Only a few words sum up what has happened: I am the sub.
Since last night (Due to something on my part) apparently whatever part of my subconscious that is able to redefine terms has been converted over. There is a part of me that is resisting but it is very small and no longer has the ability to redefine terms. So, I'm executing thankfully. I wake up this morning and find that I have a few messages on a dating website. I think proceed to go watch wonder woman. I get out of my car and walk up and down some stairs. When I first walk up I see this Asian girl. She is about to walk past in front of me but then stops, then heads a few feet back to where she came (like she forgot something) then heads down the stairs again. This ends up with her walking behind me. Definitely was something that happened there because it made no sense any other way.
Now for the most blatant one. I get in line for tickets and I have short eye contact with this one woman at the back of the line and her eyes dilate for a moment. I kid you not, as soon as I get behind her she asks what I'm going to go see. While we move up the line we keep chatting with her even touching my arm during the conversation. Originally I was going to watch the Dbox showing at 1:30 pm but decided to watch the 12:45 one, same one she was going to see. Didn't feel like waiting for 1:30 either honestly. Movie is over and I go out side auditorium to look on my phone. She comes out and automatically starts talking to me. Unfortunately for some reason I freeze and lose my train of thought (guess one thing that still needs to be cleared so far). Either way, she was a older woman and wasn't that great looking so I guess not much of a lost.
I go home and still don't feel like staying in my room whatsoever. I finally go to the gym which is what I've been trying to motivate myself to due since I bought the membership 2 weeks ago. I get there and my word, constant IOIs or women surrounding me and sneaking glances or straight on staring. I noticed there would be women on a workout machine near me and would work out here and there but a lot of the time sneaking glances of me in the mirror or glancing my way. One noticeable one was then thin chick who was on the hip machine except for she wasn't sitting while extending her legs. She was holding herself up while she did it. It literally made it look like she was riding a guy during sex while she was doing it. Then a freckly red head with a nice butt was in my area constantly. Kept on catching her glancing at me. She went up stairs after a bit and I went up stairs as well. I was at a aerobic machine and then like a min later she comes to the same general area to run a thread mil not to far away. Was enjoying the view though.
Now here's where things are kind of interesting. I'm there and all of a sudden its like I imagine that I'm going down the stairs and she goes down the stairs at the same time then I open her in the middle of the stairs. Like 4 mins later the same exact thing happens except I don't open her. That was way too uncanny to be coincidence, it must have been reality bending. Though this does make me realize something. I'm executing the sub but when it comes to that point of closing for a number or opening a girl it seems like the part resisting seems to have just enough power to cause me to freeze or lose my train of thought. Hopefully a few more weeks of this will solve that. We shall see though.
Currently sitting here at home but I think in like 2 hours or so I'm going to go to Hooters. I just have no interest in staying in my room at all. Its like I want to avoid it like the plague. As far as internal stuff I feel great. High self esteem and confidence at the moment. Constant feeling of euphoria. Anyway, will update when I feel like it. Until then....
well, things have been interesting.
Had another personality split, this time on 3.1. Apparently the sub couldn't really work through things so what it decided to do was take all the junk and throw it in that void I talked about. Its, once again, like if I try to think about something bad in my past I can't really think about it, seems fuzzy, or something stops me from thinking about it. Merger happened again with no problem. I've become a lot more extroverted and quick witted than I was before. Apparently too I shit test women now which I find funny. Though apparently this A-hole side of myself only happens with the truly attractive women that I'm interested in and think they are hot stuff. I joke around a lot more too, sometimes at a lot of other peoples expense since I just don't give a shit anymore.
The main chick I'm interested in seems to be getting more and more attracted. She keeps on trying to shit test me but they just bounce off me and I find them hilarious. I usually have some quick witted comeback as well. Will see how this goes but I'm noticed that she seems to respect me a lot more than any other guy at work because I don't let her get away with bullshit. For example, today after emptying the whip cream canister, thinking it was empty, she aimed it at me trying to scare me (failed btw) but what did happen was there was some left in their and I got whip cream on my face. So, how did this all turn out. Well, after she refilled it (then put it in the refrigerator) I took it out of the fridge and told her I needed to "talk to her about something". She knew what I was trying to do and started running from me. There was some back and forth throughout the day but ultimately I ended up spraying her 3 times. She eventually agreed to a truce after she realized not to mess with me.
