10-15-2018, 06:03 AM
10-15-2018, 05:15 PM
Quick update:
Had my Lesson plan assignment returned early. Didn't pass and will have to pay to extend my time so I can complete it. That will be later though. I think at this point I need to focus on my degree. I'm not too upset about it. I got it back with suggested corrections so it should be simple to make up when I have the time. For my degree courses, I will be taking 2 of them tonight, then try to take another 2 tomorrow. That should bring me down to 16 courses left to graduate.
Also, I found out one other thing today. I sent in my case to that Veterans legal team and they got back to me. After a preliminary screening they have decided my case has merit and they will take it on. They need to wait for all my previous military material to be sent to them from the relevant institutions and then they will contact me again. If this works out and I win my case I should be getting 1500 to 2000 USD a month along with other benefits. Honestly, I rather just be fully cured instead but if not I might as well take it.
Granted, I do think sooner or later Shannon's subs will be powerful enough to get rid of it completely along with the symptoms. At this point though it feels like they are powerful enough get rid of all but one symptom. In my case though it feels like some part of the subconscious "wants" this mental disorder or think it needs it in order to stay safe or survive. Its like the subs get really, really close to eliminating it except for maybe a symptom which itself goes into regression largely. There does seem to be another thing that remains though, which is the "triggers". The symptoms are largely gone but it feels like maybe a part of the subconscious protects the triggers so that, like on Saturday, it can just cause some event to happen so that I'm back at square one. It might be possible that FRM might work with more time to get rid of the triggers, though in the short time every time I start my loops it just aggravates it even more. Maybe because its being worked on? I don't know at this point.
After thinking about this more, I guess the aim of this scorched earth tactic is the regrowth of fear (or whatever is the motivating factor behind the bad thinking or habit). It might be something more common to more "easily" traumatized individuals I think. Like a part of you realizes that it is losing so it manifests an event to happen that will "re-traumatize" you so that the fear regrows back in full force. Its basically resetting the game back to square 1. I think I might have an idea of why though and it does have to deal with the idea of "safety". Every description of PTSD I have seen usually involves it being a perpetual state of "fight or flight" and your mind being stuck in it because it feels it "needs" to be in that state in order to survive. I wouldn't be surprised if some part of me feels it "needs" this mental disorder in order to stay safe and it would explain why it is fighting tooth and nail not to fully give up the state. Anyway, that's just what I think after a while pondering this further.
Had my Lesson plan assignment returned early. Didn't pass and will have to pay to extend my time so I can complete it. That will be later though. I think at this point I need to focus on my degree. I'm not too upset about it. I got it back with suggested corrections so it should be simple to make up when I have the time. For my degree courses, I will be taking 2 of them tonight, then try to take another 2 tomorrow. That should bring me down to 16 courses left to graduate.
Also, I found out one other thing today. I sent in my case to that Veterans legal team and they got back to me. After a preliminary screening they have decided my case has merit and they will take it on. They need to wait for all my previous military material to be sent to them from the relevant institutions and then they will contact me again. If this works out and I win my case I should be getting 1500 to 2000 USD a month along with other benefits. Honestly, I rather just be fully cured instead but if not I might as well take it.
Granted, I do think sooner or later Shannon's subs will be powerful enough to get rid of it completely along with the symptoms. At this point though it feels like they are powerful enough get rid of all but one symptom. In my case though it feels like some part of the subconscious "wants" this mental disorder or think it needs it in order to stay safe or survive. Its like the subs get really, really close to eliminating it except for maybe a symptom which itself goes into regression largely. There does seem to be another thing that remains though, which is the "triggers". The symptoms are largely gone but it feels like maybe a part of the subconscious protects the triggers so that, like on Saturday, it can just cause some event to happen so that I'm back at square one. It might be possible that FRM might work with more time to get rid of the triggers, though in the short time every time I start my loops it just aggravates it even more. Maybe because its being worked on? I don't know at this point.
After thinking about this more, I guess the aim of this scorched earth tactic is the regrowth of fear (or whatever is the motivating factor behind the bad thinking or habit). It might be something more common to more "easily" traumatized individuals I think. Like a part of you realizes that it is losing so it manifests an event to happen that will "re-traumatize" you so that the fear regrows back in full force. Its basically resetting the game back to square 1. I think I might have an idea of why though and it does have to deal with the idea of "safety". Every description of PTSD I have seen usually involves it being a perpetual state of "fight or flight" and your mind being stuck in it because it feels it "needs" to be in that state in order to survive. I wouldn't be surprised if some part of me feels it "needs" this mental disorder in order to stay safe and it would explain why it is fighting tooth and nail not to fully give up the state. Anyway, that's just what I think after a while pondering this further.
10-16-2018, 03:56 AM
@Shannon Just found out something you might find interesting. Ever since I started this sub I have not been able to sleep while running the sub. Since its 8 hours of listening and I have been trying to listen at night this has caused further problems with trying to change my sleeping patterns since the sub "seemed" to be keeping me up the entire time, or so I thought. Well, today I ran it a few hours earlier than I usually would in order to get done earlier (would be done at around 4am) and I guess I was just so tired after these last few days that I finally fell asleep while the sub was running. I woke up and felt a lot better than usual. I then remember you said back in the 5G days that there are certain states during sleep that your subconscious won't be able to resist the sub's instructions. It made me think if maybe it wasn't the sub itself keeping me awake while it was running but if the part resisting the sub was keeping me awake knowing that falling asleep while it was on would make the instructions way more effective.
I had already noticed this a bit given that the program is running in my head and just with that I would feel better after waking up. It was only after being awake for a few hours that the part resisting would start bringing up my recent PTSD event to start to cause some havoc as it were. I think this time I was just too tired to keep that up. I then also fell asleep a second time during my most recent run and felt the same results. The trauma was barely noticeable and I felt really good, happy even. Just thought I would mention that seeing as that could be another potential resisting tactic though it seems to have failed because you can't seem to keep that amount of sleep deprivation up for long.
I did have a question as well about 3.3. You had said this version would focus more on the affected side of the equation. I was wondering if this meant there was going to be a "wall" or even FRM on the affected side to get them to act more on the feelings the aura is trying to produce? Though I do know you said you also have to be careful because you don't want to mess with "free will" as it were.
