Dropped the volume a bit on the masked last night. Right now I'm in calibrating mode. Trying to find the most optimal settings for myself because this is all about doing it smarter not harder.
Had a pretty vivid dream. Weird sort of classroom environment. We were talking about the darker aspects of life. Violence, hate, jealousy, etc. And I was the only one in the class who spoke up and said that people are afraid of these things so we bury them deep down in our psyches and deny them while going about our happy little lives. It was just a weird dream, felt like something got stirred up in my subconscious more.
I don't know what's beneath there but I've concluded that there's still some stuff I haven't dug up yet. Stuff I've split off from myself in an attempt to be good enough. And it seems like it's harder to access any of that because it threatens this safe zone I've constructed for myself.
I rarely discuss self improvement outside of this forum. It seems most people just start to assume I'm overthinking things and I just need to get out of my head more. But I don't know, it's difficult. It's like trying to solve this problem and I don't even know what the hell it is in the first place. People tend to be so simplistic when it comes to life issues as if a nice house and job will fix everything, it's such a load of crap.
So the last two nights I've been having some scary dreams. Nothing original lol, just zombies and other freaky stuff. Most definitely a manifestation of the fear I'm clearing. It's not super significant but scary dreams two nights in a row is very out of the ordinary for me. The only issue is major sleep disruption. You know those dreams where it's so terrifying you wake up in the morning feeling like your body hasn't rested? Yeah those.
Will see what happens tonight. So far I think the lower volume has hit me at a much deeper level and as a result the fear is stronger. Almost don't want to go to sleep tonight, that's how unpleasant some of these dreams were. I can't describe it but it's like they were scary and real, more real feeling than other dreams.
Another really weird thing. I have this memory in my head of going to some college building and parking somewhere to go in and take a test. I legitimately thought I did this in my life, but I don't think I did. It's just a memory. I think I might be having some kind of reality spill over.
Back to two loops, so says my intuition. You know I keep worrying that it's resistance and part of me is like no push through it. But looking at it I'm doing the recommended amount of loops, listening at a slightly lower volume, and listening to masked only. It's not like I'm skipping nights or switching subs or something so I think I'm ok.
That being said I'm not sure if I'm gonna be on point with this post but here goes anyway. I swear life is like a game, and people who follow the rules and are content with the status quo get by fairly easily. But when you want to step out of this game a ton of crap gets thrown your way. There's a break even point. Right now I think with DMSI I'm stepping outside the game, but it's making things crazy difficult.
Maybe this is projection. Or maybe when you rock the boat a bit the universe doesn't like that.
There's a lot to be said for living harmoniously WITH life, rather than fighting against it.
(09-26-2017, 08:31 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]There's a lot to be said for living harmoniously WITH life, rather than fighting against it.
Yeah I need to learn to do that better. But how? It feels like everything I value in life is the complete inverse of how the world operates.
I'm getting the urge to up my listening and go back to hybrid on DMSI because I want to change my life. Just do a complete 180 to what I'm doing right now. At the same time I realize that type of rapid change isn't received well by my subconscious. This is killing me. The absolute need for things to be different, but not having the means to get there. I don't know what's best anymore. Keeping the pressure on my subconscious or easing up.
I was at work today listening to some music and a track came on and I got this homesick feeling in my stomach. Like I'm on the wrong path and straying too far from music. And lately I feel really dumb. I can't focus for shit and it feels like everyone else around me is more intelligent than me. It's like if I'm not interested in what I'm doing I can't focus at all.
Hate all this. But it's my responsibility to change. A lot of people complain about life, fewer actually do anything about it. I'm guilty of being one of those people. But damn if I can't figure out how to do this.
(09-26-2017, 05:37 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ] (09-26-2017, 08:31 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]There's a lot to be said for living harmoniously WITH life, rather than fighting against it.
Yeah I need to learn to do that better. But how? It feels like everything I value in life is the complete inverse of how the world operates.
Word. lol. Me too.
(09-26-2017, 05:37 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]I'm getting the urge to up my listening and go back to hybrid on DMSI because I want to change my life. Just do a complete 180 to what I'm doing right now. At the same time I realize that type of rapid change isn't received well by my subconscious. This is killing me. The absolute need for things to be different, but not having the means to get there. I don't know what's best anymore. Keeping the pressure on my subconscious or easing up.
