A Sexy Alex, stage 2: DMSI Journal (now 3.3.2!)

[apollolux]

Starting a new thread dedicated solely to DMSI now that I'm running it on a normal listening schedule. Previously used the ultrasonic but currently trying out the hybrid trickling stream to see if there's a noticeable positive difference. Made a playlist of the 3 loops of 3.0.1A hybrid stream prefixed by 4.5 hours of silence in a 4 hour track and a 30 minute track so I could run it overnight and the stream mask only plays at the tail end.

Plan is to run version A if overnight (ultrasonic or hybrid), and choose A or B as needed (likely ultrasonic) if postponing a session to during awake time.

(edit: due to sig exceeding max length I've used a link shortener for my previous journals on it; links temporarily out of service)

[apollolux]

So far, a week into listening to hybrid trickling stream instead of ultrasonic and I don't yet consciously notice anything positively different. I'm more tired in the morning and take longer to go to sleep at night, potentially worrying me that I may once again have a delayed sleep phase syndrome; the last time I was diagnosed with such it turned out to have stemmed from clinical depression following my first breakup in high school.

I noticed earlier today that I don't focus on anyone when talking to a group of people. I don't know yet if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it is something different since after running ASC I've been able to focus on a single person easily when talking only to them.

I also noticed recently that I don't feel nearly as worried about my impending financial doom as I currently think I should. After finishing college I feel I should go back into moneymaking mode but I don't feel urgency to it, and this seems to be a recent pattern I apparently developed. I'm not a fan of it.

@Shannon - Even if it ultimately turns out that gradual increase of irresistibility is best, I suggest you consider some amount of "urgency" programming that's more than what may or may not already be in there. It's been said quite a few times by others around here that once the negative, often fear-based motivations for doing stuff have been removed positive motivations have been slow to replace them, if at all. Please allow us some safe way to feel "urgency" positively as soon as possible, thanks.

[apollolux]

Switching from 3.0.1A to 3.1A starting tonight! Playlist has the 2 loops of hybrid trickling stream after 4.5 hours of silence. No breaks from previous version.

Waking up in the morning between 8:00am and 11:00am with morning wood this past week, usually after rolling over with the unexpected erection. I find this interesting because libido otherwise seems to be nonexistent while awake.

[RTBoss]

Switching from 3.0.1A to 3.1A starting tonight! Playlist has the 2 loops of hybrid trickling stream after 4.5 hours of silence. No breaks from previous version.

Waking up in the morning between 8:00am and 11:00am with morning wood this past week, usually after rolling over with the unexpected erection. I find this interesting because libido otherwise seems to be nonexistent while awake.

Yes, that's the case with me as well. It's frickin' weird!

During the day, no-to-low libido and no school-boy-boners...But, as soon as sleep hits and the dreams are rollin', boners-be-a-growin'!

[apollolux]

Ok, first night with DMSI 3.1 done, hybrid trickling stream set to play after 4.5 hours of silence like I said (timing it to around 5-5:30am). I went to sleep at 4:30am or so and had to wake up around 10-11am to get ready for an appointment, alarm originally set for 10:05am. Alarm went off and, feeling super tired and fatigued, I snoozed it, waking up at 11:05am to a "how u doing" text from the Russian blonde I previously referred to in earlier journals as a one-itis. I don't yet know how I would feel if it turned out she's the target of the long distance sniper.

Felt fatigued and droopy-eyed most of the day until around 3:00pm, when I finally had something to eat (a protein bar) and drink (3 cups of Starbucks coffee). Even then, a lot of hair flipping from fairly cute women on the subway both to and from my appointment and at Starbucks, and even some mimicking from a cute redhead (artificial color on brunette) in front of me at the Trader Joe's checkout line when buying the protein bars (I went to quickly get a free sample and she almost immediately followed suit where she didn't previously).

I have not consciously noticed any change in personal smell, but it feels like I'm sweating a bit less from my armpits.

The biggest change so far since moving to solely DMSI 12 days ago is yesterday I finally broke through my productivity slump to figure out what was actually wrong with my synthesizer project and fix it. Now I can finish the damned thing. Mentally and emotionally I feel flat mainly due to the prescription anti-depressants, and noted that to my therapist, remarking how I would likely feel angry enough to throw my synthesizer project out a window before yesterday due to lack of progress.

