Haven't updated in a while due to various reasons. The main reason being that my PC broke down a couple of weeks ago (21 days to be exact). Had a power outage that happened and it overcharged the components in my custom built PC. Literally had to replace the ram, motherboard, and CPU. Process took even longer because all the first parts I ordered from amazon arrived damaged -_-''. I will have a more detailed report in a week or so but thought I would just give a small report on something that happened last Thursday night.
-Valid tester-
First I should mention that I find that I react way better to version 2.2 than to either version 2.0 or 2.1. The heat, hunger, euphoria, and feeling of energy is way more consistent than to me than the previous versions so I give lots of thanks to Shannon for the upgrades he did to this version. Though sometimes the feeling of energy and euphoria seems kinda of overwhelming at times. Its like I don't want to just sit still while I'm running the program.
Anyway, about the incident. I arrived last Thursday night at work for the opening night of Star trek. Actually arrived early so I could see if I noticed any affects on my co-workers, though I ended up starting early so I could leave early. I was working register that night for the concessions stand. The other person working the other register was right across from me. A little bit about this girl.She is young, very light skinned Filipina. She could easily be misidentified as Chinese or Japanese. She is very, very introverted and shy to a degree. I can't think of barely any time when she we've actually really exchanged words with each other besides "hello" and "bye". Well, that really changed that night. When there weren't customers ready to be served I would end up moving towards her side so I could talk to her. This happened all the time when there was no customers around.
What gave me the indications that she was having interest in me was her laughing. For whatever reason she started laughing at a lot of the things I said even when they weren't even funny. There was one time when I went on my break I bought something real quick and had her ring me up. I told her I didn't need the receipt and she started laughing for no reason (WTF?). I notice she kept on doing this when I talked to her and she had this very big smile on her face. When I would have to ring up a customer at my register she would go back to her usual stoic, calm demeanor but as soon as I came back to talk to her, her mood would immediately brighten up and she would have this big smile on her face. She was basically acting very "girly" in my presence. I would say she was exposed to my aura for about 4 hours. She left 30 mins before I did but as she walked by on her wait out she said goodbye with a big smile on her face and started giggling. Some part of me noticed these signs during our conversation and I had a voice in the back of my head telling me to tell her we should hang out. Unfortunately, for whatever reason (mostly fear of rejection I believe) I didn't heed that voice and made up the excuse of that I could probably ask her some other time since I work with her sometimes. we will see how she reacts the next time I see her and then I probably won't have a excuse not to hang out with her. I do feel like I was on "auto-pilot" while talking to her. I felt very, very high energy and playful to a degree. If you know anything about me that is nothing like what I usually am. I'm usually the laid back guy who interjects himself into a conversation and makes smart ass remarks.
Even though I wasn't going to mention anything else I will mention a few other things. There is one other girl who has been reacting a bit more. Shes also more on the soft and quiet side, though she can talk more freely once she gets to know you more. I had the feeling even while I was running E2 that she had some attraction towards me. During 2.1 I noticed this kinda of increased in the fact that I would be standing around wait to clean theaters with her sometimes and she would be hover within my space. Haven't worked with her that much during 2.2 but she does try to engage me in conversation more and seems more at ease doing so. Unfortunately, shes only about to be a senior in Highschool (Darn age of consent laws -_-'') so can't really doing much about it. There is another girl (who is legal) that i'm interested in but haven't worked in the same department with her since I began V2.2. Shes a very pretty half Hispanic/half Filipina with very pretty hazel eyes and a nice body. I noticed on 2.1 she was giving some indications she was attracted. I think it was Chaos who mentioned the IOI of the female looking at you, then looking down right away, then looking back at you. She did this about 3 or 4 times one day on V2.1. We would be walking past each other, she would look at me then quickly look down and then just as we are about to pass each other she would look at me again. Later that day when I had just gotten off my shift I went to the Soda fountain machine to fill my bottle real quick. She was just a few feet near by restocking bottles. I noticed while I was deciding on what to get she stared at me, then restocked some bottles then stared at me a second time. It was like she was trying to think of something to initiate a conversation with me. I decided to get some Lemonade ice tea and she started talking to me about ice tea and how she makes her own. We talked for a few seconds then I left. I'm very interested to see how she might react to my presence on V2.2.
