Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Well, thought I would update after a while.

By my count its already been a month and a few days of LTU 5.0 usage. Have to say I have definitely changed over this last month and few days. I will first start off with something that I've noticed Shannon start to say about people realizing that maybe they should be running something other DMSI to build some sort of inner strength as it were. I would have to agree with this assessment. When I really think about it I don't doubt if I switched back to DMSI I would probably be having increased results right now. Even after just a little over a month of this sub it feels like I have gained quite a bit of inner strength as it were.

I find that I have very few doubts compared to before. Matter of fact, as I was typing this I was thinking about how on each DMSI version I would keep hoping this version would be the one to do it for me while having doubts of "What if this version doesn't work". On this sub though I haven't even thought about the sub all that much, looking for results, or doubting that it is working when I have thought about the sub. I've just been "setting and forgetting" it really. I also have been listening to it when I'm suppose to with no issue. The only times when my listening has varied is when I'm experimenting with listen to more since I had noticed my subconscious fighting the changes rapidly on my days off.

I haven't talked much about how I feel around people now which is interesting because there is this weird situation I have. Its like in those few times I am out and I interact with people its like I just don't care about them. I don't mean this in a harsh way but its like this idea that their opinions and judgments about me mean nothing to me. There is this kind of coldness in the interaction though it is not malicious or anything like that. While I thought about it right now I did realize something. Before in interactions it was like I was very needy of what people thought of me and was fearful if they would dislike me. I think this was a self fulfilling prophecy or instance of getting in reality what you put your energy most towards (my fears in this case).

I feel like my fears and anxieties would come out in the interaction and my behavior would be influenced by these fears which would cause people to see me as low value or start to dislike me to a degree I think. Either that or they would sense it of their own accord and act according to my wishes. Now though? Its like I really don't care and I don't mean in the "I don't care" resistant way I was acting on DMSI 3.2. No this seems like a genuine I don't care about their opinion on me. Funny enough, I think people sense this that I don't care about their opinion on me and am not impressed with them and it actually causes them to act more favorable towards me. It also seems like they are more likely to engage me in conversation as well.

There is one other thing I have noticed though. During the interactions I do feel weird to a degree or some sort of slight discomfort. I have thought about it and it seems to be me feeling not used to this yet. As in I have gone almost 30+ Years fearing people's judgments of me in social situations and now that I don't have that anymore it makes some part of me feel weird. I also noticed I'm just "there". In an interaction I am completely present instead of being in my head to a degree which actually makes any conversation I have run more smoothly but at the same time they are usually short because quite frankly I don't care all too much about the opinions of the people I'm talking to. I know it probably sounds bad when I keep saying that to a degree but it doesn't feel that way. Obviously I still care about people to a degree enough to want to go to medical school to help people but at the same time when it comes to judgments they might be giving about me I just don't care.

As for other things I have ran into a snag a bit with my degree program. I bought a new expensive calculator (120 USD +) and unfortunately in order to have it be optimized for the classes I will be taking I need certain programs that you actually need to pay for to download. Ugh, I am not surprised to a degree since this is Texas Instruments who has been known to do shady crap like this before. Pay a bunch for one of their calculators and then pay more for software. Either way I will be getting that and need to practice with the calculator a bit so I can get familiar with it. So that will delay me a bit but not too much I think. At most i will have to wait an additional week to graduate.

On top of that I am not worried at all really. I have found when running this sub (or in the past with US/LM) I would hit a situation that might slow me down then all of a sudden by "luck" I would find something that would help me get through the situation no problem. Lastly, still been thinking about UMS. Some part of me is kind of hoping that I don't have to switch subs until at least the 2 month mark which is looking like it might come to that. I want to see if there are any new changes in the second month period but when UMS comes out I will have to jump on that. I need to make sure I get financially independent within 2 years and have a good amount of passive income in order to take 5 years off studying medicine in Poland, Germany, or India. That is probably going to take a bunch of luck as it were on my part.

Anyway, that is about all for now. Things are still going well and I am definitely a stronger person than I was before which is a very good thing. Oh, one last thing as well. I have stopped Vaping pretty much. I still have some vape juice now but it is without the nicotine in it. The first day of nicotine withdrawals sucked badly but after about 35 hours it got a lot better. Now I'm just waiting till this 0% Nicotine juice runs out then I will not be buying anymore. I think I had already been vaping nicotine filled juice for close to 5 years now and its like just one week I am able to stop. Part of it was because the girl that eventually I might marry bargained for me to stop vaping but also even afterwards it was like part of me wanted to stop and I have pretty much done so to my surprise without much issue.

