Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal

[findingme]

That was an encouraging read. Thanks for sharing that.

[DarthXedonias]

Well, thought I would update since some major things have been happening.

I did have some kind of switch turn on the other day that just cleared up my mind. I don't know what was taken care of but its like I know what I need to do now moving forward and I can see things so much more clearly without all the usual second guessing I do. One of the things clear in my mind is that I will need to run UMS whenever it comes out. I will need money to live the life I want and to do the things I want to do. I'm also just in general tired of being strapped for cash at one point or another.

I did realize something else that has been on my mind regarding the Indonesian chick. I've realized over a while now that , most likely due to LTU, I am starting to outgrow even her now. I can clearly sense it in the way even when I talk to her now I am not as keen and engaged as I used to. I think she is starting to sense this as well. So, as bad as it is I do have a choice to make. End the relationship now or hold on to it for a few years which she is still willing to grow which is true but I know when it comes to a certain point and a choice I have to make (which I will keep private for now) that the relationship will end. She will not be able to follow me at that point of which I'm 95% certain. The only thing that is keeping me possibly holding on to this is the fact that she has already mentioned me to her parents which for her culture is a very, very big deal. So, my sense of what is the honorable thing to do is fighting with my reason at this point. Would just be extremely disrespectful to do that at the moment but at the same time I know where this going to lead.

At least the good news is that she has said in the past she will listen to Shannon's subs so that might help out just well. This transformation has been deep and I think I know what has been going on. The first thing that came to mind as I pondered this was something Nietzsche had explained. It was the different types of morality: Slave morality and master morality. I think for the longest time I was acting on slave morality and then since doing subs I've been fighting against that type of thinking and then finally now I think I have transitioned over. Funny enough despite you thinking that this would make the sub listen effective its like the sub has made me even more independent in the sense that I don't want to be subservient or controlled by the whims of anyone. I think the sub gets a pass on this because it is trying to persuade you to its side of things. I do appreciate Shannon for doing that as well because this transformation has really made me appreciate that he's willing to go the extra mile instead of taking the easy way of using fear to motivate us to cooperate.

Most of the world doesn't operate like this. Most people in your day to day life don't try to persuade you to their way to thinking (or even to be persuaded themselves). Most of the time they just expect you to listen to them due to their position (like at work) and think that gives them the right to treat you like shit. Then are others who will lie (whether straight out or by omission) or straight up manipulate you in order to get what they want out of you (my mother is a good example of this). As of now I have this strong aversion of being controlled by anyone even more than before. I know this isn't over yet though as Nietzsche had another type of man who was on an even higher plan of existence. The Ubermensch or the self actualized man. Not sure if I'm at that level of self development yet but now I certainly have other's will imposed on me in general. There is just something about it now that leaves a horrible taste in my mouth.

Also, something that I forgot to mention which is related to the whole relationship issue I feel even more like once in my life my life doesn't have to revolve around finding some relationship or being in one. I'm actually more concerned with progress in my life and my life's betterment than some other person. I don't "need" anyone as it were and I don't want to "need" anyone. I'm also making plan now on what I will do for investing once I start running UMS. I want to work on wealth generation hardcore when I can over the next few years. Eh, will I run DMSI I again? Possibly. I might be tempted to run it again right before I touch down in Korea or China (just to see how the affects are in another country) or sometime over the next few years just for fun (if I have already met my wealth goals to a degree).

I know as a certainty though that if I were to run it now I would be getting much better results. I think I just needed a bit more self development that LTU v5 gave in order to possibly get the results I would want. Though I will say American women still aren't my cup of tea so therefore I would expect much results in the US. Just the general attitude of women over here doesn't make them attractive for me. Therefore I doubt I will get many sniper hits over here due to the lower attraction.