hmm other than that I did notice 3 other incidences. All at the gym. Already mentioned in my previous post what two other women did. After that there was another two memorable ones. One where I kept on seeing the woman steal glances at me in the mirror, turn her head to the side and slyly look at me from her peripheral, or sometimes she would just give me this quick but intense stare. Unfortunately, wasn't any good time where I could open her. We where constantly in sections where there were a lot of people nearby. Another one was when I went really early in the morning. This black chick was doing leg squats in front of me while I was on a chest press machine. First it was the glances in the mirror, then her body movements became all weird, and then she finally decided to become bold and she stared in my direction for a good 15 seconds trying to get my attention that way. Didn't do anything because even though she looked "ok" she was definitely not my type of girl.
On a final note, I guess all this isn't 3.1 anyway. Been testing out 3.2 the last couple of days. Seems a lot more powerful than 3.1 if some of the results are anything (Black girl I mentioned above as an example). However, obviously not going to be final. So I guess it will be 3.3 or 3.4 I think. Though I can see a lot of people getting even more insane results on 3.2 (though not sure if that would qualify for final). Meh, I guess we shall see. Over and out........
(06-17-2017, 03:17 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]3.2 isn't out yet...
oh, I have found methods. That's all I'm going to say.
(06-17-2017, 03:41 AM)DarthXedonias Wrote: [ -> ] (06-17-2017, 03:17 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]3.2 isn't out yet...
oh, I have found methods. That's all I'm going to say.
Lol, k.
ok, time for a update and will try to make it brief. Lets just say last night i came face to face with a big subconscious fear of mine: Not having control. Well, after such event I feel like I've healed a lot actually. I know I'm still getting major healing done based on the fact that I've now approached women 3 different times which is something I would have never done before. Its like when they happened there was still some pauses but I would kind of figure out what to say to keep things going. First time is this one chick at Safeway. I know she was giving IOIs because she kept on looking at me discretely then literally, i kid you not, while she was wiping down the glass she did it in such a away that her butt was rubbing against the glass in my direction (didn't look comfortable at all really). Decided to talk to her and get her number. Seemed really receptive but then she mentioned she was married. I left pretty soon and she literally said in a kind of warm way "have a nice day". So, at least she wasn't bitchy about it and took it as a compliment. Only thing I wonder is why she would give that obvious IOI and then proceed to put up the "I'm married" thing? I mean I don't go for married chicks but man.
The second time was earlier today where I opened a woman at the gym. Once against kept on glancing at me and then even moved to a machine a little bit ahead of me so she was in my view. Then she proceeded to changed the weights by bending over with her butt aimed towards me. While on the machine I saw her side glance towards me then I opened her. Got her number but then called and text... no response. So basically got cold feet or something. Other interesting thing that proves I'm getting some healing is the fact that I opened her while two people were working out in the immediate area. Would have never done that before.
Ok, so the last one needs a little background explaining. I noticed she started getting affected one day because I went to order from her restaurant at the mall where I work at. She did the IOI where she saw me, looked down and smiled broadly. With that interaction she kept on trying to keep me talking and when I was away kept on glancing at me. I noticed over the last 3 weeks or so she kept on making conversation and I talked back. Eventually today though after all these IOIs I asked for her number (btw She's Ukrainian). She gives it to me and we setup to hangout and watch a movie on Sunday. I text her later today to make sure I got her number down right. I swear, after all the IOIs she gave its like she did a complete 180. I'm hoping by making this short that hopefully I'm not breaking rule #4 though this is pertinent information to the whole ordeal (Do tell me Ben if its too close then I will edit it immediate). This party will probably get some people who read this angry. I get a text back saying out she can't be with me because "Black people were created by the Devil" so racial mixing is a big no no. Yes, you read that right. After all those IOIs, even to the point of crying one time in front of me about how she didn't have a boyfriend or husband (hint hint) she pulled a complete white supremacy (Not this SJW nonsense "white supremacy" crap these days but actually the real thing).
Ugh, so I'm getting really close healing wise. I'm able notice IOIs, open, and then get numbers. But after that its like there's still that "very little" part of my subconscious that does something that sabotages it or does a complete resistence reversal (Ukrainian chick above). I'm at least happy I've made it this far. Honestly, it feels like all the internals are there (constantly feel confidence, self esteem, etc) but things are still iffy on the external front. I'm obviously noticing IOIs but it feels like I'm getting close to mastering a lot of the internals (I disconnected emotionally from the flakes/rejections) except for there's that one piece of fear that is sabotaging things. I don't know what it is. I'm contemplating switching to B since I've barely ran it and see if I get some break-thru. Until next post see you guys around...
