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+--- Thread: Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal (/Thread-Transcendent-Sith-Lord-s-LTU-5-0-Journal)
Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal - DarthXedonias - 02-28-2019
Well, at Shannon's suggestion I think it is time for me to start a new Journal.
I will say this Magnus Engine Seems to have pushed things over quite a bit. I'm noticing some changes here and there at a faster rate.
There has been some major stuff that has happened even then up to a few mins ago that I need to cover. Unfortunately I had to let go of the one Filipina chick. Kind of made me sad but I noticed that I am not as sad as I would usually be. My main guess is that the E3 component is really helping out with that. There were a few things that lead up to this. When she got the measles I finally did contact her but some things didn't add up. Won't go over all of them but to name one specifically, I noticed that when we voiced chatted she said she was at the hospital. The problem is that the background noises (a rooster yelling out in the background, etc) were exactly the same as if she was talking right outside her home. Of course she eventually asked for "help" but for confirmation I asked for her to have me speak with one of the doctors then all of a sudden she acted like she couldn't hear me then the called ended. For full disclosure the mic I use for my PC does occasionally cut out sometimes but usually all I have to do is move my mic a bit and it fixes itself which is what I did in this conversation. Shortly afterwards she sends me pictures of supposedly her with the measles and where they gave her a shot. All this lead me to being very suspicious as you can think seeing as I already have experience somewhat with dealing with women from other countries.
It finally came to a head though when Indonesian chick contacted me say Cebu chick had texted her kind of angrily about how she had changed her mind about something (which actually made me change the schedule around for when I would be meeting them). This apparently made Cebu chick jealous so and then she started being angry with the other women for this even though this changed made things easier on my end. Apparently this angry texting by her went on for a while but she eventually calmed down (Indonesian chick actually remained calm and in control this whole time which I give her credit for). The most interesting thing the chick told me about this though was the fact she actually let it out that if I got 2 other women later on she would have to "let me go". That proved to me that even though she said she would be ok with this type of relationship in reality she has too many issues to be involved in this type of relationship despite what she might tell me personally. It was at this point I was pretty sure I would have to let her go. I think this was the happiness programming kicking in telling me if I got involved with her in the long term it would lead to long term unhappiness.
I still wanted to still think over it a few days though just to be sure but I left her a message earlier this morning saying I would talk to her in day because I was really thinking hard about this relationship I had with her. To my surprise she was still up and messaged me quite a few times afterwards then finally called me. I told her my issues and how she wasn't fit for this type of thing. To cut it short instead of waiting a day she asked me to just let her know now and I told her I would have to let her go. She did get very sad and for a split second due to hearing her sadness I thought about trying to make it work anyway but then it was like a voice in the back of my head said, "No, you won't turn back now and you know this is the right thing to do". So I stood strong and eventually the call ended. I'm now here typing out this report. Part of me is still sad though not as sad as I would usually be thanks to E3 in LTU 5.0. Part of me is relieved though because this means if I only have to deal with being with and eventually marrying just one chick at this time I won't have to worry about finances as much or getting multiple visas for when I teach English in Korea for a bit.
As far as the Indonesian chick is concerned it seems like the "improve your love life" is in full execution really. We are talking to each other more and I can hearing it in her voice and see it in her actions that she is falling for me more and more. Usually I would call her at night to talk to her when she is done with all her work during the day but now she is trying to voice call me early in the morning or other times during the day. She even said that she is getting more impatient to even see me and said she might talk with her mother and father about the payment thing in order to see me sooner. On top of that she has just said some things that has had me appreciate her more and how mature she is. For example she had mentioned she wouldn't mind if I am a bit broke later because having worked in Hong Kong for so long she realizes that sometimes hardship is going to happen. She mentioned also that she knows of couples where the women will get with a man because of his wealth and financial stability then when the guy falls on hard times she simply divorces him. She says she doesn't believe in such things as she realizes that hard times in life are going to come no matter what.
