Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g)

[Benjamin]

Inspiration for the title - Unlocking my full expression of my desires, what I want, my goals, what I want do to and move towards, the actions I want to take but haven't been taking.. which are covered up with this fucking guilt, shame, fear, trauma, baggage.

I will split this into 2 posts again, first what lead me to OGSF and then my observations from listening.

First after my back and forth in my PM journal about which way to go, I asked my higher self when I went to bed last night. PM or OGSF v3, and should I start it tonight? I got several points of guidance, evidence for OGSF coming up. Some of it was interesting.

-Repeating over and over in my head "overcoming, guilt, shame and fear" for several minutes.
-I had an urge to look out my window. In the distance there was a light that I focused on and what come to mind is if that light is my goal, if I was walking towards it with masculinity, i'm pushing really hard but carrying all these really heavy sacks slowing my down which represent fear. But instead with OGSF i'm dropping the sacks so I can then move forward freely.
-A strong feeling to start OGSF now.
-I was directed to my book shelf, the first book I come across was bioenergetics which I feel represents either somatic trauma work, or just working on trauma in general, hence OGSF. It didn't fully resonate but the second book very much did. The second book I come across was "The journey from abandonment to healing" which strongly speaks to OGSF and very much my core issue, abandonment.
-I could keep building up masculinity, strength, physique etc by itself (obviously I plan to do this either way) then no matter how much strength, masculinity, fighting ability etc I build, thinking maybe one day i'll be 'strong enough' to fight through this fear, still the deeper fear will hold me back. HOWEVER, what if dealing with this fear, abandonment, rejection, terror, fear, trauma then i'm now free to build this strength, masculinity etc on a much more strong and grounded foundation?
-It doesn't matter how much more muscle I put on, or get stronger this fear of girls will still shut me down like a little baby, like a pussy unless I deal with the fear.

A few other things but all of the guidance I got pointed towards OGSF, I laid there a bit as I had fear over just pressing play but eventually I did. Internally I said to myself "I admit that i'm scared to use OGSF, but i'm going to start anyway."

[Benjamin]

First night of OGSF v3.

I put the audio on and laid in bed. I felt less than I expected, but first I noticed a kind of pressure/tightness in my stomach maybe a mild soreness. I also noticed a relaxation, a kind of 'coming down' response. I unexpectedly must have slept well cos before I knew it I looked at my watch at it was 9am though I did wake up a few times.

I got up to go pee in the middle of the night, and I felt lightheaded and my whole body felt stiff and sore. Body stiffness has been one of my old symptoms that I haven't really had for a while, but I felt these things were due to something from OGSF. This morning i've had a sensation, kind of tightness in my head almost like what i'd feel in my head if I had dizziness but not actually feeling dizzy. Sounds weird but it's the best I can explain it.

My head feels like this but at the same time i've also felt clear headed.

I noticed that instead of wanting to go out I just want to stay at home and relax but I don't feel guilty about it like I 'should' be going out somewhere. I will go one place as I need to get something for dinner but otherwise just relax.

I also thought of playing games which I might later, but I actually now I got on the computer feel more like getting stuff done.

I had a few dreams.
-First getting attacked by a gang of people who have been known to cause trouble in alot of places.
-The second was a sex dream, obviously based around guilt.

What stood out, and obviously i'll have to listen more to see if this continues. But my first impression is that these dreams were much more direct and obvious to what is being worked on, wheras with past generations the dreams are much more metaphorical, lots of random weird shit pops into them and sometimes i'm left wondering.

It could be that these were just the dreams I had last night, but it also could be that with 6g the dreams are more direct and obvious to what it's working on, I don't know.

I also noticed that this kind of 'pressure' that I had that was making me want to or have to continue using PM has relaxed and I feel more calm about my decision to use OGSF.

[ncbeareatingman]

Congrats Ben ! OGSF v3 is very powerful. Takes courage to use this program. ALL the best in the coming weeks of using it,Man.

[Benjamin]

Thanks Keith, I hope to keep up the trend of great reports from OGSF v3 so far.

[Benjamin]

I'm not totally sure what it's doing, but I do have some interesting observations. One thing is the feeling that i'm not really listening to anything that has been mentioned, that may be a combination of it only being 10 minutes but also the transparency that has been mentioned.

The increased amount of dreams is noticable compared to past programs, and some of the dreams seem to go longer. The other noticable difference is having several dreams in the one night about the same subject. For like half the night last night I kept having dreams about a girl I used to sleep with maybe like 10 years ago. She used to live 1 1/2 hours away but moved here and I come across her drunk one night when I left a cafe with a friend. She was all keen and sent me messages a few times obviously when she was out drunk on weekends and I didn't respond to any.