(06-30-2017, 11:09 PM)Alpha360 Wrote: [ -> ]Probably some fear on her part. Also some girl watch too much movie and thinks the guy will chase her to the end of the world no matter how many times she may insult him and they think it's love 
Could be though she also made it seem like I was "tempting" her to do something evil (ugh). I think I am seeing a pattern again here and I think I have an idea of what is happening with this part of me that is resisting. I think what happens is I will get close to a break thru about how I see women (instead of in a negative or resentful light) but there's some part of me that is "convinced" (or wants to be right no matter the cost) that they are untrust worthy, unreliable or liars. Will meet a girl, she gives all these IOIs or point blank all but says shes interested, I will then proceed to move things forward and then all of a sudden her attitude does a complete 180. I believe my mind is then redefining terms, or lying to other parts of myself in order to get reversal resistance to happen. It will then use that reversal resistance incidence to "regenerate" the old thought patterns. I say this because I might have spoke too soon about how these strike outs affected me. At first it didn't but I started to notice hours afterwards that my head is starting to turn to my old ideas ( Women are a waste of time, they are just attention whores who like the attention I give them but when it comes time to do anything they flake/ turn nasty, etc).
I don't know why this part of me wants to be proven so right (if t'hats the case)or that its so afraid of reaching the design goals. Apparently its so afraid of something that it rather face racial discrimination than reach the design goals. Honestly can't wait til the "full" version of 3.2 comes out so my mind can't use these tricks anymore. These time displacement instances I've had over the last couple of weeks are interesting but really can't wait for the full thing to come out. I feel like this trick is the last ditch effort my subconscious has to play.
It's probably best not to expand on it too much, as both of those are pretty 'hot' issues that can cause arguments.
Well I'm back and actually really enjoying life at the moment.
I can say that without a doubt that this time in my life is tied with probably that time after the E2 experiment as the best days in my life so far. I guess this need to be expounded upon and it this is going to be a long, long post so do bear with seeing as there's a lot to go over. Also I was kind of motivated to even start posting again because I PM'ed like 2 people about what was going on and one of them suggested I should start journaling again. So here I am sharing my findings yet again. Anyway, I should start with how I got to my current state. Basically I noticed a major problem with when I tried running either MLS or UD. I noticed that I would be able to run them for like 3 days (if that) but soon afterwards my subconscious would use a certain trick to get me to stop. It felt like there was this "terror" button in my head and my subconscious could at will push it when motivated enough and then I would go into this full terror mode. When I say this I am not over-exaggerating. I literally would have this sense of terror and be paralyzed with fear. Needless to say I would not be able to continue the sub, though I would try again days later only to get the same result.
I realized due to this that with more and more powerful tech being used my mind just kept on getting more and more desperate and extreme in how it would resist. Therefore after much thought I finally decided I might have to deal with "fear" itself directly. I had thought about running OF 5G a couple of times over the year but always found some excuse or reason not to do it (After the results I'm having right now I'm pretty sure this was self-sabotage). Anyway, I will fully admit now that this was an experiment though I will leave the the 2 ingredients involved unnamed seeing as I have strived a while now not to let to what I do show badly on Shannon or any of the admins here. Also, I don't want to opening promote such a thing since Shannon does not agree with such methods. With that said I will say I have found the exact combo I have been looking for all along and that I have had resounding success finally with this and OF 5G.
Anyway, its about to be almost to a week since I did the experiment and have continued to run OF 5G and I do have to say things have been life changing. There is a lot of things to mention so I will break things up to : (1) Things I noticed during the experiment, (2) Things I noticed on the first day, and (3) Things I have noticed the days following. Anyway, lets get to the things I need to mention and hope I don't forget anything.