Just yesterday she decided while we were talking that she wanted to switch to video chat since she wanted to see my face. We hadn't video chatted really since that first week we met. It seems like she is eager to talk to me whenever she has the chance to. On the sexual side we seem to also be compatible. She really wants to try out new things in the relationship to keep it fresh where possible and she wants to make sure we keep growing and never get tired of each other. I guess Shannon was right about his assessment in my previous journal. The Cebu chick wanted to be submissive and obedient in exchange for not having to deal with and overcome her fears. In the long run this would cause issues seeing as I would constantly have to reassure her against her fears (which were popping up even now). In contrast the Indonesian chick is willing to deal and confront her fears. She wants to keep growing. On top of this she is still quite submissive but at the same time will tell me her true feelings on things though in a very respectful way. I've also noticed with her that when she doesn't like a certain habit of mine or something like that she will actually bargain with me. Basically asking me what she can do in exchange on her half for me changing a certain aspect of myself or what I do. She doesn't "demand" that I change something about myself as if it is her right to demand something of me or give me an ultimatum.
I am understanding now what Shannon means when he talks about his current girlfriend now. Given how this women is I am really not willing to give this relationship up for anything at the moment. I have not ran across a women like this before. I am sure there are other women like her out there but given that I have such a relationship right now I am not going to just give it up. Not to mention this women is perfectly fine with me having 3 more women later on as well and having a women like this who believes that and will keep her jealousy in check is pretty rare.
Any other news other things I have noticed is that I am definitely moving forward in my studies. I just got finished watching a list of videos to help pass my accounting class and will finish watching a few more today before I attempt the retest later tonight. Hopefully, this will keep rolling and I will be able to graduate sometime in early to mid March at least that is the plan. I am noticing more opportunities as well. I found out that if I don't like the whole Teaching English thing or don't want to do it long term I found out that even though having a MBA in the US isn't anything to too special Dubai actually is hiring plenty of people who have MBAs and they usually start out at 100k per year in that country. This is even more so if your from a western country. Turns out if your a educated westerner your income is usually going to be up to 5x greater than people from other countries because Dubai wants to attract lots of educated talent and they are very pro capitalist. So they see people from the US for example as a huge asset. That just gives me another path to being very financially secure. Matter of fact I found out quite a few countries in Asian are willing to pay a lot for a westerner with a MBA. So there is a chance I can go straight for a masters in Business Administration while I'm in Korea then go to somewhere like Dubai in order to make really good money.
Anyway, I have to say so far this sub is very good and I see myself changing for the better. Seems like this complete magnus engine is a real game changer.
RE: Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal - DarthXedonias - 03-01-2019
Another update.
I'm currently on my first rest day of my first run through on this sub. Its been working out pretty well so far. I passed the retake of the Principles of accounting test and passed though with a caveat. I did it really close to the beginning of a new term (Term for me started today on the first). I was in the middle of doing the test when it already became the first of March and since I was doing a change of program the system kind of messed up. Thankfully my now former mentor checked up on it and the tech people saw that I passed the test.
This was already some good success and luck so far but things got even better. I got the info for my new mentor so I could get things all set up and start studying for my classes already and maybe pass my next course on Monday. She did something that normal mentors usually don't do. Usually at the beginning of a new term they set you up with 4 courses with in your current term then add courses to the current term as you pass more classes. With this they usually wait until you pass the pre test for the class then will unlock the objective assessment (final exam) for the course. They usually won't "pre-Approve" the final exam before you even do anything in the course as sometimes students do some stupid shit like take the test when their not ready then it shows badly on them.
This women literally added 4 classes (one of them the principles of accounting so it can pass through the system as a pass) and then unlocked all the final exams for all the other 3 courses. That means I could potentially get 3 courses done over this weekend then come Monday morning only have 11 classes left to graduate. This is usually unheard of. So, I got pretty lucky in getting this mentor who seems to be just ok with letting me blitz through all these classes and be a lot sooner in graduating. This is really a stroke of luck, not to mention this branch of classes is pretty darn easy.