[DarthXedonias]

Quick update since something else came to me after talking with someone in private message. I did realize that I'm really not needy for women anymore. Before I felt like the idea of having regular sex and having a women was a major goal for my life. Now its like I have better things to do. I mean, yeah I have the one chick that I'm talking to that I do see myself being with long term but even with that I'm not needy. Matter of fact one thing I didn't mention when I talked about I had that serious discussion with last time was the fact that there was one thought running through my head that actually surprised me. I had thought, "eh, if she wants to get a bad attitude while I'm correcting her I could leave her and I wouldn't even care all that much". Its funny, on the one hand I really want this relationship to last but at the same time if she proves herself to not be worth it in the end then I am ready to walk away no problem.

This attitude really surprises me after years of feeling like I was way too needy and way too forgiving of bad behavior just because I was afraid of missing my chance with that person (which in the end usually repelled them even more because I didn't have their respect). Now I guess due to growing stronger mentally and character wise I won't tolerate bad behavior and am willing to walk away no problem. Hell, I feel like even if it is something as in I get clarification that she isn't what I am looking for or that I don't think we would be a good fit I would be willing to walk away. This is quite different for me really.

on top of all this its like my focus has shifted from being about women to actual goals. In this case getting financially independent and then graduating from Medical school in a few years and doing some volunteer work in other countries. In accordance with this even on this sub my watching of porn for example is actually pretty down and I don't get as much pleasure from it like I used to. it seems quite boring at this point. At this point I'm starting to really feel like I want to do something productive and meaningful with my life.

I see this as a good change because I do remember something quite interesting that was said in a video. We should strive to live a meaningful life not a happy one. Essentially the point is that happiness is not bad to have but it shouldn't be the main goal. Meaning should be the main goal. If you strive for happiness "only" then when those times of inevitable hardship come then you will be twice as depressed and discouraged whereas having meaning will actually give you the fortitude and strength of will to weather the storm. This search for meaning the purpose is never ending as well and requires continual improvement. A quote I like:

"When you were young, let us say that you wanted to be a fireman. I feel reasonably safe in saying that you no longer want to be a fireman. Why? Because your perspective has changed. It’s not the fireman who has changed, but you. Every man is the sum total of his reactions to experience. As your experiences differ and multiply, you become a different man, and hence your perspective changes…So we do not strive to be firemen, we do not strive to be bankers, nor policemen, nor doctors. We strive to be ourselves…The goal is absolutely secondary: it is the functioning toward the goal which is important.”

Hunter Thompson

Of not is that these people who have purpose and meaning in their lives are usually the most overall happy instead of the people who focus on happiness as the "only" objective. As Hunter has also said:

“…who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on the shore and merely existed?”

Hunter Thompson, Security

It is interesting how I am truly starting to understand this all now and actually have a "hunger" for meaning and purpose instead of just pursuing pleasure. I wonder if perhaps a lot of depression we have today in most first world countries is due to those cultures constantly telling people to pursue happiness instead of meaning. In telling people to constantly pursue happiness people literally just go for whatever will give them instant gratification and end up wasting most of their life in the process and wonder why they don't feel fulfilled.

Anyway, I just realized all this and am quite happy with this development. I hope this and the new will power i have gained keep getting stronger over the next month.

P.S. If anyone is interested this a video that really explains the Meaning vs happiness concept:

[Benjamin]

Very nice. I brought LTU before the price increase to put away for usage at some stage due to other things i'm dealing with. But you're almost convincing me to start it earlier.

I wouldn't stop it after 2 months with what you're noticing, especially with the struggles you've had on other programs and now LTU is giving you these results. It sounds like exactly what you needed! And I think switching to UMS too soon would be a disservice to you.

Is this 'not being needy for women' just since doing LTU aswell? Awesome result. That is a big shift in mindset.