During the Experiment: hmm its hard to say in exact words what I was experiencing at times. To be honest trying to remember a lot of it is hard though I have a theory about that. I remember during my first E2 experiment that at first I felt extreme joy, love and peace but then about 30 mins in a literally passed out on my bed with the headphones on (it was my first time using MDMA so my body had never known its effects and felt overloaded to a degree). Either way besides that i noticed obviously that I had not memory of any insights or such besides those feelings I mentioned. I noticed this time that even though I was not using that particular chemical that I didn't black out or anything but I seemed to move from one state of conscious to another as the my subconscious obeyed the script and changed things around. This might explain some of the gaps of not remembering well. I'm thinking as well that this is a trick my subconscious uses for better or for worst. Some might remember a few weeks ago I was complaining about how my subconscious seemed to be making me forget any revelations I might have that would cause real change.This was at a time when I wasn't even experimenting or using any such substances. I'm thinking that the side of me that obeys the instructions uses this to achieve the goals of the sub while another part tries this in order to derail the suggestions. I will give further proof of that in the other section. There are 2 things I remember clearly though. The first was that I clearly remember feeling my brain being restructured to deal with fear in a unique way. For those that don't remember OF 5G does have a unique phrase in it that tells the subconscious to move the dealing of fear from the "fear/instinctual centers of the brain to the intellectual/logical parts of the brain". I clearly remember this happening (more on that later). The second major thing I remember happening was I thought of "fear" once during a long pause in the session and what I felt was interesting. I felt disgust at the thought of fear. When I say disgust I mean the most disgust I have ever felt in my life. It was like the idea of fear was repulsive to me. There is no other way to describe it.
First day of the experiment: I will probably forget a couple of things because there was so much that I noticed. The first was my sense of "sight" looked different. I should add that this is hours after said chemicals are out of my system so it wasn't really that in my opinion that caused this difference in my perception of "sight". I also noticed that I felt a little bit "wobbly" on my feet when walking. After thinking about why I felt this way I came to a logical conclusion. On a side note I have found that my decision making, conclusions and intuitions have pretty much been spot on since I've gotten rid of the "fear" factor as one could call it. Anyway, as I was saying I came to the conclusion that my "Senses" had been modified and more than that, there seemed to be a "middle man" between my Senses and the rest of my brain. Before I get to that I should explain something else that will be enlightening to this.
As I said in the first section my brain did change its structure to deal with fear. One thing I noticed that first day that goes along with the senses thing is that upper left-side of my brain is highly active now. The first day it felt sore and active but the soreness has since been gone though it is still highly active now. I've gotten use to the activity so I think nothing of it really now. I only notice it if I focus on it now a days. Now before all this i distinctly remember my brain being more active in the lower right side of my brain. This is the place where the amygdala is active and it mostly controls fear. On the first day of this experiment it was totally different. The upper left side of my brain was sore and highly active and the lower right side of my brain was pretty much dormant. I found out a few days later that the upper left side of the brain is where your logical/analytical processes are. When I put this all together I came to the revelation about what was going on with my senses. Essentially the upper left side of my brain is now the middle man between my senses and the rest of my brain. This would explain the high activity in that part of my brain now since its taking on more responsibility. The reason I believe this occurred was so that fear doesn't become a problem anymore. Whatever my senses pick up that would normally cause a fear response no doesn't cause a fear response because it goes through that logical/analytical part of my brain first.
As with my senses I believe this also explained the wobbly on my feet thing. My subconscious totally re-did my nervous system, posturing, and standing, etc. Before I had a lot of fear (also anger/hatred that was born from that fear) so I believe that affect my entire body. I believe after the experiment my mind re-did all this so my muscles and everything was way more relaxed and stress free. I noticed when I , for example, clenched my fist that the muscles I used were very relaxed when I did so (along with still sensing a middle man at work when using my sense of touch). Lets see, another thing that I noticed was the intense anger, rage, and hatred I had previous has vanished. As some of you might remember I said I'm pretty sure I had Misanthropy due to all the traumatic events I had happen in my life done to me by others. Well, its completely gone now. I noticed during the first day that I might try to encounter things that would irritate/anger me but I couldn't get there. It was like I feel something inside of me trying to rev up to that type of reaction but it would just stop because there was no "fuel" to get it to that point. It made me understand that my anger and hate were fueled by fear and after the fear was taken out the other emotions just crumbled to nothing.
I did notice as well I felt weird around people and it felt like something was off around them. It wasn't til later I realized that it had to be with me not having any fear or anxiety around them. I just felt calm or happy around them. I did notice as well that people would either smile more, be happy or enjoy my presence at work. I don't know why. Also, I have this dichotomy that is interesting. I have this general feeling of love towards humanity as a whole but on a individual level don't give a crap about their opinion of me. Or to put another way i don't "fear" their opinions about me. Maybe someone can shred more light on this phenomenon. Hmm I know I'm forgetting some other stuff but I will just move on to the present for now.