Quick edit: Forgot to mention. Shortly after I woke up the second time and before my final loop was about to end my phone , which was next to the cord to my headphones, "Magically" fell when I shifted the cord and hit the cord at the right moment and with the right force to disconnect the cord therefore breaking ARSB -_-. The chances of that happening in that particular way were very minimal.... hmmmmm
I had already noticed this a bit given that the program is running in my head and just with that I would feel better after waking up. It was only after being awake for a few hours that the part resisting would start bringing up my recent PTSD event to start to cause some havoc as it were. I think this time I was just too tired to keep that up. I then also fell asleep a second time during my most recent run and felt the same results. The trauma was barely noticeable and I felt really good, happy even. Just thought I would mention that seeing as that could be another potential resisting tactic though it seems to have failed because you can't seem to keep that amount of sleep deprivation up for long.
I did have a question as well about 3.3. You had said this version would focus more on the affected side of the equation. I was wondering if this meant there was going to be a "wall" or even FRM on the affected side to get them to act more on the feelings the aura is trying to produce? Though I do know you said you also have to be careful because you don't want to mess with "free will" as it were.
Quick edit: Forgot to mention. Shortly after I woke up the second time and before my final loop was about to end my phone , which was next to the cord to my headphones, "Magically" fell when I shifted the cord and hit the cord at the right moment and with the right force to disconnect the cord therefore breaking ARSB -_-. The chances of that happening in that particular way were very minimal.... hmmmmm
10-16-2018, 09:20 AM
(10-16-2018, 03:56 AM)DarthXedonias Wrote: [ -> ]@Shannon Just found out something you might find interesting. Ever since I started this sub I have not been able to sleep while running the sub. Since its 8 hours of listening and I have been trying to listen at night this has caused further problems with trying to change my sleeping patterns since the sub "seemed" to be keeping me up the entire time, or so I thought. Well, today I ran it a few hours earlier than I usually would in order to get done earlier (would be done at around 4am) and I guess I was just so tired after these last few days that I finally fell asleep while the sub was running. I woke up and felt a lot better than usual. I then remember you said back in the 5G days that there are certain states during sleep that your subconscious won't be able to resist the sub's instructions. It made me think if maybe it wasn't the sub itself keeping me awake while it was running but if the part resisting the sub was keeping me awake knowing that falling asleep while it was on would make the instructions way more effective.
I had already noticed this a bit given that the program is running in my head and just with that I would feel better after waking up. It was only after being awake for a few hours that the part resisting would start bringing up my recent PTSD event to start to cause some havoc as it were. I think this time I was just too tired to keep that up. I then also fell asleep a second time during my most recent run and felt the same results. The trauma was barely noticeable and I felt really good, happy even. Just thought I would mention that seeing as that could be another potential resisting tactic though it seems to have failed because you can't seem to keep that amount of sleep deprivation up for long.
I did have a question as well about 3.3. You had said this version would focus more on the affected side of the equation. I was wondering if this meant there was going to be a "wall" or even FRM on the affected side to get them to act more on the feelings the aura is trying to produce? Though I do know you said you also have to be careful because you don't want to mess with "free will" as it were.
Quick edit: Forgot to mention. Shortly after I woke up the second time and before my final loop was about to end my phone , which was next to the cord to my headphones, "Magically" fell when I shifted the cord and hit the cord at the right moment and with the right force to disconnect the cord therefore breaking ARSB -_-. The chances of that happening in that particular way were very minimal.... hmmmmm
The goal is to optimize the auric modulations. I have a lot of other concepts I am going to run through the models, but as yet I don't know which one or ones will be effective. This is challenging because we want to maintain their free will, while preventing them from a knee-jerk shutdown reaction. Get them to think about it; and if they genuinely choose not to, then they choose not to.
But at no time am I going to take away their free will in this process.
I actually don't have to. I just have to provide them with the right environment in which to make their choice according to their overall best interests, and removing irrational reactions and programming is potentially part of that.
We do want people to partake when it is harmless and does not violate their free will; we do not want to take away free will or cause harm. It is still a very complicated issue to traverse.
10-17-2018, 09:01 AM
Time for an update
Still steadily going through my courses and I'm pretty sure at this point unless I run into a problem I should graduate by early or mid November. I'm betting early November based on the pace I'm going at. I did notice something when I took my final test for another class a few hours ago. I actually passed it without reading any of material and none of the practice questions were anything like the real test. I was struggling somewhat but I managed to pass by a small percentage. What was interesting was I felt like I would get these "intuitions" on what multiple choice answer to pick so I just listened to them.
I'm rarely playing any video games anymore as I rather just get stuff done. I did play a game a little bit ago. I played 2 competitive rounds of SMITE and actually won both rounds with a very good performance by myself. Probably some of the best I've played and I wasn't even thinking about it while I was playing.
Going back to my work stuff I do seem to be doing very well and when I get working I seem to be very focused on what I'm doing and I notice my memory for remember stuff is better. Even though I had said some things about getting an Masters in ESL so I could teaching English at the university level in another country I might have found a better and interesting option. I found out that Cruise ships will pay very good wages for IT managers (like 8,600 USD a month). It seems like a really good deal seeing as you essentially get room/board for free, get good pay, get a lot of travel done, and you work for 4 months then get 3 months off. I figure this might be a better option because when I get down to it the country I really, in the long term, want to get back to is the Philippines.
Unfortunately, English is widely spoken in the Philippines and the pay is shit. Heck, corporate level managers get paid like 4k USD a month and that is considered high there. So if your not corporate level you are looking at about 1k USD a month there (granted, that's still higher than the average of 200 USD a month for most people). So If I still went the English route I would have to stay in Korea for a good couple of years doing investments on the side then once I have enough passive income move to the Philippines long term. With the Cruise ship option though I can work on board for 4 months then have a condo in the Philippines I can return to for 3 months before I leave for work again. So I get travel, and am able to travel back to the country I really want to be in.
The good news is that if I continued with my current online university I could easily start a Cloud computing degree and since they cancel out any classes that are similar I would only need to complete about 30% or so of the degree to earn it. Also, I still have some of my veterans benefits left over so I wouldn't have to pay a dime really and I could easily finish the degree within 4-5 months. I might still have some benefits left over so I should be able to finish up a masters degree as well. So, its seems right now the best plan would be either go to Korea or stay here for a bit longer, finish up my Cloud computing degree, and then apply for a Cruise ship job then I feel like I will be living the life at that point. Within 5 years I should be able to retire at a young age no problem
I will be keeping track of my options. The only thing is if I were to go through this I will definitely being running the new LTU 5.5G. Want to make sure I have the motivation and mindset so I could succeed in this endeavor. I guess the main thing that will determine whether the sub will help me out in this is if v3 of the FRM shows itself to work out well in DMSI 3.3 and if the new LTU will help me on some learning front as well for the IT stuff. Hopefully the OE, the other thing that Shannon mentioned, and perhaps if the models saying including some learning type stuff might be beneficial for the sub then all that stuff working together might help out.
