Subliminal Talk

(04-06-2019, 08:39 AM)ncbeareatingman Wrote: [ -> ]

(04-05-2019, 10:48 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]I’ve officially been on LTU for a month.  Im now starting ASRB break #5.As far as new stuff, I’m getting the near euphoric bursts of positivity and optimism that I was having on USLM1.  They’re happening both while I’m running the program, and at random times while I’m not, on run days and break days.  These are usually coupled with a very vivid visualization of having one of my major goals accomplished or some good thing in the future after it’s accomplished.  There is no negative voice saying that this may not be accomplished accompanying it.  Sometimes though, I just feel really good suddenly and for no reason.
Quick recap of the effects so far.
-Three lifelong serious nervous habits (twitches, tics, tooth grinding) gone.

-Major decrease in the frequency and intensity of almost dissociative anger episodes (usually revenge fantasies or something like that that really pull me out of the present moment and involve a serious anger reaction). I don’t think I’ve had one for a few days, and the last few I’ve had didn’t cause jaw clenching, muscle tightening, or anything, they were just vivid thoughts.  This is major progress, these used to be a multiple times daily occurrence.

-Parinoia and twitchyness in crowded places is gone.  This used to be a real problem.  I COULD stand trips to a store or whatever, but it was unpleasant and exhausting.   Lately I’ve actually been feeling good there.

-My relationship with my wife has improved.  She still takes her bad moods out on me occasionally, but it doesn’t get under my skin nearly as much. I recognize that it’s her somewhat disfunctional way of dealing with stress, frustration, fear and physical pain.  It’s a problem with her not me, and it’s up to her to solve it.  Also she’s been doing it less.  Though she does seem a little confused that she can’t get a rise out of me anymore.  

-Massive boost in self confidence.  At least as far as knowing I can handle any challenge that life throws my way goes.  I’m in a rough situation now, but I’m coming to the end of it, and once things are back on track, I can level life up in a lot of different ways.

-I have stopped drinking soda.  I didn’t really plan on it, I just switched to sparkling water.  

-Aches and pains that I felt on waking up are gone.

-Increased energy on waking up.

-Increased productivity toward my goals.

-Fear of failing in my job search because of past failures gone.

-The default setting on my face went from slight hostile scowl to slight smile.

-I am calmer all the time and in all things.  

-My wife has noticed and commented that I am different in a good way.  

I am quite impressed.

 Paul you're bad ass man. rockin it like a Boss. more power to ya man. what an encouragement to read,your shft in one month is incredibley credible. wow! I've so much to look forward to when the time comes for my introvenious LTU5 line into the stream of my Life. have a great and awesome ;one',I know you will,Paul!! Keith

I appreciate your enthusiasm.  I didn’t realize how great of a month it’s really been until I wrote that big list down, and I’m sure I forgot a few things and there may be things that I haven’t consciously noticed yet.  I hope UMS does as well for you.

I just had a PM exchange that made me realize a couple of things that are worth mentioning.
I have been stressed out pretty much constantly since I was a pretty young kid. Age six or so. This is partly because I had two emotionally abusive parents who were mentally and emotionally broken themselves, but the why doesn’t matter much. I spent my first nineteen years in a constantly mega stressful environment. There was absolutely no let up, and it got worse as I got older.
When I went away to college, it was more or less off, but I didn’t seem to realize it. That’s when I started to stress MYSELF out. I stressed about relationships, money, social bull crap that doesn’t matter , anything and everything. (Of course I didn’t realize I was doing this). I just kept myself feeling like the world was collapsing on me no matter how I tried to change my external circumstances. To make matters worse, I self sabotaged like an mfer (I now realize) in order to manufacture stressors.
Here’s the Epiphany I have been doing this because my mind had adapted to an extreme level of stress for my first nineteen years, and was convinced that that’s how things “should” be. I caused myself to fail at a lot of things in life, and made a lot of bad choices in order to keep myself feeling the way I was used to. I probably also used the law of attraction to bring bad crap into my life too. It’s kind of like an addiction with no high.
It’s not all bad though. I also realize that I can handle the toughest situation like a badass. While I was hurting myself, I was also toughened by the stress. I don’t need to keep feeling like I used to in order to keep the strength either.
I’m sharing this because I’m sure that this coming into my consciousness is an effect of the sub, and it just occurred to me how non stressed I’ve been feeling and how new a thing that is. I couldn’t see how big a Boulder I was carrying or that I was doing it voluntarily until I was at least part way out from under it.