I'm sure you've noticed that there seems to be this tendency that's growing where these women have all these standards, to a stupid level but for men to have standards it's somehow framed as abusive or being an asshole which is bs. The obvious interpretation is that the women framing it as that know they can't live up to standards a guy has where a guy will finally stand up to her bs so there's that initial thing.

But it's awesome to be able to have that. And not caring what they think about it.

[Superman]

Very nice. I brought LTU before the price increase to put away for usage at some stage due to other things i'm dealing with. But you're almost convincing me to start it earlier.

I wouldn't stop it after 2 months with what you're noticing, especially with the struggles you've had on other programs and now LTU is giving you these results. It sounds like exactly what you needed! And I think switching to UMS too soon would be a disservice to you.

Is this 'not being needy for women' just since doing LTU aswell? Awesome result. That is a big shift in mindset.

I'm sure you've noticed that there seems to be this tendency that's growing where these women have all these standards, to a stupid level but for men to have standards it's somehow framed as abusive or being an*****which is bs. The obvious interpretation is that the women framing it as that know they can't live up to standards a guy has where a guy will finally stand up to her bs so there's that initial thing.

But it's awesome to be able to have that. And not caring what they think about it.

It might be a little early but I think I'm experiencing the not being needy for women thing.  I'm feeling that same attitude where if a girl is being rude or giving me attitude I really don't have the patience or time for it.

[DarthXedonias]

Very nice. I brought LTU before the price increase to put away for usage at some stage due to other things i'm dealing with. But you're almost convincing me to start it earlier.

I wouldn't stop it after 2 months with what you're noticing, especially with the struggles you've had on other programs and now LTU is giving you these results. It sounds like exactly what you needed! And I think switching to UMS too soon would be a disservice to you.

Is this 'not being needy for women' just since doing LTU aswell? Awesome result. That is a big shift in mindset.

I'm sure you've noticed that there seems to be this tendency that's growing where these women have all these standards, to a stupid level but for men to have standards it's somehow framed as abusive or being an*****which is bs. The obvious interpretation is that the women framing it as that know they can't live up to standards a guy has where a guy will finally stand up to her bs so there's that initial thing.

But it's awesome to be able to have that. And not caring what they think about it.

Eh, I do get that feel quite honestly. When I think about switching from this sub I get this feeling of not wanting to do so. Thing is eventually I will have to. Whether that is at the 2 month mark or at the 3 month mark. Funny enough part of me hopes that UMS comes out at the 3 month mark instead, so around May 25th or so. I just really am going to need to run UMS eventually due to needing to reach some financial goals if I want to go to take time off to go to medical school once MLS 6G is out. This has become even more important since I just recently talked to the Indonesian chick. We talked for a bit and we got on the idea if possible she might try to study nursing as well (assuming we end up together) and then we might end up with our own clinic in her country when we move there permanently. If all goes according to plan then after studying in Poland I will take up a medical job in Hong Kong or Dubai (most likely Dubai for higher pay) for a few years and then use the money saved up to buy a home in her country and a building to use as a clinic. 

There was something else that came up that I found encouraging and interesting. Before I had mentioned about me using subs (not too much info) and I was surprised that she did already know about things like the subconscious mind, etc. With that prior knowledge it was easy to explain what little I let her know about Shannon's subs. What really interested me though is that with this recent conversation I admitted to her that I probably wasn't going to do the medical thing until MLS 6G was out. This led me to asking her if she wouldn't mind getting a copy and listening to it as well if she ended up studying nursing. She actually said yes and had no problem with it. Well @Shannon it looks like you already have two guaranteed buyers for MLS 6G when it comes out rofl. 

On the previous subject though in order to make this all work I'm probably going to have to run UMS for like 1-2 years straight if not longer until MLS 6G comes out. Need to make sure I am financially secure since if I get into the medical program in Poland I'm going to have to spend like 12k per year on tuition, etc and then maybe another 14k on like living expenses. So I'm going to have to have some major passive income to support myself or own some income generating real estate. Needless to say this is probably going to be the longest I have ever ran a sub for. 

 Btw @Benjamin as for the non needy stuff. I got a bit of that on 3.3 but I feel like it became way lot stronger on LTU since LTU was working more directly on building me up as a person. Also I do know about what you eluded to and I generally don't have time , especially now, for dealing with women like that. I find usually they are a waste of time. I find generally, women who have outrageous requirements for men have really big egos and think they are way more important than they actually are. One could blame this on all the armies of "thirsty" betas who give them attention and gifts all the time and this makes the women severally overestimate their own self worth. Generally basing their self worth on their looks instead of actually important things that they could bring to a relationship. 

