Subliminal Talk

Random leftist musing of the day:

(Just had an attack of insight)

I read a quote by Slavoj Zizek (because he amuses me ), stating: "As a Marxist, I will tell you that when someone says that Lacan is difficult, it means they are your class enemy".

And it is kinda... right. Lacan's works, though actually quite psychoanalytically hermetic (made so on purpose by him, IIRC) - are filled with concepts that can be understood and explained in ways that do not demand "higher learning" in the ways of old-school psychoanalysis. So telling someone that "Lacan is too difficult for you" is actually an attempt at discouraging the person from learning what can be gleaned from his works (and it's a lot of very useful stuff). Same would apply to all other forms of knowledge and skill.

And this would perfectly explain the professional issues I've been having regarding my bardic practice. It's not a matter of skill, or "talent", or contacts, or socializing, or whatever - I am simply being rejected by the "singing class" because I've not been born and raised in it, or initiated by it at a young age. Apparently they see me as an outsider threatening their status and livelihood, and their hierarchical status quo. And the more someone identifies with the "singing class", the more severely they react according to this. Huh.

In other news, I have a date with one of my lovely responders tonight, we'll see how it develops.

Haha, the date was tons of fun, even though we were late to an event because I messed up the logistics, lol. Anyroad, after the event, the lovely responder invited me to a party she was planning to attend, 'twas a long night.

By the way, while maybe FRM is not yet done doing its thing for me, personally, what I did experience yesterday was that tons of progress have been made in many regards as far as its goals regarding the general goal of DMSI are concerned.

There is one worrying thing I've been noticing recently, though (I don't know whether I've enough cases to stipulate a pattern yet, but...) - you know how some people start falling ill in order to resist a subliminal program? I'm seeing at least two responders of mine who keep falling ill whenever they decide they want to meet with me. Could be an subconscious ego-based or fear-based self-sabotage attempt on the responder's side.

Evidence that DMSI ver. 3.3.1 is now working on stuff where I hit the wall and started going in circles on ver. 3.2 seems to be accruing - f. in. since yesterday I've been finding myself experiencing something physically going on in my heart (I remember experiencing actual pain/heartache back on 3.2, now it's more of a murmur, but this is probably owing to the implementation of FRM in its newest version - when I'm experiencing it working on me physically now instead of a dull, dark ache, as would happen in its earlier iterations, I get wonky murmurs in areas that seem to be related physically to fears of some sort), as well as finding myself unable to stop listening to yet another song (this one has lyrics in Polish, so I won't be posting it as the lyrics won't be decipherable to most I also find it on some level hilarious that it is this particular song, haha. Ye gods, am I a sappy, sentimental little bastard. It is significant on several different levels apart from sentimentality though, I think) which is definitely related.

Also, I read Shannon's post in CatMan's journal (https://subliminal-talk.com/showthread.p...#pid218032) which has made me take notice of a little something I've been finding myself doing recently, and which I've arrived at through my Sorcerer practice:

Basically, I am finding myself, at times, debating various things with myself/others in my thoughts (it's an introvert thing, I guess), where I find myself taking the following stand whenever faced with objections/ideas/beliefs that are differing from mine, or - for the most part - *not to my benefit*:

"It is so because I say it so, so now I have made it so because I've said it so. The only way for me to stop believing it is so is for me to cease existing. Because by existing and saying so I make it so".

If anything objects, conquer and have it increase your power. (By power I mean energy, pretty much). The more energy you have, the faster and more easily this works. Become both the immovable object and the unstoppable force.

Physically, there is no such thing as "objective reality", there's only "objective consensus". Revoke the contract and re-write it as you will.

Apparently I'm such a sappy, sentimental little bastard that now I've gone from a sappy song to Satyricon's "Now, Diabolical" in my "obsessive listening" pattern (I won't link it here for obvious reasons, you can google it up if you're into the heavier stuff). I guess apart from sweet, sweet love it's now time to put some more chest hair into the proceedings.

Had a rather rough week since about last Thursday, but feeling a bit better now. Didn't get jack accomplished apart from a bit of bardic practice, mostly stayed at home, wallowed a bit, watched a show and played a game or two (haven't done that in a long time, come to think of it) and thought about stuff. When I did leave my place, I noticed an even slightly increased attention level from the fairer sex than before.

There was something going on in my stomach since Wednesday, too, I would feel kinda like throwing up every now and again. This may indicate that something is clearing through or going on at an energetic level, possibly fear-related as far as I know myself - or perhaps trying to get rid of something very negative from my system. I actually did barf a bit at this movement/use-of-body class I have started attending (whoopsie), but nobody appeared to mind all that much ('twas a bit awkward, I'll admit, but stuff like that happens sometimes when doing body work so people did not mind, really).

Apparently, there's a part of me - and a very infantile one at that, so extremely young and unable to use language or even symbolism for communication - that apparently, well, wants to die. All I got from it is bawling, crying, etc., and the most I was able to extract in ways that I can understand apart from emotions is "God, why me?" and "Make the pain end". I have a general idea how this came or may have come to be, although I have no memory as it must have been when I was very, very little and hence have none. On some level, it also appears to be related to women. Thanks, mom!

