EP E3 Journal

[Shannon]

Just chill out and let E3 do it's thing, man.

The E series of subs are epic, I've had good results in the past with them and the trend is continuing it seems.

@Shannon, I didn't see ASRB2 (on day/off day) info for E3 on it's sales page, and as a result assumed it was "listen everyday" like E2. Is that true? Or was one not posted by mistake? Just wanted to clarify that to make sure.

Stick to E3, Phoenix. No deviation for now. Next week I'll be hitting the 30 day mark myself.

There is no ASRB2 for E3. Use it until you need a break, then break until you feel that you can use it enough. Didn't see this post.

[Shannon]

If your computer turns itself off, then you should use your phone. It will either turn off because your computer is set for too aggressive battery power saving, or you're running Windows 10 and it decided to update and shut down. In either case, just use your phone.

Btw, leaving your computer on all night doesn't make much difference.

[DMSIuser78]

Day 3:

So my phone speakers aren't very good, so I just used my computer.

It feels a bit weird TBH... I run the 3 loops while I sleep, I wake up the next morning with my laptop turned off (I guess it turns off after a period of lack of use?) and then I go through the rest of my day without running anything. Back when I was using E2, I'd listen to it all day for the most part. So now that I'm only listening to a 3 hour and 45 minute run of E3, I feel like I'm not doing anything, even though that's not true.

Anyway, I just woke up, but I'm not feeling particularly different or anything. I'll be sure to add more later if there's anything more to add.

I guess it's of note that I'm not feeling miserable or beating myself up over the friendship breakup or obsessing about it right now, so that's good. I'm just feeling normal right now. Hopefully, I'll continue to not suffer throughout my day.

If you're on Windows 10, hit the Windows key on your keyboard, start typing pow, and an item called "Power & sleep settings" should appear on the list. Click on that.

In the Power & Sleep settings application, find the "When plugged in, PC goes to sleep after" drop down and either select "Never" or "4 hours".

If you select "Never" and use MPC-HC as your subliminal player (like I did back when I was using my laptop instead of my phone to play them), you have an option called "After Playback" under the "Play" menu. There you have the option to make the computer either shut down, hibernate or stand by (sleep mode) after your playlist has finished playing. I recommend you set your PC to never sleep when plugged in and use this method instead of setting your PC to sleep after 4 hours, otherwise your PC might go to sleep to soon if you're listening to a different subliminal in the future that takes longer than 4 hours.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 3:

So my phone speakers aren't very good, so I just used my computer.

It feels a bit weird TBH... I run the 3 loops while I sleep, I wake up the next morning with my laptop turned off (I guess it turns off after a period of lack of use?) and then I go through the rest of my day without running anything. Back when I was using E2, I'd listen to it all day for the most part. So now that I'm only listening to a 3 hour and 45 minute run of E3, I feel like I'm not doing anything, even though that's not true.

Anyway, I just woke up, but I'm not feeling particularly different or anything. I'll be sure to add more later if there's anything more to add.

I guess it's of note that I'm not feeling miserable or beating myself up over the friendship breakup or obsessing about it right now, so that's good. I'm just feeling normal right now. Hopefully, I'll continue to not suffer throughout my day.

If you're on Windows 10, hit the Windows key on your keyboard, start typing pow, and an item called "Power & sleep settings" should appear on the list. Click on that.

In the Power & Sleep settings application, find the "When plugged in, PC goes to sleep after" drop down and either select "Never" or "4 hours".

If you select "Never" and use MPC-HC as your subliminal player (like I did back when I was using my laptop instead of my phone to play them), you have an option called "After Playback" under the "Play" menu. There you have the option to make the computer either shut down, hibernate or stand by (sleep mode) after your playlist has finished playing. I recommend you set your PC to never sleep when plugged in and use this method instead of setting your PC to sleep after 4 hours, otherwise your PC might go to sleep to soon if you're listening to a different subliminal in the future  that takes longer than 4 hours.

Thank you for this. It was set to go to sleep after 5 hours. That explains it.

I set everything to 4 hours and as far as longer subliminals go, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Thank you so much for the help!

