01-06-2014, 04:05 AM
(01-06-2014, 02:44 AM)Dee Wrote: How Porn Almost Ruined My Life
The wonders of Exotica / The pleasures of Sin
One sunny hot day, I was just doing the normal thing in the internal fantasy world of a 6-7 year old. My parents weren’t home and I don’t remember where the Maid or Gardener where. I noticed the curtains in the living room where closed which was odd in the afternoon of a hot sunny day in the middle of summer.
I burst into the room as it was poorly barricaded and saw images I had never seen before, on the tv screen. I saw man sticking his “pee-pee in and out of a women” as she made loud noises. I had always thought that private parts where for peeing; that God made children and a huge stalk delivered them (kids will believe anything you tell em with a serious face, I swear).
I looked around room and there a brunch of teenage boys all in weird postures and some covering they lions while others where behind the sofas.
The atmosphere let me know immediately that they were doing something that would get them all in trouble. I used my skills of negotiation I had learnt previously from my brothers, times I took the heat for them for favours in return. So I made a deal with them, either they let me in on the fun or I was telling. What would you have done?
It feels like …. Heaven
It just shows how hardwired people are to react to certain stimuli. Here I was a little kid watching these images of people having sex and second by second my little penis started getting harder and harder.
I then copied what I saw the other older guys doing and within a few seconds I got a glimpse of what Heaven feels like.
I remember I barely had any pre-cum first orgasm I ever had, but boy did it feel good, I was hooked, and I promptly added it to my strategies of dealing with unwanted emotions.
The forbidden fruit
I think my sister somehow found out what my new “hobby” was and schooled me on the evils of sex. So now there was something that made me feel good when I was down, it was the most exciting thing I could do when I was bored and it was evil, wrong and bad.
I would agree that a young boy of that age shouldn’t be doing such things but I can’t recall exactly what I was told about the moral value of masturbation, porn and untimely sex.
But all I know is that I could not quit wanking and I felt hellbound every time I did it. “God, why is everything that feels Good to me is bad for me?” I would ask, “I put it there to temp you my son” would be the reply I thought I would get.
The Domino Effect
I started feeling inadequate at an early age, I don’t know weather it was because I would compare myself (penis size) to the ones of the pornstars. But it had a profoundly negative impact on me, from an early age I thought life was what was in the porn flicks of the 80s and 90s (you know those corny storylines).
I viewed women from those filters and thought relationships with females was all about sex. I managed to stop myself from doing many things with the little girls of my age throughout my life given all the opportunities I had. But I thought about it too much as a kid and also about going to hell as a result.
They Stole my innocence and took my pleasure
Needless to say every time I did have real sex with another person I never enjoyed it at all. My partners didn’t react like the porn actresses or make the same sounds of pleasure. I just didn’t see the point of having sex either than just for validation reasons.
As the years went by I went from been able to masturbate from my memory of underwear models to the most embarrassing fetishes around. I even got porn induced erectile dysfunction recently.
I loved and only got sexually excited by moving images of women more than I would by seen the women in real life themselves. The neurological change was made to my brain and I thought it was unchangeable.
The Brain is Plastic
After I became aware that the brain is plastic and can change and does changes on a day to day basis, it made sense why after long periods of not watching porn to cumming to it, it would felt nicer.
I am in the process of rebooting my brain and changing it to the point it becomes normal, eg I can get a hard-on by seen a sexy women in real life or actually cum during sex. And most of all I stop thinking about sex every time I see a women.
Short Term Goal #2 – Brain Reboot (135 days left)
45 days free of porn and masturbation 135 days to complete reboot
http://yourbrainonporn.com/reboot_your_brain
Short Term Goal #1 – Early Riser
I went to bed at 9pm did my excises and I woke up at 8am when my alarm rang. No snooze, I have another 20 days if it is to be a new habit for life
thank you for sharing, bruv.
i relate with you.
i lost my innocence to porn as well.
it was an addiction.
i am cheering you on for your reboot.
i got free because of WILD AT HEART by John Eldredge.
that BOOK is a MUST READ for all even those who do not believe in a God, because masturbation/porn is attached to a deep wound.
i also noticed after my first few sessions with Rion's Natural Grounding, i just lost the appetite for porn/masturbation, and it added to girls noticing my energy more.
i also subscribe to his (and Noah's/AMP's) philosophy of FEMININE WOMEN versus western pop-media frenzy "playboy" model types. that energy via NG really helped me defeat the porn.
it feels good and clear.
and to see women in a different vantage point than what 99.9% of PUA ascribe to, and all their crappy philosophies.
Attraction Institute is also a good resource.
