Subliminal Talk

(05-07-2019, 06:36 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]

(05-07-2019, 05:27 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]

(05-07-2019, 02:50 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]

(05-06-2019, 11:28 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]This is night two of my ASRB break, and I have been on LTU for two months.  
I feel extremely confident tonight, and realize that I’ve been feeling that way for a while.  Tonight is through the roof, I feel great.  My body language is different, and while I’m conscious of it, it’s perfectly natural and caused by the way I’m thinking and feeling, not a conscious decision to move or stand that way.  I feel very strong and natural dealing with people, and my voice has dropped a few octaves, and I’m using really awesome inflections.  I look everyone in the eye now, and talk to them without the formal distance I usually maintain.  I don’t always feel this way consciously, but tonight feels awesome.  
This evening when I left for work my wife pointed out that I had left a light on by asking me if I had stock in the electric company.  I looked at her and she said “Hey, I made it into a joke,”.  This is different.  Before she might have used those words, but it would be a lead in to lecturing or yelling.  This time she almost acted like she’d done something wrong and knew it by even mentioning it.  I’m not sure what this means, but I’ll take it as an improvement.  I’m going to get to a place where she doesn’t even vocalize small faults like that, and this may be a step on that road.

That's awesome man! I look forward to getting LTU5 for sure as I'm sure it'll do a lot! IT almost sounds like it does what AM6 does, you know, making you more confident and getting you more respect, but it's focus is on healing and improving your life. Very cool subliminal. It seems to do so much at once!

It really has been a heck of a couple of months.  It seems longer than that, and I kind of feel like a different person than the one who started it, and definitely a different man from the one who started USLM last August. I really wish this stuff had been available when I was eighteen.  My life would have been vastly different.
  I didn’t notice that AM6 did a whole lot for me.  But I was not able to follow the instructions strictly.  I was working in a place where I couldn’t bring a cell phone, and my eight hour shifts turned into sixteens at least once a week.  I might give it a go next year, but I am really looking forward to trying AM7.  Hopefully that comes out sooner than later.

I intend to use LTU5 for two whole years once I get it, before using something like AM6. If Am7 is out by then, that'll be really awesome! I wish I'd had something like LTU5 when I was 18 too, or better yet, in high school. God I could've been such a different man today... There's so much I wish I could go back in time and re-do. But the best I can do is work with what I got and hope for the best, you know?

Interesting, we should talk about this.  I’ve been having a persistent daydream about being able to sort of go back on my timeline to my eighteenth birthday with a supply of IML subs.  I always start with AM7 which I think would be just what I needed back then.
In reality I’ve noticed that FRM (I assume that’s what it was because I started noticing this on USLM2) has kind of a past (memory) editor function.  It seems to make me remember certain situations a bit differently.  Not so much the events themselves as my emotional reaction to them.  For instance I remember just moving on when my first couple relationships ended.  I know bloody well that I took each of them really hard for a really long time, but that’s not how I remember it, and not how it’s having an emotional impact on me in the present day.  

I didn’t feel quite the confidence today as I did yesterday, but I noticed that I still feel very confident.  My low days are now better than my high days used to be as far as that aspect is concerned.  It’s very hard to pick up on, it just feels like this is my normal baseline of confidence, and I have to really think about it to remember that it used to be much lower just a few months ago.  
I also think back to how stressed out I was this time last year at the height of our financial crisis.  I’m not sure how that didn’t drive me nuts.  Now, we aren’t in a much better situation, and we’re really starting to feel it, but I don’t feel nearly as bad.  The end of this month marks the end of it, and I’m a lot more sure of that than I was last year.

(05-08-2019, 12:46 AM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]Interesting, we should talk about this.  I’ve been having a persistent daydream about being able to sort of go back on my timeline to my eighteenth birthday with a supply of IML subs.  I always start with AM7 which I think would be just what I needed back then.
In reality I’ve noticed that FRM (I assume that’s what it was because I started noticing this on USLM2) has kind of a past (memory) editor function.  It seems to make me remember certain situations a bit differently.  Not so much the events themselves as my emotional reaction to them.  For instance I remember just moving on when my first couple relationships ended.  I know bloody well that I took each of them really hard for a really long time, but that’s not how I remember it, and not how it’s having an emotional impact on me in the present day.  

I didn’t feel quite the confidence today as I did yesterday, but I noticed that I still feel very confident.  My low days are now better than my high days used to be as far as that aspect is concerned.  It’s very hard to pick up on, it just feels like this is my normal baseline of confidence, and I have to really think about it to remember that it used to be much lower just a few months ago.  
I also think back to how stressed out I was this time last year at the height of our financial crisis.  I’m not sure how that didn’t drive me nuts.  Now, we aren’t in a much better situation, and we’re really starting to feel it, but I don’t feel nearly as bad.  The end of this month marks the end of it, and I’m a lot more sure of that than I was last year.