One last thing as well, the idea of fear disgusts me now. I'm sure there are some times I might still fall into the same habit and fear a little bit but its like the concept really disgusts me now. Its like I see fear as some disease that doesn't belong in my system at all and it is not my ally. I've wasted too much of my life and accomplish almost nothing due to that shit. I'm just done with it. Anyway, that's the stuff that has been going on lately. Some big stuff and quite frankly with the upgrades UMS will have in regards to FRM I will be very happy to see how good I will do on that. I'm ready to progress my life a lot more.

[Benjamin]

Awesome post. If I was able to i'd like it 3 times, but we can't see likes anymore and Catman would be upset that I beat his 2 likes.

I mostly love the part about the 'slave morality'. I don't think i've read that specifically, but I knew what you meant straight away. Then you finished my thought that society in general conditions you into that. And it's not what I want either.

And the part about not needing a relationship now is awesome. Especially from using DMSI for so long and really, really wanting that. Amazing growth there.

Very very cool the results you're getting.

[DarthXedonias]

Awesome post. If I was able to i'd like it 3 times, but we can't see likes anymore and Catman would be upset that I beat his 2 likes.

I mostly love the part about the 'slave morality'. I don't think i've read that specifically, but I knew what you meant straight away. Then you finished my thought that society in general conditions you into that. And it's not what I want either.

And the part about not needing a relationship now is awesome. Especially from using DMSI for so long and really, really wanting that. Amazing growth there.

Very very cool the results you're getting.

Thanks. Around you made this post I had just woke up yesterday and had something else happen. It would seem as my mind gets more clearer that the meaning of my dreams are more obvious. 

Yesterday I had woke up from a dream in which I was traveling with a couple other people ( I think like 3-4 other people). Along the way its like each person would face something that would emotionally break them in a way or possibly something they feared. Eventually my turn came (along with some other women). I don't know what it was I saw but it was something that brought up the past of how I was abused by other people. I literally broke down crying and wailing. Eventually though I stopped, got up and kept walking. Apparently the other women took a lot longer and other waited for her while I went up ahead, far ahead of them. I woke up soon afterwards. Seemed like the point was I had my grieving about the past and then I just got over it and moved ahead. Seems to be the most simplest answer. I guess that would explain this new found want to just move on with my life and make it better. I think with that dream I was releasing a lot of emotional baggage that I needed to release.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Wow! This sub is really helping you change for the better! I need to make similar changes myself. I'm glad you're making such strides, Darth!

[DarthXedonias]

eh, been meaning to explain something that was a real game changer the last few days but didn't know how to quite put it into words. I will try now though.

There is some deep identity level stuff that happened that I didn't talk about. The best way I could describe it is that I stripped away all the unnecessary garbage society had tried to put into me regarding "who" I am and just accepted myself as is. Doesn't mean I don't want to improve or stop improving myself, I clearly do. Point is at some point I just became fine with myself and that was enough. For example, I feel no need to be apart of this group or that group or say I'm this or that. Simply being "DarthXedonias" is great by itself and I don't need anything else beyond that. I think this has to do with the whole supplying yourself with love, affection, value, and meaning instead of relying on something external to give you those things. Finally, a lot of those things Shannon had been trying to say for a long time regarding a "transcendent alpha" finally makes sense since I have finally experienced it for myself.

I feel a lot more free now and have a lot less baggage. I don't have to worry about whether this person sees me this way or that way. It is myself that gives me my own value. It feels spiritually freeing in a way. I think that is also why I have this great aversion to anyone or anything trying to control me now. I have finally found myself and this freedom and I am not willing to give this up to go back to the "plantation" as it were. It would seem society at large wants you in a position where you get your meaning and value from being part of this group or that group. I refuse to be apart of that anymore. Isn't is good enough to just be yourself? Isn't by saying you "need" to be apart of this group or that group that you are saying you by yourself are not adequate? Not saying a person can't associate with people or different groups. I think the issue is one of getting your meaning, value, and identity from other's.