On the sub front though I have notice 2 other things. The first is that I have felt the energy flood at points while listening so I guess that is a good sign. Also, last night I found myself going into a trance like state while listening. I notice during this that things went through my mind like "I don't want to be held back by fear any longer" and "I will succeed". I guess that is also a very good sign. I have this feeling that the FRM is starting to kick in a lot more. Its just taking a while I think because I've have been ruled by fear for a very long time.
Anyway, that's about all for now.
Still steadily going through my courses and I'm pretty sure at this point unless I run into a problem I should graduate by early or mid November. I'm betting early November based on the pace I'm going at. I did notice something when I took my final test for another class a few hours ago. I actually passed it without reading any of material and none of the practice questions were anything like the real test. I was struggling somewhat but I managed to pass by a small percentage. What was interesting was I felt like I would get these "intuitions" on what multiple choice answer to pick so I just listened to them.
I'm rarely playing any video games anymore as I rather just get stuff done. I did play a game a little bit ago. I played 2 competitive rounds of SMITE and actually won both rounds with a very good performance by myself. Probably some of the best I've played and I wasn't even thinking about it while I was playing.
Going back to my work stuff I do seem to be doing very well and when I get working I seem to be very focused on what I'm doing and I notice my memory for remember stuff is better. Even though I had said some things about getting an Masters in ESL so I could teaching English at the university level in another country I might have found a better and interesting option. I found out that Cruise ships will pay very good wages for IT managers (like 8,600 USD a month). It seems like a really good deal seeing as you essentially get room/board for free, get good pay, get a lot of travel done, and you work for 4 months then get 3 months off. I figure this might be a better option because when I get down to it the country I really, in the long term, want to get back to is the Philippines.
Unfortunately, English is widely spoken in the Philippines and the pay is shit. Heck, corporate level managers get paid like 4k USD a month and that is considered high there. So if your not corporate level you are looking at about 1k USD a month there (granted, that's still higher than the average of 200 USD a month for most people). So If I still went the English route I would have to stay in Korea for a good couple of years doing investments on the side then once I have enough passive income move to the Philippines long term. With the Cruise ship option though I can work on board for 4 months then have a condo in the Philippines I can return to for 3 months before I leave for work again. So I get travel, and am able to travel back to the country I really want to be in.
The good news is that if I continued with my current online university I could easily start a Cloud computing degree and since they cancel out any classes that are similar I would only need to complete about 30% or so of the degree to earn it. Also, I still have some of my veterans benefits left over so I wouldn't have to pay a dime really and I could easily finish the degree within 4-5 months. I might still have some benefits left over so I should be able to finish up a masters degree as well. So, its seems right now the best plan would be either go to Korea or stay here for a bit longer, finish up my Cloud computing degree, and then apply for a Cruise ship job then I feel like I will be living the life at that point. Within 5 years I should be able to retire at a young age no problem
I will be keeping track of my options. The only thing is if I were to go through this I will definitely being running the new LTU 5.5G. Want to make sure I have the motivation and mindset so I could succeed in this endeavor. I guess the main thing that will determine whether the sub will help me out in this is if v3 of the FRM shows itself to work out well in DMSI 3.3 and if the new LTU will help me on some learning front as well for the IT stuff. Hopefully the OE, the other thing that Shannon mentioned, and perhaps if the models saying including some learning type stuff might be beneficial for the sub then all that stuff working together might help out.
On the sub front though I have notice 2 other things. The first is that I have felt the energy flood at points while listening so I guess that is a good sign. Also, last night I found myself going into a trance like state while listening. I notice during this that things went through my mind like "I don't want to be held back by fear any longer" and "I will succeed". I guess that is also a very good sign. I have this feeling that the FRM is starting to kick in a lot more. Its just taking a while I think because I've have been ruled by fear for a very long time.
Anyway, that's about all for now.
10-19-2018, 12:26 AM
Well, think I will update real quick.
Still need to get a paper and presentation for one of my online classes done. Also need to take a final test for another. Hopefully I can get that all done tonight so I can move on to the next 2 classes or so. The thing that I'm not looking forward to though is the College Algebra and 2 accounting classes. I've never really liked math unless I was taught by really good teachers. Hopefully, I can get through these classes very quickly and I might just choose them as my next ones just so I can get the out of the way. I'm just going to have to memorize some formulas I think though the formulas are given to you on the test, its just better to memorize them because you do have to actually know what each formula actually does.
On the subject of schooling though I have been thinking about it for a few weeks now but have finally decided I'm going to get a new student mentor as it were. You mainly are just there to call you every week to make sure everything it is going fine, see if you have any questions, to enroll you in future courses, and to approve you to take the final test for a course. The last 2 things are the main problems I am having with her. When I first started I would click the button to ask for approval and I wouldn't get approved for taking the final tests till like after a day or 2 days later. So out of habit I sent a email after each time I sought approval so that I could bring her attention to it. Even with that I noticed she didn't approve it until a good day and half later after I had to send a second email.
I then get a email sent to me telling she gets 200 emails a day and its better to just hit approval and then send a email if I don't get it after 24 hours. Just a few problems here. (1) I went to sending emails because she was taking so long with the approval thing in the first place and (2) this last time even with sending for approval she took close to a day and half and only got to it after a second email. So at this point I don't want to be inconvenienced by this women anymore. I want to get out of here by early November and her not being on top of her game has the potential to set me back on this. So, I will be calling student services later today to get a change of mentor because this is just plain dumb imo.
As for the sub in general, I'm on my 3 day break now. Still feeling the effects though I am sorting of dragging my feet on getting my paper finished. To be honest I don't like doing papers. I rather just have tests so things are just done and over with instead of having to wait for a paper to get reviewed and potentially sent back for corrections. The good news is after I'm done with these 2 classes I will only have 13 core classes left. Still feeling a nice motivational boost to get stuff done which is nice. Just need to maintain this state. I'm kind of glad at this point that 3.3 is taking a little bit longer than expected. If I was running that right now I doubt I would be as focused as I am now. At this point if 3.3 doesn't come till like mid November then that will line up quite nicely with me being already done with my classes. So I can finally focus on just women then because my finances should be in good order.