Other than those things I've just noticed my female co-workers try to initiate me in conversation more often than just leaving me alone like they usually would. Anyway, thats all I have for now. Will try to update in a week or 2. Take care all!
-Not sure which day I'm on Forgot which day DMSI 2.2 came out-
Ok, wasn't going to write anything about this until I was able to test for external results but the internal results so far are amazing to say the least. Long story short: I ended up carpet bombing my subconscious with the ultrasonic track for almost a straight week. So, in 5G terms I ended up getting 96 days of exposure in a week. I started last Monday at around 12:15 am and didn't really stop until a couple of hours ago. The only time I stopped the sub was to go take a shower and to see the Jason Bourne movie Friday Morning. Why did I do this? Part me just wanted to do this for more of the healing aspect in the sub in order to dissolve any resistance I might have to obtaining the goals of the sub. Also, I didn't want to give my subconscious a chance to mount much resistance.
For full disclosure, I have been micro-dosing a herb called Iboga since Friday afternoon. Seems to act synergistic with the sub in some ways. I have micro dose this herb before and know its affects so I can somewhat differentiate between its affects and the sub effects. Main benefit seems a lift in mood but also I'm more aware of my "internal" workings as it was. For example, when I feel fear I can pinpoint exactly where the fear is coming from. The herb seems to have some dispersonalization effects, so its like I might be doing something but Its also me observing myself doing it if that makes any sense. Seems to go the same for observing my emotions, I'm able to see them from a objective view.
Anyway, so results is probably what everyone is interested in. Like I said, really haven't been out to test since I've been in my room for like almost a week getting those hours up (I listen through turtle beaches on my PC on VLC player). Internal results though, simply amazing. Like a hour after I finally stopped listening is like my mind started executing the sub a lot more after being carpet bombed. I should mention that this whole week I didn't get a ache in my head like if I were to listen to 5G too much. I figure this might happen since the sub has the 30/20 ratio to keep my brain from being over loaded. Granted after the first day I did feel groggy for most of Tuesday. After that though I was pretty much neutral (in mood and energy level) the rest of the week.
I did notice though that the sub would start executing more shortly after I was done taking a shower. I remember Shannon saying that the aura reaches max Energy about 30mins after the last loop. I would notice I would get this surge of energy and happiness. I felt like I couldn't stay still and wanted to go out. I would quickly soon put the sub back on and would go back to being neutral. I'm guessing I was going back into "processing" mode.
Anyway, as I said stopped a couple of hours ago. One hour afterwards I started getting full of energy and lots of euphoria. Also, even a couple of hours later I'm am full of confidence and feel like anything is possible for me. It feels like I dissolved a lot of the misconceptions and fears I had around Relationships, sex, and people in general. I feel great! I actually want to go out and socialize more now as well. I can pretty much say that I feel like "Goal #2" and "Goal #4" are in full affect at the moment. Won't be able to tell about any of the others until I test it tomorrow when i got to work. Either way, I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel very free right now.
Luckily, I will be only be working tomorrow and will be free for the rest of the week (Been very slow at the movie theater). So, will be able to do the samething again except this time I will be doing it with the Trickling stream track. I want to hit a deep portion of my subconscious because I even with all this positive stuff going on the surface I still sense along the edges of my awareness that something is not "Comfortable" with the way I'm feeling right now. Also, for whatever reason when I think about running the masked track for almost an entire week its like I get this sense of fear. I'm guessing its the old programming afraid that it will be done away with by the weeks end so its trying to fill me with dread about running it.
Anyway, just wanted to give this very short report. Hope you guys have a great week!
P.S. Feel free to ask me any questions since I was probably not very specific to some people's liking.
Quick update: Went to work today and noticed a big difference. It felt like I was on autopilot all day. I barely had to think about saying anything. It all just came straight out of my mouth without any filter. I would only say there was about 5% of the time where I might stall for a second to say something and usually I would end up saying it anyway. I noticed more of the social rockstar type vibe today. It seem liked everyone wanted to talk to me and with big smiles on their face. I also noticed lots of respect from men (Namely calling me boss,etc multiples times) and women acting overly polite and excited. I noticed when when I talked to my female coworkers it would be to the point of them being very excited, smiling broadly, and sometimes talking very loudly to the point of yelling.