I find such women aren't even worth it really. Not to seem crass but I feel like all the attention from thirsty cucks has deluded them into thinking that the only thing they need to offer in a relationship is the thing between their legs. I mean for the women I'm speaking to now, she is good looking and has a good body but most importantly she has shown me so far that she is of good character, has a decent personality, and is willing to continual improve herself. I can't say that I have met many women who especially have that last trait I mentioned. I have actually told her about this myself that this is the main reason she still holds my interest. I mean the fact that she is willing to keep working out to maintain her attractiveness for me is an added bonus as well   (she doesn't want to let herself go like many other women do).

Anyway, we shall see what happens. I really hope UMS, whenever I get to using it, will be able to deliver after like 1-2 years of straight usage. I might end up actually skipping out on DMSI final as well honestly because I really need to focus on this for my goals. I will probably download DMSI final but not use it until my goal with UMS is fulfilled. Also, starting to tonight I will be using the hybrid format. I usually just use ultrasonic because it allows me to listen to music and do other things. Also I find mask seems to irritate me a bit. So I don't normally like using it but I might as well try it out now and see if it ends up giving me more benefits due to the added power. 

P.S. Funny enough when I suggested to the Indonesian chick about possibly studying Nursing to help me out she had mentioned that nursing was a dream of hers since she was in middle school and she didn't get to it because of having to help out her family. More and more I'm finding me and her have all these goals and other things in common that its scary.

[Shannon]

Or its the manifestation part of the DMSI script...

[Have at ye]

Or its the manifestation part of the DMSI script...

Oh yass, when the manifestation scripting kicks in, the results tend to be rather amazing.

And I'm a "big on the understatement" type of guy.

[ncbeareatingman]

I agree with you man a Psychic Sub would be awesome!!

An ANti-aging-Longevity Sub in 6G and a Psychic + Medium(talks to and communicates with 'The other side' relays messages back to others here in the Physical World) in 6G would be just awesome. Im already "some what Psychic" it runs in my family,and "some what Medium-ish" I Have done both and definitely can do so..but to really tune it up and amp it up on a regular basis is what I'd like,and to do "readings' with Others would be
" super cala-fraja-listic-Isppy-alla-do-cous!!" to have both in one sub in 6G!! Wow. Maybe Shannon will create serveral versions of the Psychic thing. ANti-Aging-Longevity would however be my first pick,me thinks anyway at this point!!
IN the meantime,UMS and BAMM are on the MAIN MENU and the dedication there of,in light of usage of such.
your growth DarthXedonias is both inspiring and encouraging!! We are becoming 'new beings' with a great Light,Love and Power. all the best. this good shit Rocks da Planet!!


DarthXedonias words:
Well in closing it would seem like if I want to meet my goals I might have to run UMS for quite a long time. I will only take breaks from that ,for extend periods of time, when subs like a Psychic sub, DMSI final, and MLS 6G comes out. I will definitely also probably run BAMM 6G when it comes out. I think the sub I will run for years to come though will be the Psychic sub if it comes out. Always been interested in that area of study for some reason. Probably because such phenomenon aren't easily explained by science in a lot of chases.

[DarthXedonias]

I agree with you man a Psychic Sub would be awesome!!

An ANti-aging-Longevity Sub in 6G and a Psychic + Medium(talks to and communicates with 'The other side' relays messages back to others here in the Physical World) in 6G would be just awesome. Im already "some what Psychic" it runs in my family,and "some what Medium-ish" I Have done both and definitely can do so..but to really tune it up and amp it up on a regular basis is what I'd like,and to do "readings' with Others would be
" super cala-fraja-listic-Isppy-alla-do-cous!!" to have both in one sub in 6G!! Wow. Maybe Shannon will create serveral versions of the Psychic thing. ANti-Aging-Longevity would however be my first pick,me thinks anyway at this point!!
IN the meantime,UMS and BAMM are on the MAIN MENU and the dedication there of,in light of usage of such.
your growth  DarthXedonias is both inspiring and encouraging!! We are becoming 'new beings' with a great Light,Love and Power. all the best. this good shit Rocks da Planet!!

