Subliminal Talk

(03-16-2019, 02:43 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Exploring the consequences of being fearlessly aggressive. Fantasy of what you want to do, which still has consequences. You obviously don't have to go that far IRL to accomplish your goals.

Very interesting.  I have had some issues standing up for myself in the past.  That may be something that gets worked on.

I noticed more stuff today.  
-  I went to the grocery store which was very crowded.  A few weeks ago that would have made me fairly uncomfortable.  Now it didn’t effect me much at all.  I noticed that I was naturally standing taller with very good posture.  I made eye contact with quite a number of people.  I’m not talking about the hitting on girls type of eye contact, just two people  acknowledging each other.  That’s not something I used to ever do.  I also made a comment about the ridiculous line we were in to the lady in front of me.  That’s started a small conversation.  This is also different.  Ive never been disfunctionally shy, Burbank I’ve also never been one to Uniates contact with someone I don’t know without a reason.  She was attractive too. I wasn’t even thinking about hitting on her, but it would have made it less likely that I’d talk to her out of the blue.  So there are definitely some social effects to this thing.  

-  My wife got extremely frustrated right before work this evening.  Not at me this time, at our roommate.  She was venting to me in the same way she goes at me when it IS at me though.  I stayed perfectly calm and talked her through it.  I had no signs of anger, I didn’t even clench my teeth like I do when I’m starting to get mad.  

I have to say, for just starting week three, I’m really impressed.  

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I had a wonderful day yesterday. We took our son to the zoo for his second birthday. I was fully engaged with my family all day. The crowd didn’t bother me all day, which it would have before, and I felt genuinely happy all day. This is a new thing. Normally, I’d have been bothered by the crowd, and disengaged at some point.

I got some good feedback from my wife. We had just been at the grocery store, and she said that she had noticed lately that I was a lot calmer. She said that before in a store she could feel a very jumpy energy from me. She described it as a bit like Tweak from South Park. Now she said I was obviously still scanning for trouble, but not inwardly jumping.
I had noticed the same thing. The whole experience of being in a crowded building still isn’t my favorite thing, but it feels a lot smoother.
Also, the tooth grinding and jaw clenching happens a lot less. I noticed that it starts to happen sometimes, but I immediately stop and go to a calmer place even with external situations that would definitely had me doing it a few weeks ago.

I’m just starting my third ASRB break. Things are progressing nicely. I’ve noticed a couple of other things.

- I am now able to set aside things that are in a liminal state when I can’t do anything to effect the outcome. It’s been quite a while since I interviewed for that job. That used to drive me crazy. At this point I would be crawling out of my skin before. Now, I still think about it, but have much more of an “it happens when it happens” attitude. I also recognize that in this kind of hiring process, it can take forever and no news is good news. USLM did this for me somewhat, but this is next level. I am just plain not worried about it at all.

- I am feeling a mental conflict of sorts, but it’s not much of one. This mental stuff it hard to describe but I can feel the old negative patterns struggling to reassert themselves. However the new programming isn’t giving it a chance. I’m a BJJ student , so I’ll use this metaphor. The old patterns are a 120 pound guy who just walked into their first class, and the new is a 230 pound black belt restraining it. The struggle isn’t over, but the result is inevitable. This program just plain gained dominance over the bad mental stuff so fast and hard, it (I guess the “old me”) didn’t know what hit it until it was too late for it to put up a fight. This is almost the opposite of how things used to be when I had to push any progress past hugely dominant negative thought patterns.

- My wife hasn’t been criticizing me much lately. Unfortunately she IS criticizing our roommate TO me. She won’t confront the roommate directly because she’s here to watch our son so we don’t have to put him in child care. (This is a really good lady who we’ve known for almost twenty years) and the wife is afraid she’ll leave. She still comes off like she’s angry at me, and seems to expect me to do something about it, but I suppose this is progress anyway.

Last night off in progress.  I’ve got a couple of things I haven’t mentioned yet.  

-  During the last few minutes of each loop, I feel surges of energy go up my spine to the top of my head.  It’s getting more and more noticeable the longer I listen to this program.  I first noticed it the first week, but now it happens every single loop.  I’d say it’s about the last five minutes of each loop.  Tonight I noticed that it’s happening sometimes when the sub isn’t playing, and now there’s a sense of energy swirling around me to go with it.  

-  For the last three nights, my wife has been criticizing me about one thing or another just as I am trying to get out the door for work.  She’s picking increasingly small things, some of which were the roommate’s doing anyway to have larger and larger reactions to.  I used to have an angry facial expression at the least and grind my teeth hard when I felt she was being unfairly critical.  Since I’ve been on this program, I calmly stood there and listened.  There is no tooth grinding or even facial tension at all.   I don’t mean that I’m able to hold it in better, I mean I really wasn’t upset. I’m not really sure why I’ve let this behavior upset me so much all these years.  I recognize that she’s taking various frustrations and fears that have nothing to do with me out on me, so I’m able to let it pass to some extent.  
Tonight, I told her in a very calm and controlled voice that I thought she was being unfair to me, and that I didn’t deserve it.   It seems to be kind of bothering her that she can’t get a rise out of me anymore.  It’s going to be interesting to see what she does next.

(03-21-2019, 10:08 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]Last night off in progress.  I’ve got a couple of things I haven’t mentioned yet.  