It sounds like you're making good progress on LTU5. It sounds like everybody's making good progress on LTU5! I really look forward to using it myself. I wish you the best and hope your financial situation improves.

I started this cycle on a night off, so I ran it during sleep which I haven’t done for a while. It was different this time. I spent a considerable amount of time in a half sleep state during which I was being quite introspective. All I remember is thinking about a time when I hadn’t been accepted by a group and I thought “I’ve never been accepted by a group” and this caused a pang of emotional pain. The statement was partially true at least, and I realized that it had caused me a significant amount of pain throughout my life. I was able to identify that instead of cluelessly feeling it and dwelling it without knowing why. I also didn’t convert the pain to anger like I usually do, just identified it and let it pass. This is new.
I also seemed to dream most of the night, but I don’t remember what any of them were about.

I seem to have hit the phase where I’m not noticing much in the way of changes. This may mean that I’m integrating the changes that have already been made more fully, or it may mean that I need to take a break and do something else for a while. I am coming up on three months on LTU. I’ve been on some form of USLM since last August. I am about to complete one of my two major goals for 2019. I’ve started the process on the second refinance which will get our monthly bills down to a much more manageable level and allow us to get out of survival mode. Should be complete by the middle of next month.
My other goal, finding a better job, I may use Find your perfect job in 5g for. It’s worked for me twice before, kind of. I got the job that I thought was perfect within three months both times, but it didn’t work out either. I know what I did wrong. I was trying to “steer” consciously. It’s impressive that I got a quick manifestation anyway, but I think that I kind of hijacked the process. Now that I’m a bit calmer, I think that I can fire and forget and let it do what it’s supposed to.
A run of USLM4 starting right when I get the job should take care of any self sabotage issues that I had before.

I haven’t posted for a while, so I’ll update. I seem to be back sliding a bit. I’m getting flashes of anger again especially when the wife is critical. They don’t last long, and I’m able to short circuit them, but I’m noticing them more. There are two possible reasons for this. First, I’ve been running it through sleep phones while I sleep because it’s now too warm to hide earbuds under a winter cap. I seem to get better results running 5.5 G programs with earbuds. It could also be that due to the fact that I’m in the process of getting the second refinance done, I’m under more subconscious stress than I’m aware of. This one will get us financially stable so life can move forward. Either way, I still remember that my bad days now are better than my good days before.
The wife alternates between vastly improved in her dealing with me, and vastly well, not improved. She had a major blow up at me the other day over a mistake that cost us approximately three dollars. You’d think I’d gambled away the title to the house.
She’s having trouble at work, and I’m a bit worried she might lose her job. The good news is this allowed me to convince her to use USLM 4. I’ll be purchasing that for her the day after tomorrow when we both get paid. We’ll see if it helps things or if she resists and refuses to use it correctly just to prove me wrong.

(05-29-2019, 11:27 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]I haven’t posted for a while, so I’ll update. I seem to be back sliding a bit. I’m getting flashes of anger again especially when the wife is critical. They don’t last long, and I’m able to short circuit them, but I’m noticing them more. There are two possible reasons for this. First, I’ve been running it through sleep phones while I sleep because it’s now too warm to hide earbuds under a winter cap. I seem to get better results running 5.5 G programs with earbuds. It could also be that due to the fact that I’m in the process of getting the second refinance done, I’m under more subconscious stress than I’m aware of. This one will get us financially stable so life can move forward. Either way, I still remember that my bad days now are better than my good days before.
The wife alternates between vastly improved in her dealing with me, and vastly well, not improved. She had a major blow up at me the other day over a mistake that cost us approximately three dollars. You’d think I’d gambled away the title to the house.
She’s having trouble at work, and I’m a bit worried she might lose her job. The good news is this allowed me to convince her to use USLM 4. I’ll be purchasing that for her the day after tomorrow when we both get paid. We’ll see if it helps things or if she resists and refuses to use it correctly just to prove me wrong.

Man anger isn't a bad thing. It's your ability to set boundaries. If you are letting people treat you like shit over and over, of course you will feel anger. Why even staying with someone like that, honestly? If would never have done it. Life is to short to live with people ruining your mood.

Anger is one of the two most self destructive and corrosive of all emotions, along with hate. How is that not a bad thing?