Thanks for the compliment. For me as well, looks like when the time comes UMS is going to be the main thing for me. Once I achieve my goal, then I might run something else until MLS 6G comes out. Honestly, I might be tempted to run DMSI final after that but most likely I would want to run Manifest your perfect wife instead. Once I'm done with Medical school though (and MLS 6G) I will probably run either BAMM or the Psychic sub if it is out. I admit I am interested in the psychic sub for 2 reasons. The first one because it would be interesting to maybe have certain experiences like that. The second reason is a bit more self centered in that I do think it would give me an unfair advantage in business like dealings and possibly stock trading. Granted, if my idea for UMS would be shown to help out with the overall program or Shannon put the same psychic module he put in BASE in BAMM 6G I might just run BAMM instead. Granted, the psychic component would only be towards being a multi billionaire but it would still be good in my eyes. 

Btw @Shannon I wanted to ask have you come across any new ideas for upgrading FRM lately? Just asking since this thing seems to really be doing what healing and clearing wasn't able to accomplish. With how it is now (with the complete Magnus Engine) I can't fathom how powerful it will be when it is complete. You do plan on possibly only building DMSI final when the FRM is complete though right?

[Shannon]

FRM is on pause while I build these programs. I will continue looking for the rest of it after that.

DMSI final for 3.x branch will hopefully have FRM final. I think we probably have one program version between 3.3.1 and the final version. It's finally coming to the point that it should be functioning and functional for most people in the not too distant future.

[DarthXedonias]

FRM is on pause while I build these programs. I will continue looking for the rest of it after that.

DMSI final for 3.x branch will hopefully have FRM final. I think we probably have one program version between 3.3.1 and the final version. It's finally coming to the point that it should be functioning and functional for most people in the not too distant future.

Hey @Shannon I did have an update for you. Eh, I think it might help with the UM/OP thing you talked about but also goes with other subs. Not sure how helpful this will be but it is one resistance tactic I am noticing (related to one you mentioned to me). I have noticed something similar to the tactic you mentioned about distraction while I was on 3.3.1. Well, I'm noticing now what will happen is that for days at a time I will get majorly distracted from doing any work until the point that I believe the sub instructions keep building up in my mind that they overpower the resistance tactic. Once I take the first step (in this case doing my course work) its like things just fall into place and I am a kind of different "zone" when working. Its like I am focus on nothing but that. Of course I end up getting a course or two done then I repeat the whole process. 

From what I'm gathering, this seems similar to my 3.3 experience where I was terrified of going outside so I would just distract myself from having to go outside or order food to be delivered. It would seem to me that what happens is a part of me realizes if I take that first step that once I start I will just start executing. Therefore, it seems like the main brunt of resistance is with taking any first step to execution because afterwards it is probably impossible to resist. Thing is I'm not sure if this is true for the other titles that make up LTU 5.0 but I'm leaning towards that being the case. So, its possible that the E3 component is experience this build up of having to deal with an issue until I finally take the first step of dealing with it and then I fully execute then it starts all over again. Anyway, thought I would let you know about this since this does seem to be a recurring cycle that I am now realizing i'm in. Hopefully with time the resistance to taking the initiative towards executing gets easier. I will keep an eye on the situation and report when needed.

[DarthXedonias]

Well, thought I would give an update since I noticed a change.

Currently listening to Hybrid for the first time in a while (I only listened to it once before on the first day LTU 5.0 came out). I didn't start the other day because I noticed myself getting a slight headache again and decide to take a two day break (I had been on the 5th day of listening with ultra sonic). eh, I should have known something was up when like 30 minutes before I started going back and forth in my head about whether I wanted to listen to hybrid (since listening to it annoys me due to the mask element). Eventually I just said "F it" and just continue with the plan to listen to hybrid. I'm already about 5 hours in but now I think I realize why my subconscious tried to get me to not go through with it.

Literally, since about 20 minutes after I started listening to hybrid I have been doing nothing but work or getting other things that I needed to get done. Its practically been non-stop just about. I revised a paper I needed to get done, downloaded some paperwork I needed for my trip to Indonesia in a few months, and started studying for another course after I submitted the paper for the other. ugh, I guess ultrasonic by itself gave my subconscious at least some wiggle room to resist but Hybrid doesn't really give it that luxury. If this is the case I should probably see even more major results after another month of hybrid most likely.