I'm pretty motivated at this point seeing as there is a very huge chance that if things come together and I finish my degree early I could leave to meet the Indonesian chick later this month or in April. Originally the plan was to graduate then get a job then go to see her in June and stay there for close to a month. Luckily, I found out I should probably be getting close to 6k+ USD this month (hopefully the government is timely in dispensing those benefits unlike before) then that should be enough to potentially take that trip early and then I could see her early. Not only that though but if I watch my spending and go on the lookout for a good job in Korea before hand I could actually go to see her late this month then head to Korea right away to teach English. On top of that lets say things work out and I eventually got married to this chick. I did find out that I would be able to get a visa for her whether I join the public school system there or the private after school system.
Things seem like they are coming together quite nicely. On top of that the fact that I would be able to complete another degree program ,whether another bachelors or masters, while in the country since I will be applying for the same school is just great. Quite frankly I might go along with this plan since I really sat down and thought about what I really wanted that would make me happy (Happiness program most likely). Do I really want to work for a few months in a country and culture I don't really like at the moment? Sure I would be able to make major money but I don't think that would make up all the other negatives I would experience. So probably pursuing this course of action would make life a lot more enjoyable for me personally.
I have to say I am really impressed with this sub so far and this Magnus Engine is a game changer like Shannon said it would be. I'm noticing so many parts of the sub doing various things for me and its amazing. Looks like my life is moving forward instead of being stagnant in all areas. It seems I will be able to accomplish my goals, improve my love life, and live a life that will actually make me happy in the short and long term. Thanks Shannon a lot for this program. If things are doing this well so far I can only imagine how well things will get once FRM is fully upgraded and DMSI 3.4 comes out.
RE: Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal - DarthXedonias - 03-14-2019
Well, I think it is time for another update
I'm currently on my second rest day of my third cycle on this sub. Its been interesting. I noticed at the beginning I was noticing results but then for about 2 weeks it felt like I was trying to fight it but then on the third day of my third cycle something happened. I woke up and something just clicked as it were. It was like I was willing to give up a lot of things that were holding me back and just move on from them. I noticed that day I was really proactive and by tomorrow, if things go right, I should be able to be down to only 10 classes until I graduate hopefully. I took a look at the list of classes I have left to graduate after these and besides one the rest are pretty easy. The one I'm worried about is applied Algebra. I can do math but it is sort of a "drag" on me to do so. Luckily for me I found out the pretest is exactly like the final test except for the numbers for the problems are changed. That might give me some sort of advantage I guess.
The "improve your love life" module is still being executed a lot. At the beginning, like with the filipina chick from last year, I started to feel very uncomfortable with these "loving" feelings but now I'm starting to feel a lot more comfortable with having them. She usually wants to talk at least once each day and I do look forward to contacting her everyday whether through text or voice call. This is different with the filipina chick from last year. With her I was proactive when I was over there but due to her work schedule and the time zone difference things started to get strained and I was not nearly contact her as much as I should have which probably led to the relationship ending. I am happy with this though since I found someone even better and someone who is definitely ok with me having 3 other women on the side. If all goes to plan I should hopefully be meeting her even sooner than June. It just all depends on if I get finish with my studies soon enough and then get amount of my tuition refunded.
The other thing that has been on my mind recently is what I'm going to study in September when I am able to enroll again. I think the happiness program has something to do with this and its trying to make me pick something that will be financially stable and make me in the long term happy. As of right now I have 3 options: BS in Software development, MBA, or Masters in ESL. If I get the software development degree I could work in Dubai, work from home (which pays pretty well with American level salaries) or even work in the Philippines since a guy I encourage to go there is working for a guy who might be looking for a third person. If I go for a MBA my main place to work will have to be Dubai. If I go with the Masters in ESL then I can work in several different countries at the university level. Saudi Arabia is one of the bests place to work (4k a month) and the pay is tax free. I could also sign up for online courses teaching kids in China for decent pay if I get the right amount of hours in every week.