It's a no from me, due to her drinking, smoking, sleeping with tons of guys. What's weird though is I think yesterday or the day before I was thinking about her and this feeling that I could be with her again, this morning I was feeling like that more. But.. I take it as some neediness or something around self-esteem is being worked on, because she would only be a negative in my life. I decided that I can just stay with these feelings and I have no need to try to act on them. That is also an interesting difference.

With all that, I had this weird feeling when thinking about her and what I realized is that I had absolutely no idea that there was anything to do with her that was having an effect on me, so when whatever it was shifted it felt weird and wrong because i'm not used to not having it. Then unfortunately some of this sabotage come up and lessened the feeling and then the dreams stopped about her though I had a few different dreams after. I can say it's a little different on OGSF in that my emotional response to this sabotage happening is muted, i'm not really dropping into hopelessness, strong anger and wanting to give up, just a mild annoyance about it.

I'm getting a weird feeling around my eyes, that passed after getting up. But it's almost a feeling i'd get around my eyes if my vision was blurry, but my vision is clear, like a kind of fatigue around my eyes. Maybe I had way more stress and tension around my eyes than I realized.

The other thing is the most unexpected one. I have a written journal and while writing i'm much more relaxed and patient. Before i'd write really fast and it would be messy just to get it done and felt rushed. Since starting OGSF my writing is slower, i'm making less mistakes. Well the first day after starting listening I made more mistakes, but since then less and my writing is noticably neater.

That's good for now, I know that it will be in going out to places and doing other things that i'll notice more of what's happening. I also hope that fear around doing new stuff, different stuff, going different places that fear was stopping me before is dealt with so I can go and do more stuff that I wasn't before.

I also think i'm feeling less stress and less tense.

[Have at ye]

I'm getting a weird feeling around my eyes, that passed after getting up. But it's almost a feeling i'd get around my eyes if my vision was blurry, but my vision is clear, like a kind of fatigue around my eyes. Maybe I had way more stress and tension around my eyes than I realized.

I get such a wonky feeling oftentimes as well (currently on OSC + DRS). It kinda feels like you're tired and sleepy and your eyes are about to droop, but you're not and they don't. It's difficult to describe.

[User_000]

Is that so? thought i was sleep deprived.

[Catman]

Congrats on OGSF, buddy. I wish you an amazing run.

That said, I can co-sign the issues at times with struggling to keep the eyes open seemingly randomly. There's bouts of this tiredness effect per se at times, then goes away. May or may not return over the day. So there's definitely a pattern here. (Sleep issues here often since starting, even moving the listening time around is helping a bit maybe, but not by much. I assume over time this will improve.)

I wrote about this before long ago with subs. Shannon said (at that time, his answer may differ now, just to give him an off-ramp if he needs one as I'm trying to remember posts from years ago now to help you guys), but at that time, he said it was like a form of sudden/extreme resistance that is exhausting you consciously in the moment. That's the effect that burbles to the surface while this war is being fought below. Would make sense with 6G, this effect would be occurring not just with me, but with many others now, as the subs are naturally far more powerful and able to enact much more potent transformational change.

[Frosted]

Looking forward to this journal. I’m pretty sure I know what you mean with the almost dizziness and tightness in the head.

[Benjamin]

Hmm I don't think it's resistance or anything like that, but it also sounds like you guys are describing something slightly different than I am, other than Frosted possibly.

I took it as something around working on trauma, tension in my body and around my eyes.

The tiredness at times i've had too, but I already have issues with that sometimes anyway.

[Benjamin]

I noticed today especially when I went down the street that i'm feeling sensitive/vulnerable. It's like things are being worked on and coming up, or like the 'armor' on the outside has temporarily moved and there's this soft underbelly and it doesn't feel good.

First I noticed something similar to when I was doing somatic trauma work ages ago (i'm not doing it at the moment, but it feels similar to this) that when driving before I felt extra hyperaware of everything, a little uncomfortable like it wasn't as automatic and even felt slightly uncomfortable at the thought of parking. I don't usually have this, it was like suddenly I wasn't as confident in my driving abilities and felt a little disconnected.

Walking down the street also felt this vulnerability, I still talked to the staff in the shop I goto regularly but was feeling weird. After the 2 shops I needed to goto I just wanted to go home. I felt a bit anxious, awkward, a bit hyperaware and perceiving more 'threat' in the environment and from others, all of which are trauma type responses. Which tells me again it's whatever OGSF is working on.

I also see the distinct difference between PM and OGSF (so far atleast, I would say it will open up over time as things are worked on). Basically first i'm feeling kind of down that I now seem to have no presence like on PM.