On another note, I have noticed even more change in regards to how I see women. I just don't care about them all that much. Sure, there is the Indonesian women but I like talking to her for other reasons besides the fact that she is the women. I've also noticed that the resistance to watching porn is just getting stronger and stronger. Its like I just see it as a waste of time, energy and it just seems like some cheap way to get a dopamine rush. Funny enough, the other day my thoughts came upon the subject of DMSI final and it was like I really wasn't even interested in running it. I know eventually I might though if I had to run a sexual/romance sub in the future I would just go for a manifestation sub in 6G. I rather have the best I can get as far as extra partners than just moderately above average. Granted, I shouldn't be too negative since I wouldn't have even met the Indonesian women had it not been for 3.3.1.

Overall I think LTU is making me acting as if i'm on AM6, something Dissonance has noticed as well. Its like when I was thinking about DMSI final and the fact that I would get lots of attention from women, its like my mind just said "Why?". Why would I care about getting attention from women in the first place? I don't know seems like a even bigger shit for me. It seems to me that pursuing my purpose and goals are way more important to me. Everything else is secondary and if something hinders my progress I have no problem letting it go from my life. Well, I guess this is the true power of life tune up. Wasn't expecting things to go this far rofl.

One other quick thing I should mention is that this entire time that I've been listening to hybrid I've been feeling really "jittery". Like its hard to sit down and I need to do something. I feel like I have these currents of energy running through me that are making me just want to do something. Haven't felt this way before.

[DarthXedonias]

Well, just a quick update.

Ugh, since I'm getting close to graduating the resistance is trying to everything at this point to keep that from happening. I meant to get a course done last knight but ended up playing one round of videos games, then another, then another, etc. I can also feel the fear right now, it is very palpable and seems related to that time when I was on DMSI and I was terrified of going outside. I very well know why this is. Because if I graduate then its over for my old way of being. At that point I don't have to worry about how I'm going to support myself, and also if all goes well I will have a long term relationship with a women for once. I also realize its probably because the part resisting knows that I will have a lot more success in Korea and other places. Both financially and relationship wise if I use products like DMSI. I pretty much have no doubt if say I ran DMSI 3.3.1 while I was in Korea I would have no issue executing just like when I went to the Philippines. I think this is another thing that scares it big time.

Despite that, I am going to push through this. I've come too far and suffered too much over the years to give up at this point just because a certain part of me is terrified of not living the same miserable existence. I am wondering though if perhaps all this is in combination with changing to Hybrid? Maybe it actually causes a lot more resistance than using just ultrasonic? I did notice when I was getting ready to listen last night that I got the same sense of fear about listening to it again. Debating with myself whether I want to listen to hybrid or just go back to ultrasonic. Either way, I will still try to keep with this for a bit longer if not a month on hybrid.

Interesting enough I think I might be getting TID like @Kol reported regarding UMS. Essentially I noticed when I woke up in the evening yesterday that I just had this surge of hope and certainly about reaching my goals on UMS. I saw various ways in the future in which I was able to accomplish my financial goals. One of which was actually winning the lottery in a particular way. Don't even know if UMS would help in something like that but it was something I felt at the time and I felt ok with being financially wealthy.

Writing about this now though did expose a fear in contrast. I think I limit myself in my financial thinking in one way because I feel like if I became financially secure that a few bad things would happen: (1) I would stagnate as a person. Without dangerous situations I would just become bored and not motivated to better myself. (2) I might become corrupt like so extremely wealthy people become when they aren't careful. I know these very faulty beliefs. There are plenty of people who become wealthy then just find a new goal to pursue and never stop bettering themselves. There are also financially wealthy people who don't become corrupt. I think that last one comes from seeing so much media where wealthy people are constantly shown as corrupt all the time. Either way, hope I get over these beliefs that a part of me is holding on to.

Either way, already took a energy drink right now. So, I'm going to be getting to work today finally and get that other course done. With any luck I might get the 3rd course done today as well. I just want this over with then I will only have like 5-6 courses left to go. If I get busy this weekend then I might get down to 3 courses. Anyway, I will see you guys later. Take care!