Right now I haven't decided yet. I think by September, after teaching in Korea for a few months, I will have a better idea of what I want to do. If I enjoy teaching then I will pursue that. In the mean time I do still have a beginner software education program I have udemy that I can watch to get a better Idea if I want to do programming instead. Speaking of work though I did find out some good news. It turns out there are private companies in Korea that work with the public school system that will hire people for the public school system if they have shortages during the off seasons. I'm quite happy about this seeing as I would rather work with the public school system than with the private after school programs since they have better hours and benefits. I also got "lucky" in that I found out that if I got married to this Indonesian women that it would be very easy and fast to get a visa for her to join me over there. On top of that they recently changed the laws so that those visa holders can also work with the governments permission so she can send money home to her family if she wants. Things seem to be getting better and better and new opportunities seem to be presenting themselves.
Lastly, I am still talking to the one filipina chick that I let go. Even though she has said she is sorry (for the jealousy she showed one particular time) I am still skeptical to a high degree. Part of me is willing to give her another chance but take it more slowly though on the other hand a deep part of me is saying not to do that. I'm starting to understand what that part of me wanting to give her another chance is though. Its fear. In particular its the fear of failure. When analyzing why I felt this way I was reminded I have had this fear for years. In this case me breaking off all contact and just being done with it would be to me like admitting that the relationship is over and that I failed. I just really hate admitting failure even though there is a time when you should cut your loses. Anyway, this is something I'm going to have to work on and hopefully the sub helps me with that aspect.
One last thing I should mention is that true to my original plan I will keep with this sub, at least until I finish my studies. By that time if UMS is out I will go on that but if it isn't then I might hop back onto DMSI again since it should work out pretty well in the culture in Korea I think. It would probably help with my relationship with the Indonesian chick still but also it might also help me maybe get a second girl in Korea possibly. While I was typing this out I just realize something as well. I have taken note of those things I have mentioned in this post but other than that I haven't really been focusing on whether the sub has been working this whole time or not. I haven't been doing my usual over-analyzing and looking for results like I used to do. I find that in of itself is probably good. I do feel like at times I was looking too much for results all the time. Anyway, that is about all for now that I can report. I will probably report again in a week or 2. Take care all!
RE: Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal - Benjamin - 03-14-2019
Quote:While I was typing this out I just realize something as well. I have taken note of those things I have mentioned in this post but other than that I haven't really been focusing on whether the sub has been working this whole time or not. I haven't been doing my usual over-analyzing and looking for results like I used to do. I find that in of itself is probably good. I do feel like at times I was looking too much for results all the time.Nice, this is just since LTU? Maybe it's something Shannon has in it. I'm the same, i'm looking too much for the results at times which I know isn't benefical but I find it difficult not to.
RE: Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal - Raz - 03-14-2019
(03-14-2019, 01:11 AM)Benjamin Wrote:Quote:I have taken note of those things I have mentioned in this post but other than that I haven't really been focusing on whether the sub has been working this whole time or not. I haven't been doing my usual over-analyzing and looking for results like I used to do.Nice, this is just since LTU? Maybe it's something Shannon has in it. I'm the same, i'm looking too much for the results at times which I know isn't benefical but I find it difficult not to.
I am experiencing the very same. For me it started with USLM v3 but it's upped quite a bit since starting LTU v4/5.
RE: Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal - Shannon - 03-14-2019
What I would do in your shoes, Darth: not take her back once she's shown herself unworthy. Too much trouble in my experience.
RE: Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal - DarthXedonias - 03-18-2019
(03-14-2019, 01:11 AM)Benjamin Wrote:Quote:While I was typing this out I just realize something as well. I have taken note of those things I have mentioned in this post but other than that I haven't really been focusing on whether the sub has been working this whole time or not. I haven't been doing my usual over-analyzing and looking for results like I used to do. I find that in of itself is probably good. I do feel like at times I was looking too much for results all the time.Nice, this is just since LTU? Maybe it's something Shannon has in it. I'm the same, i'm looking too much for the results at times which I know isn't benefical but I find it difficult not to.
Yeah, this is mostly during LTU that I noticed. Though I should mention that with the last DMSI I didn't really go out much to see results because it was like I was terrified of going outside my apartment.
Quote:What I would do in your shoes, Darth: not take her back once she's shown herself unworthy. Too much trouble in my experience.
