(08-28-2017, 11:36 PM)dissonance Wrote: [ -> ] (08-28-2017, 08:58 AM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]Yeah. Nah haven't seen her again yet. Our schedules don't really work out so it's hard. We'll see what happens. I'm not making any grand romantic gestures and trying to cram in seeing her on a tight schedule. Plus she's not very close to where I live. It's close to a 40 minute drive. I'm past those days. She's still really into me and I feel like I'm unintentionally playing hard to get with her. Always texting me and stuff, but it doesn't hold my interest all that much. Idk, still not sure where it's going. Just trying to do my own thing and see where it goes.
You should join online dating. Bumble has more women on it, but they have to message first. Tinder is alright, but I feel like since women have to sift though a bunch of douchebags and creeps, by the time they get to you they might just look you over. But just put yourself out there, even if nothing comes of it. It's still pushing your comfort zone a bit and that's good.
So is the girl that texted you the j-cole song, just a match you been chatting with on tinder or another dating site? or what?
Yeah I matched with her on Bumble. Talked with her a bit on the app, then she gave me her number. So now I just text with her.
Jumping over to B today. Gonna see how this goes. I'm hoping B pushes me more and gives me opportunities for growth. I do find healing important, but it appeals too much to my perfectionist side. I think of everyone else out there enjoying life and not being so demanding of themselves and I kind of want some of that. I guess I just need to show myself that plenty of things are possible even if I don't consider myself healed yet. While I love the results A has given me, I can't help but feel it's put me in this coiled back sort of mentality where I hold back until everything is 100% fixed. Life just doesn't work like that and if I keep doing that to myself I'm going to miss out on a lot
Nah staying on A lol. I know that was a very fast flip flop, but if I'm not executing on A, then I highly doubt I'll do better on B. I just don't think it's time for B yet. Having said that my last post is still applicable, I just have to listen to A and remind myself not to just wait around. Be active, challenge myself, smash these limitations. As appealing as B does seem, I just know at an intuitive level it's not going to give me what I need. I'm closing in more and more on what needs to be healed and I can't back out now. The goal has always been healing, so I'm trying not to become distracted by becoming overly obsessed with attracting a ton of hot women.
I almost decided to switch to B today.
It was just a clever form of resistance I believe.
(08-29-2017, 06:06 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]I almost decided to switch to B today.
It was just a clever form of resistance I believe.
Lol, it always is. It's funny how the mind can make it seem like it's a really good idea. Luckily I caught it early.
Anyway I'm back on 2 loops. Gonna stick with that for a while. Really assess how it affects me instead of jumping to more loops to get better results. I guess I'm just still caught up in old tech mentality where it was all about brute force and hammering away at the subconscious. Things are different now. Shannon says the optimal amount of loops is 2 and that's just what I'm going to go with for now. I don't have an accurate way of determining what's best for me short of just experimenting and it's too much unpredictability for me. If I was healthier emotionally I'd play around with it, but there's some stuff that needs to be cleared and I need to do it in the most efficient and smart way possible.
(08-30-2017, 09:22 AM)XyzN Wrote: [ -> ]I don't think it'll hurt to at least give B a week or two to try, yeah it could be worse but it could be also be better 
If things turn out bad, you just hop back onto A.
I agree.
Just keeping it going with A. Got a dull headache today mixed with a feeling of hopelessness. Feels like something is releasing. I think processing time is more important than exposure time for me at this point. So two loops is probably the sweet spot for me, we'll see.
Got home, worked on some music. Almost done with this track and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out which is rare for me. I think the next track I'm gonna work on is a simple hip hop beat. I need something simple so I don't get bogged down in the technical stuff and so I can just enjoy myself.
Only a few days left of this retail shit, but it's dragging so bad. And one of my managers has been incredibly hostile lately towards everyone but me. Makes me really uncomfortable because if she didn't like me I'm sure I'd get the same treatment. I don't like when people are really nasty to other people and really kind to others. Either way I'm pretty lucky. I'm sure DMSI had some play in this, can't complain as long as it keeps me away from that Toxic bullshit.
Used a pendulum to figure out if I should stick with 2 loops or move to something else. I got a yes after asking if 4 loops was the most optimal and safe amount of loops. So back to 4 loops.
Went to a small get together last night. Usually I sort of don't fit in with these things, but everyone was pretty happy to see me. I was able to have fun and engage in conversation. In the past a lot of times I'd end up watching other people have fun and I couldn't figure out how to get into the conversation. Turns out I was just overthinking everything. If you're too stuck up in your head it's impossible to enjoy the moment.
There was this one girl there who I was pretty attracted to. As the night went on she warmed up to me a bit more and started talking to me more. But she was also drinking, so that's a factor. Everyone gets friendlier when they're drunk. Anyway, I liked this girl but she had her boyfriend with her. Went to sleep that night and had a dream about her giving me her contact information lol. Wishful thinking.
(09-03-2017, 08:06 AM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]There was this one girl there who I was pretty attracted to. As the night went on she warmed up to me a bit more and started talking to me more. But she was also drinking, so that's a factor. Everyone gets friendlier when they're drunk. Anyway, I liked this girl but she had her boyfriend with her. Went to sleep that night and had a dream about her giving me her contact information lol. Wishful thinking.
Nope, that's SATT in order. You'll notice "down the road" that the dreams will escalate closer and closer to the goal. The dreams may not be with this specific chick, but that's not important
So I started my new job. Interestingly enough it brought up a lot of stuff to clear. Basically none of this feels real to me. I feel like I just lucked my way into this position and they're going to find out I'm not as experienced and fire me. I'm working on turning those thoughts around. Even if it was luck, I'm grateful to have an opportunity like this.
Also at this job there's a ton of people who's names I have to learn/interact with. My biggest issue throughout my life is a lot of the time people think I'm a jerk/aloof. When really I just deal with anxiety and have trouble with new people.
I'm not saying DMSI hasn't helped me out so far, but this is a real slap in the face. Coming so far and then just feeling like I'm back at square one when I'm confronted with these new situations. I'd say a good indication of change is how you react to familiar situations no?
Just kind of tired of dealing with all this shit. Man, I don't even care about getting women or being sexually attractive. Just give me a life where I can do a job with no anxiety, get paid, then do what I really want on the side. I don't understand why this whole thing has to be so damn difficult for me and everyone else pulls it off effortlessly.
It's just as damn difficult for me too.
In a seriously depressed mood right now. DMSI is kicking up some stuff that's really painful. And when I mean painful, I don't mean like a bad breakup or something. It's tackling this feeling that's chased me for most of my life. It's this emptiness I feel inside of me. I've had it for most of my life and I've just been doing my best to keep moving forward. But nothings really working. No matter what happens externally, it doesn't have an impact on my internal state.
I guess you could say I'm being backed into a corner here as I slowly realize what needs to be addressed and healed urgently. Even after getting this new job I feel the same as I always did. Something's wrong, I don't know what but I just don't feel good.
(09-09-2017, 12:29 PM)mat422 Wrote: [ -> ]I guess you could say I'm being backed into a corner here as I slowly realize what needs to be addressed and healed urgently. Even after getting this new job I feel the same as I always did. Something's wrong, I don't know what but I just don't feel good.
Definitively feel you here. DMSI has changed me forever. It helped me break free from society's frame. Now when I went back to school... Well, things will never be the same.
DMSI will never allow you to settle for mediocrity, with that comes all the good things and all the bad things on the path to extraordinarity.