(04-06-2019, 11:14 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]I just had a PM exchange that made me realize a couple of things that are worth mentioning.  
I have been stressed out pretty much constantly since I was a pretty young kid.  Age six or so.  This is partly because I had two emotionally abusive parents who were mentally and emotionally broken themselves, but the why doesn’t matter much.  I spent my first nineteen years in a constantly mega stressful environment.  There was absolutely no let up, and it got worse as I got older.  
When I went away to college, it was more or less off, but I didn’t seem to realize it.  That’s when I started to stress MYSELF out.  I stressed about relationships, money, social bull crap that doesn’t matter , anything and everything.  (Of course I didn’t realize I was doing this).  I just kept myself feeling like the world was collapsing on me no matter how I tried to change my external circumstances.  To make matters worse, I self sabotaged like an mfer (I now realize) in order to manufacture stressors.
Here’s the  Epiphany  I have been doing this because my mind had adapted to an extreme level of stress for my first nineteen years, and was convinced that that’s how things “should” be.  I caused myself to fail at a lot of things in life, and made a lot of bad choices in order to keep myself feeling the way I was used to.  I probably also used the law of attraction to bring bad crap into my life too.  It’s kind of like an addiction with no high.  
It’s not all bad though.  I also realize that I can handle the toughest situation like a badass.  While I was hurting myself, I was also toughened by the stress.  I don’t need to keep feeling like I used to in order to keep the strength either.  
I’m sharing this because I’m sure that this coming into my consciousness is an effect of the sub, and it just occurred to me how non stressed I’ve been feeling and how new a thing that is.  I couldn’t see how big a Boulder I was carrying or that I was doing it voluntarily until I was at least part way out from under it.

Wow Man... in one friggin' month ALREADY!! what can one say about this....your conscious awakening,the deepening of your awakening Paul,is more like it...thank you for being tough enough to share....and so willing to open up like this...victory in the highest!! BUAIDH!! (Scottish Gaelic for Victory!!)

(04-07-2019, 05:16 AM)ncbeareatingman Wrote: [ -> ]

(04-06-2019, 11:14 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]I just had a PM exchange that made me realize a couple of things that are worth mentioning.  
I have been stressed out pretty much constantly since I was a pretty young kid.  Age six or so.  This is partly because I had two emotionally abusive parents who were mentally and emotionally broken themselves, but the why doesn’t matter much.  I spent my first nineteen years in a constantly mega stressful environment.  There was absolutely no let up, and it got worse as I got older.  
When I went away to college, it was more or less off, but I didn’t seem to realize it.  That’s when I started to stress MYSELF out.  I stressed about relationships, money, social bull crap that doesn’t matter , anything and everything.  (Of course I didn’t realize I was doing this).  I just kept myself feeling like the world was collapsing on me no matter how I tried to change my external circumstances.  To make matters worse, I self sabotaged like an mfer (I now realize) in order to manufacture stressors.
Here’s the  Epiphany  I have been doing this because my mind had adapted to an extreme level of stress for my first nineteen years, and was convinced that that’s how things “should” be.  I caused myself to fail at a lot of things in life, and made a lot of bad choices in order to keep myself feeling the way I was used to.  I probably also used the law of attraction to bring bad crap into my life too.  It’s kind of like an addiction with no high.  
It’s not all bad though.  I also realize that I can handle the toughest situation like a badass.  While I was hurting myself, I was also toughened by the stress.  I don’t need to keep feeling like I used to in order to keep the strength either.  
I’m sharing this because I’m sure that this coming into my consciousness is an effect of the sub, and it just occurred to me how non stressed I’ve been feeling and how new a thing that is.  I couldn’t see how big a Boulder I was carrying or that I was doing it voluntarily until I was at least part way out from under it.