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I'm starting to get more comfortable with the idea of just letting go of the friendship breakup and moving on. But now I think of what kind of self I want to present to the rest of the world, rather than the pathetic mess of a person I've been online and hiding from the outside world. Like what kind of persona do I want to have, rather than the one I've been having. I suppose as long as I live like a man who is comfortable with himself, I'm good. Though I feel like I want to be a profoundly different/better version of myself. A version of myself that's much better than what I've been like lately. I realize I've got quite the way to go however, because I'm not living like I feel I ought to be living. I'm just lazily sitting on my ass doing nothing each day. I feel strange doing anything productive, but I'm gonna need to get used to going out of my comfort zone if I want to be my highest self.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 4: 

I'm beginning to realize just how lazy I am. There's stuff I'm needed to do around the house, but if I had things my way, I'd just lie in bed all day. I had all of yesterday to do my thing and I just dicked around and did jack squat. On the upside, I haven't been suffering over the friendship breakup and I'm more open to just moving on and not letting it define me, so that's good.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Anyway, I just remembered to write about an experience I had last night while stoned. I told myself last night I would write about it the next day, so here goes:

I got stoned and faced my fear. I would have fearful thoughts and I would say to myself "Okay, I'm experiencing fear. The best thing to do is to process it and let it heal" So I spent some time processing my fear. I really do think fear is at the core of a lot of issues I have, and I believe I have the same problem as someone else on these forums who thinks they may have been through a traumatic experience within their first 6 months of life. So I'm processing OLD fear, and last night, under the influence of marijuana, I faced it head on and let myself feel the fear and let it heal/process. It didn't magically cure me of al my fears, but I think it was a step in the right direction. I dunno if the FRM had anything to do with it or if that was just all me and the weed. I know I was advised by my online mentor to process the fear like that, so it could also just be me following that advice. Anyway, I figured it was worth writing in my journal about. It felt profound what I was experiencing at the time, because I was learning to try and heal that fear with love. Dunno if E3 helped at all or if that experience was just brought on by the weed and I chose to react to it the way I've been taught to, but either way, I figured it's worth noting.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I've been spending all day trying to get my job/career goals in order. I filled out a career exploration worksheet for my employment specialist to review with me. I'm having trouble activating Microsoft Word on my computer, so I can't really work on my resume. So instead I switched my focus to freelance writing. Took a good chunk of my day getting a website error sorted out and to be able to work on my account, but I got things sorted out, finished my account and now... I have no idea what to do. I've never done freelance writing before. I just know that I'm a good writer and this type of work should be right up my alley, but I'm afraid to send anybody proposals, because being so inexperienced, I have no idea what's over my head and what's not. So I'm afraid to move forward from there. I'm hoping I can get this freelance writing thing off the ground though so I can start making money and so that I always have freelance writing to fall back on in times where I need some source of money. So I'll talk to my employment specialist about it and I'll see what to do to find work on the website and get myself established as a freelance writer.

Meanwhile, thoughts about my ex-friend have re-emerged and... truth is, I still regret everything that happened, miss her and wish a lot of things had gone differently in so many ways, but... I feel more open to moving on. I still want to get my friend back, and I realize that if I used the becoming method, I could probably even get her to be with me romantically, but I realize that if I don't move on, I'll suffer. So I've got to get used to life without her and I've got to become the man I want to become and get that self esteem I never had. Part of that includes getting my financial situation in order, which is why I'm so focused on that right now, as it's what will establish my independence, give structure to my life and establish what I do every day. I feel like I don't have any structure, and I'm hoping that by getting these affairs in order, I can create structure to then build my other habits off of. There's so much I wanna do and so much I wish I'd done already. All these years just kind of killing time, and now I'm nearly 30 with only an associate's degree still living with my parents and still a virgin. And I still can't play guitar, my art skills haven't improved and I can't sing either. I haven't developed ANY creative talent over these years. And my friends are getting fewer and fewer. I feel like I've wasted my youth. And that's not a good feeling to have. On the other hand, you could say I took the necessary time to figure out just what it was I REALLY wanted to do and didn't get myself stuck in a job I don't like, but I stuck with a job I didn't like for 10-11 years, so... so much for that argument I guess. And I'm worried that by the time I finally get my Bachelor's I'll be in my 30's and they'll think I'm too old to hire for an ALT position in Japan. And I really want to teach English in Japan. It sounds like a cool experience. It feels like I'm getting my shit together and doing everything "too late" but I know it's probably not "too late" and it's better late than never. Still, there's so much I've got to change in my life, starting with the fears and the issues I have deeply held within. It feels like I'm doing everything late and doing it at a snail's pace. Like I'm doing at 29 what I should have been doing at 19. But hey, better late than never. Can't go back in time and relive my youth, so I might as well just make the most of what I have now.

