doing a good job with execution. Keep going.

...appreciate it Cap!!

I see that you understand my avatar.

I do indeed how's Peggy these days since you gave the shield to Sam?

Better question - did you stop Bucky from killing Tony's parents!

I can't provide you with any more information than you already have. The timelines have been tinkered with enough. As unsatisfying as that may be, it's better this way.

(07-05-2021, 08:09 AM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-05-2021, 05:51 AM)Mystic Pymp Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-05-2021, 04:21 AM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-04-2021, 01:22 PM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]

(07-03-2021, 09:38 AM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]...appreciate it Cap!!

I see that you understand my avatar.

I do indeed how's Peggy these days since you gave the shield to Sam?

Better question - did you stop Bucky from killing Tony's parents!

I can't provide you with any more information than you already have. The timelines have been tinkered with enough. As unsatisfying as that may be, it's better this way.

You're just being modest cap, as we all know "you could do this all day"

Day 48/180 ON #1- Mon 5 July - Part 2

1) I did get productive and I managed to get in a semi flow state of action to take tasks done. I was pleased with myself but this is my procrastination day / productive evening as usual.

2) I wasnt tired by bedtime so didnt go sleep and got hungry so binged ate.

3) I got to bed and couldnt sleep, maybe as it was just to warm. I didnt want to cool the room by opening the window or putting a cool fan on as I had days of not feeling well due to a slightly off throat as mentioned in previous posts so I stayed awake and watched useless youtube.

4) I was getting a headache by 6am and had to sleep but wasnt tired. I hit play and soom fell asleep.

-----

Day 49/180 ON #2- Tues 6 July

1) Woke at 11.45am, later than hoped but expected as sleep was late.

2) No dream

3) no feeling of even having played the sub but play it did as my phones player confired.

There is zero feeling or any sense that anything is happening.

Im feeling the temptation to increase the loop to 4 if thats what shannon advises. I will check to see how many cycles its been of 3 loops per day and see what he says.

4) Ate and just havent felt the energy to take action on my tasks even though my mind is racing with thoughts that I SHOULD get on with it. I just feel tired, lazy etc.

Anyway this is my usual post waking up mood, so once the evening arrives im bound to take action.

addendum:
So ive checked and todays listening was my 10th day since started 3 loops per day. In other words 2.5 cycles. So ill ask Shannon

addendum:
I typed a question for shannon to answer regarding whether to increase intensity further. It was a post with some data and question but then I hit back by mistake and went forward for that post that took me 10mins to compose to have gone. I cant be assed asking now so im going to go angry and annoyed and leave it for now and give the 2 days off days time to hit in.

Fuck it im gnna ask its clearly on my mind lol

addendum:

My post is there, fuck my life lol whats going on with me today.
https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Shann...#pid246888

Day 49/180 ON #2- Tues 6 July - part 2

1) As per my post above, I asked Shannon and got my answer here :
https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Shann...#pid246904
(read before and after this post for further information).

2) Shannon has advised I do this:
"If you prefer using ultrasonic or masked, then continue adding a loop per day on each ASRB2 cycle. Since you seem to be our most fearful customer at the current time, simply continue adding loops until you manage to hit enough loops to either override the issue, or you run out of time to run them in a day. I don't suggest more than 8 or 9 under any circumstances. If you get to that point and still have worries that it's not enough, start adding days on until you override those worries."

Tomorrow starts my off days so once the 2 days off are over I will begin with 4 loops and see how I go. If I continue then ill increase as instructed.

3) Other than this today as been a day of procrastination mostly even though I have done some or many things they were the small or easier tasks and they were dragged on with lots of time wasting and distractions today albeit youtube or social media. Even whilst using them I was aware of was being distracted and wasting time yet I was unable to stop myself.

Other than this its been a tiring mentally draining day today. Its 12.30am, ive yet to shower and my mind is drained from staring at a bright screen reading and thinking hard about the various types of resistances I am showing.

Beyond this I just want to add some words here that are not related to this journal of data but for anyone reading this that is new to these subs or that are needing some hope.

Im someone that has been here with these subs for 6 years. I always felt I wasnt executing the subs, as in what the subs were said to do were not doing for me. You only need to see my profile signature at the bottom of my posts to see the subs ive used etc.

This sub I started with the mindset I have nothing to lose, it is focused on fear and fear as Shannon has found is the reason for failure to execute subs.

Today with shannon's help even though consciously ive been unable to see or trust that I was executing it is clear from the forms of resistance I am showing (even 1 would be something but im showing between 3 to 4 different types of resistance) that the sub clearly is doing something for my subconscious to be so bat shit scared and freaking out the way it is. Why is it such a scardy cat ive no idea I only wish it wasnt but hey thats why im here and we are all here.

My point is that if I after 6 years of hope, trust and determination have finally reached hope that this sub will work then things can only get better for me and thus for you all. Believe me no matter how hard it may be for me from OF 3 onwards things can only get better so they can for you.

All credit goes to shannon though for believing in himself and continuing on. I now hope to increase the intensity as mentioned above and to deal with all my BS fears once and for all!!