Definitely feel like getting those 96 days worth did a drastic change. I also felt very present, like my mind pretty much never wondered. The other self change I noticed is I was very social and enjoyed it a lot. I'm pretty certain at this point I can safely say I'm a extrovert instead of a introvert now. I feel also that i'm turning from a intuition Brig Myers personality trait to a Sensor. Before AM6 I was a INTP. After AM6 I turned into a INTJ. After Women magnet I became more of a ENFJ. And now I just took the test again and here are the results:
80% Extraverted vs 20% Introverted
41% Intuitive vs 59% Observant
71% Thinking vs 29% feeling
49% Judging vs 51% Prospecting
93% Assertive (Very confidant in abilities) vs Turbulant
So, I became a ESTP. Granted my J/P is practically borderline so I could easily be a ESTJ as well. I feel like this is very close to how I use to be when I was like 12 and under before I experienced a lot of the traumas that made me close myself in a shell. I think I like that I'm getting back to that, if not better. Back then I had no problems talking to women (pretty much like now) and I even had girls admit that they liked me. I feel like I just need one more big push and I will be at a very good stable level emotionally and personality wise. Hopefully this up coming week long plunge into DMSI land again will help me get there. After that I will keep doing week long sub uses again in order to maintain what I have and even become better than before.
Hey Darth,
what exactly do you mean by 'carpet bombing', 21-24 hours a day?
Raz: What I mean by carpet bombing is I literally started listening to the ultrasonic on last Monday (The 25th) at around 12:15am and didn't stop listening to the sub until some time on Saturday the 30th. The only breaks I took were to take a shower at times (20-30mins at most) and to watch Jason Bourne on friday morning. Those were the only breaks. So, in 5G terms I got pretty much the equivalent of 98 days of exposure in a week.
On another note I forgot to mention a few things that happened. I was working in box office on Sunday along with another girl that I work with sometimes. I really haven't been able to connect with this girl before and even started thinking that while I was sitting with her there. But all of a sudden we started connecting in some strange way automatically and I think it was the auto pilot kicking in because I started finding myself opening her in conversation without thinking and she seemed to have that same excitement when talking that I mentioned above. Another thing is she kept on asking me on how to do things in box office, it was weird. I will explain. I've only worked in the Box office department maybe 8 days at most over the last couple of weeks. I'm pretty darn sure she has worked in that department many times over how many times I have worked there. Yet she kept on asking me how to do things. Another thing also was that every time the phone would ring she kept on saying that she could get it even though she might be in the middle of doing something and I would be free and not doing anything at the moment. Maybe someone can explain this weird behavior to me?
A few other things to mention. I went to have my lunch break at the burger place called Five guys. The new guy there seemed overtly friendly to me when he rung me up and when I got rung up and was about to sit down to wait for my food he automatically got off the register and ran to the table I was about to sit at the said, "Let me clean that up for you" and started wiping it down. My order was called by a woman that I've seen working their multiple times. She usually rings me up. She usually has this bored/disinterested expression on her face. I went to the counter to collect my food and instead of just sitting the bag on the counter like she usually does she walked slowly to me with this look that seemed part nervous/scared and in awe. She gently held the bag out to me like some offering though as I think about it I noticed as soon as my hand got close to her its like she lost strength in her arms and the bag almost fell. She then nervously said, "Have a nice day". Don't know why she acted that way but given that I practically ran DMSI for 144 hours straight I might have seemed like some kinda of super nova with my aura. On my way out the same guy from before said, "Have a very good day sir". Mind you had been waiting for a while and he never said this to any of the other customers while I was there.
The last thing I noticed was when I ran a family up in box office, 2 adults/ 1 child, as the family left I heard the kid (probably 8 or 9 years old) say, "That man was really nice!". In my mind I was like "WTF?". Anyway, in general I would say most of the effects I saw on Sunday were High social status related. There might have been some attraction in there but its hard to tell. I know some things about body language but I wasn't really paying attention too much I felt very happy, content, and energized with just being in the moment and socializing.