All you can go by is what gives you results. In my experience, results come when I'm the least comfortable with my current situation. BUT, they also come when I'm the most lazy. It's like a crazy combo. I'm uncomfortable and hate the situation I'm in, but I still lazily go through things.
If, however, I get super motivated to make massive changes, externally, things start to work against me. It's very confusing.
(09-26-2017, 05:37 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]I was at work today listening to some music and a track came on and I got this homesick feeling in my stomach. Like I'm on the wrong path and straying too far from music. And lately I feel really dumb. I can't focus for shit and it feels like everyone else around me is more intelligent than me. It's like if I'm not interested in what I'm doing I can't focus at all.
Hate all this. But it's my responsibility to change. A lot of people complain about life, fewer actually do anything about it. I'm guilty of being one of those people. But damn if I can't figure out how to do this.
I hear you. It's tough. Worse is when you actually decide to change, take a bunch of steps that are hailed by the experts as "the right things to do" yet get WORSE results than if you had been doing what you normally do.
It can get confusing, but you gotta keep at it because it's the only way.
Giving up won't get you where you want, so you have to find a way to make it all work out.
Quote:All you can go by is what gives you results. In my experience, results come when I'm the least comfortable with my current situation. BUT, they also come when I'm the most lazy. It's like a crazy combo. I'm uncomfortable and hate the situation I'm in, but I still lazily go through things.
If, however, I get super motivated to make massive changes, externally, things start to work against me. It's very confusing.
Same here. I think for me it's fear. I don't know, I get stuff done but it's not in any way efficient or fast. It's like crawling towards success instead of running. I have the option to get there faster, it just seems like I'm afraid of doing it.
Quote:I hear you. It's tough. Worse is when you actually decide to change, take a bunch of steps that are hailed by the experts as "the right things to do" yet get WORSE results than if you had been doing what you normally do.
It can get confusing, but you gotta keep at it because it's the only way.
Giving up won't get you where you want, so you have to find a way to make it all work out.
Yeah, I may have gotten a breakthrough today. Not really sure. Gonna go into that now.
Seems I've been way too focused on healing and clearing instead of just focusing on goals. My new plan of action is to set goals, targets, intentions, whatever you want to call them and let DMSI work in the background. No more of this trying to get DMSI to work better by digging in and pulling up old wounds or imaginary problems that may just be manifestations of resistance. I'm so capable, we all are, all we have to do is get out of our own damn way and use our minds properly to get what we want. So I'm just taking on a screw it sort of attitude. I'm gonna be confident, get what I want, figure out my life, and have plenty of sex with women and I don't need any excuses or reasons why other than I want it. If I have to fake it until it's genuine so be it. Basically I need to break the old mold, the old identity that I still perceive as more valid or true than this new one. And the best way to do that is to just start living my life like it's already true and stop waiting for proof of it before I discard the old.
(09-27-2017, 03:12 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Seems I've been way too focused on healing and clearing instead of just focusing on goals. My new plan of action is to set goals, targets, intentions, whatever you want to call them and let DMSI work in the background. No more of this trying to get DMSI to work better by digging in and pulling up old wounds or imaginary problems that may just be manifestations of resistance. I'm so capable, we all are, all we have to do is get out of our own damn way and use our minds properly to get what we want. So I'm just taking on a screw it sort of attitude. I'm gonna be confident, get what I want, figure out my life, and have plenty of sex with women and I don't need any excuses or reasons why other than I want it. If I have to fake it until it's genuine so be it. Basically I need to break the old mold, the old identity that I still perceive as more valid or true than this new one. And the best way to do that is to just start living my life like it's already true and stop waiting for proof of it before I discard the old.
This is very inspiring. I think you're right on the money.
I remember once I was walking in a mall and saw 2 girls hanging out. I had all kinds of excuses come into my head as to why I couldn't/shouldn't approach them.
For whatever reason, I asked myself "What would you do if you were already where you wanted to be?"
And I approached them and got them to help me pick out some shirts lol.