I did speak to the Indonesian women again. I still felt sort of a connection with her but I felt this aversion as well. It is quite obvious that I have indeed outgrown her on a development level now. The part that I had an aversion to wasn't her behavior really (she really is a good person) it was what motivated the good behavior. It the fact that she constantly had to have her value, meaning, and purpose come from something external from herself that put me off. Its like ever since I have left that trap myself I have this aversion to people who willingly let themselves be ensnared in that. Hmmm, I do get this feeling that perhaps people around me sense that I don't get my identity or sense of well being from other people and now it seems like now they are trying to get me to like them. Its does kind of put me off though because it makes me wonder why they even want me to like them in the first place. Why do they need that?

As a side note, I submitted my documents to a third part to get them to be made official so that when I apply for a visa for some place I can get it pretty quickly. I still need to decide whether I will be going to China or Korea though. Thing is ever since this "transformation" as it were there is this nagging intuition in the back of my mind saying I should go to China. I should probably listen to it. Only problem I'm having is that lots of place in China have summer breaks like in the US. So lot of schools or language centers don't have start dates for positions until September 1st. Will have to look hard for some places that still have summer school or something like that if I want to leave ASAP.

Anyway, that is about all that is going on. Seems like I've mostly stripped away a lot of the garbage society has put into my mind and now I am simply fine with being myself. If more than anything I feel more free and have less restrictions now. When you get your value and identity from something external its like you take on the limitations that thing puts on your as well whereas when you get those things internally you realize the only limitations you have are the ones you put on yourself. Either way, feels good to be like this finally. A lot of what @ has said in the past is really starting to make sense now.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Man that's great you've made that progress Darth! I need to be like that: not needing external validation. It was a huge turnoff for that exfriend of mine and the fact that I STILL need her approval makes me feel ashamed of myself. Once I'm using LTU5, I hope I get to that point as well where I don't need external validation.

Also, I tried looking at Shannons post explaining the concept of a Transcendent Alpha, but nothing came up. Do you think you could explain the concept for me?

[Benjamin]

Man that's great you've made that progress Darth! I need to be like that: not needing external validation. It was a huge turnoff for that exfriend of mine and the fact that I STILL need her approval makes me feel ashamed of myself. Once I'm using LTU5, I hope I get to that point as well where I don't need external validation.

Also, I tried looking at Shannons post explaining the concept of a Transcendent Alpha, but nothing came up. Do you think you could explain the concept for me?

You can find the post here https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-What-...7#pid34957

[DarthXedonias]

Hmmm funny I just read that post that Ben linked again after quite a while of not reading it. I was mostly going off memory of things Shannon has said over the years but there was definitely one part that describes this very well:

"The type of alpha who relies on the acknowledgement of others is limited, however. He can only remain on top for so long before he begins to weaken and is eventually replaced. This constant challenging and replacement of course means that at all times, this type of alpha is always going to be the strongest in the group.

The other type of alpha, however, does not rely on the group for his ranking. He is independent of, and above the group for his self image, happiness and privilege. He does not weaken and get replaced over time, because he is not constantly spending his energy in a battle for supremacy. He has transcended the limitations of that system, and now relies on only himself for his status, etc. While the group may not acknowledge him initially, he will be seen as the greatest threat to the current alpha of the group once he is recognized because he does not acknowledge that alpha's position and authority as being a limiting factor for himself. And because of this, the power structure does not hold him in place, restrict him, control him. He is his own man, and independent of the power structures of the groups through which he passes.

This second type of alpha is the higher form of alpha. The more subtle form of alpha. The more alpha form of alpha. He may not be the six foot four hundred-pounds-of-muscle alpha-by-raw-force, but he is a leader regardless, and others will naturally follow him out of admiration and respect because of what and who he is. The key difference here is that the group-dominant alpha leads more out of fear based respect, than the admiration based respect of the "ascendant alpha". The ascendant alpha is a master of himself first and foremost. Others follow him not because he demands it, forces it, or threatens them if they don't, but because he displays the highest, truest form of leadership and masculinity: independence and self mastery."

