@apollolux - that's cool! I almost feel like I should asks someone, but obviously I'd have to plough through who knows how many employees to even find anyone who might know what's up, and then obviously if I did find someone they'd just look at me like I'm weird - either because they really thought so, or because they'd try to make me go away. Yeah.
Day 25
I'm going through Larry Crane's Abundance course. I've started it maybe 3 or 4 times before, but never got past the first 2 audios. But now I'm really into it. Wants, resistance... desire to figure things out, have the answers, know what to do about it... disapproving myself, learning to give myself approval (easy & instant). Wanting approval, control, or to be safe.
In today's lesson I went through attachments and aversions toward money, alternating between the two, and then came the "squeezing a lemon question": "what if you could never, ever, ever again have any money?". Big emotions. Then as I felt it was so good, I decided to do a similar round on women right after. What'd be good about about having lots of women, what'd be bad, good, bad, ... then what if I could never even see any women, then not talk to any, then not have a meaningful relationship even again, then not have sex ever again, etc. I'll be doing these a few times in the near future.
What just struck me as I was doing this was: this is how growth usually happens in real life too! What I mean is that of course we have resistance, attachments and aversions towards everything all the time, but they're at a low intensity, so we can push them down. But in those moments where catastrophe strikes and all is lost, then were faced with the lemon situations. For example I remember one specific breakup, where I had the girl and then suddenly I didn't have her anymore - I could never, ever, see her again and my life had no meaning anymore and blaa blaa blaa, you know the drill. Or maybe "I can never see her again", "I can never see my kids/pets/house/friends again", and those kinds of lemon questions. All it does is it brings up all your attachments and aversions at the same time, and that situations is very real and feels so very dire that we hold on as hard we possibly can instead of letting go. Substitute very similar questions for the death of a loved one, loss of limb or health, loss of employment, etc. But then if we do manage to get through those things with time, much later on it might seem that there was growth happening because of those things. Because when we were faced with those feelings we were trying to avoid in a way where we couldn't escape them, we eventually let go of a lot of that. And maybe developed some trauma if it was too intense. For example, I just didn't think I could be that hurt by any breakup anymore, because I don't have nearly as much attachments and aversions as I used to have. Disclaimer: I'm not trying to belittle those horrible things I haven't even experienced, I'm just stating my theory/realization. My empathy goes to those struggling.
ION: A girl who I've been flirting with has been showing quite a bit of interest and even offered to drive me home out of the blue today (I accepted, even though I live very close by). Thing is, she sort of seems to be with this guy and she has a ring on her finger, but she's very open with everyone, talks to many men, I saw her leave her *whatever* waiting quite a while one time when she was talking to some dude, etc. Its just funny - I guess she's either very openly looking for a new candidate or just some variation while the dude is lingering around. Funny creatures.
Day 25
I'm going through Larry Crane's Abundance course. I've started it maybe 3 or 4 times before, but never got past the first 2 audios. But now I'm really into it. Wants, resistance... desire to figure things out, have the answers, know what to do about it... disapproving myself, learning to give myself approval (easy & instant). Wanting approval, control, or to be safe.
In today's lesson I went through attachments and aversions toward money, alternating between the two, and then came the "squeezing a lemon question": "what if you could never, ever, ever again have any money?". Big emotions. Then as I felt it was so good, I decided to do a similar round on women right after. What'd be good about about having lots of women, what'd be bad, good, bad, ... then what if I could never even see any women, then not talk to any, then not have a meaningful relationship even again, then not have sex ever again, etc. I'll be doing these a few times in the near future.
What just struck me as I was doing this was: this is how growth usually happens in real life too! What I mean is that of course we have resistance, attachments and aversions towards everything all the time, but they're at a low intensity, so we can push them down. But in those moments where catastrophe strikes and all is lost, then were faced with the lemon situations. For example I remember one specific breakup, where I had the girl and then suddenly I didn't have her anymore - I could never, ever, see her again and my life had no meaning anymore and blaa blaa blaa, you know the drill. Or maybe "I can never see her again", "I can never see my kids/pets/house/friends again", and those kinds of lemon questions. All it does is it brings up all your attachments and aversions at the same time, and that situations is very real and feels so very dire that we hold on as hard we possibly can instead of letting go. Substitute very similar questions for the death of a loved one, loss of limb or health, loss of employment, etc. But then if we do manage to get through those things with time, much later on it might seem that there was growth happening because of those things. Because when we were faced with those feelings we were trying to avoid in a way where we couldn't escape them, we eventually let go of a lot of that. And maybe developed some trauma if it was too intense. For example, I just didn't think I could be that hurt by any breakup anymore, because I don't have nearly as much attachments and aversions as I used to have. Disclaimer: I'm not trying to belittle those horrible things I haven't even experienced, I'm just stating my theory/realization. My empathy goes to those struggling.
ION: A girl who I've been flirting with has been showing quite a bit of interest and even offered to drive me home out of the blue today (I accepted, even though I live very close by). Thing is, she sort of seems to be with this guy and she has a ring on her finger, but she's very open with everyone, talks to many men, I saw her leave her *whatever* waiting quite a while one time when she was talking to some dude, etc. Its just funny - I guess she's either very openly looking for a new candidate or just some variation while the dude is lingering around. Funny creatures.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