Still need to get a paper and presentation for one of my online classes done. Also need to take a final test for another. Hopefully I can get that all done tonight so I can move on to the next 2 classes or so. The thing that I'm not looking forward to though is the College Algebra and 2 accounting classes. I've never really liked math unless I was taught by really good teachers. Hopefully, I can get through these classes very quickly and I might just choose them as my next ones just so I can get the out of the way. I'm just going to have to memorize some formulas I think though the formulas are given to you on the test, its just better to memorize them because you do have to actually know what each formula actually does.
On the subject of schooling though I have been thinking about it for a few weeks now but have finally decided I'm going to get a new student mentor as it were. You mainly are just there to call you every week to make sure everything it is going fine, see if you have any questions, to enroll you in future courses, and to approve you to take the final test for a course. The last 2 things are the main problems I am having with her. When I first started I would click the button to ask for approval and I wouldn't get approved for taking the final tests till like after a day or 2 days later. So out of habit I sent a email after each time I sought approval so that I could bring her attention to it. Even with that I noticed she didn't approve it until a good day and half later after I had to send a second email.
I then get a email sent to me telling she gets 200 emails a day and its better to just hit approval and then send a email if I don't get it after 24 hours. Just a few problems here. (1) I went to sending emails because she was taking so long with the approval thing in the first place and (2) this last time even with sending for approval she took close to a day and half and only got to it after a second email. So at this point I don't want to be inconvenienced by this women anymore. I want to get out of here by early November and her not being on top of her game has the potential to set me back on this. So, I will be calling student services later today to get a change of mentor because this is just plain dumb imo.
As for the sub in general, I'm on my 3 day break now. Still feeling the effects though I am sorting of dragging my feet on getting my paper finished. To be honest I don't like doing papers. I rather just have tests so things are just done and over with instead of having to wait for a paper to get reviewed and potentially sent back for corrections. The good news is after I'm done with these 2 classes I will only have 13 core classes left. Still feeling a nice motivational boost to get stuff done which is nice. Just need to maintain this state. I'm kind of glad at this point that 3.3 is taking a little bit longer than expected. If I was running that right now I doubt I would be as focused as I am now. At this point if 3.3 doesn't come till like mid November then that will line up quite nicely with me being already done with my classes. So I can finally focus on just women then because my finances should be in good order.
10-24-2018, 10:47 AM
Well think it is time for an update.
While I took my secondary loop break I totally blackslide. I starting playing more video games and didn't really get any work done. It was only today, on my second day of running the sub again, did I wake up with some revelations and the motivation to get my work done. I kind of woke up with only like 30 mins done before I was done with my loops for today and I definitely felt something going on internally. I felt like I was anxious and a little bit of anger underneath about something. Took me a few mins after I woke up to realize what it probably was. I think it had to be with this idea that I was taught this "pathological" altruism all while growing up. Constantly having to "sacrifice" my own aims, goals, and wants for others which I feel has totally gotten me down the road I was going.
Not really accomplishing anything I wanted in the long run and when it came to things that only benefited me I felt barely any motivation and felt some type of "shame". I think it has to do with this evolutionary idea as well that societies in general teach to an extreme. This idea of "male dispose-ability". Like its some idea that men are just expected to sacrifice for everyone because its their duty to do so and no one questions it. I think this with the pathological altruism is what was dealt with. After I woke up I really thought about what I wanted to do with life. I did decide that I definitely want to get in a career or something that paid a lot of money. I do want to get to the point as well where I can have a huge amount of passive income so I don't have to work anymore.
All those options I've mentioned in my previous post are still on the table and I think the new LTU might help me out with them. I am slightly considering actually putting Nursing or Medical school on that list as well depending on how well LTU goes. I only say nursing because I've seen before that an anesthesiologist nurse actually makes pay comparable to some doctors salaries. I'm just getting to the point where I really need to concentrate on myself more and make myself more happy. I did realize also there is one thing I really did want to get into. For whatever reason I have always been interested in Psychic type phenomenon and would be very interested in pursuing that. Since I've asked Shannon about a potential 6G sub aimed at that and he said he might make one I will probably wait in the mean time for that.
Other than all that I seem to be back on schedule of getting stuff done hopefully. I have more of an idea of possible things I want to do and can look at my options. It also feels like a significant amount of fear has been dealt with. I'm starting to notice a trend here of the sub having the best effects if I fall sleep while actively listening to it. I think it might have to do with what Shannon said regarding that during certain states of sleep that the subconscious can't really resist the instructions as much. I will try to use this to my advantage.
While I took my secondary loop break I totally blackslide. I starting playing more video games and didn't really get any work done. It was only today, on my second day of running the sub again, did I wake up with some revelations and the motivation to get my work done. I kind of woke up with only like 30 mins done before I was done with my loops for today and I definitely felt something going on internally. I felt like I was anxious and a little bit of anger underneath about something. Took me a few mins after I woke up to realize what it probably was. I think it had to be with this idea that I was taught this "pathological" altruism all while growing up. Constantly having to "sacrifice" my own aims, goals, and wants for others which I feel has totally gotten me down the road I was going.
Not really accomplishing anything I wanted in the long run and when it came to things that only benefited me I felt barely any motivation and felt some type of "shame". I think it has to do with this evolutionary idea as well that societies in general teach to an extreme. This idea of "male dispose-ability". Like its some idea that men are just expected to sacrifice for everyone because its their duty to do so and no one questions it. I think this with the pathological altruism is what was dealt with. After I woke up I really thought about what I wanted to do with life. I did decide that I definitely want to get in a career or something that paid a lot of money. I do want to get to the point as well where I can have a huge amount of passive income so I don't have to work anymore.
All those options I've mentioned in my previous post are still on the table and I think the new LTU might help me out with them. I am slightly considering actually putting Nursing or Medical school on that list as well depending on how well LTU goes. I only say nursing because I've seen before that an anesthesiologist nurse actually makes pay comparable to some doctors salaries. I'm just getting to the point where I really need to concentrate on myself more and make myself more happy. I did realize also there is one thing I really did want to get into. For whatever reason I have always been interested in Psychic type phenomenon and would be very interested in pursuing that. Since I've asked Shannon about a potential 6G sub aimed at that and he said he might make one I will probably wait in the mean time for that.
