A Sexy Alex, stage 2: DMSI Journal (now 3.3.2!)

[apollolux]

I had an appointment with my therapist today and he had helped me come up with a way to allow myself to grieve for my grandmother's passing. He reminded me that, in essence, grieving is how someone not only comes to terms with loss, but more importantly it's a process for allowing one to reconcile life after the loss vs life before the loss, so even though the outward expressions of that grief aren't as strong or obvious as I would expect or assume, internally my head and my heart are basically still spending time and effort attempting to "re-route." Sort of like a pizzeria or a diner one has frequented for years and years that has suddenly shut down, now I would be like "oh yea, it's not there anymore" when it comes to mind. Very much the simplified explanation, but I hope y'all get what I'm trying to say.

[apollolux]

Finished my first 30 days with 6 daily loops of 3.2B. Don't really notice much in the way of external effects, i.e. no woman, beautiful or otherwise, has approached me for sex. Mate guarding has increased, as well as mate reassuring (usually hand-holding). Personal energy levels vary day by day, though I'm not sure how much of it is due to DMSI-related power needs vs depression-related fatigue or malaise vs caffeine intake-related energy manipulation.

Continuing at 6 loops, not sure what else is there to report at the moment that is relevant.

[apollolux]

A convo on POF yesterday: (warning: large images)

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First and foremost I took her actually sending a response as not a rejection, something like a challenge to "convince" her. Her reply being "whatever" I had already resigned myself to the likelihood of her being a potentially uninteresting conversationalist and/or person in general, so I returned the dismissiveness with the "groovy" and my follow-up. I'm 99% sure her saying "get a hotel" was a shit test, but I feel there was no good response to that; if I say "yes" I come off as desperate, and if I say "no" outright then she gives some excuse about me not being truthful or some nonsense like that. I feel that being concerned about her flaking is a legitimate concern.

Two questions: Is the above analysis anywhere close to accurate, or is it simply me over-analyzing it? Was there something at all useful I could have responded with re "get a hotel" or was this doomed from the start?

Also, I did not censor her username as I feel any New Yorkers here looking for women on POF should be aware that this user is gonna test.

[Benjamin]

I don't know, she comes across to me as a complete retard. There's definately something off about it, her acting bitchy then suddenly to 'get a hotel'.

I tend to avoid girls who have attitudes like that as it turns me off. I found online there's all kinds of bullshit, even from fat girls who aren't that good that talking to girls in person I rarely get that kind of attitude.

[CatMan]

Yep.

My exact experience with online dating. Complete bull shit waste of time for guys.

Actually, I've had even worse ones, one in particular I had quite a long drive to meet one. After a very surprisingly awkward cold reception from her when things seemed okay beforehand, and the interaction only then lasting a couple minutes, it ended and I had to then drive all the way back home again so quick, good times. Later that night on the drive home, I got several death threats from a "boyfriend" from her cell phone. Could've been legit, could've been her trying to get rid of me for some reason. Insane, but typical weird situation imo...I never bothered replying and never looked back. I've retired from that online dating crap. I'm convinced online dating isn't about "dating" at all, and really just a business model where companies sell men this fantasy of meeting normal, accessible women there. When in reality they just force men to pay money in one way or another, to message females who are either:

1. Involved and just looking for validation or attention, with no intention of doing anything with it.
2. Involved and looking to monkey branch.
3. Involved and trying to make the guy jealous, with no intention of doing anything with you, just purely to use you to make him jealous.
4. Involved and trying to "get revenge" on a guy who cheated or who she thinks cheated, possibly with no intention of doing anything with you, just purely to use you to make him jealous.
5. Not involved, but still stuck on some ex or whatever, trying to make him jealous by having a new guy she's talking to. You. Again, with no intention of doing anything with you, just purely to use you to make him jealous.
6. Fake profile with a guy behind it in reality, gay but somehow hopes you "wont mind" when he reveals that down the line.
7. Basically fake profile with very old pictures from when they were more attractive and slimmer.
8. Fake profile made by company of hot girl, or inactive profile of legit one, to use for advertising to entice guys to join up to message her and others like her. Seems online often, but never replies or does anything to her profile or pics in any way strangely.
9. Fake account with a guy behind it, or a girl, and is trolling.
10.Women who have children and withhold that from you, until way down the line. As they want to use you as a meal ticket, and know men don't believe that's fair. So they withhold it a long time in an attempt to reel you in hoping you won't eject as by then you'll be enthralled with them I guess, lol.
11.Women either advertising cam shows, or escort services.

