Subliminal Talk

Among other nice things (like, f.in., now knowing how to deal with my own bullshit in, I believe, the most efficient manner - basically, as the old Internet adage says, "don't feed the trolls", lol. Incidentally, the same applies to the bullshit of others. ), I'd like to mention some effects on the physical front.

My flab, which I really don't need, is noticeably reduced (and by noticeably, people have been commenting on it). This may very well be the effect of the "use bodyfat as fuel" addition (I am doing stuff for physical fitness, but nothing too crazy. I am also not dieting at all, though I've been considering and probably will start to eat a bit healthier and watch what I eat more closely). While I'm still not yet the sculpted image of Adonis himself, I am also way less self-conscious about it. F. in. I have stopped nervously tucking my stomach in using the upper abdominal muscles (which is a habit I gotta get rid of, as it's very counterproductive in my Bardic practice). While the effect is not exactly aesthetically pleasing in the mirror (lol), I know that it's temporary. The gut will go sooner rather than later, it's just not going to happen overnight. (And it's not that huge anyway, just something I've always been self-conscious about, having been the proverbial "big kid").

I dunno whether it's TID action from the updated FRM, or allowing the previous FRM to do its job instead of resisting the darn thing, or whatever else, but I can feel a pretty big thing getting dissolved (on the right foot-liver-upper right flank axis, which I believe to be related to what I call "the Big One") - by which I mean it's becoming less "solid", more like a "cloud", and should this continue, it should go *poof* soon enough.

Thanks to this, I'm feeling very, very good. B)

Also, bardic practice is going crazily well, and I also received a sexy little video message from one of my lovely responders earlier in the day, which put me in a good mood, lol.

On break until 3.3.1D hits the proverbial shelves.

Interestingly, upon dealing with that egotic thing (still somewhat in the process, but there's definite progress) it might outwardly appear as if I had regressed regarding the program's overall goals. Thing is, though, that I actually hadn't - it's just that, finally, the things that a part of my ego was protecting (for "reasons", apparently, long story. Fear, of course, but rationally making little sense causation-wise, but emotionally/developmentally - the cause, methinks) from being touched upon are now in the "accepted, work on this" stage once more, but now the "work on this" part does not spring from some sort of angry drive/insecurity whatever, but from an actual decision to work on this stuff. Kinda difficult to explain, really, but feels like a radical difference in mindsets.

The main difference seems to be that I do not have spurts of super-crazy motivation which would peter out sooner or later, but the drive is more of a calm-minded constant with a certainty that "yeah, I'm going to get there".

Still on break, awaiting 3.3.1D's release. Anyroad, I have a plan for the nearest future, sub-wise - I think I'll be doing 3-6 months of DMSI, then 3-6 months of the planned USLMaxx with updated FRM, and then alternate between these two. Further on, I may try the planned LTU, and by then 6G should be in full swing, so I'll be probably using new interesting releases should any catch my eye.

Im planning also on using USLMaxx in the near future as I have some TID stuff going on regarding success, purpose, vision and mission. Its getting more and more clear to me.

Interesting. Had some definitely FRM-related dreams yesternight, of the "hardcore, scary" variety, but I did not experience any physical symptoms of fear as they were happening nor did they wake me up, though I remember them occurring. This could be TID from the updated FRM.

Also, that lovely responder who has sent me a sexy little video message is escalating pictorially, lol. By which I mean, she's progressively sending me pictures of herself with less and less clothing on, heh. I also lost a bet to her (on purpose, lol) so that now I'm buying drinks.

Started on ver. 3.3.1D yesternight. Instatly felt the FRM doing its job, and it felt a wee bit different from the previous version (given physical sensations). Through the first two loops or thereabouts, I did get some rather sad/unpleasant recollections/emotions (regarding stuff that hadn't been touched upon yet in a way I'd be able to perceive consciously, so that's probably a sign of progress), but these passed and then I fell asleep. I also became hungry, like, *instantly*. I was a bit irritable during bardic practice today for some reason, but otherwise am feeling fine.

Let's keep at it and see what happens. Looping it up until the 30th, then it's 3 days of break.

EDIT

Oh, yeah, as to the settings: Ocean Surf/Silent Hybrid, headphones, -30dB volume per foobar's indication. Gonna do my best to do as many loops as possible using this particular setup, but in a pinch I'll be switching to Ultrasonic on my phone speaker or some sorta hybrid if I get earbuds capable of handling that (if not, I guess I'll use ocean surf).

Listening to my loops for the day, had one of them "blissing out of my ass" moments there for a bit. I can also tell, though, that in some ways I'm still getting a bit of an anxious/stressful reaction every now and again, because I feel like smoking, haha. The good thing is, though, that it's not that heavy a reaction that I actually *do* start smoking.

Going to try to run my loops starting at midnight each listening day. Some alterations, here or there, may be required due to life logistics, but it seems to be the optimal setup for now.

Feeling a bit wonky today, but pretty good nonetheless. Bardic practice later today, gonna see whether I'm as irritable as I was yesterday.

Bardic practice went really well and I was not irritable at all, but I'm still feeling a bit wonky. Getting some thoughts which are definitely related to DMSIng. Also, I feel kinda tired now, even though it's early. I may just go to sleep a bit earlier than I had planned. Continuing tonight.

Huh. Went to sleep a bit earlier, put on my loops, woke up with still two to go, and I was not feeling all that well, mentally. Got some dumb thoughts regarding various people from my professional surroundings, and in general felt kinda sad. Still, started feeling better once I've eaten a little breakfast. Going to bardic practice now (I've been practicing my bardic skillz like mad lately. There's definite results, though).

Had a very long, and very productive (and also interesting on the DMSI front, too) day today, but now I'm physically exhausted (I'm actually experiencing a bit of muscular fatigue around the ribs and the jaw due to prolonged, intense bardic practice, lol. Happens sometimes). Time for my daily dose of DMSI and some rest.

Everything seems to be pointing towards the fact that I'm responding rather well to the updated version. So tonight I've elected to increase the volume a little bit, to what foobar says is now -20dB volume adjustment. Time to turn the heat up a little bit, heh.

The increased volume did make me feel a little bit more agitated, but not enormously so - I was tempted to indulge in "stress relief" mechanisms for a while there, though (by which I mean - smoking, and if not smoking, then busting a proverbial nut, lol), but I managed to restrain myself from doing so. I'll keep the volume for the time being. Should I be executing the FRM, this agitation should pass with time.

A little bit tempted to try maxx volume, but going by my 3.3 experience with such, it's only viable for a day or two at a time (more than that results in a "but that's waaay too much pressure" reaction for me). Although who knows what outcome this would have in this version. I'll keep this option for when I feel like I'm stuck, though.