[DarthXedonias]

Just finished listening to the sub for the 3rd day. I can say that yes, this was the right decision to switch to hybrid. There seems to be a more intensity to a degree of resistance (noticing some of my PTSD symptoms flaring up) but seems to be losing. I feel a lot more ground right now after I woke up last night from the 2nd day of listen. It does seem like the changes seem to steadily increase after I have slept. I assume its because while I'm in certain phases of sleep my subconscious can't resist as heavily. Either way, I have noticed the sub acting more powerfully after switching to hybrid.

My not caring attitude is getting to extremes really. I remember back in the day while I was out I would have this nervous, anxious, and fearful attitude about me when being near or talking to people. Now, I don't feel any of that. I really, really don't care. I think I know what is going on now. I think I am adjusting myself to a degree. Before I would have said I was one of those Shannon had said who fear their own emotions. I think this came from seeing so many people who used their emotions all the time and it made them do stupid, idiotic decisions because they couldn't control themselves. Unfortunately, my being afraid of my own emotions didn't help either because it made it so that they had to come out in different ways that also made me make bad decisions. I think now I'm at the point where I allow myself to enjoy feeling my emotions but at the same time am able to compartmentalize them. I allow myself to freely feel them but at the same time am able now to shut them off when need be or precisely put limits on them so that they won't blend over into other areas and cause me to act in a way that is not best for that situation.

I'm assuming this has something to due with the script concerning self control and self discipline except on an emotional level. In this case I realized that my being needy to having people like me was dumb and unrealistic and adjusted that to the point that I really don't care about some random no name on the street. Hell, even if it is someone I know I don't really care all that much though I will enjoy myself while talking to them. Matter of fact I saw an old buddy from the Navy was on Facebook and we briefly talked for a bit (He went to Korea actually after being stationed in Hawaii with me, got married to a women from there, and now has ship duty in Japan). When I look back on it I was actually allowing myself to enjoy talking to him. This is different that I noticed in my conversations in the past where if I was talking to someone I would want to enjoy the conversation but the fear of making them dislike me and seeking their approval kept me from enjoying many interactions. It actually led to me being stalled and quiet during conversations because I would be in my head thinking of what to say and hope it didn't make me seem bad.

Anyway, It seems that I am correctly "calibrating" myself in this regards and in other areas. I'm also noticing some kind of abundance mentality after switching to hybrid. Its like this idea that I deserve to have the best women that I want and shouldn't have to settle if I don't want to. I did realize as well that the past couple of days I haven't really been able to talk to the Indonesian chick and despite her lack of response at times bothering me at the beginning (her employer is getting strict about her being on the phone) I have found for the last few days I really haven't cared all that much. I might care about her but I'm not needy about her because in truth I don't need her. If things fell apart I know there is like billions of other women out there.

As for my work, I was able to get through like 2 different videos yesterday for my other accounting class before I had to take a break because I was too tired and it was starting to affect my learning capability. Today I probably only need like 1 to 2 more videos then I feel like I should be ready. On top of that last night I actually started working on getting stuff ready for my trip to Korea without even thinking about it. I sent in an application for a replacement drivers license that I lost and looked up what steps I would need to get an international license that would allow me to driver in Korea for up to a year before I have to get a local one. I also did some research and it would be better to just keep my car here and buy another one when I get to Korea. It would cost 3k USD to send it over there then I have to pay additional fees for importing a non-Korean made car. Its just too much of a hassle. So, I will just buy a cheap, in good condition used one while I'm there.

Speaking of that, I have pretty much decided that despite being able to make more money over the next 2 months here I will try my best to actually get to Korea as soon as possible. I'm just not interested in working in the US and dealing with American type attitudes at work. Obviously, not all Americans act a certain way but too many that I have worked with just don't know how to act at work. I'm sure with my new emotional stability I can deal with it but why deal with it in the first place lol ? No thanks, I think I will skip on all that.

I am excited to see how all this new tech might affect UMS though. If I'm getting these kind of results on a sub that has multiple titles in it I wonder how much better it will be when I'm running something that has a singular focus. As one last thing, I have noticed that ever since I've gotten this not caring about what people think about me attitude I've noticed more and more random people stopping to talk to me or in some cases feel like they get nervous in my presence instead of me being the nervous one. Don't know how that works but I guess its a nice change.