Wow Man... in one friggin' month ALREADY!! what can one say about this....your conscious awakening,the deepening of your awakening Paul,is more like it...thank you for being tough enough to share....and so willing to open up like this...victory in the highest!! BUAIDH!! (Scottish Gaelic for Victory!!)

Yeah, this is moving fast.  I think it’s a combination of the sub being next level and me being really ready to make the changes so my conscious will and most of my subconscious are fully on board.  I just needed to find the right tool to help me move along.
As to me being tough for sharing this, I have to admit that I’m only doing that because the forum is relatively anonymous.  I will wouldn’t  be this open with people who knew me in person.

I have had previously zero of those weird anger episodes in the last forty eight hours.  That’s actually incredible.

I’ve come up with my battle plan for the next little while.  I’ll finish my first three months on LTU about the same time we’re done with our second refinance and FINALLY all the way out of financial trouble.  Then I’ll switch to Find your perfect job in 5G.  It’s worked before kind of, I’m expecting better after all LTU and USLM have done.  Then I’ll do USLM4 my first few months on the job to make sure it sticks this time.  After that, I think I’ll try DAMSI just for fun.  I did pay for it after all.

(04-07-2019, 04:14 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]I have had previously zero of those weird anger episodes in the last forty eight hours.  That’s actually incredible.

I’ve come up with my battle plan for the next little while.  I’ll finish my first three months on LTU about the same time we’re done with our second refinance and FINALLY all the way out of financial trouble.  Then I’ll switch to Find your perfect job in 5G.  It’s worked before kind of, I’m expecting better after all LTU and USLM have done.  Then I’ll do USLM4 my first few months on the job to make sure it sticks this time.  After that, I think I’ll try DAMSI just for fun.  I did pay for it after all.

I think I asked you this but will you run UMS?

(04-07-2019, 04:25 PM)THolt Wrote: [ -> ]

(04-07-2019, 04:14 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]I have had previously zero of those weird anger episodes in the last forty eight hours.  That’s actually incredible.

I’ve come up with my battle plan for the next little while.  I’ll finish my first three months on LTU about the same time we’re done with our second refinance and FINALLY all the way out of financial trouble.  Then I’ll switch to Find your perfect job in 5G.  It’s worked before kind of, I’m expecting better after all LTU and USLM have done.  Then I’ll do USLM4 my first few months on the job to make sure it sticks this time.  After that, I think I’ll try DAMSI just for fun.  I did pay for it after all.

I think I asked you this but will you run UMS?

Maybe at some point.  Some of my goals are financial and some of them aren’t.  Getting the type of job I’m going for will put our finances in place, but I’m trying to get into a certain field for other reasons as well.

As I mentioned, my wife and I had been getting along much better since I started LTU5. She’s been a lot calmer, and less controlling. There had been no major blow ups, the control behavior had lessened, and she was occasionally snippy with me, but not as bad as she used to be.
Until last night. She was uncomfortable and frustrated yesterday, which used to mean that I was going to hear it about SOMETHING but she held on until I was driving us home from grabbing dinner. Throughout our relationship, the number one way she has had to get a rise out of me is to criticize my driving while I’m driving. I’m a very good driver, have advanced training in emergency driving, and have never had an accident on the road (two in parking lots which she likes to bring up).
I stopped at a yellow light which I thought was prudent, and she just laid into me nominally because it caused a delay in her getting her meds. This is true, maybe two minutes worth. But she said I drive like a grandma, and all kinds of other emasculating things that she says pretty much every time I drive with her in the car. Historically this has allowed her to throw me into a white hot rage in short order and keep me there. Not this time. I did start to get angry. I got some muscle tightening, but not nearly as much as usual, then I was able to calm myself down. I said calmly thatwhen I’m driving I’ll make the decisions about how I drive. This (of course). Set her off worse, but I still didn’t get really angry. I did say I was a better driver than her (true). Then she asked how many accidents she’s had. I answered accurately (three that I know of). The then had a fit, screamed at me, accused me of “being the woman in the argument” because I’d brought up the past. Mind you, she was trying to reference my one parking lot accident ever, so she was doing the same thing. But by some logic, I’m not supposed to bring up her three serious road accidents. She got very loud, and said I’d just proven that she shouldn’t take anything that comes out of my mouth seriously and I wasn’t worth listening to. I will admit that that was somewhat petty and not the best reaction.
Then when we got home, it was over like it never happened. We usually have a day or more of resentment after these things with a high risk of another fight. Not this time. While I’m not thrilled that she still gives herself license to treat me like dirt when she needs to vent, it’s an improvement. I was most surprised that I was able to be over it instantly myself, and didn’t hang on to the anger.