All the while, having completely insane standards, and offering next to nothing in return for that, and expecting the guy to carry the whole interaction. It's tiresome and boring to me personally.

That's been my experience with online dating. Total waste of my time and money. I have no interest in returning. Your experience mirrors mine 100%. They do nothing, contribute nothing, you are expected to be the dancing monkey for the whole thing doing everything and entertaining them. Completely imbalanced and they come across as low value and undesirable.

I hope if you continue you get better results in online dating than I, pal. All the best!

[SargeMaximus]

Lol. I'ma be Bizarro again but so far, the only sexual encounters I';ve had this year were from women I met online. Maybe I'm just different.

[apollolux]

@Benjamin Yea, as I wrote the entire time I was fully expecting some standoffish chick then got that. I've met some..."interesting" chicks here in NYC and red flags immediately went up when her response to "coffee or tea" was "get a hotel" instead. Rationally, I know I dodged a bullet, but irrationally I did wonder how intense would the sex have been with a potential crazy like that.

@CatMan I've had mixed experiences with dating apps, and only ever paid for two services back in the day. Met a few girls from POF, a few from Tinder, a few were dates I got from girls I met in, like, coffee shops and such, and a couple were from my college. The hottest one from POF immediately slotted me as a provider and I wasn't down with that, and the others from POF I came off as too intense for them. Most of the Tinder matches flaked and of the ones who didn't the hottest basically just used me to kill time before her friend's birthday party later that night. The ones I met in person not from my college spent almost all their time intentionally trying to stonewall even attempts at romance, and one even complained afterwards that I wasn't romantic enough. The ones from my college were comparatively more receptive, but two of them in particular (one of them being the Russian blonde I had written about previously) deny their attractions to me to this day even though their actions loudly and obviously say otherwise. No sex from any of the above.

@SargeMaximus I personally know guys who have also had success using dating apps, and as I mention above I've certainly met a few and had dates with them, so I do believe it is indeed possible to find success, sexual or otherwise, with dating apps. Having read on these boards your experience over the past few years, I am genuinely glad you've been able to find success and I look forward to reading more about your current and future experience!

[MasterEnki]

Warning gentlemen:

Cyber criminals / scammers use online dating for phishing / identity theft purposes.


Agreed that online dating sucks.

Not only have I had exactly 0 dates in several years (through online), but had to be subjected to a bunch of double standards, rudeness and BS.

Catman made a great point about trolls, attention seekers, etc.

FYI, it is a clinical fact that online dating and social media are linked to depression, lower self-esteem, feeling unloved, feelings of loneliness, feeling inadequate / inferior, etc.


The 3 essential qualities of women (and men also), especially sex partners are:
1. Trustworthy
2. Honest
3. Respectful

Shannon suggested that it is best to ensure that someone is trustworthy before having sex.

Most younger (<35 years old) women seem to lack these qualities, especially with online dating.[/quote]

[SargeMaximus]

@SargeMaximus I personally know guys who have also had success using dating apps, and as I mention above I've certainly met a few and had dates with them, so I do believe it is indeed possible to find success, sexual or otherwise, with dating apps. Having read on these boards your experience over the past few years, I am genuinely glad you've been able to find success and I look forward to reading more about your current and future experience!