Present: I have gotten use to this new state so things feel more normalized now. I have noticed now that I have gone from calm and sometimes happy sometimes of the day on the first day to now just generally full of happiness and joy now. I also feel good emotions more viscerally now and I'm not "afraid" of feeling those emotions anymore. I think before I had fallen into the trap of you must not let your emotions affect you because they could cloud your judgement therefore I numbed myself. Though the funny thing is that was born out of "fear" of letting my emotions make me make mistakes. So I traded out all those emotions only to be ruled totally by one emotion (fear) which led me to be controlled by 2 others (Anger/hatred). So glad I'm over that now. As I mentioned before hand the upper left side of my brain is now the most active and it feels completely normal to be this way now. Also, I have noticed that since I don't have anymore fear that when people try to intimidate me or get angry with me they are actually the ones that end up getting very afraid. Example of this would just yesterday when I scared my Philosophy professor. I went to turn in my test and when putting one of the papers down I accidentally hit the back of his laptop. Things happened quickly and was pretty much none-verbal so it wasn't til a few mins after this thing happened and I analyzed it that I realized "consciously" what just happened. Basically he looked up real quick and his facial twitches made it look like he was about to get angry. Only thing is as soon as we made eye contact he went dihl type look. Like we stared each other down for a good 20 seconds or so then his eyes slightly diverted down just a "bit" as if he was looking at my chin instead of my eyes. He then kind of nod his head and then I stopped staring at him and get ready to go.
I'm pretty sure I wasn't smiling during this either. I'm pretty sure my face was completely calm but my eyes were pretty intense. I was kind of in a laughing mood for some reason after I left class and it took me a while like I said to figure out what the heck just happened. Apparently what happened was my professor was about to get angry but then he saw me being non-scared and staring him down so he broke first. His fear from such a non-responsive reaction to his anger outweighed his own anger. Related to this for some reason that is related to my E2 experiment this whole "find it funny and hilarious when people try to intimidate me or get me angry" is back in full force. I know OF 5G is suppose to replace fear with "its opposite", love and wisdom. I can only think that the opposite of fear in my subconscious is funniness? I do find this likely since Charisma on command did a video about this. About how where other people would be afraid in a certain situation, high confidence/ high value people actually laugh or make light of the situation. The normal guy will get scared or afraid when the girl starts shit-testing but the above average guy just won't take her seriously because hes not "afraid" of losing her in the first place and will often make light of her pathetic attempts to lower his value.
I think that is all for now even though I don't even think that's all of it so far. I do plan on keep running this for a while longer though I do have sub plans in the near future. Basically I am either going to (1) move on to OGFS 5G (which has OF script in it so it will reinforce the OF concepts and also help me get rid of any guilt and shame, (2) Move back to 3.1 since now that Fear is dealt with I have no doubt in my mind now that I can execute 3.1, or (3) Keep running OF 5G until 3.2 comes out. If anyone has any suggestions for which option do please give your opinion. Before I forget as well, my Subliminal tolerance has been drastically lowered. I've noticed something when running OF 5G normally that points to this. If I run it for 2 hours then stop I start fully executing like 5-10 mins after I stop listening. If I run it for the at least 8 hours or so I am really tired and don't get a bloom for about 24 hours afterwards. Though I should mention that is still a improvement because before any of this my blooms happened with 3.1 about 36 hours afterwards. Therefore my taking fear out of the equation has drastically increased my suggestibility to subliminals it would seem. Apparently, less is better for me now.
Anyway, I will update when something comes up or when someone has a question. Either way this has got to be one of the best times during my life right now. Take care all!
Hello all
Thought I would give an update since some interesting things have happened. I decided to miss like 2 days to see what would happen and it was interesting. Some of the things in the past did come up but with a twist. It seemed like the only thing that bothered me about them were the Guilt and shame concerning the event, not the fear. I think this validates Shannon's assertion that guilt, shame, and fear are the primary things that cause resistance. At least the good news is that the fear component of any of these issues are dealt with. Therefore, that only leaves the guilt and shame left. Therefore that pretty much points to me doing OGSF next. It will re-enforce the overcome fear concepts I have picked up and will introduce G/S being dealt with. Unfortunately due to some financial delays because of the Veteran's affairs office I will have to wait to get started on that (Literally taking them 30 days on average to process claims at the moment, ugh).
