Subliminal Talk

(10-16-2016, 05:40 PM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]Never felt so helpless and useless in my life. Can't even bring myself to work on things because I'm getting this feeling that it's all for naught.

I've been having this too. Seems like no matter what I do I'm doomed from the get go.

I've had days in sales where no matter what I do wrong everything goes right. This is the opposite of that. Makes me think I'm going in the wrong direction. I mean, it's only logical, right?

(10-16-2016, 12:44 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]

(10-16-2016, 12:40 PM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]I'm open to all explanations at this point. BUT -- for now, I'm giving Shannon the benefit of the doubt that he knows what he's doing, but... this... just doesn't feel good. My past three weeks have been more painful than all of AM6. It's taking everything in me NOT to switch to something else, which I'm assuming is resistance.

Not good. Although, "bad" feelings aren't always bad. I've had days in sales where I killed it despite feeling like shit.

Btw, I'm curious, which version of DMSI was it where you banged that hot blonde?

@Sarge
Are you actually using DMSI? Just curious.

Typin on my phone:

Strange reading all this. Not much is going on, but I had some IOIs today... I feel better than I did on 2.4, other than some irritability/short fuse. Definitely not bored. I finished eating a half hour ago, and I'm radiating heat like crazy. No AC and in my room tonight, don't know how I'll sleep. Respect hits from men as well.

Anyway, just wanted to chime in since my experience is different so far. Wonder what's going to happen over the next few weeks.

Well, I also realized that I haven't had a full 8 hours of sleep in awhile. Also, I'm going in for a cut and a shave tomorrow. Then, I'm actually going to get a little dressed up and see if I get any IOI's. In other news, feels like SOMETHING'S happening. Something's starting to pass. Feeling the aura project and I'm getting a bit calm...

We'll see in the morning.

Something's shifting. The resistance is starting to pass. I still feel a little sad, but I'm also getting this urge to go out and fuck things up. Do some hoodrat shit. Dominate motherfuckers at boxing. I almost ditched all my online dating profiles so I could focus on getting my own shit together.

Hopefully, this is the start of what everyone else is getting.

I'm making it my goal tonight to royally fuck up anyone that spars with me in boxing class. Like, I want to seriously put them down. A lot of the younger guys think they can take me. They don't realize how much I'm holding back. They'll find out tonight.

(10-17-2016, 12:49 PM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]I'm making it my goal tonight to royally **** up anyone that spars with me in boxing class. Like, I want to seriously put them down. A lot of the younger guys think they can take me. They don't realize how much I'm holding back. They'll find out tonight.

Sounds good man. Don't get yourself killed tho.

Please. At 31, I'm actually at the height of my prime. I'm smarter and stronger than I ever was in my 20's.

(10-17-2016, 12:49 PM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]I'm making it my goal tonight to royally **** up anyone that spars with me in boxing class. Like, I want to seriously put them down. A lot of the younger guys think they can take me. They don't realize how much I'm holding back. They'll find out tonight.

What's your preferred dominant-handed punch: straight, upper, or side hook? If it's a straight, I suggest you do yourself a favor and pull it so that the coach doesn't ban you from the gym or something since you seem to enjoy this place. If it's not a straight punch, just one direct hit to the jaw to one guy really should be all you need to assert your dominance there.

Please don't get yourself kicked out, dude, keep the control you know you have.

(10-17-2016, 12:59 PM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]Please. At 31, I'm actually at the height of my prime. I'm smarter and stronger than I ever was in my 20's.

I meant that if you go too crazy, people might gang up on you.

(10-17-2016, 01:03 PM)apollolux Wrote: [ -> ]

(10-17-2016, 12:49 PM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]I'm making it my goal tonight to royally **** up anyone that spars with me in boxing class. Like, I want to seriously put them down. A lot of the younger guys think they can take me. They don't realize how much I'm holding back. They'll find out tonight.

What's your preferred dominant-handed punch: straight, upper, or side hook? If it's a straight, I suggest you do yourself a favor and pull it so that the coach doesn't ban you from the gym or something since you seem to enjoy this place. If it's not a straight punch, just one direct hit to the jaw to one guy really should be all you need to assert your dominance there.

Please don't get yourself kicked out, dude, keep the control you know you have.

Most of the young guys are fast, so they like to swarm the "older" guys -- duck low, rush in with their head down and throw a lot of body shots. We're supposed to be light sparring -- 10% to the head, 30% to the body -- but these guys are showing off because they know (or they really think they're that good) that the older, heavier guys won't slam them hard. I've been holding back until the other day, I saw one of the dudes wink at his buddy when it was our turn to fight. It's been irritating me, but I was able to let them go.

Naturally, if you're swarming someone in that manner, you're completely open to a left hook. It just so happens that I have a left hook / overhand right combo that'll break your body if I land it. Which is why I never threw it. That is, until today. I'm going to start off with a few power jabs and walk through their punches to let 'em know I'm not playing. If they up the ante, I'll up the ante. And if I catch them being disrespectful or mouthing off, then they'll eat that left hook / overhand right.

I'm considering not going because I'm so angry. I also have a MASSIVE headache... with a lingering sense of euphoria. That means, whatever it is I'm resisting is starting to pass. The fact that I'm feeling anger instead of depression also insinuates that something's passing. Hopefully, it'll be a small class again, like Friday. That way, we'll focus on pad work.

You guys wanted to get to know the real chaosvrgn, make this journal live up to the name? Well, this is the first lesson.

I'm vengeful as fuck. You cross me, and I'm going to get revenge. May take a few years before I'm finally angry enough to do it, but the time is nigh for these young fucks asking for it.

(10-17-2016, 01:05 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]

(10-17-2016, 12:59 PM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]Please. At 31, I'm actually at the height of my prime. I'm smarter and stronger than I ever was in my 20's.

I meant that if you go too crazy, people might gang up on you.

They'd be making a mistake. At that point, I'll drop the boxing and slip into survival mode -- relying on the 15 years of traditional martial arts training.

You know, I never thought I'd be saying this... but I'm a bit with some of Sarge's principles right now. I've been thinking about this all day. In my travels around the U.S., I've met and worked with tons of millionaires and a few billionaires. Tons of men that get laid all the time and have massive amounts of power. And that's where I want to be.

And you know what? None of them are zen.
ALL of them have a threatening edge.

And women and society eat it up. They do what they want. The world is their playground. I've tried to be zen and docile throughout all my 20's and it really didn't do shit for me. Now, I'm heading into my 30's, where I SHOULD be at my prime, and I look at all I lost trying to be "zen" and "docile."

I think self-mastery and zen are two separate entities. Because you can be a powerful asshole and still have self-mastery. In fact, it takes lots of self-mastery and self-actualization to remain at the top, because EVERYONE'S COMING FOR YOU.

Fuck being Zen for now. I want pussy and I want power and I say fuck anyone who stands in the way of that goal.

My entire life, I've always had this low-level fear cycling beneath whatever I'm feeling. I'm tired of it. It's held me back for so long. I want to be a god among men. I've always wanted this, just convinced myself for so long that I didn't.

Something's passing. It's time for me to stop lying about who and what I am. A sovereign.