As of right now I just started the tricking stream track up a few mins ago and ain't going to be stopping for almost another straight 144 hours. I "carpet bombed" the high level of the subconscious now its time to get to the root of the problem and do the same to the lower levels. After this week is finished I'm probably just going to either listen to only the ultrasonic or use the alternating method. We shall see. (Picks up a book to read to keep self from being bored to death for the next week >_>''')
-Day 2 of Carpet bombing with Trickling stream-
Noticeable results so far: very, very tired and horny would some it up pretty nicely. I expected a lot of tiredness on the first day of this but now its the second day and I woke up exhausted. I just want to lay in bed all day. The horniness has been extreme. I've been really tempted to look at porn but have resisted it very well so far. Some times its very noticeable and even when its not noticeable I can feel it just prowling along the edges of consciousness. I'm also very aware at times of this very sensual energy swirling along my arms and hands. I also noticed early this morning, around 2am or so, that I started feeling like electricity was crackling on my skin up and down my legs. Hunger has been noticeable here and there.
I can tell the trickling stream track is dealing with some deep stuff in my head that the ultrasonic wasn't able to deal with. Last week with the ultrasonic track I was only really tired on the first day and I didn't really get much resistance. As I mentioned before, its the second day and still woke up very tired slept an additional 4-5 hours. The resistance has been crazy. At least once every 1 or 2 loops I get this thought of stopping or taking a break. Luckily, that's been getting less and less as I feel the resistance starting to dissolve. I noticed that sometimes, during the silence portions, I would get the thoughts to stop and then during the next silence in the sub those thoughts would be gone and I feel energized and some what happy. I realized too that when I woke up this morning I felt very tired but very at peace and relaxed. Like something very big had been dealt with over night. Well despite this resistance, which can't last forever, I'm going to keep pushing on!:
"They are in front of us, behind us, and we are flanked on both sides by an enemy that
outnumbers us 29:1. They can't get away from us now!
"Great. Now we can shoot at those bastards from every direction."
-Chesty Puller, World War II
ok, I thought I should update since I'm seeing the same stuff that other people on 2.3 are mentioning (Though not all of it). Where to begin. For internal stuff I am definitely getting that IDGAF attitude. It started to appear only a couple of days after I started 2.3. Its like when I'm at home I think about how I can get the sub to work better or what might be impeding results. When I go out though I don't care really at all about any IOIs I might get. I've also noticed some anger/frustration popping up. Its like I'm frustrated at not getting the kinda of sex life I want but feel confused about how to get it. Lastly, I've felt the pull to do more self development, mainly ASC 5G. There was one day I kept on thinking that I needed more confidence, like outrageous amounts of it. I do feel Deity like confidence should be something that should be something included in V3 so guys can dominantly and confidently approach women who are giving them IOIs.
As for external results, those have been iffy. Last Wednesday I was at work and standing at door (ripping tickets). I had 2 instances that were interesting. The first one had to do with this older woman (nice rack but wasn't that great looking, pretty average). For some reason when I saw her something in my mind said, "Somethings about to happen" and I focused on her. She came up, ripped her ticket, and then she proceeded to walk off. Before she got to far off she stopped and tried to start conversation with me by asking a question. I couldn't understand though because she kept fumbling over her words. After a few seconds she said "never mind" and just walked off. I guess this might have been the repelling affect that people are talking about or she was just too afraid from being sexually wired.
The second incident involved a older woman as well though she was much better looking. Blonde, with a slim body, nice butt, and perky tits. For this one I kept on getting this intuitive sense that she was a very "sexual" woman. I also saw this in the way she stood and the way she walked as well. She came in with some guy (husband? Boyfriend? Orbitor?idk). While the guy was buying tickets at the terminal (about 20 feet to the left of me) she didn't stand next to him. Instead she came close to where I was (about 8 feet away from me). She kinda of positioned herself so she was prominently in my view and was standing in a way that was almost like she was posing in a way to show off her body. I did notice that even though she looked straight ahead a lot of the time she would keep stealing glances at me. When the guy bought the tickets and they came to the podium I ripped them. The guy said thank you then she "leaned" in with a exaggerated smile on her face and said in a very sensual way thank you. The guy walked ahead while she took her time. Walked past me very slowly, with a lot of sway in her hips.