Oh believe me, since the last time I reported on here I have come to the same conclusion. I think I finally pushed through that fear of "failure" that I was facing. I just need to let it die and move on. I'm kind of tired of being hung up on past lost opportunities which might not have worked anyway. I also think it was me taking on too much of the responsibility for the "failure". If someone else messes up big time in the relationship I shouldn't be taking responsibility for that.
On another note, I think I might do what others are doing and not take any breaks for a while because I have noticed what others have reported, especially concerning DMSI. It would seem like on the "off" days I start regressing a little bit and then when i start up I don't see the noticeable results until day 2 or 3. So I think like others my Subconscious is using the off days to aggressively undo whatever progress was made (I noticed recently I started playing video games and watching youtube all day again,etc). So, I'm going to keep going with this for a while and stop if I see any negative signs from not getting any rest days. I might try switching to hybrid as well even though I stick with ultrasonic mainly because hearing ocean surf or trickling stream highly irritates me for some reason.
As for everything else my classes are coming along slowly. I just finished a paper for another class. So I should only have 11 classes left and should be working on another one soon. I'm hoping to bring that down to either 9 or 6 classes left by the end of this week. I don't have to work as quickly due to some changes but I still want to get done as soon as possible. As for the Indonesian women things are going just great and we are getting along better than ever. Haven't been able to talk as much these last few days because the family she helps has been working her really hard but she does plan on leaving there employ by the end of April. Hence why I have a bit more time to get my classes done. I haven't decided if when I finish if I'm going to try to get a job lined up for me in Korea before I leave for Indonesia or come back home for a bit after Indonesia to get some stuff taken care of then leave for Korea. Honestly it would be better for me to just have a job lined up before I leave hopefully.
Anyway, that's about it for now. Will update again soon.
RE: Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal - DarthXedonias - 03-19-2019
Well, I don't know what happened but its pretty interesting as I have never experience this before.
Something just clicked after I woke up earlier today and I started cleaning my room, preparing for my trip by thinking up ways I could store my stuff, and just in general getting down with getting my courses done. I already finished and submitted 2 papers just today. Its like I was looking forward to working on it and enjoyed that more then thinking about watching youtube or playing video games. I'm going to try really hard to get as many course done as much as possible this week before my birthday on Saturday. Right now if I get my current courses done I should be down to 9 courses left. I'm going to aim for getting it down to 6 or 7 by the end of this week.
If I can keep up this momentum then I think I can probably be close to finish by the end of next week. So I should be finished in early April. Works out for me seeing as the women I've been talking to should be ending her employment by the end of April. So she should be free after that. I also felt this weird thing of like my old identity was slowly dissolving today and being replace by something new. I didn't feel any kind of resistance either to this process. I do actually feel like a new person really. I will still go through with experimenting with not taking a break because I don't want to give any potential resistance the chance to rewind the clock on these changes. Hopefully I don't experience any horrible exhaustion.
With things how they are with just this amount of FRM and the Magnus Engine I can't imagine how powerful these subs will be once FRM is complete. Anyway, thought I would mention this since it was so sudden.
RE: Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal - DarthXedonias - 03-23-2019
Well, thought I would put in a post since its my birthday today.
Going on with the sub straight didn't last very long. Started noticing this pressure building in my head at times so I finally took a break. Today is actually my third day taking a break since I was still experiencing some pressure build up at times. I do think I might experiment with maybe 4 days on and 1 day off to see if that might help. I did notice that I was getting a compounding of results during the time and I pretty much blazed through a bunch of courses this week. I'm pretty much going to be down to 7 courses left by the end of this weekend. I could have been down to 6 but I decided to slow down a bit because I wouldn't be able to start on some courses until this coming Thursday. Wanted to keep myself busy until then.
Anyway, I am pretty happy with myself at the moment. Pretty much I'm pretty sure if I keep this up I should most likely graduate during the first week of April. After that I pretty much have some options which I have talked to the Indonesian girl about. It seems like due to certain events coming up that we might move the meeting until some time in Early June. So, I can either stay here in the US for the next two months working a job here or go straight to Korea for work and hopefully find a job that will let me take the whole month of June off pretty much. I would prefer the latter.