Other things to mention is one con I have noticed. Since I've gotten rid of how I deal with fear its like I've gotten much lazier with my college assignments. I am not "afraid" of the consequences anymore for not doing stuff so there is that aspect I have to deal with now. I now have to find a way to be motivated by something else that isn't fear of the consequences. For the mean time I picked up listening again after seeing what would happen if I didn't. Noticed automatically that within 20 mins I became much happier and full of love and joy. I did notice something else amazing and probably bodes well for the aura in the DMSI series. I had done internal martial arts (Tai chi, Bagua, Ying-yi) and Qui-gong meditation to varying degrees in the past. I had done the whole Chi moving excises and trying to feel the chi in your body. Never really had much success with that in the past. Well, I was thinking of something for a story I am going to write and found something amazing. Pretty much what happened was I was thinking of a certain training/mediation scene I was working on. I noticed something was kind of weird so randomly I tried on focusing on energy being drawn to the soles of my feet. To my amazement I automatically felt energy being pulled to my feet. I felt a tingly sensation along with energy from all over my body being pulled to this location. I did this with other parts of the body and even felt jolts of energy in the lower Dantian. It would seem from my observation that overcoming fear has allowed my Aura to heal and me to amateurishly have a certain amount of control over the energy in my body. I find this to be interesting seeing as I did not foresee this as a side effect of losing the huge amounts of fear that I had.
Either way, that is all I have to report for now. Will continue running this sub like I said until I can get ready to run OGSF. After that it will be either E2 again to re-enforce the concepts found in OGSF or back to running 3.1 to see how I fair this time around. Either way, can't wait til 3.2 comes out because I have a good feeling that after I'm pretty much cleared I will be getting some amazing results this time around.
This sounds like a good plan. Running OF/OGSF then E2 to prepare the ground for the DMSI 3.2.
Well, a lot of surprising stuff has gone in the last few days and even more importantly last night which has me wondering just how powerful 3.2 is going to be against resistance. Based on the internal stuff that happened last night I actually feel motivated to post about it.
I've mentioned before that over the past few days I've lost interest in watching porn. Essentially, what happened was I started to losing interest while watching it and didn't get any sort of 'slight' high after watching it. Basically, the high became lower and lower to the point that I just stopped watching it completely. I haven't watched any in the last couple of days though the thought has crossed my mind a few times (more on that later). From there I ended up just daydreaming about doing it with some women I knew and fapping to that. Though after like a day or 2 I even stopped doing that. I might still daydream but the idea of busting due to that is starting to no longer have any appeal to me. As you can probably tell its been a slow but steady decline in that area to the point of totally abstaining from such activities.
What is very interesting is what happened last night that made me realize what was going on with my thought processes in regards to any thoughts that might be perceived as resistant type thoughts. I'm not sure if this is due to some new tech that might be put in 3.2 or if because of the increase in power and closing of loopholes ASS/ART is really doing its job now. I can't remember what the thought was but I think it was a negative one. I noticed as soon as I became aware of the thought, which was pretty much instantly, it seemed like every other thought or process in my mind just stopped. It became instantly eerily, silent. The best way I can describe this is with the movie Inception. If you've watched the movie you will know that they mention how someone's mind reacts when it discovers that someone has entered it. I good example would be when Dicapio's character tells Cillian Murphy's character while they are at a bar that he has entered his mind. Automatically, all the other guests (thoughts, or different levels of conscious in the mind I'm assuming) in the bar stop what they are doing and stare silently at Dicapio's character. They realize he isn't suppose to be there and seem like they are observing whether he is a threat or not. This is very similar to what happened with in my mind. The negative thought automatically was recognized and they everything else in my mind went silent. As though it recognized it didn't belong there and was assessing its threat level.