When I went back to work on Sunday things got a little interesting. I decide the night before to try a different music player for the sub, Audacity. I also manual lowered the volume a bit on my head phones. Doing these 2 things made me really feel the effect of the sub. I got the euphoria but then I got the hunger within mins. Even with the previous versions the hunger thing would be very hit and miss but using a different player seemed to bring on the common effects immediately. I ended up doing about 8 loops (alarm didn't go off). Wasn't that tired as much when I woke up. Then something interesting happened. I had lost track of my vape pen and was looking for it for mins before I could walk out the door (eventually found it). Before I found it though I found a crystal laying on the floor behind the headboard of my bed. I had never noticed this thing there before. I basically said "Why not", held it and took it with me. What I noticed though was that was while I held it throughout the day (or held it in my pocket) I would constantly and consistently feel the aura. While I had that thing there was at no point when the aura felt like it faded away. So it seems like crystals can power up the aura (you will still need to eat though, except it won't be aura induced hunger).
I don't know what type of crystal it is (been trying to find out) but I can guess at what it does based on the metaphysical properties. I felt lots of energy, had almost no negativity, felt in the zone, inner dialogue was almost none existent, and felt lots of euphoria (though I think that was from it powering the aura). I do think I found one negative to using a crystal with this aura though. I think when you use a crystal it powers the DMSI aura but it also "tweaks" it a bit with that particular crystals traits. For example, I had the feeling that this crystal has luck manifestation properties. That day at work due to a shortage of people in another department I got moved from the department I was working in that day (concessions, which I hate) to Box office (which I generally like doing). This almost never happens. Also, later that day (it was a busy day) one of my manager's gave me a free movie pass for working so hard. That also very, rarely happens because I believe they aren't suppose to hand though out. So the gist of it is, crystal will power the aura but if you want it to be effective for a particular use (DMSI goals) it needs to be a compatible crystal for that aim. For DMSI's goals I would probably think it would have to be Fire opal, Carnelian, or basically any orange, or reddish crystal/stone.
Anyway, that's all that has been going on so far. I might post a picture of the crystal later to see if anyone on the board might know what it is. Been searching to see whats what it is so I can know whats it doing exactly. As a Side note though I probably won't be using this again since I want to give Shannon Reliable information on what DMSI is doing. Can't do that when I implement a unknown element.
ah, almost forgot. For that day I used the crystal I only noticed some things as far as attraction was concerned. I noticed lots of women gave me this very exaggerated full face smile. I also noticed that a female co-worker, who was exposed to the aura hours at a time, was very animated and excited when talking to me. She usually isn't that animated and she seemed very eager to continue our conversations when we weren't working.
Only done 4 loops last night and haven't been able to test it for external results yet. I will say though this Sub is awesome so far for internal effects though and I think this will be the version of DMSI that really works for me based on what happened last night. On the previous versions the self effects would always be inconsistent ( feeling hot, hunger, tingles, etc) and it felt like my subconscious was only going "half way" to following the program, probably out of resistance. Well, that was totally different last night. I first noticed energy moving around in my feet and then it started to engulf my entire lower half. I then felt a lot of energy in my belly though that felt insignificant to what happened next. My body started burning up. I felt my self giving off so much heat that I contemplated turning the sub off because it was getting really hot (Felt it on my face as well). The other thing though is I think this hunger is going to kill me. I started feeling hungry like 6 mins in to the first loop. Luckily, I had a glass of Almond milk with Glutamine mixed in. I drank half of it but then during the second half of the first loop I started getting hungry again. So, I drank the last half of the milk. "Then" when I got on the 2nd loop I started feeling hungry again >_< .
For mental effects, I can defintely see why Shannon says not to play this while driving. For a lot of the time I just kept on staring out in space while vaping. It also felt my my perception of things changed some how. During some of the time too I kept having this inner monologue (positive) like certain phrases kept on popping up (I can do anything, I can have any woman I want, IDGAF, etc). The IDGAF attitude I was having was different from 2.3. With 2.3 it felt like I had the IDGAF attitude out of frustration or anger but with 2.4 it felt like I IDGAF because simply IDGAF if that makes sense. It felt very natural. I did feel some euphoria but it felt more in the background. The interesting thing though was when the laughter started. For some unknown reasons I would start having these random laughing fits essentially about nothing. My confidence was very high. I felt invincible.