As far as other things I am doing quite well. I'm noticing the longer I use this sub the more I am starting to develop some will power and self control. Its getting easier and easier to not do things that aren't really all that great for me. Its also getting easier to do things that I should be doing as well. Getting all those courses done this week and actually putting my mind to it is proof of that. I have really been thinking about things I hadn't thought about in a while as well.
I will probably still start working on another degree in September but I don't think that will be the end for me. Its not set in stone but I feel like something in this sub is changing the way I think to a high degree. I'm realizing I really want to do something that will really actually impact people's lives. With that in mind I have really considered once MLS 6G eventually comes out (though that won't be for a while) if I am financially secure and can afford it I think I will probably be going to medical school. I found that there are pretty good medical schools in countries in Europe and even some places in Asia where you can get just as good an education but do it in half the time it would take in America. I'm highly looking at Poland if that is a case as they have a 5 year program for generalist, though it would take a little bit longer if you continue to specialize.
I admit part of me wants to do this for the good pay but the other thing is something has "reawaken" in me that hasn't been there for a long time. When I was younger and been mistreated but hadn't gotten to the point of being filled with anger and hate I actually would see or hear about certain atrocities done against certain people and really feel for them. I would feel this kind of anger and hated this injustice I would see done to people. Though slowly as I myself got mistreated I started to just have more anger and hate for people in general until I felt like I couldn't really feel anything anymore. I think with the combination of all this emotional healing and happiness programming I just have re-found that part of me but its even better. I see some of the injustice done to people and yet at the same time I feel this strong motivation to want to do something about it. So depending on if I'm financially stable at the time and when MLS 6G comes out I might move down this path.
Granted, I might not be done until I am probably in my 40s but if everything goes well and Shannon gets a Anti-aging sub going that probably won't be too much of a problem rofl. Anyway, that is all for now. You guys have a great day!
RE: Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal - Shannon - 03-23-2019
Happy birthday, mayne! Glad to hear you're enjoying LTU5. Sounds like it's doing what it's supposed to do.
RE: Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal - DarthXedonias - 03-23-2019
(03-23-2019, 09:24 AM)Shannon Wrote: Happy birthday, mayne! Glad to hear you're enjoying LTU5. Sounds like it's doing what it's supposed to do.
Thanks a lot. It definitely does seem like its working. It seems like I am slowly but surely executing every part of the sub. I did notice today on my third day of rest that I might have seen a "slight" amount of rolling back of results but its not significant. It was only one thing I noticed. Other than that I will be starting again tonight and might try 4 days on then 1 day off. I might be able to handle that without getting too much of the head pressure.
As for everything else I am pretty happy with this sub. Seems like the results are stacking up over time despite parts of the subconscious trying to undo stuff during rest days. I'm very happy with how things are going with my studies. I really did hard to get as many classes done this week as possible and due to that I should be most likely done in the first week of April. Hard to believe that I'm finally going to graduate college and actually leave this country and enjoy myself elsewhere making decent money. On top of that I got a women who is marriage material, most definitely, and is actually self aware and constantly try to improve her character. I would have never thought I would meet a girl like this before. I know if I was stuck in my previous mental cage of beliefs that I would have thought such a women existing was impossible. I think back then I thought "All women" were like the horrible ones I was encountering and so that was more of what I got really due to that faulty belief.
On top of all this I just feel something different in the way I think now and also it feels like my head has way less self talk in it. It seems peaceful and quiet. I'm still considering if I should run UMS when it comes out. Really liking the changes this sub is making but we shall see. I definitely do need the money and if it can make me financially secure within 1-2 years then I should be pretty good to go and then once MLS 6G comes out I can probably go to medical school in Poland or somewhere else in Europe or Asia.
RE: Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal - Benjamin - 03-24-2019
Happy Birthday man.
Good results, it's good to see after you were struggling with some things with DMSI.
RE: Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal - DarthXedonias - 03-25-2019
(03-24-2019, 12:17 AM)Benjamin Wrote: Happy Birthday man.
Good results, it's good to see after you were struggling with some things with DMSI.
Thanks a lot Ben. Very much appreciate it.
