AM7 Stage 0 Healing Bootcamp Bonanza

[callie]

I see, that’s interesting. I might look into it more

[Ampersnd]

I'm a lazy boi. I use an energetically programmed thingy that automates the process (a so-called "morphic field"). I can't say more due to forum rules. I recommend a bit of Google-Fu.

You're able to disclose these topics with a bit more flexibility in the Chatter Box. Triple check the rules and apply your own discretion
Would you DM me with the name of the method?

[Have at ye]

I tried to DM you but for some reason couldn't input text in the box, probably a techincal issue with my browser or something. Maybe try DMing me first? Replies worked just fine last I used them.

[Ampersnd]

I tried to DM you but for some reason couldn't input text in the box, probably a techincal issue with my browser or something. Maybe try DMing me first? Replies worked just fine last I used them.

I had a similar issue; you need to click the top / top-left of the text box instead of the center. I still sent you a message

[callie]

Could you toss me a DM too?

[Have at ye]

DM toss done!

In other news: my libido, and general horniness, are gradually making a return to healthy levels for an endocrinally healthy bloke my age. This should, over time, also lead to improved sexual function coupled with sexual trauma healing which is now a-go!

[Have at ye]

Funky healing dreams. FRM is at it too, I'm experiencing some slight ambient anxiety. Set things up so that the healing process is now more torelable to me; way less negativity for me to experience and work through.

I had a problem with self-hate. In my case it's an abusive relational trauma reaction; the problem with hate is that it's a very dense energy that's nearly impossible to transmute into anything positive; that's why I'm raging at all and sundry, because the energy has to go *somewhere*. I've got this figured out by now, what to do with it (hence why I'm doing intense positive energy bombing; I figure that in order to keep healing properly and remain functional I'm gonna need a small nuclear reactor's worth of positive energies, lulz). It's an extremely toxic energy and even when directed outward (even if it's justified) makes life most unpleasant. If you don't fix self-hate you're gonna end up suicidal, sooner or later, oy, and we wouldn't want that.

Let's have song, totally going all-out on Megadeth - this time we're listening to I'll Get Even:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lN1H4JnS5s

I'm bitter hurt and I'm twisted
I haven't slept in days
I'm lonely and I'm angry
I can't make it go away

I'm like a bomb that's ticking, I got voices in my head
I got a doll with needles and wishing you were dead
I'll get you back somehow, that's what I'm gonna do
I'll get you back somehow, your nightmare coming true
It's coming true

I'll get even with you

\m/

[Have at ye]

I'm totally hyperfocused on deep healing right now. Cutting off everyone's who's been/is detrimental to the process. Mostly staying at home and chillin', doing the occasional singing practice and going for grocery shopping. Nearest thingy I want to go to is on the 15th, so there's time. Also visitng a lady-friend in the psych ward on Saturday, as I really like her and she visited me when I was at the hospital (honestly? If she ever asks, I'm getting her a copy of PRA. She's an extreme case of PTSD and abuse, so in her case I'd actually wait for PRA v3. Not gonna even suggest subs to people for the time being; their dsiavowal and skepticism always ends up in negative projections onto my person, which is funny with DRS v2, but I'm not running DRS v2 right now ).

Carpet-bombing myself with positive energies and uncondtional love energies, to have proper stuff to heal with, yeah. Feeling better day after day. Also bringing in more subtle energies, like the ones applied in Eastern martial arts. The healing nuclear reactor is ON.

We've had ample Megadeth songs, now let's listen to some METALLICA \m/

Welcome Home (Sanituarium)!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZiIc0HuJ78Q

Build my fear of what's out there
Cannot breathe the open air
Whisper things into my brain
Assuring me that I'm insane
They think our heads are in their hands
But violent use brings violent plans
Keep him tied, it makes him well
He's getting better, can't you tell?

No more can they keep us in
Listen, damn it, we will win
They see it right, they see it well
But they think this saves us from our hell

Sanitarium
Leave me be
Sanitarium
Just leave me alone

[Have at ye]

My speaking voice is gradually returning to the quality it had whilst I was running OSC 6G.

We'll see about my singing voice next time I go practice.

[Have at ye]

I have this song going on loop these past several days:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMU804-bjQA

Totally going for the metal classics here. Judas Priest - NO SURRENDER

You know that life isn't set
I lead the pack I ain't no pretender
You give as good as you get
We live and die 'cause there's no surrender

Chasing a dream as I go higher
Playing it mean, my heart's on fire
Living my life, ain't no pretender
Ready to fight with no surrender

You know the way that I feel
If you're with me you better hold on tighter
I'm only keeping it real
That's who I am, I'm just a non-stop fighter

Chasing a dream as I go higher
Playing it mean, my heart's on fire
Living my life, ain't no pretender
Ready to fight with no surrender



Totally seeing these guys again in July, I think it was. Gonna be glorious. Last time I got a blessing from the Metal God himself, haha.

[Have at ye]

Carpet-bombing cord cutting, shielding of my internal system (funky stuff), unconditonal love energies and general positive energies. Also doing the occasional negativity clearing.

Breaking up with lady psychoanalyst tomorrow. I'll "do the fuckboi" and break up with her over text.

Hilarious stuff is going on TBH.

[Have at ye]

Broke up with lady psychoanalyst (I did the fuckboi special, breaking up with her over text right before "the long weekend" so as to f- up her free time, haha), she called (I did not pick up) and then texted back she wants to meet to learn my reasons (which I've already given in my text - I'm switich psychotherapists to a free one in the thingy for special needs psychos I'm enrolled in. We call it the "zespół leczenia środowsikowego", dunno whether you have that in 'Murica. Google says Community Mental Health Team (CMHT) ). I'll do it when I'm running DMSI with DRS v2 to troll her some more, she loves it. So in half a year or so.

Today, we're listening to Queenstyche, Operation: Mindcrime II.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3ji7MUEYAs - Signs Say Go

Imagine if you will
What it means... this worthless life
Tried my best to scratch the surface
I got bloody broken fingernails

Convincing stories of achievement, lies
All expectations smashed, never could comply
Generations come and go
And what will I be, the failure they see here?

Now, I can't remember!
All the signs say...go!
Would I surrender?
To try to save your soul?
I can't remember!
All the signs say...go!
I'll never surrender!
Time for heads to roll!

And the next song in the album, Re-Arrange You.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ju3ymF2tTTk

It's taken me years to get to this place
I found you hiding inside a persona
You built from my pain
Fortune has finally come
And vengeance is mine, I've won
And I'll take the world now by storm

Do I let the world change me?
Do I lead or follow?
Step by step re-arrange me
Let them all try!

[Have at ye]

Ooof. Healing's progressing, it's extremely rough and demanding, but extremely cathartic at the same time. Hopefully it won't take much longer now. I'd really like to get on with my life and do things. Like, pretty much anything. Just live for a while like a normal person, and not have go to hell and back on a daily basis just to go grocery shopping.

[Have at ye]

Despite supplementing energies, I slept for over 10 hrs and woke up extremely hungry and thirsty. This is hard work.

It's like I'm fighting tooth and nail not just with my own judgement - that I'm a fuckupatoo with an effed up life because there's something wrong with me, and thus I deserve it - but also with outside judgement trying to force me to comply with this belief. Now why would people want me to believe that? Because that'd leave them off the hook.