Immediately after this silence in my mind it was like this negative thought was trying to jump around all over trying to "latch" on to something (maybe a insecurity, etc) that it could use to build momentum. It never worked. The best example I could give is that of trying to climbing up the wall of a snow covered mountain with no tools but with your gloved covered hands. The climber tries to latch on to the first ledge but then its too slippery so they loose their grip and fall on their @ss. The climber gets up and tries again with more effort. They latch on to another ledge and trying to hold on even more grip power. All of a sudden that ledge has even more ice/snow on it and the climber falls down again. Eventually after trying this over and over the climber gives up because he's spent all his energy. I noticed this with this particular thought as well. It would keep on trying to survive by trying to latch on to something with more effort and would be met with more effort that would not let it get a grip. One could say it was being met with a Akido reverse throw every time. Eventually I noticed the energy behind the thought was spent and the thought just dropped off. Don't really know what to make of this whole phenomenon.
Along with that I have noticed more more positive thoughts. Such as this increased confidence in what I want to achieve with my life and realizing that based on that I have more than enough to offer a woman than the poor smuck she might be dating or interested in right now. This is really different than my normal thought processes I realize now. I also had a realization about something was very simple but profound for me like 2 days ago. This happened while I was in deep thought at the time and I think it had to do with being in a different state (alpha, beta, theta state, etc) of mind since it was close to when I was trying to go to sleep. That if reality bending is real and that I can manipulate my present and future to get my desired results then my past becomes irrelevant. Having that type of ability makes my past meaningless and unimportant so there is no point in focusing on it. Once I realized this I felt like something was lifted off my shoulders. The mistakes and lost opportunities of the past mean nothing if I can reach my goals anyway.
The second to last thing that happened last night was that there was a moment when I consciously resisted. Basically, after that inception incident I realized that there was no point in resisting but then that brought up another issue that automatically scared my mind I believe. It was the thought that I was being "controlled". As soon as that happened immediately it was like something deep within my mind reached up to me at the conscious level before I knew it and was telling me to consciously resist. Before I even finished that complete thought of consciously resisting though it was like that whole inception thing I mentioned happened immediately and that thought lost all power, though it lasted a bit longer than the negative thought did. I'm assuming that whatever that was, was some primal level of my subconscious because it felt like some knee jerk reaction to the thought of being controlled by something.
The last thing that happened was some dream that was very weird but I can't help but feel it had some major importance seeing as I kept on thinking about a certain part of it for like 8 mins after the dream ended. Esentially, I was in my room which was kind of messy. I had the taste for Oreos and milk. I leave the apartment complex and start walking down the street. I pass by a drive thru restaurant and noticed that a lot of my former co-workers were in the parking lot. I walked into the parking lot and stood there. I heard them talking all around me and saying they needed to get to work quick (apparently they all got another job working at the restaurant). They all start suddenly stripping in the parking lot out of their normal clothes to get into their work cloths. I should note most of them are women with only like 2 guys there. For whatever reason i start changing there as well except I change into another set of clothes, not work clothes. After I'm done I pick up my original clothes and start walking down the street back to my apartment. One of my co-workers, one of the male ones, yells something to me while I walk down the street. I don't remember exactly what it was but I believe it was something positive.
I get to the complex and walk up the first flight of stairs. I get to the first level and towards the end where the first turn is, where there is a side ramp, I noticed a big chuck of the whole landing at the turn and railing missing. I stand there for a moment thinking something is not right here seeing as I just left a few mins ago. I go to the side where there is another pair of stairs to get to the first level. I notice while I'm going that pair of stairs that from the side that practically the whole walkway on that landing is missing. Luckily, I can still get to the apartment from the other pair of stairs. I notice all around that there are people cleaning and renovating the entire building (workers, the person who works for the landlord, my mother, and my step father who is dead btw). I get closer to the apartment and my mother tells me she wants to trade me this orb like thing I have for a Glock so the landlord doesn't find out (our landlord is very nosy about stuff). The thing that flashes in my minds eye is this orb type thing (think of those Christmas things where you shake it and it looks like its snowing). There is liquid inside the thing like those Christmas items except in the middle there is a big open dragon's eye in the middle. I get to the my room to trade the thing. I stand in my room kind of in awe because its still kind of messy but its practically clean at this point. At this point I wake up.
I don't know why but I had this feeling that the Glock (though I didn't see it in the dream) held some significance and I kept on thinking about that aspect of the dream after it ended for like 8 mins. I still can't fathom why having that gun was very important. I did read somewhere that sometimes a gun in a dream can represent pride and power but even then I'm not totally sure that was the meaning. I do know that I felt some twinge of excitement about getting a Glock for some reason.