Other than all that I seem to be back on schedule of getting stuff done hopefully. I have more of an idea of possible things I want to do and can look at my options. It also feels like a significant amount of fear has been dealt with. I'm starting to notice a trend here of the sub having the best effects if I fall sleep while actively listening to it. I think it might have to do with what Shannon said regarding that during certain states of sleep that the subconscious can't really resist the instructions as much. I will try to use this to my advantage.
10-25-2018, 02:51 AM
ok, I just had a really weird yet somewhat hilarious dream come up.
The main points that I remember was that I went to some City in Mexico (this is where I think it was) with some older women who was looking for someone I think. I got separated from her and started to run in some type of PE class or Marathon while I was there (through the city). I saw Shannon up head of me running and decided to run up to him to ask about the potential psychic sub (i'm guessing that was do to my previous post) but every time I would get up to him to start talking he would start speeding up and get far away from me. I felt some annoyances but also this motivation and thrill of the challenge. I noticed after a while of this I had caught up to him again while we were going through a more run down and dangerous looking part of the city.
We ran across 3 guys who looked like bad news and started to follow me. It was like as soon as they saw me Shannon sped up again to the point that I didn't even know where he was then they started to follow and chase after me. It got to the point that it was like some loony toons stuff going on. I ended up getting this very, very big piece of cardboard to use as a kind of spring to bounce up and down to get away from them jumping very high in the air while going down multiple streets that were going down a hill. When I finally got to the business intersection at the bottom of the hill they finally gave up because there were too many people around to try to mug and kill me. I should mention while I was running away from them I was yelling out for either Shannon or the old Hispanic lady to help me.
I believe after this I actually ran into a friend of the Hispanic lady in a shop where the Hispanic lady herself was as well. After that I we talked and I woke up. Don't know what the hell this dream was about. Perhaps that running after Shannon was me trying to get to the point of executing the instructions of the sub or something. I think it might also have to deal with my abandonment issues to a degree as well since I felt a bit of that when I was calling out for help and no one had come to help me. I did find it funny though how it was Shannon I was chasing after in a Marathon or such seeing as he has clearly said that his lungs aren't that strong as it where (no offense to Shannon). Either way, that is probably the weirdest dream I've had on this sub so far.
The main points that I remember was that I went to some City in Mexico (this is where I think it was) with some older women who was looking for someone I think. I got separated from her and started to run in some type of PE class or Marathon while I was there (through the city). I saw Shannon up head of me running and decided to run up to him to ask about the potential psychic sub (i'm guessing that was do to my previous post) but every time I would get up to him to start talking he would start speeding up and get far away from me. I felt some annoyances but also this motivation and thrill of the challenge. I noticed after a while of this I had caught up to him again while we were going through a more run down and dangerous looking part of the city.
We ran across 3 guys who looked like bad news and started to follow me. It was like as soon as they saw me Shannon sped up again to the point that I didn't even know where he was then they started to follow and chase after me. It got to the point that it was like some loony toons stuff going on. I ended up getting this very, very big piece of cardboard to use as a kind of spring to bounce up and down to get away from them jumping very high in the air while going down multiple streets that were going down a hill. When I finally got to the business intersection at the bottom of the hill they finally gave up because there were too many people around to try to mug and kill me. I should mention while I was running away from them I was yelling out for either Shannon or the old Hispanic lady to help me.
I believe after this I actually ran into a friend of the Hispanic lady in a shop where the Hispanic lady herself was as well. After that I we talked and I woke up. Don't know what the hell this dream was about. Perhaps that running after Shannon was me trying to get to the point of executing the instructions of the sub or something. I think it might also have to deal with my abandonment issues to a degree as well since I felt a bit of that when I was calling out for help and no one had come to help me. I did find it funny though how it was Shannon I was chasing after in a Marathon or such seeing as he has clearly said that his lungs aren't that strong as it where (no offense to Shannon). Either way, that is probably the weirdest dream I've had on this sub so far.
10-25-2018, 12:46 PM
Quick update:
Got one class done and another one is close to done but need to do a video presentation which annoys me. Its not hard but I have to do it in a way that makes it seem like I'm not reading from the notes too much. Other than that I finally called into the university to change my student mentor because honestly, this women is starting to annoy me. I email her earlier today about opening up another class since i finished one already and haven't heard back from her for hours now. She kept on doing this thing of not replying on time then got annoyed when I would email her to open up stuff so I can pass my final test. Will be talking to the program manager within 2 to 3 days to finally get another mentor who is hopefully on top of his game. Done being set back due to stuff out of my control.
Got one class done and another one is close to done but need to do a video presentation which annoys me. Its not hard but I have to do it in a way that makes it seem like I'm not reading from the notes too much. Other than that I finally called into the university to change my student mentor because honestly, this women is starting to annoy me. I email her earlier today about opening up another class since i finished one already and haven't heard back from her for hours now. She kept on doing this thing of not replying on time then got annoyed when I would email her to open up stuff so I can pass my final test. Will be talking to the program manager within 2 to 3 days to finally get another mentor who is hopefully on top of his game. Done being set back due to stuff out of my control.
10-30-2018, 10:21 AM
Time for an update:
Finally just now sent in my presentation for grading. So that is finally done and now I can move onto some other classes. I will probably go to some ones that have only a final test instead of a writing portion at the moment. With that I should be back to my regular pace of like 5-8 classes a week. I should be graduating in 2-3 weeks then. I did get a little bit of luck recently. Found out I should be getting 3k USD from the university sometime this week. That is actually good news because that means I will have a little bit so that I can potentially even graduate sometime in December instead. I won't do that though. Going to try to graduate in November then I can use that money to pay off some debts I owe (used my mastercard while I was in the Philippines to pay for a few things) and setup my storage unit so I can start storing my car and a few other things so I can leave right away.
I had thought about just waiting a bit so I could teach at a public School and be stationed in a more rural area. For teaching at a rural area you get paid an extra 100USD and if you teach at multiple schools in an rural area you get an extra 100USD. Only thing is I would have to wait til March 1st to start. Honestly, I'm not sure if it is worth it to wait additional months for an extra 200USD when I could leave within like 2 weeks for an after school institution. I'm still thinking about it but I'm leaning more towards just leaving right away and teaching in the second biggest city of Busan. Besides, public school would be the usual 9-5 crap. I'm not really a morning person so I will go with the after school thing of like 4-9pm.