And this thing really shows the difference. When I was leaving the street in my car I heard a loud and aggressive yell, not at me but some crazy person yelling at someone in the street. Well on PM I seen something was going on and decided to park and go and have a look, whereas today my first thought was "No, I don't need this, especially when i'm feeling vulnerable today, if trauma and fear is being worked on I don't need to subject myself to something like that" and I drove home.

So on PM it was like there was this curiosity and excitement of "there may be something interesting happening" and on OGSF "no I need to look out for myself and not subject myself to this needlessly as i'm working to heal trauma" and I naturally made the choice to do so and just go home.

[Frosted]

Hmm I don't think it's resistance or anything like that, but it also sounds like you guys are describing something slightly different than I am, other than Frosted possibly.

I took it as something around working on trauma, tension in my body and around my eyes.

The tiredness at times i've had too, but I already have issues with that sometimes anyway.

Yeah I don’t think it’s resistance I also think it’s trauma. It’s gotten better as I’ve healed and cleared so it only makes sense it’s trauma.

I noticed today especially when I went down the street that i'm feeling sensitive/vulnerable. It's like things are being worked on and coming up, or like the 'armor' on the outside has temporarily moved and there's this soft underbelly and it doesn't feel good.

First I noticed something similar to when I was doing somatic trauma work ages ago (i'm not doing it at the moment, but it feels similar to this) that when driving before I felt extra hyperaware of everything, a little uncomfortable like it wasn't as automatic and even felt slightly uncomfortable at the thought of parking. I don't usually have this, it was like suddenly I wasn't as confident in my driving abilities and felt a little disconnected.

Walking down the street also felt this vulnerability, I still talked to the staff in the shop I goto regularly but was feeling weird. After the 2 shops I needed to goto I just wanted to go home. I felt a bit anxious, awkward, a bit hyperaware and perceiving more 'threat' in the environment and from others, all of which are trauma type responses. Which tells me again it's whatever OGSF is working on.

I also see the distinct difference between PM and OGSF (so far atleast, I would say it will open up over time as things are worked on). Basically first i'm feeling kind of down that I now seem to have no presence like on PM.

And this thing really shows the difference. When I was leaving the street in my car I heard a loud and aggressive yell, not at me but some crazy person yelling at someone in the street. Well on PM I seen something was going on and decided to park and go and have a look, whereas today my first thought was "No, I don't need this, especially when i'm feeling vulnerable today, if trauma and fear is being worked on I don't need to subject myself to something like that" and I drove home.

So on PM it was like there was this curiosity and excitement of "there may be something interesting happening" and on OGSF "no I need to look out for myself and not subject myself to this needlessly as i'm working to heal trauma" and I naturally made the choice to do so and just go home.

I think the driving thing might be your auto pilot being dismantled due to OGSF3 working through fear that was interwoven with it. So as you deal with it, you become more conscious of your driving, which you are re-learning. At least that’s my best guess.

Yeah the vulnerability is something I’ve noticed too. I think I’ve just gotten used to it. Based on personal experience the hyper awareness sounds like stuff that was already there, but you just weren’t as aware of it, and now it’s right in front of you.

Onto the crazy guy thing. That mindset is definitely from OGSF3. You’ll likely notice a lot of non-action in places where you would’ve taken action in the past. A lot of action we take is because of the programming we were brought up with. It’s like being run by these processes that have run away with themselves, and we’ve been with them so long we don’t even realize.

[LionKing]

I also see the distinct difference between PM and OGSF (so far atleast, I would say it will open up over time as things are worked on). Basically first i'm feeling kind of down that I now seem to have no presence like on PM.

I switched from PM to OSC when it came out (because its 6G and also because I figured OSC will help me more in all the challenges I have today). I felt very bare or exposed for some time, like its "just me" now, or like people could now see me clearly and I wasn't maybe so confident that "just me" is enough. On PM there was this... something. Almost a persona, or presence like you said, that was maybe a bit external of me or something. Armor, fuzziness, aura. Missed that. Now I'm feeling like the increased confidence a tool that I know I have that makes me feel confident of being there, instead of the presence. Just saying that moving away from PM can feel like that by itself.

[NOMAD]

I switched from PM to OSC when it came out (because its 6G and also because I figured OSC will help me more in all the challenges I have today). I felt very bare or exposed for some time, like its "just me" now, or like people could now see me clearly and I wasn't maybe so confident that "just me" is enough. On PM there was this... something. Almost a persona, or presence like you said, that was maybe a bit external of me or something. Armor, fuzziness, aura. Missed that.

I'm experiencing the same thing now that I'm not running PM.

It reminds me of the following quote:

"Ah, see. I don't get a suit of armor. I'm exposed, like a nerve ..." - Bruce Banner