It will probably be a day or so before I can test it out for external results but I'm liking what I'm feeling at the moment. I don't know which tech specifically it is (or maybe a combination of the new techs) that is causing this but I guess I'm not really resisting parts of the script like I was. I just want to thank Shannon for this awesome product so far.
And just as I finished that post, I started feeling euphoria again and having bouts of laughter.. WTF!!!
Edit: 2 mins after this I'm starting to feel heat in my stomach and chest area.
Well, where to begin. I guess I should start with a couple of things I've noticed on this sub. I have noticed a lot of things having to do with Goal #2 going on. I've become a lot more calm in my disposition and more confidant regarding women. I have noticed the status hits other people have mentioned. Been getting a lot of "Sir's" and Thank you very much in a very humble way when doing things for other people. As far as noticeable hits I can only really think of 2. I was covering someone at door (Ripping tickets) for their lunch. I was standing their eating mashmellows occasionally since it was a slow night. Two women come by, I rip their tickets and just as the second one is about to pass by me she stops and asks,' What are the jet puffs for?" (Trying to start conversation which rarely happens on this post). Before I can say anything though the first one behind me says, "For throwing people, now come on". I laugh it off but find it kinda of strange. I have the feeling if she was by herself things might have progress different. The more major one that happened that night though was that I ripped the tickets of another two women and I told them it was in theater 18. One of the women says, "Ah, thats nice of you but I'm actually 28" and as she passes by she rubs my shoulder. At this point i'm like, "WTF was that?". I've sat door many times and I can't ever really remember a woman acting like that then actually touch me.
One other thing, there is a certain co-worker that has been working at my job for a couple of weeks now but I've never really talked to her. Apparently she is a big flirt and talkative. I was working near her on a register and something in my mind kept on saying to talk to her. After about 5 mins I finally said something to her (can't remember what). She put on a big smile and started chatting to me a lot. She even got her phone out and started listening to music while dancing while smiling at me. Kinda of showing off I guess. When then started to talk about music a bit and she wanted to show me what she listened to. She took her phone out and got right next to me and leaned in to me a bit to show me. She was literally in my personal space and stayed that way for a good 4 to 5 mins. When I think about when I've seen her talk to other guys I've never seen her actually get in their personal space. The only problem is that shes 16... so off limits unfortunately.
Now for the main thing that I wanted to talk about. No, I didn't get laid yet but it seems like things might be moving in that direction. For context I should start from the beginning. There is another women who has been working their for a couple of months. I hadn't really talked to her but a couple of weeks back I started getting that prodding in my mind again to talk to her while we were in the break room. I had noticed that she sits in the break room and usually is reading either Manga or Game of Thrones so I started a conversation about anime. Before I know it shes talking all excited and keeps on going on and on. It got to the point that the conversation might die down a bit then she would still just stand there just waiting for me to continue it or she might continue it herself to keep it going. She literally got somewhat in trouble one time. One of my co-workers came in the break room and told her, "Aren't you suppose to be back already?" (She was on a 15mins break). Instead of apologizing or being sorry about it she literally stared at the guy and told him , "I am really going to kill you" lol. I also have noticed since that she seems to be very excited and expressive when talking to me. She does that occasionally with other people but with me its constantly every time we start talking.
Now for a little bit of a sidetrack but it is related. I think it was around last weekend I kinda of had a break through (or so I thought). I felt like I had really mastered non-neediness and felt like sex really didn't matter that much(Didn't feel any desire at all really). Though something in the back of my head didn't feel right. More on that later. I ended up deciding to start the gym again and I still had 2 vials of trenbolone from back in my military days so I started using that again along with a natural testosterone booster to keep my test levels optimum. The thing is that within a few hours of taking the testosterone booster a sudden revelation shot through my head. The women I mentioned tried to hint at me trying to get her phone number. It was when we were talking that the first time non-stop and then she said something like, "I really need to talk and hang out with you more". I kinda of smirked and said you sure do (I had looked at something on my phone real quick). She then repeated it again and I was wondering why she was mentioning this. There was a few moments of silence but we ended up talking about something else again. When I had such a realization about what she was hinting at I felt like such a idiot and was kinda of angry at myself.
