A Sexy Alex, stage 2: DMSI Journal (now 3.3.2!)

[CatMan]

Also what i'm saying is that i'm not going along with alot of the 'theories' presented here by people who haven't had success. It sounds too much like the guys on red pill sites which is why I stopped reading them.

This is one of those times I regret posting something I posted then, I guess. I just wanted to do something good.

I was only posting to co-sign Apollo's weird interaction to say that kind of thing was common for me with online dating. So I wanted to build him up, show him he wasn't alone in strange situations on there so not to beat himself up is all!

Every single thing I posted in that post was 100% truth and what I personally experienced. Not a "theory". I'm aware I'm not successful with women, yes. That's one of the reasons I tried online dating (as well as showed up here, like most of the male forum in fact...). I'm also aware I experienced all of those things first hand.

Was just trying to let him know it isn't just him etc. so he doesn't beat himself up over it thinking he's lame or did or said something wrong like I've often done in such situations. Leads you down a bad spiral, so I wanted to help prevent that danger in him. That was the focus.

Don't take it personally, man. You defend yourself a lot, and it isn't necessary.

You like helping people feel like they're not alone in how they feel, there's nothing wrong with that.

You'll get your street cred soon enough. Just make sure you give credit where it's due when you do, when that time comes. None of us are in this alone.

Maybe one day I'll be like:



Figured you'd appreciate the Paul Rudd reference, lol .

[apollolux]

Small update to say that I'm getting POF spam again. Whenever I figure out that the account is a spam and/or bot, I entertain myself by playing around with responses to see how they "reply."

[SargeMaximus]

Small update to say that I'm getting POF spam again. Whenever I figure out that the account is a spam and/or bot, I entertain myself by playing around with responses to see how they "reply."

Lol I do that too.

[Benjamin]

I added one who had a fake snapchat on their profile and started sending them messages on snapchat.

They asked where i'm from and coincidentally they were from a town that was close! They definately didn't use google maps!

I was like "I'm really sexy and handsome, do you want a photo of me?". And sent them a photo that I found when I searched for 'ugly men' on google images. They were getting pissed off at me for wasting their time, though they are a scammer and i'm like 'sorry, this one is really me' and sent another similar one haha.

Then they blocked me. Discrimination!

[SargeMaximus]

I added one who had a fake snapchat on their profile and started sending them messages on snapchat.

They asked where i'm from and coincidentally they were from a town that was close! They definately didn't use google maps!

I was like "I'm really sexy and handsome, do you want a photo of me?". And sent them a photo that I found when I searched for 'ugly men' on google images. They were getting pissed off at me for wasting their time, though they are a scammer and i'm like 'sorry, this one is really me' and sent another similar one haha.

Then they blocked me. Discrimination!

Hahaha, priceless.

[apollolux]

Finished recent 30 day run of 6 loops, started a 30 day run of 7 loops today. Nothing obvious yet. Look forward to seeing what the fabled 7 daily loops of DMSI 3.2 has to offer.

[apollolux]

Well. Once is a coincidence, twice is suspicious. Today was the second time since starting 7 loops of 3.2B that I awoke to find my iPod "out of power." Last time, a couple of days ago, I thought it was a fluke, a coincidence given how much charge was left when I set it up for the night and didn't plug it in. This time, I had it plugged in but apparently it wasn't charging properly. After waking up this morning I found it didn't charge so I had to jiggle the cable a bit (it's an iPod Classic, so uses the old-style iPod connector) to apparently solve the issue. I had left for an appointment and when I came back it seemed to be fully charged, so that seems to have "solved" the issue for now.

While it's fairly obvious that I'll be plugging it in pretty much every time when playing more than 7 hours of audio from now on, I've now become suspicious of this as the first REAL potential bit of external resistance to the potential success of 7 loops of DMSI.

Or it could be that this iPod is quite a few years old and its battery is the one it came with.

[apollolux]

A few days into the 6th month of listening to 3.2, still running at 7 loops.

[apollolux]

End of the 6th month of 3.2, no sex yet. Been listening to B for the last 4 months, might actually switch back to A, but I'm not fully sure yet. Will definitely need to double-check how many loops the A playlist on my iPod has before making the decision.

[apollolux]

Switched to 3.2A, 7 loops daily. We'll see how that goes for the next month.

[apollolux]

I feel the need to put a few updates here that I neglected to summarize at the end of the last set/beginning of this one. I've been hesitant to mention them here because I felt they aren't relevant to DMSI-related belief changes, at least directly, but I feel they have the potential to signify an upward trend in my life in general from previously.

* My college finally contacted me saying my diploma was ready to be picked up and I went and got it. The website had said to expect about a four month wait from the last day of my graduating semester, so this was more or less on that schedule. The point of this item is that I finally have the physical thing in my hand that symbolizes, among other things, that I achieved a goal I set and that I still have within me the ability to finish a thing I started.

* I finally got a job offer from one of my applications. Took a while and it seems I won't get my first paycheck until the end of November, but it's a thing. It starts Monday. Even though this is a positive thing, in my mind I'm still hung up on the job search process bearing fruit a month later than I had originally anticipated and am more concerned about the logistics of "staying afloat" until that first paycheck.

* My living situation was in flux for a while and for the moment it's not. I'm leaving the details out for now until I can confirm how the logistics of November turn out.

* Due to a technical snafu, I had lost my health insurance for the month of September. I was fortunate enough to catch it soon enough that I would get it back at the beginning of October after doing the application online. I was unable to get my prescriptions refilled during that time, however, and experienced a right proper "serotonin withdrawal"-induced migraine in that period. Even now I still feel a dull roar of headaches.