Thanks man, I'm not where I want to be yet, but I've learned a thing or two along the way; I also know what's possible now, and it's glorious.

[CatMan]

A friend of mine met his now WIFE on eHarmony! One of my mentors met his girlfriend on Tinder!

Don't get me wrong, obviously SOME people find success on dating sites.

But man oh man...lmao...clearly not my thing!

I've retired, haha.

Actually, the only dating site I got a lot of "success" on was SeekingArrangement, for obvious reasons. Was raining hot girls easily with zero effort. That was an experiment, that sadly was successful, I was hoping it wouldn't have been. Helped reaffirm a lot of my negative views of women and gold diggers, so I shut it down. Last thing I need is reaffirming more negative beliefs about women, and my relation to them.

Anyway, onward and upward Apollo! NY is a big city, lots of girls. I like it there, I'm there often for business. One of my distributors is out of NY. Great place!

[Benjamin]

You guys all jumped on the bandwagon of what I wasn't exactly saying. I have been with a fair few girls from online dating.

Especially if you live in a big city. I'm in a small place which is the issue, it's basically alot of the same women on POF literally for years. That's the limitation.

I'm saying that the attitudes are worse online, even from less attractive girls compared to as in person. Not that it's impossible. If I was in a big city i'd clean up on POF and tinder.

But recently I started going out most weekends and made more progress from that than trying to do it online because of being in a smaller place. And even without that limitation, you're actually seeing who they are and not getting bullshit magical angles where fat girls look attractive then you talk to them for like a week and meet them and they are massive.

Also what i'm saying is that i'm not going along with alot of the 'theories' presented here by people who haven't had success. It sounds too much like the guys on red pill sites which is why I stopped reading them.

[CatMan]

Also what i'm saying is that i'm not going along with alot of the 'theories' presented here by people who haven't had success. It sounds too much like the guys on red pill sites which is why I stopped reading them.

This is one of those times I regret posting something I posted then, I guess. I just wanted to do something good.

I was only posting to co-sign Apollo's weird interaction to say that kind of thing was common for me with online dating. So I wanted to build him up, show him he wasn't alone in strange situations on there so not to beat himself up is all!

Every single thing I posted in that post was 100% truth and what I personally experienced. Not a "theory". I'm aware I'm not successful with women, yes. That's one of the reasons I tried online dating (as well as showed up here, like most of the male forum in fact...). I'm also aware I experienced all of those things first hand.

Was just trying to let him know it isn't just him etc. so he doesn't beat himself up over it thinking he's lame or did or said something wrong like I've often done in such situations. Leads you down a bad spiral, so I wanted to help prevent that danger in him. That was the focus.

[SargeMaximus]

Women are women no matter where you find them. Be it online or otherwise.

[RTBoss]

Also what i'm saying is that i'm not going along with alot of the 'theories' presented here by people who haven't had success. It sounds too much like the guys on red pill sites which is why I stopped reading them.

This is one of those times I regret posting something I posted then, I guess. I just wanted to do something good.

I was only posting to co-sign Apollo's weird interaction to say that kind of thing was common for me with online dating. So I wanted to build him up, show him he wasn't alone in strange situations on there so not to beat himself up is all!

Every single thing I posted in that post was 100% truth and what I personally experienced. Not a "theory". I'm aware I'm not successful with women, yes. That's one of the reasons I tried online dating (as well as showed up here, like most of the male forum in fact...). I'm also aware I experienced all of those things first hand.

Was just trying to let him know it isn't just him etc. so he doesn't beat himself up over it thinking he's lame or did or said something wrong like I've often done in such situations. Leads you down a bad spiral, so I wanted to help prevent that danger in him. That was the focus.

Don't take it personally, man. You defend yourself a lot, and it isn't necessary.

You like helping people feel like they're not alone in how they feel, there's nothing wrong with that.

You'll get your street cred soon enough. Just make sure you give credit where it's due when you do, when that time comes. None of us are in this alone.