-  During the last few minutes of each loop, I feel surges of energy go up my spine to the top of my head.  It’s getting more and more noticeable the longer I listen to this program.  I first noticed it the first week, but now it happens every single loop.  I’d say it’s about the last five minutes of each loop.  Tonight I noticed that it’s happening sometimes when the sub isn’t playing, and now there’s a sense of energy swirling around me to go with it.    

-  For the last three nights, my wife has been criticizing me about one thing or another just as I am trying to get out the door for work.  She’s picking increasingly small things, some of which were the roommate’s doing anyway to have larger and larger reactions to.  I used to have an angry facial expression at the least and grind my teeth hard when I felt she was being unfairly critical.  Since I’ve been on this program, I calmly stood there and listened.  There is no tooth grinding or even facial tension at all.   I don’t mean that I’m able to hold it in better, I mean I really wasn’t upset. I’m not really sure why I’ve let this behavior upset me so much all these years.  I recognize that she’s taking various frustrations and fears that have nothing to do with me out on me, so I’m able to let it pass to some extent.  
Tonight, I told her in a very calm and controlled voice that I thought she was being unfair to me, and that I didn’t deserve it.   It seems to be kind of bothering her that she can’t get a rise out of me anymore.  It’s going to be interesting to see what she does next.

Wow. Seems like you are making real progress with LTU5. It has piqued my interest further for LTU5.

Great to read about your progress!  I think you’re wife’s behavior is unfortunately very common in society right now. I have several male friends who have indicated their wives take out their anger/insecurities/frustrations solely on them for seemingly trivial or ridiculous reasons. Why a woman who loves her husband would do this is completely beyond my comprehension. But like I said I know at least three guys in marriages where this happens routinely. Hope things keep getting better between you and your wife!

I think that boys and men have been conditioned to accept this and not stand up for themselves to women for at least the last thirty years. It is almost taboo for us to assert ourselves. Yeah u get labeled an asshole at the very least. It’s probably beyond the scope of this journal to get too far into it, but as the father of a boy, it’s a problem, and one that I need to figure out how to deal with in myself before I can even think about what should be done about it on a society wide level.

(03-23-2019, 12:20 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]I think that boys and men have been conditioned to accept this and not stand up for themselves to women for at least the last thirty years. It is almost taboo for us to assert ourselves. Yeah u get labeled an*****at the very least. It’s probably beyond the scope of this journal to get too far into it, but as the father of a boy, it’s a problem, and one that I need to figure out how to deal with in myself before I can even think about what should be done about it on a society wide level.

The best way I deal with my mother is just ignoring it and now letting her get to me. It's easier said than done, but it's very effective. By engaging in her behavior in a tempered way, you are letting her know that she is getting to you. The best would be to remain calm and show her that she is making a fool out of herself, but if that isn't possible the best is to just carry on with whatever she is doing and clearly show that you are unaffected by her self righteous behavior. That can really piss my mother off big time, and it's somewhat enjoyable to see.

Hey Greenduck, you listened to E2 for 9 months, but did you listen to E3 for 6 months or did I get that wrong?

Looks like LTU5 is definitely helping you. I'm curious though to see how much more quickly the added features help the E3 part of the sub and how quickly the emotional healing works.

(03-26-2019, 08:35 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Hey Greenduck, you listened to E2 for 9 months, but did you listen to E3 for 6 months or did I get that wrong?

E3 came out today. I've started LTU today.

(03-26-2019, 08:57 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Looks like LTU5 is definitely helping you. I'm curious though to see how much more quickly the added features help the E3 part of the sub and how quickly the emotional healing works.

I definitely feel a difference between E2 and E3 in LTU (or the compounded healing it could be) but it's a difference alright.

(03-26-2019, 09:16 AM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ]

(03-26-2019, 08:35 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Hey Greenduck, you listened to E2 for 9 months, but did you listen to E3 for 6 months or did I get that wrong?

E3 came out today. I've started LTU today.

(03-26-2019, 08:57 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Looks like LTU5 is definitely helping you. I'm curious though to see how much more quickly the added features help the E3 part of the sub and how quickly the emotional healing works.

I definitely feel a difference between E2 and E3 in LTU (or the compounded healing it could be) but it's a difference alright.

So you've been only doing emotional healing subs for 9 months, not 15? And you say you went from 5% to 60% in those 9 months? So at the rate you've been going, you SHOULD be at around 100% by the end of your 6 months with LTU5 then. That's a total of 15 months! So a little over a year, like 1.25 years of healing. That's more hopeful than I had thought! Maybe I should switch to E2...

(03-26-2019, 09:26 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]

(03-26-2019, 09:16 AM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ]

(03-26-2019, 08:35 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Hey Greenduck, you listened to E2 for 9 months, but did you listen to E3 for 6 months or did I get that wrong?

E3 came out today. I've started LTU today.

(03-26-2019, 08:57 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Looks like LTU5 is definitely helping you. I'm curious though to see how much more quickly the added features help the E3 part of the sub and how quickly the emotional healing works.

I definitely feel a difference between E2 and E3 in LTU (or the compounded healing it could be) but it's a difference alright.

So you've been only doing emotional healing subs for 9 months, not 15? And you say you went from 5% to 60% in those 9 months? So at the rate you've been going, you SHOULD be at around 100% by the end of your 6 months with LTU5 then. That's a total of 15 months! So a little over a year, like 1.25 years of healing. That's more hopeful than I had thought! Maybe I should switch to E2...

If you can afford E3 then go with that. It's a big step up from E2.