(06-04-2019, 12:07 PM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ]

(05-29-2019, 11:27 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]I haven’t posted for a while, so I’ll update.  I seem to be back sliding a bit.  I’m getting flashes of anger again especially when the wife is critical.  They don’t last long, and I’m able to short circuit them, but I’m noticing them more.  There are two possible reasons for this.  First, I’ve been running it through sleep phones while I sleep because it’s now too warm to hide earbuds under a winter cap.  I seem to get better results running 5.5 G programs with earbuds.  It could also be that due to the fact that I’m in the process of getting the second refinance done, I’m under more subconscious stress than I’m aware of.  This one will get us financially stable so life can move forward.   Either way, I still remember that my bad days now are better than my good days before.
The wife alternates between vastly improved in her dealing with me, and vastly well, not improved.  She had a major blow up at me the other day over a mistake that cost us approximately three dollars.  You’d think I’d gambled away the title to the house.  
She’s having trouble at work, and I’m a bit worried she might lose her job.  The good news is this allowed me to convince her to use USLM 4.  I’ll be purchasing that for her the day after tomorrow when we both get paid.  We’ll see if it helps things or if she resists and refuses to use it correctly just to prove me wrong.

Man anger isn't a bad thing. It's your ability to set boundaries. If you are letting people treat you like shit over and over, of course you will feel anger. Why even staying with someone like that, honestly? If would never have done it. Life is to short to live with people ruining your mood.

Anger is a bad thing When someone is TRYING to make you angry because that gives them the control that they are seeking.  
I’ve been getting angry at her for years, and it hasn’t made anything better.  It can have its place when used with control and for a reason. Other than that, it’s just a loss of control.
As to why I stay for now, there are a couple of reasons.  First off, we’re married and have a kid.  That’s hard to get out of intact, I don’t want to put our son through that if I don’t have to, and I REALLY don’t want to leave him alone with her without her having another target for her anger.  Two, I’ve been here this long because I thought the chaos was normal.  She doesn’t respect boundaries because I’ve never set any, now that I am, she doesn’t quite know how to deal with it.  She’s got a LITTLE time to figure it out.  Oh, and she really isn’t a bad person, just kind of a mental mess.  I married her for a reason after all.

(06-04-2019, 01:43 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Anger is one of the two most self destructive and corrosive of all emotions, along with hate. How is that not a bad thing?

Emotions are signals for course of action. If we would become angry if someone hit us in the face and be non-reactive and not thinking it’s a big thing, then we would fool ourself and shy away. Either you hit back or you leave that person from your life. Without anger there isn’t a fuel for that action. That’s one type of anger. The other one where you are angry at someone for no specific reason like that their way of eating, that unnecessary anger that’s just going to fuel conflicts that’s not have to happen without it. But I would say that anger arised from when someone crosses your boundaries is healthy anger.

My dad become a successful entrepreneur partly because he was angry at how bad things were done at the company he worked at so he quit and made a better competitor.

The French Revolution happened because people were treated as shit and they decided that they wanted a change because they were angry.

how isn’t anger a needed emotion for propelling change that need to happen because other people are self righteous/ignorant/just assh*les? I get what you are saying related to unmanaged anger but to shy away from the emotion altogether and the reason for you feeling it would be detrimental to your r own self empowering abilities to change your circumstances.

(06-04-2019, 01:57 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]

(06-04-2019, 12:07 PM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ]

(05-29-2019, 11:27 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: [ -> ]I haven’t posted for a while, so I’ll update.  I seem to be back sliding a bit.  I’m getting flashes of anger again especially when the wife is critical.  They don’t last long, and I’m able to short circuit them, but I’m noticing them more.  There are two possible reasons for this.  First, I’ve been running it through sleep phones while I sleep because it’s now too warm to hide earbuds under a winter cap.  I seem to get better results running 5.5 G programs with earbuds.  It could also be that due to the fact that I’m in the process of getting the second refinance done, I’m under more subconscious stress than I’m aware of.  This one will get us financially stable so life can move forward.   Either way, I still remember that my bad days now are better than my good days before.
The wife alternates between vastly improved in her dealing with me, and vastly well, not improved.  She had a major blow up at me the other day over a mistake that cost us approximately three dollars.  You’d think I’d gambled away the title to the house.  
She’s having trouble at work, and I’m a bit worried she might lose her job.  The good news is this allowed me to convince her to use USLM 4.  I’ll be purchasing that for her the day after tomorrow when we both get paid.  We’ll see if it helps things or if she resists and refuses to use it correctly just to prove me wrong.

Man anger isn't a bad thing. It's your ability to set boundaries. If you are letting people treat you like shit over and over, of course you will feel anger. Why even staying with someone like that, honestly? If would never have done it. Life is to short to live with people ruining your mood.