As for my other options I've narrowed them down. Its either going for a Masters in ESL so I can teach at the university level (only 14-20 hours of work a week with really good pay) or go for accounting on a cruise ship or accounting online (remotely). I would have kept IT as an option on a cruise ship but there is one thing that annoys me about that option: Continuing education credits for certification. For the IT degree I would have multiple certs and have to have continue education to keep those multiple certs along with paying a fee for renewal. For accounting you only have the CPA license and one fee associated with that. So, I think I will stick with accounting as my second option. Not to mention that I don't necessarily have to go on a cruise ship. Remote accountants get paid a good 73K per year which is a lot when you consider you can live in the Philippines on 1kUSD per month.
I will see what I pick though I'm leaning towards accounting right now. If that were the case will definitely run LTU since I don't find accounting hard per say but boring and time consuming. Also, I just don't like dealing with people's bullshit. I would prefer a job like accounting where your just dealing with numbers. The good news regarding that is I found out the US territory of Guam has lax requirements for getting CPA certified and its right next to the Philippines. I would just need 1 year of experience to sit for the exam.
Now on to something more sub related. I think I might have had something happen that proves my theory about the resistance "numbing" my emotions as it were. The reason I started finally finishing the last part of my presentation is because I was playing a team center video game where we lost. I got angry and something in my mind went, "I'm tired of doing things that has me relying on other people to get stuff accomplished, I should do something else" then I thought about actually finishing my presentation which only relies on me to get it done. I think this proved that I'm the sort of person who needs some type of emotion to motivate some kind of action as up to this point I was being very lazy about the whole thing. Its like I got angry then the part of me executing the sub latched on to that emotion and turned it into motivation.
The unfortunate part that I realize right now is its mostly when I get angry that this need to better my situation comes out. I noticed that with my last job as well. Being constantly mistreated by higher ups was the main emotion that kept motivating me to get through a lot of courses. The thing is I don't want to keep relying on anger to motivate me to improve my life or get stuff done. It seems very reactionary in my opinion. It makes it clearer now though why the part resisting has made me more flat emotionally. If I get a sort of emotion = I now have the fuel and motivation to act on the instructions. @Shannon I did want to ask you if there is something that can be done about this? You've said you'll close the particular loop hole to keep the subconscious from artificially downgrading emotions but is there something that can be done in the opposite as well? Something to maybe open yourself to more "positive" emotions to motivate you? Hope? Love? etc. As of right now just seems like mostly anger and extreme dissatisfaction that motivates me to move my life forward or even to execute the subs instructions.
Anyway, that is all for now. Hopefully I can keep this up and get out of here soon.
Finally just now sent in my presentation for grading. So that is finally done and now I can move onto some other classes. I will probably go to some ones that have only a final test instead of a writing portion at the moment. With that I should be back to my regular pace of like 5-8 classes a week. I should be graduating in 2-3 weeks then. I did get a little bit of luck recently. Found out I should be getting 3k USD from the university sometime this week. That is actually good news because that means I will have a little bit so that I can potentially even graduate sometime in December instead. I won't do that though. Going to try to graduate in November then I can use that money to pay off some debts I owe (used my mastercard while I was in the Philippines to pay for a few things) and setup my storage unit so I can start storing my car and a few other things so I can leave right away.
I had thought about just waiting a bit so I could teach at a public School and be stationed in a more rural area. For teaching at a rural area you get paid an extra 100USD and if you teach at multiple schools in an rural area you get an extra 100USD. Only thing is I would have to wait til March 1st to start. Honestly, I'm not sure if it is worth it to wait additional months for an extra 200USD when I could leave within like 2 weeks for an after school institution. I'm still thinking about it but I'm leaning more towards just leaving right away and teaching in the second biggest city of Busan. Besides, public school would be the usual 9-5 crap. I'm not really a morning person so I will go with the after school thing of like 4-9pm.
As for my other options I've narrowed them down. Its either going for a Masters in ESL so I can teach at the university level (only 14-20 hours of work a week with really good pay) or go for accounting on a cruise ship or accounting online (remotely). I would have kept IT as an option on a cruise ship but there is one thing that annoys me about that option: Continuing education credits for certification. For the IT degree I would have multiple certs and have to have continue education to keep those multiple certs along with paying a fee for renewal. For accounting you only have the CPA license and one fee associated with that. So, I think I will stick with accounting as my second option. Not to mention that I don't necessarily have to go on a cruise ship. Remote accountants get paid a good 73K per year which is a lot when you consider you can live in the Philippines on 1kUSD per month.
I will see what I pick though I'm leaning towards accounting right now. If that were the case will definitely run LTU since I don't find accounting hard per say but boring and time consuming. Also, I just don't like dealing with people's bullshit. I would prefer a job like accounting where your just dealing with numbers. The good news regarding that is I found out the US territory of Guam has lax requirements for getting CPA certified and its right next to the Philippines. I would just need 1 year of experience to sit for the exam.
Now on to something more sub related. I think I might have had something happen that proves my theory about the resistance "numbing" my emotions as it were. The reason I started finally finishing the last part of my presentation is because I was playing a team center video game where we lost. I got angry and something in my mind went, "I'm tired of doing things that has me relying on other people to get stuff accomplished, I should do something else" then I thought about actually finishing my presentation which only relies on me to get it done. I think this proved that I'm the sort of person who needs some type of emotion to motivate some kind of action as up to this point I was being very lazy about the whole thing. Its like I got angry then the part of me executing the sub latched on to that emotion and turned it into motivation.
The unfortunate part that I realize right now is its mostly when I get angry that this need to better my situation comes out. I noticed that with my last job as well. Being constantly mistreated by higher ups was the main emotion that kept motivating me to get through a lot of courses. The thing is I don't want to keep relying on anger to motivate me to improve my life or get stuff done. It seems very reactionary in my opinion. It makes it clearer now though why the part resisting has made me more flat emotionally. If I get a sort of emotion = I now have the fuel and motivation to act on the instructions. @Shannon I did want to ask you if there is something that can be done about this? You've said you'll close the particular loop hole to keep the subconscious from artificially downgrading emotions but is there something that can be done in the opposite as well? Something to maybe open yourself to more "positive" emotions to motivate you? Hope? Love? etc. As of right now just seems like mostly anger and extreme dissatisfaction that motivates me to move my life forward or even to execute the subs instructions.
