Subliminal Talk

Just realized another FreudJungLacanian thing on which I've never even thought heretofore... which would explain *a lot*. A lot. I'm all like, "**** me running" :O

Right foot - heart still acting up, especially foot. There are moments when I feel whole, though, and I feel a physically electrifying sheath around my body whenever this happens.

Random musing of the day:

Remember when I was on my "conquer all" kick? Just had this thought, that there really is but one proper way to conquer, and the textbook's been written a long time ago, by a guy called Julius Ceasar. It's very short.

It went something like this:

Veni. Vidi. Vici.

And that's all there is to it, really. And I do mean it in a universal sense.

BTW., out of more directly DMSI-related stuff, I've been noticing something new, especially in ladies from the "local showbiz" corner of my woods: many of them seem to be having a new expression when seeing me. I was kinda wondering what it was for some time, and now I know: it's an expression of longing, and it appears to be pretty strong in many cases.

Yesternight, as I was listening to me loops, the foot - liver - heart line was getting worked on, and I think I dug into another underlying layer of why it is the way it is (basically - shame felt on the basis of how my close relatives have been and are, and how I at some level do NOT want anyone to know how they really are and what my formative years looked like. The answer: none of that was my fault, I am not them, they are what they are, if someone judges me negatively due to how someone else is speaks of their foolishness).

Having another one of those "songs I can't stop listening" things right now in a major way. So here's the song:



(Pretty pleasant song, actually, but, yeah, don't mind the "singer" You can find the full lyrics in one of the comments if you're interested)

So, here's my take on what this seems to be implying:

*long sigh*

It's always been spring, hasn't it? That was the breaking point? 10 years ago or so? Ehhh. Yeah. It's when I started smoking. Yep. It's always been this, hasn't it? Everything that was messed up in my (and your) head beforehand, led to this, because we had no clue, hadn't we? But how could we have had a clue, given how just plain wrong the world is?

And it always comes back, in one form or another, every spring. Every single damn year.

*long sigh*

...


Time to end this.

So having that out of the way, been having a pretty good day, actually.

I think I'm back to being my current self, for the most part. Wasn't easy, but hey, hopefully I have dealt with this once and for all. Continuing.

In unrelated news: received 1000 potato out of the blue, and at a good time to boot, as finances would have otherwise been kinda shaky until next month, when I'm going to receive my potato for this month's shows and touring.

You call jam potato? And I thought my use of word "jam" were eccentric.

Anyways, I have meant to ask if you have experienced T-levels going up with DMSI, since if my memory serves me you are somewhat older gent. I think Im younger than you, but have definitely reached the age many moons ago already where typically T-levels starts to show the decline. I was on DMSI around the early 2019, and my T-levels went up to the point of me becoming rather aggressive and easily pi**ed off. Now, problem is...Im not sure if it was because of DMSI or the supplements I had to took due my thyroid being slightly under-active. As the thyroid starts to function better the increase of T-levels is also often the natural side-effect (at least in men) as those supplements contains ingredients that can also boost T-levels aside from correcting thyroid functions. Maybe it was the combination of two.

Sorry if T-levels are addressed on your journal and I have missed it, as I dont typically have time to read much of journals here.

I'm 30 or thereabouts, lol, wouldn't call myself "an older gent" by any stretch of the word, haha.

T-levels? I guess. Haven't measured them, so I can't tell for sure. Libido (in a "sex drive" sense) has been way up recently, fat is down, muscles are becoming firmer (although I have been on a physical fitness regimen). Not noticing increased aggression or anything, I usually become eerily calm when I'm actually pissed off (when I'm in an emotionally stable mood), lol. Increased energy levels as well. I don't tire physically easily recently, which might be a T-level thing. So everything would point to T-levels being pretty good, at the very least within healthy values for a male my age (though I will admit to being a high-T guy by design, started going bald at 14, ample chest-hair, extremely low voice and such).

Sorry about the age thing...that makes me older then, I assume. I agree with 30s about not being "an older gent". I must have mixed your age with the age of 4Kingdoms ,who I think is in his 50s, which would make him "an older gent" than you (and me) then, tho not THAT old either. I was using "an older gent" half jokingly, which would have been more proper in his case.

Thank you for the detailed answer man. Enjoy your DMSI run!

Since I've calmed down and returned emotionally to my current self, I have decided to contact designee "sweet little aristocrat", offered to meet, saying "from what I can see, I believe we should talk", told her to take her time and think it through and let me know. No need to be cruel to the girl.

In the interim, finally finishing up this goshdarnged end-of-season madness. Last rehearsal tomorrow. Gonna have time to practice some bardic apart from shows and touring, and finally have the time to work on these two translation I haven't even touched yet, as well as start working on those books I've been planning (yes, there's two now! I believe the genre would be "occult philosophy").

Otherwise, feeling well, heart still acting up a bit, but manageably so, getting IOIs and responses outta the wazoo.

For some unfathomable reason, I found myself researching yesterday the concept of "twin flame" and WTF that is. I'm not exactly sold on the idea, but it sure as hell would explain *a lot*. So who knows.

I think it is time for a break from DMSI, as it appears that Shannon finally has the time and means to be productive again. I'm going to try USLMaxxV4 in the interim, based on the new ASRB2, and await the new release.

So now we're in DMSI 3.3.1-D bloom/USLMaxxV4 Interlude mode.

I will be implementing additional shielding protocol for USLMaxxV4, though, as it doesn't have shielding IIRC.

As far as my bookish plans are concerned, well, there's no other way around it - I'm going have to do something I've always been a little bit too intellectually lazy to do - I'm going to have to read Hegel. *sigh* Oy. Good thing though that I actually found a pretty rare book available in the Interwebz about Hegel and rule 4 stuff, which I shall be aiming to procure swiftly (which could be costly, but it's all in the name of progress, helping humanity or whatever).

I'm also going to have to re-read Aristotle, and read up something fierce on the Greek bastard, lol, for the other book. Really should have had taken some courses on those guys back when I had the chance to do so, but I was too busy chasing skirt and drinking myself stupid back then. At least the little background I have in semiotics and anal philosophy (by which I mean "analytical", *wink wink*) makes reading Lacan waaay easier on the brain. Still triggers me to no end, though - I remember failing that exam... twice. Hahaha.

Found an Item that does a "outside negativity" directed at me transmutation into pure POWAH, ordered it, should be getting it by the end of the month.

If it works as advertised, it is going to be extremely useful to me.

USLMaxxV4 feels pretty great.