Overall, I feel I'm slowly regaining the ability to feel positively about things even though I'm also feeling more undirected anger. On top of that, I think the H+C of 3.2A may be bringing up residual anger about old issues, a focus which I feel could be put to better use than dealing with anger about old issues about old expectations. If this keeps up then I'll almost certainly switch back to B at the end of this cycle.

[apollolux]

DMSI-related update here. Just finished an appointment with urologist and he said my blood labs from last week say that I'm now at about 100 for testosterone, down from the around 200-210 that I had which started this whole prescription testosterone regimen. He thinks such a low number might be a fluke, but he doubled up my prescription just in case.

Right now I have absolutely no idea what is causing my testosterone to drop so low. I know the anti-depressants may have some effect, but I'm not totally sure they're the main cause. Is DMSI instructing me to redirect energy away from normal testosterone-related processes?

[apollolux]

Ok. First and foremost I apologize to Shannon that I've been bad about providing updates on a more regular basis.

I had already started day 15 of this month's 3.2B listening (aka day 1 of the 14:1 cycle) before finding out that 3.3D has been released, otherwise I would have almost certainly switched to that. That being said, I'm going to finish out this last 15 day cycle before switching.

[apollolux]

I'd like to take a moment to reflect on some stuff, some during the timeframe of listening to AOSI/DMSI, some before. While I'll do what I can to keep time-related stuff together, I can't promise that I won't hop around the timeline during this recall. This is going to be relatively long, so bear with me.

Much of my self-improvement journey these past few years, particularly the early portions, was originally fueled by the desire to attract more beautiful women into my life for sex fun. I had completely transformed my workout regimen because of one in particular, a blonde Russian girl I've mentioned once or twice before. Previously I had tied much of my self-esteem to her approval and validation of me, and as a result felt strong emotion from her sexual refusal. I had begun listening to subliminal audio directed towards generating "complete confidence" (you probably know who I'm talking about with this one) during the initial 12 week exercise regimen period, as I initially thought that the only thing left to do to "get this girl" was to solidify my confidence levels. I had sought out motivational audio in general because I felt that I wasn't getting enough positive feedback from other people in my life and thought that a constant stream of positive messaging (especially overnight) would be helpful to my mental and emotional well-being. My response to her refusal was essentially falling into the deepest depression I would ever have in my life, clearly showing that that particular audio did not work for me. As I was searching for other motivational audio to help stave off the depression I had found ASC and EPRHA, and thus Indigo Mind Labs.

I had originally planned to listen to only ASC, but was eventually convinced to use EPRHA first to "heal and clear" whatever could and would potentially block progress with building (or rebuilding as the case may be) confidence. I had visited my aunt in Vermont during the time I was listening to EPRHA and almost every day broke down in tears whenever she asked about my personal life. She only saw the tears and as a result thought that my listening to the sub was doing me more harm than good, but I continued for the rest of that 32 day cycle. As soon as those 32 days were over I switched to ASC.

While I had certainly felt more confident listening to ASC, I had listened to it for at least three months before deciding that the confidence I was feeling was a superficial one. As a result, I looked for other subs that could promote a more fundamental change, which in theory would radiate outward more genuinely.

I was officially diagnosed with major depression and social anxiety disorder in September of 2015. I had originally been prescribed Prozac, but the primary side effect of nausea and vomiting was intolerable to me so I was then prescribed Lexapro/escitalopram. Once it began taking effect I had definitely noticed a dulling of emotion, but over time I realized that the positive was being dulled more significantly than the negative was. When I had voiced this concern to my doctor he added a prescription of Wellbutrin/bupropion. I have since been on both escitalopram and bupropion.

All this has happened while I was also enrolled full-time in college. I spent most of my time in college juggling a full schedule (usually five classes) and some form of a job (even multiple jobs at times), and I felt the end result was that both suffered; a GPA as high as 3.2 eventually went down to 2.89 at graduation time. I was twice elected president of the college's chapter of the ACM and chose to resign during the second term due to the instability I was dealing with, both in school and out of it, so that the club would not suffer. I had failed a couple of classes and had poor but passing performance in a couple of others. Through it all I had continued to listen to subs as I felt that I was still lacking positive messaging otherwise. I had and still have a therapist who has been a major source of positive support since 2012 and feel that the subs pick up where he leaves off, as I only see him once a week. I don't want to understate how important he and his work have been to me and my emotional development.

Fast forward to 2018 and it seems pretty much all of the physical improvements I have made have been undone; during the past 6+ months of listening to DMSI 3.2 and the tail end of 3.1 I've regained weight I lost previously as well as an increased waist size of apparently 42 inches. I also have lowered testosterone over time and outward displays of non-anger emotion from me seem more uncommon than ever. It's very possible that these are potential resistance tactics against the messaging of the sub, likely of the reversal kind. I have, however, graduated from college and eventually gained some form of employment. While it could be argued that the sub played a part in that, i.e. my vision of "maximum sexual irresistibility" is apparently "a college graduate with a good job," my goal was to graduate from college with a computer science bachelor's degree by hook or by crook long before I had even touched any motivational audio of any kind and obtaining a job afterwards with that additional leverage was almost a guarantee. Regardless, I will continue to listen to whatever motivational audio will contribute positively to my life, my improvement, and my goals.

There are many details, both small and large, that I've left out for now, but I hope this gives a better idea of my path with subs and self-improvement in general.