Anyway, that is all for now. Hopefully I can keep this up and get out of here soon.
10-30-2018, 12:10 PM
(10-30-2018, 10:21 AM)DarthXedonias Wrote: [ -> ]Time for an update:
Finally just now sent in my presentation for grading. So that is finally done and now I can move onto some other classes. I will probably go to some ones that have only a final test instead of a writing portion at the moment. With that I should be back to my regular pace of like 5-8 classes a week. I should be graduating in 2-3 weeks then. I did get a little bit of luck recently. Found out I should be getting 3k USD from the university sometime this week. That is actually good news because that means I will have a little bit so that I can potentially even graduate sometime in December instead. I won't do that though. Going to try to graduate in November then I can use that money to pay off some debts I owe (used my mastercard while I was in the Philippines to pay for a few things) and setup my storage unit so I can start storing my car and a few other things so I can leave right away.
I had thought about just waiting a bit so I could teach at a public School and be stationed in a more rural area. For teaching at a rural area you get paid an extra 100USD and if you teach at multiple schools in an rural area you get an extra 100USD. Only thing is I would have to wait til March 1st to start. Honestly, I'm not sure if it is worth it to wait additional months for an extra 200USD when I could leave within like 2 weeks for an after school institution. I'm still thinking about it but I'm leaning more towards just leaving right away and teaching in the second biggest city of Busan. Besides, public school would be the usual 9-5 crap. I'm not really a morning person so I will go with the after school thing of like 4-9pm.
As for my other options I've narrowed them down. Its either going for a Masters in ESL so I can teach at the university level (only 14-20 hours of work a week with really good pay) or go for accounting on a cruise ship or accounting online (remotely). I would have kept IT as an option on a cruise ship but there is one thing that annoys me about that option: Continuing education credits for certification. For the IT degree I would have multiple certs and have to have continue education to keep those multiple certs along with paying a fee for renewal. For accounting you only have the CPA license and one fee associated with that. So, I think I will stick with accounting as my second option. Not to mention that I don't necessarily have to go on a cruise ship. Remote accountants get paid a good 73K per year which is a lot when you consider you can live in the Philippines on 1kUSD per month.
I will see what I pick though I'm leaning towards accounting right now. If that were the case will definitely run LTU since I don't find accounting hard per say but boring and time consuming. Also, I just don't like dealing with people's *****. I would prefer a job like accounting where your just dealing with numbers. The good news regarding that is I found out the US territory of Guam has lax requirements for getting CPA certified and its right next to the Philippines. I would just need 1 year of experience to sit for the exam.
Now on to something more sub related. I think I might have had something happen that proves my theory about the resistance "numbing" my emotions as it were. The reason I started finally finishing the last part of my presentation is because I was playing a team center video game where we lost. I got angry and something in my mind went, "I'm tired of doing things that has me relying on other people to get stuff accomplished, I should do something else" then I thought about actually finishing my presentation which only relies on me to get it done. I think this proved that I'm the sort of person who needs some type of emotion to motivate some kind of action as up to this point I was being very lazy about the whole thing. Its like I got angry then the part of me executing the sub latched on to that emotion and turned it into motivation.
The unfortunate part that I realize right now is its mostly when I get angry that this need to better my situation comes out. I noticed that with my last job as well. Being constantly mistreated by higher ups was the main emotion that kept motivating me to get through a lot of courses. The thing is I don't want to keep relying on anger to motivate me to improve my life or get stuff done. It seems very reactionary in my opinion. It makes it clearer now though why the part resisting has made me more flat emotionally. If I get a sort of emotion = I now have the fuel and motivation to act on the instructions. @Shannon I did want to ask you if there is something that can be done about this? You've said you'll close the particular loop hole to keep the subconscious from artificially downgrading emotions but is there something that can be done in the opposite as well? Something to maybe open yourself to more "positive" emotions to motivate you? Hope? Love? etc. As of right now just seems like mostly anger and extreme dissatisfaction that motivates me to move my life forward or even to execute the subs instructions.
Anyway, that is all for now. Hopefully I can keep this up and get out of here soon.
I am working on it. Right now, spending time working on other things directly, but working out how to approach and deal with these issues you bring up. Right now, I haven't figured out the "how" yet.
11-01-2018, 05:57 AM
(10-30-2018, 12:10 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I am working on it. Right now, spending time working on other things directly, but working out how to approach and deal with these issues you bring up. Right now, I haven't figured out the "how" yet.
Thanks Shannon. I really appreciate all your hard work on this.
Thought I would give an update. I unfortunately skipped my first day ever due to resistance I think. It was due to having to deal with what I had reported on. I "feared" that sooner or later the Nihilism that I had experience on 3.2 would comeback and unfortunately I was right. I know who I am dealing with now. I'm dealing with myself at about 13-14 years old. That's when the nihilism had started. I guess this requires more explanation and quite frankly that was a very dark time during my life. As usual I wouldn't share this type of thing but I know I need to give as much detailed info as possible to make sure the feedback I give helps with the development of the program. I also want to write this all down before I forget since this all came to me once I woke up again.
This was during the time when I was being emotionally abused when I interacted with my mother and when I was at the private school I would be constantly made fun of every single day. Getting to the point where I just withdrew into myself and just kept to myself mostly. I noticed when I woke up somethings were pointed out to me that I hadn't really considered in context before. The underlying message I kept on receiving in my interactions with people at school or at home. What was definitely pointed out to me was the anti male sentiment I kept on getting. My mother is self explanatory. At the school though it felt like the boys were treated like they didn't matter at all. Girls could get away with all sorts of stuff (Boys could if they were "cool" enough).
I remember one time both me and this other guy hadn't shaved and the female teacher was about to send both of us to talk to the school administrator. The other guy just cracked a joke and he was left off from having to go. I was sent there by myself. A minor example but kind of shows the favoritism. What was brought up as well was the fact how "feminine" the men were. All the male teachers acted like cucks. Boys would be held accountable even for minor things but girls? Nope, no accountability what so ever. Even then there were times the male teachers would just tried to avoid conflict at any cost. For example, I remember one guy getting picked on and being confronted aggressively right in front of a teacher and the teacher just pretended like he was reading his newspaper to avoid conflict.