I might have spoke too soon and perhaps I am approaching the "ubermensch" or Transcendent alpha level of being. The being fiercely independent and not getting my value from something external is definitely there. The self mastery is there as well I think. I definitely feel a lot more in control of my thoughts and emotions than I was before. For once I feel fully in control of myself. As for my PTSD, the best way I can describe it is that it feels like the "Phantom limb" phenomenon in a way. For those that don't know the Phantom limb issue is where someone gets a limb cut off but feels like the limb is still there.

It feels like a phantom in the truest sense. Its barely there and even when I might get a "flash back" it seems half hearted, lacks any intensity, and I don't feel any pain at all really. It feels like with time that it will just fade away into nothingness. I believe I understand the anger and rage now. It wasn't so much directed at a person in general but a concept of being stuck in the same pain inflicting system, created from following what "society" said I needed to be or where I need to get my value from, and being too "fearful" to leave this system. The FRM has definitely helped me find a way out of this self destructive cycle. With the FRM being this powerful so far I am very interested how the upgraded FRM in UMS will be like. Guess time will tell.

So far this sub has done some very good things for me. Will see if I continue with this or I am tempted to switch to DMSI when I might get over to Asia. Just to see how things might turn out. Once again I will say I have no doubt that if I run DMSI again , with the recent identity level changes, I will have no problem getting any women at that point. Only thing is with this lack of external source of value I don't care all that much. Yeah, I might want a women for companionship, entertainment, and the joy of sex but other than that I just don't care. I don't think I can take anyone else seriously, in a relationship, unless they have an internal focus of value instead of getting it from outside themselves. Fat Chance of that happening though.

I find it funny, at first I got rid of one women because I had developed so far that her lack of development and wanting to stay in her fear prone mindset aggravated me. Now after I have developed yet again the current one isn't to my liking because her need to get her value from something external from herself turns me off and I find her very boring now. Honestly, at this point I know for a fact the only type of women that will fully satisfy me is one I would get from running an manifestation sub when they come out in 6G. Only thing is that is probably going to be years from now. Until then I guess it will be making lots of money (with UMS) and having casual dating for the most part. If I'm completely honest I am not fine with "settling" for "good enough" at this point. I will admit if I end up going to China though that would probably be the best place to go to accomplish what I want to do right now, though further down the line the Philippines would be a good option as well.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I want to get to where you are. I realize something: once I get to where you are, I probably won't care about getting my friend back. The fact that I still do means I still have that problem and the very thing that drove them away is still present. But as I read your posts, it dawns on me just how important it is to let go of my friend and just do my best to become that "transcendent alpha" you talk about. If I had been that in the first place, my friendship would have turned out so differently. And I agree about not wanting to settle. I want to use E2, E3 and LTU5 to become like you are now and then use AM6, WM, SM and DMSI to become the most desirable man I can become. I figure by that time, a 6g AYP sub will exist and I can use that. Point being that after I change myself enough, I want to use an AYP sub too. I never bwlieved in "settling" My exfriend was a gorgeous woman who had that internal focus she was a 10/10 in every sense, which is why I had such limerence for her. To this day, I still feel the need for her validation and have been wanting to use the "becoming" method to get it. Now I realize that as long as I still need her approval, I'm still not the man I want to be. I HAVE to let her go. I need to restructure how I view the situation: I need to view it as the catalyst that triggered my change into becoming a transcendent alpha, rather than looking at it as this proof of how much I suck. Thanks for your posts Darth. I think they're helping me change my outlook. Or maybe it's E2. Or both. I dunno.

[DarthXedonias]

I want to get to where you are. I realize something: once I get to where you are, I probably won't care about getting my friend back. The fact that I still do means I still have that problem and the very thing that drove them away is still present. But as I read your posts, it dawns on me just how important it is to let go of my friend and just do my best to become that "transcendent alpha" you talk about. If I had been that in the first place, my friendship would have turned out so differently. And I agree about not wanting to settle. I want to use E2, E3 and LTU5 to become like you are now and then use AM6, WM, SM and DMSI to become the most desirable man I can become. I figure by that time, a 6g AYP sub will exist and I can use that. Point being that after I change myself enough, I want to use an AYP sub too. I never bwlieved in "settling" My exfriend was a gorgeous woman who had that internal focus she was a 10/10 in every sense, which is why I had such limerence for her. To this day, I still feel the need for her validation and have been wanting to use the "becoming" method to get it. Now I realize that as long as I still need her approval, I'm still not the man I want to be. I HAVE to let her go. I need to restructure how I view the situation: I need to view it as the catalyst that triggered my change into becoming a transcendent alpha, rather than looking at it as this proof of how much I suck. Thanks for your posts Darth. I think they're helping me change my outlook. Or maybe it's E2. Or both. I dunno.