Anyway, that's about all that happened. I'm trying not to hype myself up for this release but given whats been happening lately it does make me somewhat hopefully. The fact that I'm getting these TID type experiences, some parts are trying to resist the TID, and failing does make me think this version might push me over the edge of actually executing the program correctly. If TID is making some of these changes I can only imagine how powerful running the actual program will be.
Thought I would make a small update. Something is going on but I can't quite put my finger on it.
First off I'm still pretty much porn free for like 3-4 weeks now. I find that interesting because I know on 3.1 when I would get horny I would indulge because I wasn't getting the results I wanted and all that pent up sexual energy would make me want to find a release. This is good seeing as I use to watch it at least once or twice a day. To slowly loose interest and then out right not wanting to watch it is a very good improvement.
Another thing I have noticed is the dreams. I don't remember having so many dreams before (that I remember anyway). They now happen every night and I have 1 or 2 every night now. In general my mood has been very good for the past 2 weeks or so as well. It has ranged from above average to really good. With that said I have noticed a very pronounce change for a couple of mins after I wake up. I feel remarkably different for those first 15 mins after I wake up. It's like I have some type of motivation to act on something that I need to get done (on a variety of issues). For example, I woke up this morning automatically realizing I need to do more with my life. After having the tab on my browser open for like a week now on the site to sign up for re-certificating myself in IT I finally had this push this morning. I ended up setting up the date for my most basic certification in like 2 weeks from now. After that I'm hoping to get like 3+ more certifications before summer so I make myself very marketable for very lucrative jobs (six figures).
This combined with starting up university classes has made me realize that university overall is not for me. I'm finding myself not motivated to be there while sitting in class and I realize why. Unless your in certain fields (science related, engineering, computer science, etc) SJW garbage has totally ruined most departments. It becomes less about learning actual good skills and critically thinking and more about this "men are bad", "feel good" (unless your a man of course), and "be compassionate" (unless your part of a certain group) garbage. As some of you know I live in California so your definitely going to get the worst of it here. I don't feel like I'm really learning anything at all. Luckily for me Directing and acting don't necessarily require a degree. So I'm highly considering leaving after this semester, use my IT experience/Certifications to get a good job, and then on the side do some directing gigs and acting auditions to see if I can get my foot in the door that way.
If DMSI final delivers or even 3.2 delivers to a high degree then it shouldn't be hard. If that DMSI aura can work its magic during a audition then I'm sure to get noticed and most likely get the job. I had read a study a while back about how the most singular unfair advantage a person can have in promotions is actually attractiveness. The study concluded that attractive people (male and females) are more like to get promotions, get hired, paid more, etc. If I can get that advantage due to the aura, especially if its a female giving the interview or audition, then I think have this in the bag. Getting back to the college thing at this point its like if people ask me I just tell them unless they are going into a field not infected with this garbage they should just go into a trade or work on certifications in a IT field. After being in the military for a couple of years knowing how the real world works then going into college to find them teaching kids a illusion of how the world works is just mind boggling. Many of this kids are going to leave that safe bubble and really struggle because of this nonsense.
This does make me realize now why you have certain businesses (mainly in entertainment) prioritize this SJW nonsense over profits now. Those people were probably brainwashed into this stuff and its only after loosing huge amounts of profits that they realize that businesses run on profits not SJW nonsense (though I have the feeling that some of them are going to have to go bankrupt before they realize that lesson). If I do go back to college sometime in the future I think I'm going the online class route because from my experience they don't peddle in this stuff.
The second to last thing I have noticed is that I've been in these lucid states a lot more often now. Its been happening like every other night. During these I will either see something played out or I might have random images flashing in my minds eye that are very real like. Not sure what any of this means but that and the very frequent dreams is a very recent phenomenon. Last Decided to get back in the gym and starting going on another cycle (Testosterone, seeing as I think my natural production is going down). Now, I've been on T cycles before and I have never really felt any psychological differences. The only think I've noticed on the multiple of cycles I've been on before is better sleepy and maybe being slightly more horny. Now though I'm experience more psychological effects for some reason now. I'm finding that I want to act more aggressive and I actually feel good being that way. Another effect is this confidence boost (was already there due to TID but now is much higher) and IDGAF attitude. The only thing I can think of is TID giving more Alpha characteristics and the added "T" increasing those affects because I have never had these effects on "T" alone.
Anyway, that's about all that's been happening so far. A whole bunch of strangeness going on and people engaging me more for no reason as well.