The moment that stood out the most though was when the problems at home were getting so bad that I could barely take it anymore. There was one point I went to the school administrator about my problems I was having with my mother. The advice he gave me? Essentially shut up, your opinions and feelings don't matter and just respect "wamen" (As the meme goes these days). It was soon after this I had a kind of supernatural vision as it were (won't go into too much detail about that). I am certain at that point had I not had that supernatural experience I would have took my own life at 18 years old.
I now understand now why I have so much negativity and anguish in my life though or keep manifesting it. At around 14 years old that was all I had around me at the time and so that is all I thought their was to life. Because of that and to keep myself going at the time I did the only thing that seemed to be conceivable to me at the time. If all I had was negativity (Anger, depression, rage, etc) then I guess I can only make due with that to keep me going forward. I used the anger of the injustices done to me to motivate me. A kind of "I will show them" type attitude. Hence anger became the way I tried to fuel myself to move forward. Only thing is anger takes a toll on you and soon enough I just lost myself sort of.
This is how I've gotten to the point of only being motivated by that when it came up. The reason i fell into nihilism though is because I saw all this anguish and despair and really asked myself what is the point in anything anymore? Nothing matters if all there is is this and then to finally die at some point. On the other note, I don't want to be fueled by anger anymore and neither do I want to keep living in this negative dogmatic view I have caged myself in. Only thing is its like a certain part of me keeps on searching for a way out of this "prison" I have created for myself of which I am my own jailer. The part that wants to get out just doesn't know how. The part resisting any changing is just dogmatic in its view that this is all there is just like it was when I was a teen.
Anything to the contrary is "not for us" or it is just too "afraid" to move beyond the cage. I remember when I went on my trip I actually felt very happy for the most part every day because I felt free and that I could actually be myself and people would react positively. With that came this underlying fear though of even just being happy and content. Like "this isn't the way it is suppose to be" and the fact that I didn't "feel use to feeling this way". Having the old view is more safe and familiar. I just want to find a way out of this but don't know "how" to get out. What does one do when all their life they've been told they essentially aren't worth shit (especially because they have a Y Chromosome), their feelings and worries don't matter. When all you have had for a long time is negativity, anger and despair and a deep part of your subconscious has just dogmatically accepted that as your reality? The fallacy that your past experience should dictate your future? This idea that I'm shit and I have to continually feel like shit or have negative things happen to me because that's the way its suppose to be. I know its irrational seeing as I experienced the total opposite when in another country yet this resisting part of dogmatic about it.
I don't even know how I'm suppose to deal with this part of myself. Either way, just thought I would let this out there. That's what I'm dealing with at the moment. I will keep on going with the sub though this nihilism at times is paralyzing and it is causing me to be lazy now. I'm also feeling this anger and agitation coming up a lot. Any comments or suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
11-01-2018, 05:33 PM
KEEP GOING. FRM can't work if you don't keep going. This is coming up because FRM is working on it.
11-05-2018, 10:23 AM
Well, thought I would update.
I kept going for a while, until Shannon announced the new versions for US/LM and UM/OP. For when I kept running it I did start to feel better though I still noticed it was dealing with the things I mentioned above. Didn't feel any change in the last couple of days but hopefully with the new versions of the program I might get the break-thru I need. Still haven't decided which one I will run. I still felt good motivation on that last version of US/LM at least until I started resisting hardcore. UM/OP would probably better for me directly but I might run US/LM3 instead since it should be out sometime this week. Since this whole cycle thing is going on UM/OP might be out soon as well but there might be delays and I need to get back on my courses as soon as possible. I want to graduate this month if possible.
In other news, don't know if this is maybe TID from running the new US/LM3 but yet another and better option did present itself to me recently for maybe retiring early and getting back to the Philippines like I planned. It was an option I had thought about earlier this year but kind of dismissed it due to the prices of video cards at the time. I could easily start mining the crypto currency Monero. I actually have the know how (with previous working in IT) to build the required rigs. With my pay from Korea I did the calculations and I could easily build 2 to 3 rigs within a year of being there. That would amount to easily 60-90k USD per year afterwards. This looks like a even better option than what I had considered. One year of work pretty much then retirement to the Philippines afterwards. Only thing I would have to do is make sure the rigs are in working order every once in a while and upgrade when needed. Other than that I can do pretty much whatever I want throughout the day.
Of course I will keep reinvesting all the money, most likely in real estate and stocks when I can. Don't want to keep all my eggs in one basket as they say. If that's the case though, I might want keep at the teaching gig for at least 2-3 years. I want to get to the point that I'm making 500k USD per year. I've always wanted to own eventually a Super car and looks like this might be possible now. Anyway, hope all goes well for the new versions of the sub.
I kept going for a while, until Shannon announced the new versions for US/LM and UM/OP. For when I kept running it I did start to feel better though I still noticed it was dealing with the things I mentioned above. Didn't feel any change in the last couple of days but hopefully with the new versions of the program I might get the break-thru I need. Still haven't decided which one I will run. I still felt good motivation on that last version of US/LM at least until I started resisting hardcore. UM/OP would probably better for me directly but I might run US/LM3 instead since it should be out sometime this week. Since this whole cycle thing is going on UM/OP might be out soon as well but there might be delays and I need to get back on my courses as soon as possible. I want to graduate this month if possible.
In other news, don't know if this is maybe TID from running the new US/LM3 but yet another and better option did present itself to me recently for maybe retiring early and getting back to the Philippines like I planned. It was an option I had thought about earlier this year but kind of dismissed it due to the prices of video cards at the time. I could easily start mining the crypto currency Monero. I actually have the know how (with previous working in IT) to build the required rigs. With my pay from Korea I did the calculations and I could easily build 2 to 3 rigs within a year of being there. That would amount to easily 60-90k USD per year afterwards. This looks like a even better option than what I had considered. One year of work pretty much then retirement to the Philippines afterwards. Only thing I would have to do is make sure the rigs are in working order every once in a while and upgrade when needed. Other than that I can do pretty much whatever I want throughout the day.
Of course I will keep reinvesting all the money, most likely in real estate and stocks when I can. Don't want to keep all my eggs in one basket as they say. If that's the case though, I might want keep at the teaching gig for at least 2-3 years. I want to get to the point that I'm making 500k USD per year. I've always wanted to own eventually a Super car and looks like this might be possible now. Anyway, hope all goes well for the new versions of the sub.