To pull this all together I think I might have realized another thing (Though its only a theory and only Shannon can probably tell me if its true or not). I believe even though for the most part I wasn't resisting I think as a last ditch effort to sabotage myself I think my subconscious might have lowered my test levels a lot. Hence why I've been feeling a lack of desire lately. I know Shannon said the program is very targeted as far as compatible women but I wonder, assuming it has to do also with women you are sexually attracted to, that maybe my subconscious tanked my test levels as a form of resistance as to not comply with the instructions. It makes sense to me because I don't know why all of a sudden after my test levels are rising due to a test booster that I would all of sudden I would get a epiphany to something that happened weeks ago. Either way its just a theory.
After finding this out I looked up the schedule of when she would be working again (we often don't work at the same times or same days). I did use the excuse of getting back something I lend to her back a couple of weeks ago but also I was determined to get her number so we could hang out more. So, I went back to work today and saw her. She automatically gave back the anime series I lent her and started talking excitedly again (to the point I thought she was going to get in trouble again). Anyway, I ended up asking her for her number so we could watch a movie I had gotten. She kinda of pause for a second and her face went kinda of blank. She said she would be kinda of busy this week but next week sure. I got her number and talked to her a bit more before I left. This is kinda of out of character for me. I have never asked for a girls number in my life yet I did so and as I did I felt like a lot of any nervousness i had just evaporate and felt like I was doing it automatically (Auto-pilot?). Afterwards It didn't feel like too big of a deal what I had done. I wasn't excited afterwards or anything just extremely present and in the moment.
I only just noticed as I got back and started writing this that my body seems to be giving off some heat. Don't know if I was giving any off while I was talking to her, wasn't paying attention. Anyway, I would say so far I'm pretty happy with this program so far and will see if it actually gets me to cooperate with reaching the end goal. We shall see.
Side note: Sorry for any grammatical errors, really too tired at the moment to error check.
Well, been a while but have some stuff to report. I will start reporting more often to give Shannon more feedback because I think i might be in the same boat as Catman and Swisston but for different reasons probably. I think my resistance is based on a lot of trauma I had in the past concerning my interactions with people and my own sexuality. Things with the girl I mentioned in the last post might not be going anyway unfortunately because of one of my co-workers acting like a @ss. This was someone I trusted but he did something that sabotaged what was going on. He had noticed that me and this girl had started to talk more and I had mentioned that we were going to hang out. So he asked me if I was interested in her, I said yeah but I would have to get to know her more and see where it goes. To give you an idea I'm 8 years older than her.
After a while I actually was truly interested in her. I liked her more for her personality than her looks (Shes probably more of a 7 or 6.5/10, not ugly just she looks really plain). I did start to notice things might have started to progress I noticed things like: Her touching me while talking to me(There was at least one time where she held her hand on my shoulder for a while), caught her staring at me at times, when she was in my presence I noticed (especially when I started 3.0) I would have her total attention. There was one time though where I joked in a friendly way that we have a "love hate" relationship (I meant this more in a friends sort of way). She then acted all shy and said something like "I don't necessarily love you blah, blah, etc" (Almost like she was giving the we are friends speech but not using the words friend at all). I was wondering where that came from as I was just joking around (I noticed when I'm around her the autopilot seems to kick right away).
Also yesterday I was playing around with her and teasingly flicked her ear while we were working and she responded with something like "ya know touching someone without there permission is considered sexual harassment". I responded with making a joke about it with which she responded in a funny way. Couldn't tell if she was playing around when she first said it , was joking or if it was a shit test. Either way, I think I know why she might be acting that way when things might turn too much towards like we might be a couple or something. I was working with the above mentioned co-worker about 2 weeks ago. I was considering texting this chick while we were working and he asked her I was texting. I mentioned the girl and he asked again what my intentions were, I said I still kinda of don't know, I'm just going to see where this leads.