Thought I would update real quick before I probably pass another one of my college courses tonight. As I mentioned before if I play my Cards right I should be able to graduate by the first week of April hopefully. After that I might still have to stay here and work for 2 months but we shall see. I admit I am still wondering if I want to switch to UMS when it comes out or not because so far this ride has been very good for me and the changes are just what I needed.
I think the incident from yesterday showed just how far I had come. Eventually things have pretty much ended with the Filipina chick (We are just having some last back and forth before it seems we go our separate ways) though it ended in a way I was not happy with. I knew it had to end but I also want to make sure it ended in the right way which unfortunately the Indonesian chick didn't really help with. Essentially I talked to the filipina yesterday and told her straight forward that it would have to take something major (as in change in her) for me to take her back which she said she would be willing to do but I wasn't holding my breathe really. I said all this in a non-asshole way btw. Well, eventually later on while I was talking to the Indonesian chick the filipina had contacted the Indonesian chick to really apologize and work things out with her. Unfortunately, the Indonesian chick acted very rude (basically didn't want to be bothered with it at that moment). I saw the screen shots so I know she was being down right rude.
Eventually the filipina re-blocked her (with out being nasty in return) and sent me pretty much the last couple of messages I would get from her. Despite knowing this eventually needed to end I was not happy at all with the way it ended especially considering I really do not like or tolerate horrible behavior. So I did have a little "talk" with the Indonesian chick. I didn't act like a jerk but at the same time I didn't let her off easy. I pointed out that she did wrong and even got her to the point of admitting to herself that she was wrong multiple times. What amazed me about this whole thing is that this was clearly in contrast to how I used to be. I would have been afraid to go into direct conflict with another person before all this. I also was patient, wise, understand but firm at the same time. I was also not afraid to speak my mind.
This is way different from the way I'm use to conducting myself. Also my concern with the way she acted shows me that the "do what is right" programming is being executed. I'm also getting this feeling of wanting to do the right thing and also confidence that I am doing the right thing. Usually as an INTP/J, I tend to over think a lot or be in my own little world but I've noticed for the past 2 weeks or so that I don't even think half the time now. I just do things. I come to a time when I need to make a decision and just make a decision. That is it with little to no second guessing myself. The only time I really put thought to anything is when I consider my future career path after teaching English for a few months. That requires a little more thought and I have to take other variables into consideration. That does bring me back to UMS to a degree. Thinking about it and the idea that I might really want go to medical School down the road has really put in perspective that at least for the first year while in Korea I am pretty much going to have to run UMS so I can be financially independent. Once that happens, and I have a good amount of passive income then I can probably go to medical school once MLS 6G comes out.
There is a combination of other things I have noticed as well. Essentially, I don't know what tech this is from but I have gotten these feelings on separate occasions. Its like this feeling like I'm running on a script and that everything that needs to happen will happen. One could say "Everything will be alright" but that simplistic way of putting it doesn't seem to convey the feelings I get. On top of that even I get this feeling of running on a script it feels like reality itself isn't "dry and cut" and that it can be easily manipulated. One choice here, and one choice there. I wish I could put this in better words but this feeling is hard to describe. Like I am running on a script ,willingly, but that script can be change and there can be improvises made. That is the best way I can describe it. I'm guessing its a feeling from the reality bending but it feels like something else as well that I'm not used to. Normally with just reality bending before I would just get the feeling that something has "changed" at weird times throughout the day. This is very different.
Well in closing it would seem like if I want to meet my goals I might have to run UMS for quite a long time. I will only take breaks from that ,for extend periods of time, when subs like a Psychic sub, DMSI final, and MLS 6G comes out. I will definitely also probably run BAMM 6G when it comes out. I think the sub I will run for years to come though will be the Psychic sub if it comes out. Always been interested in that area of study for some reason. Probably because such phenomenon aren't easily explained by science in a lot of chases.
RE: Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal - Benjamin - 03-25-2019
That all sounds awesome, like big changes that seem so natural. And it's distinctly different from your past reports on other programs. Nice.
I can definately identify with the overthinking.. to be able to have that shifted in the way you're describing would be a good change.