Good results - I especially enjoyed your last post, being a married man, myself. Have seen my fair share of those arguments.

When it comes time to find your perfect job, I would suggest utilizing USLM4 for that. Setting "It is now my goal to find the job that is perfect for me, in every way," should be more effective than the older 5G tech. You could even set a second and third goal to get more specific, if necessary.

I don’t know. I’ve had some success with the find your perfect job sub before. I tried it after eight years of trying for a certain kind of job, and found one within two months. It didn’t work out, but I used it again a few years later with the same results. I think that the problem was I tried to “steer” too much and only got a partial manifestation. Old tech or not, that sucker does do something, and it is specifically what I’m looking for right now. I will think about it. That is unless Shannon comes out with USLM job search before then.

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Nice job man with the anger issues. The goal is to get to a place where it don't even bother you how she act. Then you have full control of your response, able to joke it off. That's my goal plan at least, to be in a place where I always can joke at the situation. That's happiness! I can really recommend you look into meditation, it have helped me to distance myself from stuff other people do around me.

(04-10-2019, 10:56 AM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ]Nice job man with the anger issues. The goal is to get to a place where it don't even bother you how she act. Then you have full control of your response, able to joke it off. That's my goal plan at least, to be in a place where I always can joke at the situation. That's happiness! I can really recommend you look into meditation, it have helped me to distance myself from stuff other people do around me.

Umm, Joking at a ticked off spouse often doesn’t go well.  I have been meditating for years.  It helps me to have outward control, but hasn’t done nearly what this sub has done.  

Normally, I try not to speculate too much about what part of this sub is doing what, but the anti clutter module is definitely working.  I’ve been pretty disorganized all my life, and while my wife was pretty neat when we met, she was no match for my messy.  Well, soon after I started LTU, I started to be bothered by the state of the house.  I won’t say it was distressing exactly, but I got a strong urge to do something about it.  I started in the kitchen three days ago, and now it’s really neat and clean.  I don’t mean just neat and clean for me, I mean by anyone’s standards.  This is going to be very helpful going forward because we have an appraiser coming out in a month or so Forbes the second refinance. I’ll have the whole house and yard squared away by then.  Awesome.

(04-10-2019, 09:48 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]

(04-10-2019, 10:56 AM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ]Nice job man with the anger issues. The goal is to get to a place where it don't even bother you how she act. Then you have full control of your response, able to joke it off. That's my goal plan at least, to be in a place where I always can joke at the situation. That's happiness! I can really recommend you look into meditation, it have helped me to distance myself from stuff other people do around me.

Umm, Joking at a ticked off spouse often doesn’t go well.  I have been meditating for years.  It helps me to have outward control, but hasn’t done nearly what this sub has done.  

Normally, I try not to speculate too much about what part of this sub is doing what, but the anti clutter module is definitely working.  I’ve been pretty disorganized all my life, and while my wife was pretty neat when we met, she was no match for my messy.  Well, soon after I started LTU, I started to be bothered by the state of the house.  I won’t say it was distressing exactly, but I got a strong urge to do something about it.  I started in the kitchen three days ago, and now it’s really neat and clean.  I don’t mean just neat and clean for me, I mean by anyone’s standards.  This is going to be very helpful going forward because we have an appraiser coming out in a month or so Forbes the second refinance. I’ll have the whole house and yard squared away by then.  Awesome.

I didnt mean that you should joke from a place from sarcasm, that will surely just make someone even more angry and fuel the conflict. But more being unaffected and joking from a place of love. I’m not there yet as I said but I know it’s achievable when you are no longer affected by the moods of others but live in your own emotional equilibrium.