Shannon's LTU v6 Journal

[Shannon]

Day 1 of Cycle 2.

Last couple of days have been hard for me.  Yesterday I was overcome with nausea and a headache most of the day.  I'm not sure if I'm coming down with something, or it's the barometric pressure swings, or I'm resisting LTUv6 but I haven't had headaches like these in a LONG time.  These feel like clods of achey goodness in my head.  Not super painful, maybe a 3-4 out of 10, but enough to make me have a hard time focusing.  And nausea all the time is not my usual.  Yesterday I took an ibuprofen because I didn't want GPR to have any chance to interfere with LTU6 and potentially make me even MORE tired.  It never completely removed the headache, but made it bearable.  Last night, GF noticed I was radiating a lot of heat.  That could be me coming down with something, or me projecting the DRS, since last night was night 1 back on for cycle 2.

So yesterday was basically a wash and today hasn't been much better, because of that and because I have to drive all over the place all day to take care of day to day stuff.

Not having fun, but I can tell you, if this is resistance, we gonna double down.  Because if this is resistance, it means that this program is so powerful that it's breached my subconscious ability to resist as it has in the past, and we are basically facing fears that are root/core level fears.  And the last time I did that was in 2006 when I went in for chemo and they came at me with needles all day every day for months on end.  I had a deathly fear of hypodermic needles penetrating my flesh, and it was so bad that I would feel nauseous and eventually pass out if I was sitting or standing when I had the needle inserted.  I had to lay down to have a shot or have a needle inserted to prevent me from passing out.

But that nausea felt similar.  Hmmm.  

I don't know what's going on, but I do know that based on my dreams lately, this program is definitely pushing me into "unknown territory".  It is powerful enough to overcome my resistance to fear of the unknown, and for the first time in I don't know how long, the "I feel lost, I don't know how to handle this" is coming up.  It's not always fun to go through, but it's very impressive and it means that finally, FINALLY, I have a way to make subs that will make progress that I couldn't make before.  I'm sure this will be the case for a lot of people who were stuck previously as well.

The headache and nausea is a lot less today than yesterday.  And given how smooth this program feels otherwise, if this is resistance I have to say it's pretty amazing how powerful the program is to make it this bearable.

Hi @Shannon 

Out of curiosity are you still playing the program the same way you always have been playing it (ultrasonic at 13/15 on Android)?

Yes.

And I’ve been on it about 4 days now and I also feel the "I feel lost, I don't know how to handle this" feeling- I feel with direction kind of like I’m in limbo 

What exactly does that mean?

It means the program is affecting you at the deepest levels, making changes to your most core self.  This was previously not possible because these parts for some reason seem to equate any change with literal death.  I think basically it comes down to they only know X, and everything else is "the unlimited unknown", which they apparently see as "nothing", which they conclude is "becoming nothing" or dying.  

In reality, what's happening is that when they are made to go outside what they know, they have no more point of reference, and must re-create that point of reference.  This is what causes the feeling of being lost.  It's the exact same thing that would happen if you joined the military as a high school kid and felt completely lost in basic training, because everything was new to you.  Or pretty much anything to which you are new.  Your first semester away from home at college, etc.

You just need to have enough time to create a new point of reference that is positive, instead of tne negative one that you had before.  Wen that happens, and it will, that feeling will go away.