Don't be alarmed, though, gentle readers! Freud or whoever coined the term would have simply called it the "death drive" (I'd call it the "will-to-die", following existential philosophy, but I guess a drive can be construed as "unconscious will" when it comes down to it). Supposedly everyone has it together with a "life-drive", but apparently, my death-drive iz stronk, and it desires paineless self-destruction. Once I came to this conclusion, I had that "David" song from several posts back stuck in my head again, so I guess that's what it was about. No wonder I'd get depressed periodically without a reason - heck, I got so used to this state there's a chance I simply went on without paying much attention to it and assuming it was "normal".

Dunno really what to do it with this as of yet, but hey, DMSI's apparently now capable of digging this deep if it has to. Not exactly a pleasant experience, but, well, here's to a better tomorrow.

Continuing, getting back to life from tomorrow morning (I have that body movement class in the morning - it also features some lovely, lovely females who appear to be responding to my presence, heh - as well as shows upcoming at the beginning of April), gotta do some laundry and clean up my place, as I let it go quite badly.

I've changed my listening pattern a bit lately - I am now pushing through without any break days. Still using trickling stream/silent hybrid on the phone, relatively low volume (usually falls withing 8-10 clicks on the phone, out of 16).

Funnily enough, it's kinda relatively straightforward to use this "death drive" of mine to become pretty much fearless for all practical purposes. It's a pretty dangerous notion, but I did notice such a thing occurring from time to time, usually in the face of immediate physical/mortal danger to my person.

If life gives you hate, despair and suffering, make lemonade?

I'm writing the above with my tongue deep in my cheek, but hey, it is something. Could be employed temporarily if need be, to push through anything stubborn in my subC or otherwise. In the long run, this may not be that good of an idea. It's also pretty sociopathic.

I had a hunch to try and play me loops yesternight using the 'ol headphones setup, -20dB volume as per Foobar. Slept like a babe throughout, woke up feeling a little bit doozy in the morning, but physically rested. No sleep disturbance, no "oh my, the headphones fell off of my ears!", nothing untoward. Good.

I also believe that certain blockages, as pertains to my sexuality, are ready to go. And the best thing about it is that I now know *what to do* about them, should they start popping up. Doubleplusgood. (By the by, I have recently re-read Orwell's 1984. Haven't really read it since I was in my mid-teens; it is indeed a very worthwhile work and I missed a lot of the subtleties contained within back then, obviously.)

Time for another musical interlude!

Two songs I can't stop listening to lately, lol: Clutch - Ghoul Wrangler (I'll post it here, because the video is hilarious, haha), and Blind Guardian - Precious Jerusalem (I'll not post it here, as it has strong religious themes in the lyrics - I am getting very strong cathartic sensations when listening to this one. Interested parties may always google it).


Here's the Clutch song:




"My God, Mabel, we've got lawyers in the barn!"

I do believe I know why I can't seem to stop listening to both of these as well.

Having been continuing DMSIng. Some interesting things I noticed: got some "totally weird dreams", but these did not end in a fear reaction (which is probably a good sign), as well as started getting some "vanilla" dreams which are directly related to women (in a positive fashion).

Going to purchase USLMaxxV4 as soon as I get my monies for last month's touring.

I'm kinda tempted to switch to it, but - I'm approaching the 3-month "breaking point" on this version of DMSI, as well as a DMSI update is probably coming sooner rather than later, so... I'll think on it.

Definitely taking steps towards taking my bardic practice abroad. I've come to the conclusion that the "singing class" around here is a bunch of incompetent, insecure morons. Time to take my business somewhere where my skills are going to be appreciated.

I'm noticing an increase in chance encounters with very, very lovely females - some of whom I've never met before - which end up in a very nice vibe and a strong connection occurring rather swiftly. This would usually occur in "party" or "social gathering" context, now it appears to be happening "out of the blue" as well. F. in. now two days in a row, two different girls, this ain't chance, I'd say. Other stuffies and thingies I've come to associate with "external results" of DMSIng also seem to be on the upswing (I've had a bit of a downswing two weeks ago or so, after I stopped taking break days). Continuing.

In other news, my torso is kinda ouchy due to overtraining (or rather oversinging, actually). I'm feeling some muscles I've never felt before, lol. Gotta recuparate over the weekend, still one day of this month's tour to go.

Interesting. Had one of those "wake up with a start" dreams yesternight, actually pertaining to a female I know personally. It was a bit weird, but not of the "David Lynch Greatest Hits" variety, and would make sense when I think about it, actually - the situation in the dream that woke me up with a start was not something I would have considered "scary" or "fear-inducing" consciously, but it does make sense that I could find it frightening at some level. Haven't had one of these types of dreams in quite a while, so I guess the FRM's still got some work to do!

Also, had a very interesting dream while I was napping after today's touring about an hour ago. And the dream also made sense. The dreams are becoming gradually more organized and narrative in nature.