He then said, "Dude, you know shes not interested". I was like "what are you talking about"? He then explain how he went to her, and did something that was really stupid in my opinion. He said that he went to her and said, "So there are rumors going around that you and Darth are going out". Obviously you guys on here know how stupid that was and how it probably sabotaged the whole thing. It (1) made her think that people were talking negatively about her being with me (probably due to the age difference) and (2) probably made her think that I was the one starting the rumors in which her trust in me probably plummeted. Her, being the somewhat social awkward person that she is and cares too much about what others think, said, "oh no its nothing like that hes too old for me". I don't know if she was actually serious with that response or if she gave it because now she was afraid that everyone at work was talking about her.
I asked him "why the heck would you do something like that". His response was amazing, "So you could move on". Love how people sabotage you and then say they did it for your own good. My idea is that he didn't like the age difference between me and her, which is why he sabotaged the whole thing. Either way, still interested in her but unless I can fully express this aura I don't think its going to go anywhere with all thats going on right now. As far as V3, It does seem to be doing something under the hood but my mind seems to be trying to resist it badly. I remember on my second day using it, I had just finished my loops and watched a political commentary with a very hot woman. After a while my eyes start getting drawn to her legs and chest and I feel this rush of desire. I also feel like i'm in some kinda of trance and I feel this energy in my body that causes me to start shaking but soon after that I get a headache and start feeling dizzy. About 30 mins later I feel tired as hell and drift off to this lucid type sleep. After I wake up I feel a lot more refreshed and happy.
The thing is though I do think my mind still resisted a lot of the programming that night because I haven't felt the program try to activate that strongly since. Well, except for yesterday. Two days before yesterday I tried version B but then realized I wasn't ready for it. I got massive resistance in the form of anger. It was like any small little thing could trigger me and not to mention I notice more respect from some people but then disrespect from others. So, I switched back to version A yesterday but I think what happened was version B brought something to the surface and when I used version A it started clearing whatever it was. It must have been big though. I finished listening to my loops yesterday then headed to work. The above mentioned girl was there and we bantered a little bit here and there. After a while though of being in her presence I started to have these weird feelings in my body. I think the aura was trying to project to her (the sexual part of the aura that is) but my mind was resisting it again. She left hours later but I noticed as the night progressed I just got angrier and angrier, along with wanted to just stay away from people.
It got so bad that torrent of emotions was weakening me physically. My body felt very weak and I could barely walk. It went from anger to a whole bunch of emotions. I tried to narrow down what emotions I was feeling but it felt like so many and I couldn't pin point any of them because it just kept on switching. So, I got sent home early. When I got home it felt like it was over but my mind felt exhausted. I went to sleep and woke up about an hour ago. I fell really exhausted at the moment and my body still feels very weak.
Even though I've written a wall of text so far, I think I know what my problem is. I feel like my mind doesn't have as much of a problem with projecting the celebrity effect of the aura but the actual sexual side of things it keeps on resisting. I think this mainly has to do with something regarding my mother. I remember when I was still on 2.5 I believe when I thought of a memory that I haven't thought about in a very long time. I had just hit purberty and my mother had noticed that I was starting to day dream and sleep a lot. She then gave me "the talk". I don't remember so much the words as much as her general demeanor when she gave that talk. It felt like she was disgusted with and ashamed of me for having this sexual feelings. I only recently found out that my mother had been raped before I was born. So I think this caused some negative views of sexuality to be developed in her and she pushed those on me. So I think I got this idea that even expressing my sexuality or sexual desires in a public fashion is wrong. So, I think my mind sees the sexual part of the aura as "expressing my sexuality" (since it is trying to affect people) and therefore it is resisting that part of the script very much.
Anyway, hopefully I get this figure or have a break through because that episode last night was horrible. I've never felt that emotionally distraught before, maybe only when I was having one of my previous traumatic experiences. If this doesn't work out at least maybe the next version will with more tech will be what finally pushes me over. I know it has to be close since this version at least is causing this much resistance.
That post made me burn with anger. What really happened was that your "friend" caught feelings for the chick and was jealous of your progress with her, so he decided to sabotage it. He's no friend or even associate of yours and I'd only interact with him in the future if absolutely necessary. Don't tell him why you're avoiding him, don't have any "heart-to-hearts" or anything like that. Dude doesn't deserve it.
I agree with Chaos, he was acting out of self convenience and self interest.