I wish I could do it all over again. I'd even go through the shit that is being back in high school to get a do-over, but since there are no do-overs, I suppose I'll have to make the best out of what I have, which is really a lot if I think about it: I've got the support of my parents and I've got the help of an employment specialist. I'm an American. I speak English. I have an Associate's degree and good grades to transfer over to a good university, with good prospects in the horizon. I'm good at writing so I can possibly set myself up as a freelance writer. I'm somewhat good looking (not extraordinarily so, but above average) and I still look young, like I've barely aged since I left high school. I've got a good metabolism and can eat what I want still. I've got the advantage of these subliminals (especially E3) and once I learn how to use the becoming method, I'll have that at my disposal. I've got a lot going for me. I just need to focus on what I DO have and not focus on what I don't. That's a big mistake I spent my youth doing: focusing on what I didn't have, rather than capitalizing on what I did have. And in some cases, not even knowing/appreciating what I had.

Still, it kills me I'm only doing all this at 29, and that I ruined such a good friendship. I feel like I've done so much wrong, and only just now am I starting to get my shit together and do things right.

Still, I'm tired of beating myself up over things. I'm ready to heal and let myself finally become a self I'm proud of and want to show off to the world. After almost 2 years of suffering and obsessing, I might just finally be ready to TRULY let go of my ex-friend. I'd say it feels good, but the truth is, it just feels... I dunno, like... like I'm just saying "fuck it" and moving on. And I guess I'm slowly learning to let go of these expectations of what I feel I SHOULD be while holding onto ideas of what I want to do and to become. I've got a lot of hope for my future and yet it feels like I'm such a long way off from where I want to be.

I guess I'm just rambling, but since this is my journal, I feel like this is the place to do it. I don't know what I should expect. With everything I've got, I suppose I should just count my blessings and be grateful for everything I have. Maybe I should call my friends and schedule a time to hang out or something. Or maybe I should find a way to earn some money soon, so I could invite them out for a drink or something. I dunno. I should just take some time to appreciate what I've got and where I'm at. It'll probably do me some good.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 5:

I feel so far off from where I want to be. I don't even have a means of steady income yet, i dont have my daily habits in order, I can't play an instrument, my physique is still skinny, etc. Etc. It feels like I'm fighting an uphill battle to become somebody I respect. And I've got all this healing to do while I slowly try to get my shit together. Still, I've come a long way from suicidal which is where i was at 2 months ago. If you go back 2 months ago on my E2 journal, you can see how suicidal I was. So maybe these subs have been working. Still, it feels like I've got a long way to go and I'm getting there slowly.

[Shannon]

https://www.libreoffice.org/

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Thanks Shannon. That might come in handy with freelance writing work down the line, since I just recently set up an account on Upwork.

[Greenduck]

Day 5:

I feel so far off from where I want to be. I don't even have a means of steady income yet, i dont have my daily habits in order, I can't play an instrument, my physique is still skinny, etc. Etc. It feels like I'm fighting an uphill battle to become somebody I respect. And I've got all this healing to do while I slowly try to get my shit together. Still, I've come a long way from suicidal which is where i was at 2 months ago. If you go back 2 months ago on my E2 journal, you can see how suicidal I was. So maybe these subs have been working. Still, it feels like I've got a long way to go and I'm getting there slowly.

You are talking about life like it’s a competition. It’s not. It’s up to you what it should be. You don’t have to be muscular to respect yourself. You don’t have to play an instrument to feel good about yourself. You don’t even have to have a steady income to feel good about yourself. All of that come from the inside. Look for the feeling inside, get to know yourself, read books and explore who you are and who you want to become. Life is a journey we take on and we do it every day, not because we have to, maybe some days, but life is an exciting journey of curiosity if you want it to be. It can be hard to see that when you are depressed but with time I’m sure you will come to appreciate it in those terms.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Without those things, I'm just a loser living with his parents. I'm nothing and nobody. I'm tired of being a loser. I'm tired of having nothing to be proud of. I should at least work towards those goals and try to better myself. Because my current self isn't good enough.

[THolt]

Without those things, I'm just a loser living with his parents. I'm nothing and nobody. I'm tired of being a loser.  I'm tired of having nothing to be proud of. I should at least work towards those goals and try to better myself. Because my current self isn't good enough.

You know I was liviing with my parents last year. Now I live by myself. I stayed with my parents for awhile before moving out. There is nothing wrong with you living with your parents. You should move out when you are ready. No two people are the same or have the same circumstances. You shouldn't compare yourself with other people.

You really need to chill out and let the program do the work and stop overanalylzing everything. Otherwise you are going to be missing out on the progress you are making.