Anger is a bad thing When someone is TRYING to make you angry because that gives them the control that they are seeking.  
I’ve been getting angry at her for years, and it hasn’t made anything better.  It can have its place when used with control and for a reason. Other than that, it’s just a loss of control.
As to why I stay for now, there are a couple of reasons.  First off, we’re married and have a kid.  That’s hard to get out of intact, I don’t want to put our son through that if I don’t have to, and I REALLY don’t want to leave him alone with her without her having another target for her anger.  Two, I’ve been here this long because I thought the chaos was normal.  She doesn’t respect boundaries because I’ve never set any, now that I am, she doesn’t quite know how to deal with it.  She’s got a LITTLE time to figure it out.  Oh, and she really isn’t a bad person, just kind of a mental mess.  I married her for a reason after all.

Well that anger that is only caused by her provocigg you is one tug. The anger you feel because of her manipulative behavior is the healthy one I am talking about above. And that type of anger is the one she is afraid of because she can’t control it. The inner “I have been crossed”-anger.

Ok that is a celibate situation I agree with you. But how old is your boy? If you separate isnt it better for him to have 2 weeks without her every month and with the possibility for him to just stay with you? That would also give you the ability to live your life freely. We don’t have to stick to our choices even if they are big ones if we realize it’s the wrong one. Don’t know if you know about sunk cost theory but give it a look. Also investigate if your choice is based on guilt, as in that case it’s a faulty basis for making it.

I do know what the sunk cost theory is, and I’m aware that I am to some extent falling victim to it. But I’m also being smart and realistic here. I am giving her some time to adjust to the new me. That’s only fair as I have spent the last sixteen years essentially telling her that I prefer to be mistreated. Also, the cost of living in my area is very high, and has gotten a lot higher since I bought the house in 2010. I need a couple of things to happen before I can live on my own, especially either paying child support or being a single dad.
First, I need to get rid of a lot of the debt that’s been causing us such problems. We can barely afford to maintain a household with two incomes as it is, and even a small apartment around here now costs what I’m paying in mortgage if not more. I also would have to get a higher paying job to make anything work on my own. I could move, but my professional certification is only good in this state.
So if I leave, I have to wait a bit to do it. .

Yesterday marked three full months on LTU5. I haven’t noticed a lot of new things lately, so I’m not going to give a list,

Today was a bad day. When I woke up, I got word that that there was a problem with the refinance. Some disputes from our credit repair company had appeared on the wife’s credit report. This caused them a problem, and might derail the whole process.
That lead me to feel a whole lot of stress. Intense negative thinking invaded my mind like I haven’t seen since I started USLM 2 and I physically felt stress more intensely than I have in a long while. I realized something though. It wasn’t nearly as bad as it would have been before. It just felt really bad because I’m no longer used to the mental predictions of doom and major stress at all. Those used to be a daily part of my life.
This bothered me till about midnight when I decided to grab my earbuds and run a loop or two of LTU. Yeah, I know, this is a going off label (it’s a break day), but relief was just about instant. As soon as I hit play, I calmed down, and my thinking grew more optimistic.
This afternoon, we did get the disputes removed, so I’m sure everything will be ok.
I think that I get much better results from running this with earbuds while awake than sleepphones.

Much better day today.  I wound up running three loops last night, and it seemed to get me back on track.  I’ve done what I can to solve the problem, and we’ll find out on Monday if it got things going again.  I know that it will actually, that’s just been my reality since starting USLM.  
Funny that Shannon would mention running it as needed today.  
I think that I’m going to take a break from serious things right after the deal closes, and run one of the MYP type subs that I’ve owned for a while but always seemed to have more pressing concerns than to run.  (Yes I can take advantage of the result due to the nature of my current relationship.). Then when I see results from that I’ll go on find your perfect job.  
I’d love to run DAMSI just to see what it did for me, but running it through earbuds with no pause and no exposing others just all that possible when I can’t hide them under a skull cap.  Not for a nine hour run anyway.  Running something which I can pause and go back to is much more convenient during the summer.

Last week was horrible with the wife. She was going off worse than she has in a good while. I told her that if she keeps it up, we are going to be parting company in very short order. I meant it and it showed. She apologized for her behavior last night which is not normal. I held firm though. I told her that she was running out of forgivenesses on that and I needed to see some serious changes that were going to stick if I was going to stay around. LTU is doing great here. I don’t really get upset, nor do I feel bad enough when it’s over that I don’t keep holding the line on how I will or will not be treated.
She didn’t even try to make an excuse even though there is one. She had forgotten to take her antidepressant for four days. I found that out today. I’m actually quite concerned about her MS symptoms. They’re getting worse. Especially the forgetting things, and dropping words mid sentence.