It turned out they bailed on me after I asked them to wait for me and I went into the change room to try the clothes on lol. And then I went around the store asking people how the shirts looked, but that thought definitely got me to take action, and the experience got me to realize what to do better the next time.
Hope the same ends up being true for you.
Exactly. We have to get rid of all those seemingly truthful thoughts that hold us back. That's a perfect example of how action follows mindset. All the action in the world doesn't mean anything unless our mindset is also calibrated towards success. Now I don't know about other guys when it comes to DMSI but I've realized I have to consciously intervene a lot. I'm not sure if that's part of the programming or it's how I overcome resistance. Either way I've realized that sometimes you gotta force it and see what happens instead of clinging onto old beliefs.
My experience with subs seems to be that they augment whatever dominant thoughts exist in my head most of the time. So if I'm feeling like crap those are amplified. If I'm feeling good those are amplified too. It's about pointing it in the right direction and letting the subliminals provide the fuel so to speak. But if I don't consciously steer myself I'll be way off target
(09-28-2017, 02:41 AM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Exactly. We have to get rid of all those seemingly truthful thoughts that hold us back. That's a perfect example of how action follows mindset. All the action in the world doesn't mean anything unless our mindset is also calibrated towards success.
Agreed. additionally, with the mindset must come the learning from the experiences to get better for next time.
(09-28-2017, 02:41 AM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Now I don't know about other guys when it comes to DMSI but I've realized I have to consciously intervene a lot.
omg YES! lol. SO much. So much so that it gets exhausting and I can't keep it up, especially if the payoff is blue balls *cough* my hairdresser *cough*
(09-28-2017, 02:41 AM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]I'm not sure if that's part of the programming or it's how I overcome resistance. Either way I've realized that sometimes you gotta force it and see what happens instead of clinging onto old beliefs.
My experience with subs seems to be that they augment whatever dominant thoughts exist in my head most of the time. So if I'm feeling like crap those are amplified. If I'm feeling good those are amplified too. It's about pointing it in the right direction and letting the subliminals provide the fuel so to speak. But if I don't consciously steer myself I'll be way off target
I can relate to this. Steering is a good word.
So I switched to hybrid for a few days to see what would happen and I'm kind of amazed at how much difference there is. A lot more resistance on hybrid and anxiety which isn't a good thing. So yeah I'm on the masked for good. 2 loops from now on and that's it too. I had my time to experiment and it didn't really yield much except more resistance from myself.
Lately I've been thinking to myself, what if what I'm trying to achieve with these subliminals isn't allowed in my life? Maybe I'm not allowed to take the shortcuts, I just have to learn the hard way. I've been healing, belief changing, whatever you want to call it for most of my life now and I find that 90% of the time it doesn't touch on the fact that life seems to be incredibly difficult for me. And I'm not saying I have a hard life, just that I have a hard time doing this whole thing. It's like for most of my life I've been the type of person to do everything wrong in order to find the solution whereas some people just fall into things working right. I don't get it. Maybe it's all resistance, who knows at this point.
I guess my mind doesn't want to move forward. Listening to the sub last night I really focused on being mindful of what was being brought up. The feelings and sensations and all that. It occurred to me that I was hitting a wall. Felt like slowly getting better then hitting a ceiling, then sort of shutting down. Basically I've been trying to bypass all this resistance by exerting a ridiculous amount of energy consciously and I've come to realize it hasn't done anything. So I have to come to a sort of agreement or compromise when it comes to enacting these changes. Taking whatever emotional healing it is in smaller chunks instead of trying to be all macho about it and think I can handle it when I can't.
Gonna take a break. Don't know how long, but this endless pushing hasn't really gotten me as far as I liked. My brain needs some rest.
So I guess I'll update if I notice any bloom effects going on. Probably just gonna chill till dmsi 3.2. In general I haven't taken an extended break from subs in years so I think this might be good for me in general. Might pick up the detox sub and give that one a go after the break. Maybe, maybe not.
As a tester of DMSI I don't think I was really the target audience for this sub anyway so me dropping off probably won't make a significant difference. As much as I'd like to keep going to collect info on this sub, I just can't do it anymore.
I took a week long break, and it felt good. I just started listening last night. Try a week first or two for your break. IMO. Up to you though.