So! I fixed my synthesizer and the Russian blonde texts me "out of the blue." I wonder what is/will be the most reliable source of energy for DMSI-inspired changes for/in me, and look forward to more positive biochemical, physical, and emotional changes.

[ReeZoX]

Indeed, I have not felt any good smell, but I am definitely sweating less

[apollolux]

Switched to hybrid surf two days ago to see if there's a tangible difference. So far no discernible internal differences from hybrid trickling stream. After two weeks of hybrid surf going to use only ultrasonic to see if there are any new differences.

[apollolux]

Just noting here that since I switched to hybrid surf I now randomly have a feeling of a cold sweat drop down my lower back, but when I go to wipe it off it turns out to actually be dry. This is new. :/

[apollolux]

Had an interesting experience yesterday. Chilling at the nearby Starbucks having a cup of water, one of the street vendors who sells outside of the shop approached me while I was sitting and offered me help in the form of money. He explained that, though he's only known me in my capacity as a regular customer of that Starbucks, he feels I'm a standup guy. A week or so ago he overheard a conversation I had with another customer who was extremely rude to me while I kept my composure and he said he respected how I handled myself then. Hm.

On another note, going to change to either ultrasonic or back to hybrid trickling stream tomorrow. I haven't yet listened to 3.1A in ultrasonic format but chaosvrgn mentioned that he's seeing less resistance on hybrid stream.

[apollolux]

Switched to ultrasonic. Current listening volume is -20dB on the monitor's knob for speakers, but I'm wondering if, at least for ultrasonic, I should increase the volume.

[apollolux]

==32 days exclusively DMSI done==
So my first 32 days listening to exclusively DMSI are done. The first 11 days were 3.0.1A, and 3.1A after. A couple of positive changes, but nothing noticeably sex-related; just glad I was able to break through whatever was stopping me from finishing this digital synthesizer project I was working on.

I have a feeling that, like Bookstacks, the prescription medication I currently take for depression (same dosage of Lexapro, now double the dosage of Wellbutrin) is limiting any outward expression of emotion. I've wanted to outwardly express anger about the lack of progress I had for months and instead experienced frustration at being unable to express that anger.

Asked a question about when one is truly ready to switch to B. I look forward to reaching that point if I haven't already.

[Shannon]

Generally, it is estimated that 32 days of A should be the minimum necessary for most people. The best way to know you're ready for B is either if you are starting to get results from A that indicate you're not resisting anymore, or B doesn't tear you to shreds or trigger resistance or sabotage.

[apollolux]

Thank you again, Shannon, for your DMSI schedule recommendation!

Looks like I'll be sticking with ultrasonic for a while; my theory is that, as Shannon likely intended, it's more difficult to consciously perceive the messaging so it's less likely to be perceived as ordering oneself. Since I have DMSI on an overnight playlist, I've found that I surprisingly was awake for when hybrid tracks were playing, and hearing the mask (both stream and surf) I almost certainly made a conscious association with "mask means messaging is also playing." I don't seem to find myself consciously awake for when ultrasonic starts playing, which I feel increases the likelihood of absorbing the messaging.

[apollolux]

Started on version B this morning, finishing 32 days of 3.1A yesterday.

To note, version A so far felt manageable and I was a bit worried about becoming "too comfortable," or more specifically "complacent," with it. Wide range of IOIs, including as recently as yesterday leg pretzels from women (at least 7s, possible 8s) on two separate occasions on the train in the same day, but as we all know the primary design goal of DMSI is sex and so far none of that. Morning wood pretty much every morning since starting 3.1A, so I'm looking forward to the resurrection of my erection during the day on a more regular basis since it seems libido is starting to return.

Energy levels have been weird. Waking up is still difficult and attempting to wake up earlier (7:35am to be exact) so far has been unsuccessful ("snooze" for 2 or even 3 hours). Getting to sleep seems to be difficult as well since I'm trying to go to bed earlier (before 1:00am), but actually getting to sleep once in bed feels like it takes a long time. I don't quite rightly know what's up with either.