Glad I could help. Honestly, that is all you need to do. I can tell you from what I'm experiencing right now that all you need to do is get to the point of independence and self mastery then you will be fine. At that point you won't give a damn what anyone mostly thinks of you. Funny enough, when that happens you will actually get more respect from others. As for the haters, you won't care to begin with, that's their problem. I hate to say it but perhaps until Shannon fully completes DMSI I think some people might benefit more from running something that would give them a better "base" to start with and then run something like DMSI. Think it might provide better results for a good amount of people possibly. Granted, I got results from the last version but I feel like the women I was attracting were around the same level of self development I was at. I have a very good intuition that since I have developed a lot, lot further then I was at that point I will probably get a much wider range of women I think. Also, probably a lot less resistance. 

I think a good way i could put it is that my identity is a lot more "malleable" and limitless than it was before. In other words since I am getting my sense of identity (value, etc) from myself I feel like I am no limited in how I define myself. Whereas before when I was getting those things externally I had to "also" take the limitations everyone else put on me (your not attractive, your not sexy, you can't get women, etc). Now that I supply all those things internally I can define myself as I wish. Therefore, there is a very good chance that when I get back on DMSI I won't have really much resistance at the identity level. Anyway, another thing I should mention which has been going on the last few days is that I've been sleeping, a lot. I assume because of all these big changes I probably need a lot more sleep. I would say I've probably been sleeping like 10-14 hours every day now. Good thing I don't actually have a job at the moment or I would be dead tired all the time. 

I will say though the quality of sleep has been amazing though. I might become the guinea pig for testing DMSI when I get to Asia though since right now I've noticed I not only want to make money while I'm over there but also have a really good time. I'm ready to enjoy life right now, something I haven't gotten to do for the last decade or so.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

"all you need to do is get to the point of independence and self mastery" 

Gee, you make it sound so easy LOL XD

But yeah, I see what you're saying. And I totally agree with you about using programs like LTU5 or E3 first because it'll make the use of programs like DMSI, AM6, WM and SM more effective.  

Anyway, I just need to save up A LITTLE BIT more money and I'll be able to afford E3. When I get backpay from Disability (once I'm on it) I'll be able to afford LTU5. I sincerely hope these programs help me get to that point of independent self esteem and self mastery like you're getting to. 

[DarthXedonias]

And the changes continue.

It would seem after this identity level shift that I'm growing more bold and aggressive in my thinking. Its like I have no problems telling people my mind. I'm also noticing people wanting to talk with me more and in return I find conversing more entertaining. I think I find the idea of travel and seeing news things more appealing to me now than sitting at home just playing some time wasting video games. Oh believe me, I still play video games but it seems to be regulated to when I really, really don't have anything else productive I could be doing. For example, right now there is not much else for me to do but wait for my documents to be ready which a third party is taking care of now. So I literally have nothing else I could be doing at the moment.

I am finding more and more of what Shannon has said in the past is finally making sense to me as well besides the whole transcendent alpha type stuff. For example, I remember when we all used to get on him for making it sound so easy to change with just making a single choice. Now, in hindsight I realize he was right. It was me who kept myself where I was before and it was an easy choice when I look back on it to change my whole mindset. The only thing that kept it difficult in "my mind" was all the fears surrounding that choice. The fears and other stuff in my head had been magnified in my mind so much that they seemed insurmountable when they really weren't. It really was these fears that weren't all that powerful keeping me back.

