I had a hard time sleeping today, it almost like I can see my entire life clearly. I think as a kid I had a crazy imagination I had no control over then as an adult it got mixed with all that human potential movement stuff like the only limitations are the ones you set up in your own mind etc. It seems some limitation are very real and the sooner acknowledged the better, there are always success stories but for every one that made it how many didn’t.
I mean I have been giving every opportunity in the world to make something of myself and be happy but I just did not have the capability to take advantage, from one of the nicest girls in the town liking me at 16 to one of the hottest women in the club coming to take pictures of me and all. From the skills taught in primacy school to the government sponspered university degrees. From the countless job training opportunities to the booming western economy. I mean really I have no excuses for myself. They say there is very little you can’t achieve with hard work and for my business I would spent 16 hours a day in my home office with a list of tasks but at the end of that day have done very little but spend hours learning about procrastination and productivity or something along those lines.
I could never picture myself living a normal life and now it makes sense, coz it’s impossible, 9-5 job I have to go to every day and focus on for like 50 years of my life, get married have kids I’ll be responsible for, yeah right. So my dreams of riches and freedom get me out of bed in the morning but now they really seeming unreal and am feeling childish for ever believing them.
It’s quite amazing. Am not in a dark depressed place, nor am I looking down on myself or feeling sorry for myself, it’s more of it is what it is type of thing, bearing your head in the sand isn’t going to make the storm go away. I now really don’t believe in freewill, I think everything is based on causality, if your mum was on crack in the ghetto when she was pregnant with you and you later in your life find yourself gravitating to it, did you have freewill or are you at the effect of that cause.
Or if you were born with a high IQ in an upper middle class family can you really be arrogant in your success and claim it’s because you made a choice to become a doctor and worked hard at it or was that just the natural result of your condition at birth. If someone points a fucking gun at you and pulls the trigger do you have a choice to doge it or not or are you going to experience the effect of gun powder lighting up and lead moving at 2,500 feet per second in your direction.
That said maybe this is the effect of the AM6 sub or that reactions to that stimulate, but I was thinking of closing down this trend I don’t think I will ever reach those stupid goals. I mean I will try to finish the sub, but am doubtful of its result. See when I saw that man in the train I logged in the last post it triggered something in me, my dad too isn’t the sharpest tool in the toolbox and my mum always has to think for him, most times in annoyance, like if it’s just commen sense.
For me each time I do something stupid I go into a bad state, in front of a women, I don’t even brother talking to her after. I can’t see my self been an alpha male and been the stupid man that I am, how does that work? You lead someone into a dead end. I mean I was once with a women in a train after a meetup in London and I found out we lived in the same city, she asked me about which route to take home, that was my chance to take the lead, but did I remember the route I have used for years off memory no. So what do I said to avoid showing my bad memory , “no your route is ok” then I’ll just follow the women, (aren’t men supposed to be good at directions from millions of years on hunting and tracking).
An alpha male is to be a leader, how can you be a leader when your brain is your worst enemy and impairs your judgement.
God grant me the serenity;
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Am fucking so confused and unstable right now, too many fucking sales letters in my head and too many disappoints I don’t know what I can and can’t chance. Maybe I would just start working on accepting and been content and happy with a unskilled job and any women who will have me and instead of been resentful I can program gratitude, then just let the subs do as just as they can do? Shannon help mate, I've starting thinking about Euthanasia again saving my self of the pain of growing old alone, poor, scared and bitter, either way you look at it you cant get out of life alive, so sooner and later and for some the sooner is better. Whats funny is am not even saying this from a depressed point of view just an holistic one. I mean The ADD med's have a 67% success rate overall, if they don't work for me like the first shitty result I got they all whole life will be meaningless. I mean I would have tried everything, even the entriment and focus sub of yours. I even tried spiritual practices but you still need to concerate to do meditation or prayer and you definably need self-control to fast and other such things.
Any words of wisdom?
I mean I have been giving every opportunity in the world to make something of myself and be happy but I just did not have the capability to take advantage, from one of the nicest girls in the town liking me at 16 to one of the hottest women in the club coming to take pictures of me and all. From the skills taught in primacy school to the government sponspered university degrees. From the countless job training opportunities to the booming western economy. I mean really I have no excuses for myself. They say there is very little you can’t achieve with hard work and for my business I would spent 16 hours a day in my home office with a list of tasks but at the end of that day have done very little but spend hours learning about procrastination and productivity or something along those lines.
I could never picture myself living a normal life and now it makes sense, coz it’s impossible, 9-5 job I have to go to every day and focus on for like 50 years of my life, get married have kids I’ll be responsible for, yeah right. So my dreams of riches and freedom get me out of bed in the morning but now they really seeming unreal and am feeling childish for ever believing them.
It’s quite amazing. Am not in a dark depressed place, nor am I looking down on myself or feeling sorry for myself, it’s more of it is what it is type of thing, bearing your head in the sand isn’t going to make the storm go away. I now really don’t believe in freewill, I think everything is based on causality, if your mum was on crack in the ghetto when she was pregnant with you and you later in your life find yourself gravitating to it, did you have freewill or are you at the effect of that cause.
Or if you were born with a high IQ in an upper middle class family can you really be arrogant in your success and claim it’s because you made a choice to become a doctor and worked hard at it or was that just the natural result of your condition at birth. If someone points a fucking gun at you and pulls the trigger do you have a choice to doge it or not or are you going to experience the effect of gun powder lighting up and lead moving at 2,500 feet per second in your direction.
That said maybe this is the effect of the AM6 sub or that reactions to that stimulate, but I was thinking of closing down this trend I don’t think I will ever reach those stupid goals. I mean I will try to finish the sub, but am doubtful of its result. See when I saw that man in the train I logged in the last post it triggered something in me, my dad too isn’t the sharpest tool in the toolbox and my mum always has to think for him, most times in annoyance, like if it’s just commen sense.
For me each time I do something stupid I go into a bad state, in front of a women, I don’t even brother talking to her after. I can’t see my self been an alpha male and been the stupid man that I am, how does that work? You lead someone into a dead end. I mean I was once with a women in a train after a meetup in London and I found out we lived in the same city, she asked me about which route to take home, that was my chance to take the lead, but did I remember the route I have used for years off memory no. So what do I said to avoid showing my bad memory , “no your route is ok” then I’ll just follow the women, (aren’t men supposed to be good at directions from millions of years on hunting and tracking).
An alpha male is to be a leader, how can you be a leader when your brain is your worst enemy and impairs your judgement.
God grant me the serenity;
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Am fucking so confused and unstable right now, too many fucking sales letters in my head and too many disappoints I don’t know what I can and can’t chance. Maybe I would just start working on accepting and been content and happy with a unskilled job and any women who will have me and instead of been resentful I can program gratitude, then just let the subs do as just as they can do? Shannon help mate, I've starting thinking about Euthanasia again saving my self of the pain of growing old alone, poor, scared and bitter, either way you look at it you cant get out of life alive, so sooner and later and for some the sooner is better. Whats funny is am not even saying this from a depressed point of view just an holistic one. I mean The ADD med's have a 67% success rate overall, if they don't work for me like the first shitty result I got they all whole life will be meaningless. I mean I would have tried everything, even the entriment and focus sub of yours. I even tried spiritual practices but you still need to concerate to do meditation or prayer and you definably need self-control to fast and other such things.
Any words of wisdom?
If you can't manage the little you have now, who will trust you with more, if you can't control yourself long can you rule over others for? Its easier for a king to rule a kingdom than himself and who does want an empire? Being unconquerable lies with yourself!