In the end after I made the choice, did the world explode? Did i face some horrible fate? Did I die? None of these things happened. matter of fact life actually got a lot better, easier, and I am more free after leaving those things behind. In the end the fear was all bullshit and mirrors. To use an example Shannon has used in the past, fear causes the shadow of an ant to look like a monster (or something similar to that). Either way, now that this is over with I can feel myself grow stronger and more powerful each day. I don't feel chained like I used to be.

As a side note, within the next day or 2 I should be letting the Indonesian chick go. I will be sending her an message and then afterwards I will be blocking her on all my media (only have her on 2). As I've been growing more and more over the past few days I have grown more sure in this decision. She is still a very good women but I can't get over the lost of connection and aversion to her not only letting herself finding her value externally from herself but I have noticed her wanting the same for me which I don't roll like that anymore. I've found my freedom and I won't be giving that up to anyone or anything. I know she will be crushed for quite a while but its for the best. I realize more than ever now that the only types of relationship for me is LTRs or marriage types where the significant other gives me plenty of space and allows me to engage with them on my own terms. I guess in order to full have that I will have to run UMS eventually.

I guess I am one of those guys that wants a women who as long as I'm taking care of her needs she just lets me do whatever I want when I want. I guess I have no time for this whole "I need your emotional support all the time", "We need to spend more time together", or "make more time for me". Eh, I will take care of your needs especially if you just want stay at home and take care of the house (of which obviously I get my needs taken care of as well) but I'm not going to baby sit you or act like one of your girlfriends. I have no time for women like that. I have a feeling this is even more of that extreme independence streak in me taking control. Right now I just want to live my life on my terms with the least amount of external interference as possible.

With that in mind I've been thinking more about my investment plans once UMS comes out. If it works as intended I plan on trying to full invest most of my time in investing and becoming financially independent within a year. That is how strong this independence streak in my right now is. I also have no doubt in my mind that if especially my suggestion makes it in the sub that that will be fully possible. If that does happen I do seem myself using the money to do business in China or the Philippines. I do want to diverse myself as much as possible. Eh, depending on how that goes we will see if I even want to run BAMM 6G later on. I might be wealthy enough at that point.

Anyway, that is all for now. You all have a good day!

[DarthXedonias]

Well, I just sent the message to the Indonesian chick and blocked her. I honestly feel like this was for the best. I'm simply growing too quickly on this sub. So I might be into a women at one point but a few months later I might have outgrown her. I guess this comes with the territory of developing yourself. I do admit when it came down to the last few hours before I did it I felt some kind of "fear" sink in and start to make up perhaps compromises. After I calmed myself and focused on why I was acting this way all of a sudden I realized what was happening. It is something else other people have noticed on the sub recently. The incident where your making good progress and then on your days off your subconscious works really hard to erase all the progress you made. Lucky for me last night was me starting the sub again so I was able to combat that and regain ground. I do think though this is something Shannon might have to find a way to combat.

Other than all that I am really happy to just start my life somewhere else without living by other people's rules or expectations. I'm also ready to make something of myself. Drew up a plan for when I am on UMS and if I can pull it off I will be good to go. I sent an application to a Chinese recruiting company on Friday. If I don't hear back from them today (which should be Monday for them) then I will send an application to a company in Korea. Would kind of prefer China in someways just because of the women aspect and I think I might play around with DMSI while I'm there "until" UMS comes out. Once UMS is out that will be my full focus. If while on UMS I reach my financial milestones I have already decided how I will invest the money to ensure I diversify everything. Most likely as well if I reach those milestones I will be moving permanently to the Philippines though I think I will still do some long term travel in other countries as well.

Either way I'm ready to just live my life freely and without all this control. I think the results (the identity level ones) will stay as long as I keep on this for a few more weeks. I say this because once I made that decision of self validation and then realized that the world didn't implode or any other number of things I feared you can't un-see it all. Once a lie is exposed for what it is, a lie you can't keep on believing in it. It would seem that this part of me is here to stay.